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Riding the waves


blind_otter

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I feel like I am surfing through my grief. Sometimes there are huge swells, other times there is a lull and then nothing....no pain for a while. But when it hurts goddamn it, it HURTS. I miss my father like nobody's business. I don't know how to process my grief. It seems like I was kind of in shock the last few months and this month it finally hit me. He's gone. He's dead. There won't be any more visits by his bedside, or long philosophical conversations that no one else would have the patience for but him.

 

I grieve for his loss so achingly. I know it's like I'm beating a dead horse here. He's dead. Nothing can bring him back. Who knows what happened to the energy that animated his being. Maybe there's heaven, maybe there's nothing. I don't want to think that there's nothing because then - who is it that I am talking to, inside my head, when I get really lonely and no one will do but talking to Dad? I guess I must be talking to myself.

 

I feel him with me sometimes, but that feeling gets weaker and weaker every day. I hope that means something good.

 

Sorry for the rant. I just desperately miss my father.

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After my Step Mother passed away I went thru a breakup the same year.. I thought that the grief I felt was the breakup..

 

One day I started going to the cemetery and having long talks with her.. I laughed and cried and got thru the grief by doing that.. it helped a great deal. it took me about a total of 1.5 years to finally not well up when I thought of my Step Mom.

 

The catch with me was that she is buried right next to my Dad .. So when I visited her I would make sure I told him that I was there to see her and not him.. :)

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I just desperately miss my father.

 

You will always miss him.. but with time you will smile more when you think of him..

 

I Still miss my Step Mom.. and sometimes my Dad.. they are always with us B_O.. watching over us.

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You will always miss him.. but with time you will smile more when you think of him..

 

I Still miss my Step Mom.. and sometimes my Dad.. they are always with us B_O.. watching over us.

 

It really helps to hear this. I have never grieved for the loss of a loved one like this before, so I don't know what to expect. But knowing that other people have gone through something similar, and knowing what they went through helps me a great deal.

 

Thank you, as always, Art. :)

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It really helps to hear this. I have never grieved for the loss of a loved one like this before, so I don't know what to expect. But knowing that other people have gone through something similar, and knowing what they went through helps me a great deal.

 

Thank you, as always, Art. :)

 

Awww, BO- sorry you're having a bad day. Art is right though, I truly believe their spirts are with us..........

 

I miss my best friend- who died 10 years ago- still- but not in the consuming way I did right after she died.

 

Still miss my grandmother too- but it's been a shorter amount of time. I wouldn't want either of them back, however, because I know they are in a much better place than I am!

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Blind Otter,

 

So sorry for your loss. Time does help--for me it took at least a year just to get my head out of a cloud. On Wednesday it will be five years since my mother died on my birthday. So I don't celebrate my birthday at home anymore. I usually travel somewhere. I still go to the cemetery all the time--for me it is comforting. Her death was unexpected--I didn't have realistic expectations--and/or I was in denial. Take care and know that your father would want you to be happy and not so sad for long.

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I'm sorry for your loss blind otter. I didn't know your father had passed. I hope there is some comfort that he is in a more peaceful place with no more pain. Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things one has to deal with in their life so just give yourself time and take care of yourself.

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justagirlforever

Oh BO - I don't know what to say really :( and I can't imagine even. My dad died when I was only 5 and I have no memory of him. And it's only my mom who raised my sis & I. But I can't even fathom the thought of her not being on this earth.

 

So so sorry :(

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I'm so sorry B_O.

 

I think A_C is right- you shoudl find a way to talk to him. Visit his grave, or just talk to a picture. Tell him what you want to say to him. It hurts to do, but I think it will help.

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my husband's half-brother recently told us that he was slowly but surely coming to terms with the loss of his mom from several years ago, but that one a year he'll fly back to Connecticut from the other side of the country because he misses her so much. "I still need to see my mom," he told us. And this guy is like 60-something!

 

which makes me smile because he's proof that we're never too old to want to lose that parent-child bond even as circumstances change ... kinda like they compose special music for us to enjoy over and over throughout our lives ...

 

your dad might not be able to be with you on this physical plane, otter, but he's very much there with you in spirit, helping you grow stronger through your grief – he will only ever be memory away.

 

many hugs to you,

q

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My bother died suddenly 4 years ago. We were very close and I was going through a divorce at the time, so the blow was tremendous. I locked myself in my dark bedroom for days, refusing to go with the rest of the family to make the funeral arrangements. I couldn't face it and didn't see him until the wake where I broke down.

 

It was hard for a long time, but the pain hit me less and less as time went by. I still cry now and I still miss him, but it's not as often. Once a month, and always when things are going bad in my life. I still don't like to accept that I will never see him again. Like Art said, I believe those who loved us and departed from this earth are still watching over us. Sometimes I feel his energy when I'm sad. I like to believe it's his energy.

 

Hugs, Otter :love:

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re:

 

B_O: " There won't be any more visits by his bedside, or long philosophical conversations that no one else would have the patience for but him.

 

.... when I get really lonely and no one will do but talking to Dad?

 

I feel him with me sometimes, but that feeling gets weaker and weaker every day."

 

 

That feeling will emerge when you *need* it, B_O.

 

I miss talking, but mostly listening to my dad -he was far more intelligent (and as you say, philosophical) than his background would have, perhaps, indicated.

 

I always knew he was smart -but I never knew just how deep it went, until he was gone, and I saw his wisdom in *motion* in my life.

 

I also want to remind you, B_O, that there's nothing wrong with tears -and nothing "abnormal" about not remembering him every second of every day.

 

His influence on you is *ever-present* -and cannot be erased, only dealt with, understood, and accepted as it was, as it is.

 

And despite some of the traditional thinking about grieving and acceptance (the stages we all must acknowlege) I personally, think it can take years to reach a sort of "finality agreement" with yourself that someone as close as a parent or child, or sibling, or long-term partner is gone.

 

Personalities decide.

 

And with many strong variables thrown in.

 

You took comfort in your conversations with your father -you'll go over all those conversations again, many times, I'm sure, B_O.

 

But the most important conversations you'll have with him with be the ones you'll have without him sitting next to you -the ones where you'll ask, "What would you do? How would you go about this?" and *that's* when you'll hear his voice, and remember.

 

(Smile)

 

Hugs to you, B_O.

 

Yours,

-Rio

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Wow, thanks to everyone who replied to my thread.

 

I had a beautiful dream about Dad last night. I woke up in the middle of the night because the dream was so vivid. I was in a snowy field - and I've never played in snow, so it was beautiful and cold. The field has white flowers all over the place. Dad was there, showing me the flowers, how they bloomed even in the cold. I played in bunches of flower petals.

 

I like to think that was a gift that he sent to me from wherever he is now....:)

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That really IS a gift, BO.

 

My mom is a member of a widow/widower forum and you wouldn't believe how many (including my mom) wish that they'd dream of their departed loved ones. So many never do.

 

It's weird because I've had a dream or two of my stepdad. One of them was the most vivid dream I had ever had. I actually heard his laugh. He had a very distinctive laugh.

 

Hang in there. Grief can be a long process but you will get through it. I know it's tough though.

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It's hard to get through what would normally be a cake day. I find myself dragging when I least need to be dragging. I had no idea that grief could be so....depressing. But then again, when I lost my babies, I grieved for a long time. That was different though. Since I had miscarriages I never knew my babies, so they were only thoughts in my head. But Dad was so much more than that.

 

I will treasure that dream I had of my father. It was a beautiful dream, thanks for helping me to appreciate it even more, Touche. :)

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i am praying for you every day, little o.

 

i do not know how hard this is for you, but i do know how much unseen support there is out there. you know what i mean. i am sending forces to the swamp right now.

 

don't fret the stuff you don't know. cherish what you do know - that you are loved by a dad who still lives in spirit and is supported by numberless others who are all silently rooting for you. don't let doubts in the cracks. seal them with your dad's love and hold tight. this storm is terrible, but eventually it will pass.

 

i hold you in my heart.

 

(((((((((otter)))))))))

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i am praying for you every day, little o.

 

i do not know how hard this is for you, but i do know how much unseen support there is out there. you know what i mean. i am sending forces to the swamp right now.

 

don't fret the stuff you don't know. cherish what you do know - that you are loved by a dad who still lives in spirit and is supported by numberless others who are all silently rooting for you. don't let doubts in the cracks. seal them with your dad's love and hold tight. this storm is terrible, but eventually it will pass.

 

i hold you in my heart.

 

(((((((((otter)))))))))

 

Awwww, thanks BT. I needed that push. :love:

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