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initiating NC...


mochafrap

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I used to be really good friends with this guy, and somewhere along the way we kinda got our friendship into the next level. We loved each other and we thought that we'd be great together. After about 2-3 months, he decided to break up with me -- 1) long distance relationship is hard to maintain, and we end up just arguing a lot because of different expectations now as compared to us just being "friends" before 2) he said he realized he wasnt ready for a relationship, and is not actually looking for one. he said that he made a mistake, and he wants to correct it.

 

We still see each other on occasion (like once in two months). We take little vacations together, and we always have a good time. But then immediately after the vacation, when were back to our real environment, he would start acting like nothing happened, which frustrates me because I still love him a lot and a big part of me wants him back.

 

He said that he still cares for me and actually still loves me but he's not looking for a relationship right now and that he wants us to be friends. I tried to do it, but it was hard. I always expect things and so we will always end up arguing and not talking for a few days. This happens like EVERY week. And I feel like we've brought on too many bad memories to what used to be a very nice friendship.

 

Sometimes he would be really nice to me, but other times I feel like he's just brushing me off. I really want to initiate a no contact thing but i have failed so many times before. And I feel like I am trying too hard.

Now, I really want to move on with my life. I don't want to be bitter about this. I want to leave good memories of us before I initiate the no contact thing -- but how would I do that if we're apart, and always arguing on the phone?

 

Please help!

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Never fear, NEW HOPE is here....NO CONTACT him for a month or longer if must...NO EMAIL NO AIM NO MSN NO TXT NO NOTHING...just vanish and don't tell him!!! don't worry about the memories..he'll think about it when u NC him and give him the chance to miss you...get busy with your life and focus on yourself because thats what NC is about!! u don't need someone to make u happy, they only enhance happiness....for every three times he calls you pickup the phone keep it short and sweet less then 8mins on phone..dont bring up the relationship, sound happy and positive..practice being aloof and apathy....date date date other people keep it light and fun because jealousy is a powerful emotion, let him realize your value especially when he's been replace with other guy,, he'll ran back even faster...but the point is move on with your life and don't give him some much space in ur mind...its hard to lose a love one but it happens....Remember what he does is not your business, just like what u do is not his business....with time you'll heal, just let it...trust in my words..because life is funny and karma catches up with everyone at one point..who knows during NO CONtact you might meet someone else or not even want back your ex after you'll fully heal..

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Thanks New Hope. I agree with you that NC is the best thing to do.. do you think i should let him know not to contact me?

 

Also, if i answer like every three calls -- wouldn't I be breaking the NC rule?

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do you think i should let him know not to contact me?

 

No.

 

Also, if i answer like every three calls -- wouldn't I be breaking the NC rule?

 

:D:laugh::D Every three calls??? how bout every 5th, but only if it falls on every other Tuesday, during leap year, if after 5pm. :p

 

NC = No contact. Zero', zilch, nada', nothing, none...

 

Down the road... after seeing how he's reacting... you can choose to talk... BUT, don't initiate. Don't talk about the friendship, feelings, emotions.

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I have been doing good so far on NC. I was on day 4 when he contacted me. I picked up. I know it was wrong to do that... but I wanted to see if I could talk to him w/o feeling anything but I was wrong. We spoke on the phone - and while we were talking, he said his brother is calling and that he will call me back. He did not. I called him, he did not pick up. And he never returned my call. I feel stupid even answering his call in the first place. I wasn't sure if he was playing mind games with me or not, but I just regret picking up the call.

 

back to square 1. :(

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I don't agree with the tactic of just cutting off contact without any explanation. It's fine if you want to manipulate some feelings out of him. But then why bother having a relationship at all, if that's the only way to get him to make an effort?

 

If you want to avoid playing games, then tell him what you want and how you feel. Let him know that things as they are are too hard for you to deal with. You, should just tell him the things you said in you first post on this thread. And tell him that you're cutting off contact for a good reason. And he should respect your decision.

 

He's already made it clear that a relationship is not possible. And you already know that anything less won't work. So let him know, and then move on.

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I'm still on NC. So far so good. I still miss him but I know that it's normal at this point, and I know that a day will come that I will miss him so much I would be so tempted to call him. I have yet to get to that day.

 

Anyways, my myspace tracker says that he has been visiting my page every single day, sometimes once, sometimes twice - yesterday 5x! Do you think he's missing me? Or am i just assuming?

 

Oh, I have a lunch date on Thursday with some guy I met recently. :) Helps me realize that he's not the last guy on earth...

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Calibabe2007

You don't need to let him know you are not going to contact him or that he should not contact you. When he doesn't hear from you anymore he'll get the picture.

 

Don't take any of his calls. Don't have anything to do with him whatsoever. In fact, delete his email address from your address book and delete him from your cell phone (unless you have to have his number in there for caller ID). When you get lonely and sad and start having the urge to call him or text or email or whatever, get out and do something. If you are sitting at your computer, get away from it. Find something else to do - throw in a load of laundry or whatever, but DO SOMETHING. Even better if you have friends or family you can call or go and see.

 

You won't get over this unless you have no contact with him. It's the hardest thing in the world, but well worth it to get your sanity back.

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okay this is the thing, your ex has you wrap around his finger. He knows he can have you when HE wants to. He will communicate with you on HIS terms. Do you really want that? That's being selfish. You're not his priority. I'm telling you this because my ex did this for so long. And I got to a point where I took my life back. I was able to control my emotions.

The best thing you can ever do is NC. That way YOU'RE in control of you. Block him from all your ways of communicating with him. Maybe noe you don't see what NC really does but it will make you stronger and heal from all the wrong doing he's done. Don't tell him about NC (its you're choice). Make your myspace private... it takes time. Good luck.

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okay this is the thing, your ex has you wrap around his finger. He knows he can have you when HE wants to. He will communicate with you on HIS terms. Do you really want that? That's being selfish. You're not his priority. I'm telling you this because my ex did this for so long. And I got to a point where I took my life back. I was able to control my emotions.

The best thing you can ever do is NC. That way YOU'RE in control of you. Block him from all your ways of communicating with him. Maybe now you don't see what NC really does but it will make you stronger and heal from all the wrong doing he's done. Don't tell him about NC (its you're choice). Make your myspace private... it takes time. Good luck.

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