Jump to content

! NEED SOME INSIGHTS--TRYING TO COPE; crossroads and trying to understand my SO


Recommended Posts

thoughts and insight needed---- am at a difficult crossroads in my mind only not yet in my heart

 

as brief as can be: my guy is now 40; I am divorced mom of 3 teens+ and we have been together for 6 years. He never married, no kids. and we have a very good LTR BUT

his issues are that he doesn't want to be responsible for my "emotional well being"

he gets freaked out if I become upset and express more emotions if we are to be apart for a few weeks...

he has too much to take on and cant take on more emotional responibilites

( he is a person who deals with ilness -death and dying alot)

 

if I show my insecurites sometimes about myself or how I look( I come from a long hard road of self work but it slips up sometimes and I lose my self in it; little things trigger it sometimes but not alot)

when I do so he reminds me to keep them to myself.... and gets pissed off if I telll him rather then telling me I edge on having crazy psych issues it would be nicer and kinder if he tried to understand me and my past hardships.

 

this is an example..

I am planning to move to be closer to him, but he tells me that he cannot be the one responsible for this.... it would be too much of burden on him and it will back fire for me and the R will end as a result...

he offered for me to speak with his exes who tried and are now his exes.

 

He is extremely indepenedant and had been from his teen years.

His mom was not around much and dad never there from age 1.

He wants no marriage or cohabitation ever.

 

He only has a few guy friends and seems to make alot of aquaintances and new ones easily as he is very charming, but seems to have lost contact with many of his closer friends.

 

I am often left feeling like I must accomodate to his needs for not feeling responsible, not feeling ?guilty? ..or else

 

this last occasion, for a mere, telephone call with some tears about not being with him for 3 weeks he had another fit as above.

I have been feeling some sort of hostility when we are apart..

not answering my phone calls or returning thme, little jabs in email about not crowding him etc.

so I finally wrote a lonnnnnnng letter spelling out some of my concerns and worries about our R and hsi issues that he seems to project out onto me and then make me the "bad" guy.

basically said I wasn't sure I or anyone could be the right person for him and that I too deserved love and goodness with someone who wants to be with me.

I expressed to him how much I do love him

yes, there is much much good in him and he truly does have a good heart..... I keep thinking that since I understand how issues of one's childhood etc effect your life and know that personally; I try to understand this of him and be patient, kind and loving and tolerant of his sometimes really insane needs/behaviours.

but he would be the first to say everyone else has psych issues--

 

worse thing then; he continues as usual to not respond to phone calls of which i have stopped, and has not sent me an email or called me,,

typical for him in siutations like this....just shuts off and expects me to deal with it in silent hurt.

 

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA OR INSIGHT AS TO WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.. WHAT MAKES A GUY SO SMART AND AWESOME IN SO MANY WAYS ACT LIKE THIS?????????????

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...