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underpants

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okay, really, more how to deal.???

 

Ex break with me for his ex...then months later ....she breaks with him for her ex..... Yes, it makes me sick and I shouldn't care.

 

He 'dated her' whilst we were going out (although I am told this is not cheating). Finally, I guess when he go the go ahead I was to be "Transistionsed" out. Toss my cookies.

 

Months later I learn that now this girl has now dumped him for her ex. Karmic oh, yeah. It is just so hard to deal with, the humanity, or lack of.

 

For months this guy insisted on friendship with me. I recognize that it was a ploy to defect guit, or keep me on a back burner, and even called him on it. Aside from the obvious borderline stalker like behaviour I still called into quesion the behavior and motives with. All I got in return was at best selective memory or deflection as to motives.

 

Finally, I did the unthinkable for me. I just made up a boyfriend and told him to get lost. Incidently coincideing with her break up of him for her ex. All the time I screamed at him you reap what you sow.

 

Just sucks is all. I feel that sometimes I am just never heard until it to just too late.

 

Am I too harsh?

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Nope, not at all. I think I was being too lax.

 

Let's see. Ex dumped me last year this month... months later, there was something fishy going on with him and a mutual friend of ours, even though the friend had a BF. They denied it.... she dumped her bf and hooked up with my ex (the night after!) after saying that she would never hurt me and considered my ex her best friend.

 

This really hurt me, I went NC after calling her a hypocrite, but eventually came around... started dating someone else, my ex comes back professing his love for me even when he was "dating" the mutual friend. I refused, saying that was just wrong... we remained somewhat on friendly terms. Mutual friend finds out, dumps him (this is not because he came back to me, because he kept denying he was still in love with me.). My bf dumps me three days after his break up. If I got back together with my ex, that would be karma for my so called friend. Don't ever meddle with a friend's ex if you value the friendship. It's been a mess ever since- she gets upset when she finds out we hung out or whatever. It's because I was with him for 7 f***ing years.

 

I should probably scream, "You reap what you sow and get out!" too.

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Gosh, I apoligize for all my mis spellings. I was a little, drunk and sad I suppose.

 

I just bothers me, I guess, even still. The amount of disrespect I recieved. I mean he really paraded me around this ex, then of course manipulated the whole situation to his benefit. The sad thing is that it worked I guess, for a while. Then the audacity of trying to continue a 'friendship' with me after. Never an acknowledgement or an apoligy for any of it. Just blind arrogance even in the face of the truth, infuriating. Even with the karmic ending that this story has, he has yet to show any growth from it. I doubt he will, and that is perhaps the saddest thing of all.

 

I know I should be thankful that I am out of his life. I have to stop trying to impose my idea of morality on someone else, especially as he just has no empathy for the damage he causes in alot of his relationships. Just seems like such a waste, ahhh, I don't know.

 

SC....I don't think your friend is really a friend if she hooked up with your boyfriend. That is not good character and she probably gets upset as a deflection of her own guilt. People who never deal with their demons will make the same mistakes over and over. She doesn't sound trustworthy, nor does your ex for that matter.

 

Its time for good things to happen to good people, that is the kind of karma I would like to see.

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SC....I don't think your friend is really a friend if she hooked up with your boyfriend. That is not good character and she probably gets upset as a deflection of her own guilt. People who never deal with their demons will make the same mistakes over and over. She doesn't sound trustworthy, nor does your ex for that matter.

 

Its time for good things to happen to good people, that is the kind of karma I would like to see.

 

Indeed. Your ex will probably continue running in circles for a while till he figures it out. Sorry to say this, but it's something everyone has to figure out on their own, their own morals and values.

 

Of course, I haven't spoken to my friend much since. The strange thing is that I still talk to my ex. I wasn't okay with how they both handled things, especially how my friend dumped her boyfriend and hooked up with my ex. If they had asked me in the first place if I would be okay with the idea, I probably would be hurt but I'd be ok. The fact they kept denying that there was something up, just made it worse and pissed a lot of people off.

 

I am on better terms with my ex than I am with the friend, since my ex WAS single, he was free to do whatever he pleased, and he was honest with me. They didn't really "date" for a while, because she was the one pushing for commitment and he couldn't give that to her. They started to date for real around the time I started going out with my recent ex. My ex never told me that he would never date my friend or anyone else, it was my friend who did that. He did say that he did like my friend, but didn't know if he would date her. There wasn't anything going on when my friend was with her boyfriend, though there was major chemistry between my ex and my friend. It happened after she broke up with her boyfriend, she came a-running to my ex and they hooked up.

 

In the end, what went around came back to her- she was often freaking out whenever I hung out with my ex, (once a week, maybe, for a hour at most, going for coffee in a public place?) and eventually dumped my ex because she thought he was still hung up on me. He sort of was, he did come to me when I was with my recent ex, he told me that he figured out that he was still in love with me, and since I wasn't available anymore, he wished me happiness with my boyfriend at the time.

 

She came to my house asking questions, and I answered them as honestly as I could. I wouldn't deny that we did still have feelings for one another, but I swore that we weren't doing anything. I wasn't going to cheat on my current boyfriend with my ex, no way. Her issue was that she didn't like it how we spent so much time alone (in a public place for an hour at most every week?). I told her that I wasn't going to stop seeing my ex just because of her insecurities. I told her that I would not take my ex back the way he is now, despite the fact that I still love him. She freaked out on me and dumped my ex the next day.

 

My bf dumped me three days later, and the same night, I went to my ex's house with a couple of friends to chill out. We all crashed at his house, and she found out that I was there that night and was still there in the morning. She came to his house and attacked him, she went literally psycho on my ex. I really don't know what her problem is, but so far, I know she really hates me now. She thinks I said things on purpose to get her to dump my ex, when, really, that was not my motive at all. All I wanted her to do was lighten up on us, since we were trying to be friends and she was making things difficult.

 

Needless to say, I haven't spoken to my friend since, while I still talk to my ex. Everyone told her not to do anything with my ex, but she did. Sorry for the long post, it's a problem even right now- I can't be where she is, because the last time I saw her, she screamed at me and nearly tried to hit me. I just don't know how to deal with this. The ex and I are not back together- because like I said, he also needs to figure out things on his own, his own morals and values. We both also need time and space to figure out what happened with our respective break ups and grieve, I guess. Blah.

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SC,

 

I get the feeling you like to be liked. That is a great qualtity, one that I have...most of the time. I like to think of myself as a reed that can bend, but I will not be broken and made into a doormat for anyone.

 

Your friend, well she is not a friend, to you, or her boyfriend she cheated on, or to your ex/her ex. This girl sounds as though she is reeling from her actions. Hence, her verbal and physical (yikes) lashings. Unstable is the term that comes to mind. She simply cannot face her own bad choices. That being deceiving a friend, and boyfriend and having the whole manipulation pan out as ...every story ever written says will. She decided to throw caution to the wind and got a whole can of whoop a**. Until she can maturely look at herself and realize the ramifications of her choices and actions she will never get it. This lashing is super denial and avoidance of what she should do. She is no friend to you and that was her choice. Hopefully she will get it one day. Sadly some never do becasue it is just too hard to face the realtiy of the damage they do.

 

At any rate, she is so not your problem.

 

As for your ex, I am not so sure. 6 years is along time. Certainly longer then any relationship I have ever sustained. Of course you have every reason to be cautious. Keep him around if need be, but don't let him keep you from moving on if it just can't be fixed. Don't let you are him remain on a back burner though, that would be just a cruel.

 

Mad props,

Unders.

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Yeah, that describes me pretty much. I agree, my "friend" is really toxic, hence the reason why I don't speak to her at all. Her bf at the time had issues with her hanging out with my ex all the time, and they would have huge fights about it, because she was hanging out with him more than she was with the bf. And she had the audacity to accuse him of cheating on her all the time, she was always freaking out on him for even talking to any of the girls in the group of our friends. I warned my ex that if he ever dated her, she would treat him exactly like that, except it would be much worse since I was his ex. He didn't think she would do that, but she did, it was a thousand times worse.

 

Oh well. She isn't my problem, I know, but for as long as she's interfering with my life, my social life, and personal business, it's a problem for me. Sorry I didn't mean to hijack your thread, I felt that I could really relate to your problem, regarding people who do this sort of thing to get things their way.

 

Don't worry, I moved on a while ago- or else I wouldn't have been able to date other people. I'm only interested in getting to know my ex again as friends :)

 

How long did you date your ex for? How long did your ex date his ex for prior to breaking up with you?

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