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Ex reaching out to friends


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Old 28th December 2006, 9:46 PM   #1
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Ex reaching out to friends

I've been broken up for a little over a month. I found out at a friend's Christmas party that my ex contacted them via e-mail to say "I miss you guys"...

I think that she's just fishing around to get information on me because I've gone NC, but I do know that she really hit it off with my friend's wife, so it isn't out of the question that she is just reaching out to keep that friendship alive.

When my friends told me about my ex's e-mail, I took it lightly and I told her that I didn't care if they responded and kept things up with eachother.

However, now I 'm wondering if this is right.... I mean, I'm NC so I don't want to hear about my ex, and now I 'm starting to think that it isn't right that she gets to maintain a friendship with friends that I introduced her to.

Its a free country I guess, but when you break up with someone, don't you usually divide up the friends?

I guess I'll just see how it goes.. but wonder what will happen at the point my friends have a party that they want to invite us both to. Do they go with the friend they've had the longest (me)? Awkward.
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Old 28th December 2006, 10:30 PM   #2
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Hello Notmakingsense,

I have a situation that is almost similar. My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago & his brothers and sisters contact me almost on a daily basis. They said they wanted me to remain friends with them. Also, his aunt is in contact with me because she is interested in the business I am in. It is a little odd talking to them at times, but I hate to cut them off because he has cut me out of his life. It is an awkward situation.
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Old 28th December 2006, 10:44 PM   #3
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Thanks T --

The biggest difference between our situations is that I broke up with her, and she reached out to my friends (they didn't reach out to her).

Both situations are awkward... I personally feel that it would be better to keep things seperate, but that would be up to your ex to ask his siblings and relatives, just like it would be up to me to ask my friends to do. But even that would be awkward -- I don't want to ask them to limit their friendships.

I just wonder how much of it is really her just trying to get info. on me.
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Old 28th December 2006, 10:53 PM   #4
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It is a strange situation on both ends. I know from past relationships that people tend to think it is being selfish by telling people not to talk to ex's. I think you might have a point about "getting info." I have been wondering if the contact with his family is his way of keeping tabs on me. You ex probably found that contacting your friends would be the easiest way to keep tabs on you without actually talking to you.
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Old 29th December 2006, 12:04 AM   #5
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Yep, I got dumped and my ex's friends contacted me to say they miss me. I have met them on a few occasions- for a quick lunch. HOWEVER, I made it clear before the meeting that I didn't want to talk about, hear about, even so much as mention my ex's name.

If your friends are YOUR friends- then I'd tell them if they want to meet her, then to please not mention you or impore them not to talk about her around you.

I felt awkward meeting up with them at first- but we stay clear of conversations about my ex (their friend). I personally think it would be disrespectful to my ex to discuss relationship details with his friends- even though he dumped me and left me with many unanswered questions.

I hope your ex is respectful in the same way. And, no, she shouldn't be coming to functions or outings. That would be wrong of your friends to encourage...and it's okay to tell them that.
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Old 29th December 2006, 12:12 AM   #6
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Thanks D and T --

I'll see where this goes... If my friends start to bring her up, I will tell them that it isn't good for me to hear about her, and that I would appreciate them leaving me out of conversations... this will take some strength on my part however, because I am interested in finding out what is up with her -- as long as it revolves around how she's realized what an idiot she was for treating me badly... !

Similarly, as for her finding out from me -- well, I guess the good parts would be Ok -- they can filter out the parts about me not dating yet
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Old 29th December 2006, 10:13 AM   #7
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Notmakingsense, thanks for your honesty.

A few days ago my ex's sisters told me that my ex thinks I am an amazing person. Of course, that triggered more questions in my head about our break-up. I started asking myself "If he thinks I am an amazing person, why are we not together?" You might not want to hear that she has realized that she is an idiot for treating you badly because you might start to questions things. It sounds as if you are heading in the right direction of moving on without too many regrets and second guessing.

T-Lady
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Old 29th December 2006, 10:21 AM   #8
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a while back i was worry that my ex was sick and i had already pestered her and her family enuff so i tried contacting a friend of hers, e, and never heard back, then i tried another friend, l, and she basically told me that i was the biggest loser in the world and that everyone knew i was nothing but a junkie and that i should never contact them again and that my ex is fine it was me that needed help. i haven't tried since then
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Old 29th December 2006, 11:51 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by T-Lady View Post
Notmakingsense, thanks for your honesty.

A few days ago my ex's sisters told me that my ex thinks I am an amazing person. Of course, that triggered more questions in my head about our break-up. I started asking myself "If he thinks I am an amazing person, why are we not together?" You might not want to hear that she has realized that she is an idiot for treating you badly because you might start to questions things. It sounds as if you are heading in the right direction of moving on without too many regrets and second guessing.

T-Lady
You are so right. Finding out things like this will only cause more second guessing and regrets. When it comes down to it, SHE has to be the one that comes to me with any new revelations, I shouldn't act upon anything I hear third hand.
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