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Prettyinblack

I am feeling so sick inside this morning and I just need to get my feelings out. I've been involved with a CP for almost 5 years and the pain of it all is really getting to me. We formally split up last July. We started getting together in September (I thought we were reconciling only for him to hit the door running over my questioning him about his 'other plans' over the week-end), spent Christmas alone after finding out he was dating another woman, tried reconciliation after another 3 months only to find more of the same behaviour he has shown over the last nine months., I wanted counselling and an STD test, neither of which happened, and now I haven't heard from him in a month.

The first 3 years were amazing. Dinners at his family's at Christmas, hanging out all the time, great sex, a million "I Love You's" in the middle of the night and then WHAM!

In March when he came crawling back, he said 'the communication broke down, that's why I strayed". Crap, to that. HE shut down and there was no communication. Still, I suggested counselling and he was open to it but it never happened.

We were 'supposed' to get together 3 weeks ago but he cancelled and he said he would call me the next night after work. He didn't. I have always been the one to 'fix' everything and I finally said to myself "No more."

However, I am a mess.

My friends say "get over him" or "forget him"......I say "ok, where is the switch where I turn it off?????"

We have known eachother for 20 years, we travel in the same circles although I am avoiding any friends we both know right now. I have een invited to 2 weddings this summer on the same dates and have lied to both of the brides saying that I am going to the other's wedding and can't attend. (Got me out of that tight situation.) I just don't wnat to go without him or have our mutual musician friends mention the break-up or ask what happened.

Im not sure if I am embarrassed because he did the ditching, or because everyone knew how 'together' we were and now, it's all a mess. I just don't want to answer any questions.

I am now working out, working on self-improvement, going to work, living my life but he is stilling living in my head rent free and I can't seem to evict him.

And I still think that he will realize what a mistake he is making but that is ludicrious!!! He is taking me for granted and that is my fault. I am the steady, predictable one and he is petulant child who tantrums when he doesn't get his way and I am fed up.

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Pink Amulet

I am stuggling with acronyms on here... Forgive my ignorance but what is CP?

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Pink Amulet

Wow- that is not even an obvious one! It took me 2 weeks to learn what MM and SO was :p

 

Anyway- back to the thread....

 

WIll you regret not going to the weddings?

 

You said it yourself... "No more". This man sounds like he is loving the control he has over you. He is messing with your heart, and you need to rid yourself of him once and for all.

 

... Prettyinblack- you don't want a man who can throw you away in your life. If he can walk away from you, let him go.

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Thank God my CP relationship didnt last this long, although the suddeness of it Hurt like Living hell though. I can totally relate to your comment about communication. We had no arguements, no major fights.. a little bickering... We were trading I love you's until the day we broke up. It sucked. Bad.

 

Stay strong and dont look back. Ever!

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Yes, CP's really should be run from at all cost. It's THEM, not you that have issues to work out and all you can really do is suggest they seek help in dealing with their past. Only after they have dealt with the issues that cause them not to stay committed can you start to consider a renewed relationship. But this time it will be on YOUR terms!!

 

Cheers,

Smung

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Prettyinblack

My 40th birthday was on New Year's Eve and I got a tattoo(I'm not the rough type), to commemorate that day. The tattoo said "It's My Turn" overtop a Yin/Yang sun. I meant it but I am floundering here. I laid the oundaries out and told him I was focusing on the friendship side of the relationship, not the sexual.

The last time he was at my house, I saw him walking up the walkway and i could tell he was out of sorts. He was moody, picky, all the things that come with a CP.....I had suggested counselling and at first he was up for it, then it seemed that he 'forgot' about it and hoped I was just talking out of the side of my neck and that things would get back to 'normal'. I kept my gaurd up, terrified to let him back into my heart, although I love him like IO've never loved.

I am still hoping and still looking for the 'switch' so I can turn it all off.

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Hey,

I was involved with a CP recently who was like a tornado in my life. From everything I read and heard about people with these traits, there is NO hope. This will go on FOREVER as long as you let it. Time to realize he will never make up his mind and might have you back and forth for as long as he feels like it. You should keep yourself busy and slowly shut all emotions for him out. It's a really really hard thing I know but it must be done. Talk to friends, get yourself busy.

I wish you the best!

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Its a gut wrenching experience. Either they are running so hard towards you, or they are running so fast away from you. Sometimes theres red flags, but to someone who hasnt been involved with a CP before, you dont see whats going on till its to late.

 

I saw my EX today at teh office. I didnt realize she was there. When I turned around she was looking dead at me. I just turned away and went about my business. I dont like seeing her cause it hurts. I try and avoid her. I guess im the scared one now.. hehe

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