We work at the same place

[CrazyPanda]

It's been a few weeks since our seperation. If you guys followed my story, my ex and I pretty much work at the same place. Here's another problem, her new boyfriend also works at the same place. I've accepted the end of our relationship, but I still think about her for time to time and when I walk around I end up catching a glimps of her or that new guy. When that happens, I feel like I'm going back to day one where my feelings for her just return. How can I get over her if the three of us work at the same place? I was thinking of leaving my job but I'm too high up to leave so suddenly.

[relearning2breath]

I am in the exact same boat. My ex bf and I work together and he started dating a new girl from our job 1 1/2 months after we broke up. I can tell you what I did that helped me but I cant promise that it'll work for you. I simply took everything in me and walked up said hi and that it was nice to meet you (to his ex) acted like I could care less and after that. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It also stopped gossip at the office because everyone *thought* I didnt care anymore and to them I didnt. But I faked it until I felt it. Now I can see them together and though I still get a slight twinge in my heart. I remember why we broke up and the issues he still hasnt faced in his life that will rear their ugly head in his new one. I wish her luck actually, she'll need it. The working with the ex situation really sucks. But you will get threw it I promise. I thought for sure it would kill me, but hey im still breathing.

[CrazyPanda]

That's currently what I'm doing, when I see her I would just smile, say hi and walk by. The boy doesn't think i know him, but he knows me though. I due time Ill say hi to him though, it's just hard though to be nice to the guy who took her away from me. I'm better knowing it was something between us and not the guy alone. It sounds like there was complications in your relationship so you wish the girl well but there wasn't much complications in mine so I don't wish the boy well. Only her. I know I'll get through it, but currently it's just painful to see her smile and knowing it's because of another boy and not me. GRRR

[relearning2breath]

So did she break up with you for him? If she did, then i imagine working with them both is really hard. Not to mention that I think that its a pretty shaddy thing for someone to do, especially if you both have to work at the same job. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to tell you. I deal with my ex problem because he acts so childish and throws his new gf in my face to try and hurt me and prove that hes over me and happier now. Which is why pretending to care less is key in my situation. I would just continue what you are doing acknowledge her in passing but overall, keep far far away. And whatever you do, dont talk about the situation with ANY work friends. Its just not a good idea and only adds more drama. I wish you the best. I wish that we could apply the NC rule that so many people can, but alas we didnt listen to the "dont date your coworkers" line, did we? If you need anyone to talk to about it, im always here. Its a slow process. Some days I can go into work and see them together and feel absolutely nothing and then other days I'll look up and he'll have a stupid grin on his face while talkin to her and my heart will shatter all over again. All I guess you can do is pick up the pieces and start again.

[CrazyPanda]

well my background was that she was unhappy at her area of work. Then all of a sudden this boy came by and started giving her some interest. I guess regain her love for her work. I work in a different department so there isn't much interaction but I do pass by her a lot since my job is to walk around the whole area and check up on things. In a sense, she broke up with me because her interest with that guy got stronger and lessen with me, so yes. Left me for him. Also the whole dating co-worker thing didn't happen. She started working at the same place after a few months of dating. Getting my heart broken every time I go to work is hard. I hate work now but I have to keep at it for financial reasons.

[Grace112]

I agree with relearning2breath about the whole - don't discuss the topic with co-workers. It only makes things worse. Some people might even befriend you just to get the gossip.

 

A few years before we were engaged, my ex-fiancee cheated on me with a co-worker. At the time, he and I sat next to each other sharing a cubicle wall. Trying not to keep up with what they were doing and not running to anyone who would listen was tough, but the people at work respected me for keeping my demeanor up.

 

The best thing you can do is just keep focus at work. People are looking for a reaction from you so it's best not to give them one.

[CrazyPanda]

Sorry guys but it's too late for that. My co-workers know and her co-workers know. I told them because I established a friendship with them and they were concern why I was acting so different and leaving work early. So a few know in my department. On her side, she eventually told a friend and then word kind of spread that she's single and liked a guy in her work area. Of course, people were going to know at her side about the break up.

[DonQuixote]

I wasn't aware we had so many ex's working together.

 

My ex and I actually work together as well. Luckily I'm an IT Manager and she works for one of our on-site clients, so I don't have to interact with her or see her all that often.

 

It does create issues in that she sometimes continues to think we're close enough friends that I should continue to give her many of the same perks we had in the marriage, and she wrongly gets upset if things don't go her way. But oh well, she decided to leave, not me--and she needs to learn to deal with not being 'special' anymore.

 

Luckily, she doesn't date anyone from work, so no issues with that.

[JCD]

"It does create issues in that she sometimes continues to think we're close enough friends that I should continue to give her many of the same perks we had in the marriage, and she wrongly gets upset if things don't go her way."

 

Same here. What sucks is that I then feel guilty about it and I try to be nice to her and then I will never heal. I have to be stronger.

[SoHotZanzibar]

yes. dating or having affairs is almost always a formula for disaster in my opinion.

Been there and done that.

[kali420]

i dated someone at work that EVENTUALLY dated someone I worked with. Some differences from your experience. I eventually left the place because of her. I just couldn't take it anymore. She hooked up with the co-worker the month before I left the place. I guess they waited for me to leave for everyone to find out. Anyways, I thought I was close to the friends I made there, and found out otherwise. I was really hurt for awhile. Only recently feeling better. I really admire the way you are handling it though. I know it must hard. Trust me though it could be worse. Atleast you don't have direct interaction with her. I felt as though everyone was laughing at me or that she was talking major smack about me. All my insecurities out in the open it seemed. It took awhile as I said. I was just glad that I left just in time. I already took it hard leaving the place and finding that out, I couldn't imagine how hard I wouldve taken it if I was still working there.

[chocolate_boy]

Yes it sucks. Sadly I got my now ex-girlfriend some work at my place, just a week or two here and there, but now we have work birthday party on friday, and she's coming along, I can;t bear to be around her so i'm not going. I'm worryed now she'll embarrass me infront of my bosses, or worse get drunk and start kissing one of the guys I work with, she can't really say no to guys that like her, hence why we have split, shes cheated on my 4 times in the last 6 months.... not much I can do to stop her though.