I'm just thrown away

[For You I Will]

OK. Here is my story. I met this boy about 2 months ago. He was very much into me, but at first, I wasn't. I saw him again & again, & I began to develop strong feelings for him. We started "dating" exclusively. He is a chef in a restaurant, so he works long hours & only has one day off a week. About a week ago, I showed up really drunk at his house. I was acting stupid & his friends kept saying to him, "whats wrong w/ her?" I don't really remember any of it, because of my horrible state of mind. Some things happened that he didn't like & he was upset w/ me for a couple of days. He told me he wanted to be w/ me & he didn't want to loose me, so we would continue our relationship. He told me that night after he got off work, we would see eachother. He said "I miss you, baby," & hung up the phone. I didn't hear from him at all that night. I kept calling him, texting him. Finally, at 3:30am, he called me. I wouldn't answer my phone b/c I was so upset. He continuously called my phone over & over. I finally picked up & I was angry. He said he needed me right now, he was stuck, his car keys were locked in his car & he needed me to help him. I was yelling at him, asking why he did this to me & how we were supposed to see eachother that night. He kept saying

"I messed up, Im sorry." & how he went out w/ friends from work instead of calling me. I told him I wasn't going to help him & how convienient he calls me only when he needs something. So the next day, he calls me. He is mad at me b.c I wouldn't help him & how the way I acted. He said If I really cared, I would have been there. Then we didn't speak for 4 days.

 

He finally texts me telling me he does't know what his decision is going to be.. & how he doesn't want to make the wrong choice. After days of silence & worry, he calls me from his job telling me that he can't give 100% to this relationship b/c he needs to put all his time & energy into his job. He says that we can still be friends but he has to back away. He said that he doesn't like doing this & didn't want to. He said "Even ask all my friends, I dont want to do this.'' He said when he sees my text messages & hears my voice, he wants to be w/ me. But, he just can't. He says everything he told me was the truth & he has strong feelings for me, just right now isn't a good time for us. He says he doesn't even have time for himself. I know he works constantly... but in the beginning he wasn't like this. I just keep thinking I did something wrong. Or I should have just went to help him in his predicament that night instead of yelling at him & accusing him. Did I push him away? Do you think there will ever be a chance for us? & should I call him ever??? I'm so devastated & heartbroken. Every second I think of him... I just feel like I will never get over him. Ever.

[For You I Will]

Anybody have any insight on this?

[scrybe74]

I think you made a mistake by showing up to his house drunk like that.... But in the end it's a forgiviable one. It sounds like he's just being honest and saving you both the heartache of going any further. The truth is that if he cared for you as much as you think he should then he would have AT LEAST called you to let you know he wasn't coming that night. And you were right to be angry that he only called because he needed something. Whether you should have went to help him or not is debatable. The question is: if you were in his shoes stuck somewhere in the middle of the night would you want him to help you? The other question is why didn't he call his friends that he went hanging out with?

 

I think you should move on and if this guy can get his act together then he'll come back around....hopefully for his sake before you've met someone else.

[RealBroken]

If i could go back, this is what ive learnt.

 

Tell him he needs space and that your not going to contact him at all.

 

Then don't. He'll always be thinkin about it. but you need to take the power. You make the decision.

 

He will most prob call you.

 

Let him miss you.

 

Otherwise if he makes the call,...... you will miss him instead.

[monural_plural]

I had a very similar situation. The girl I really liked dumped me, citing that she was 'extremely too busy...and wanted a friendship...for now'. I decided it was best we not be friends, to give her and I space...it was the healthiest thing to do. Either way, if she doesn't contact me I assume she didn't really like me or is too afraid to contact me...both unhealthy things in my book.

 

But if she does contact me, she would be fulfilling that she needed to do things. Me having her as a friend would complicate things for both of us, as well as show me as a pushover (the breakup was done a bit hastily, I had to stand up for an un-open-ended one.)

 

Let him do what he needs to do...DON'T call him...let him call you and then the mending can begin.

[daphne]

Means he doesn't want to invest any more time in the relationship. He's tryint too hard to convince himself and you that he's sincere. I think you created too much drama in the relationship and you scared him off. I'm not saying you didn't have a right to be mad about him calling you in the middle of the night for help after he blew you off. But you need to learn to control your anger and mature a bit. There are subtle ways of getting your point across. Screaming at him on the phone isn't it. Not answering the phone at all and then letting him know the next day you were sleeping and your'e sorry you missed his call in an aloof way is. He tried to let himself off the hook because of your behavior when actually it was pretty crappy of him.

 

I would totally move on and forget the guy. And I would also work at controlling your emotions. You won't find a good guy that will tolerate that kind of outburst.

[Pantero]

Means he doesn't want to invest any more time in the relationship. He's tryint too hard to convince himself and you that he's sincere. I think you created too much drama in the relationship and you scared him off. I'm not saying you didn't have a right to be mad about him calling you in the middle of the night for help after he blew you off. But you need to learn to control your anger and mature a bit. There are subtle ways of getting your point across. Screaming at him on the phone isn't it. Not answering the phone at all and then letting him know the next day you were sleeping and your'e sorry you missed his call in an aloof way is. He tried to let himself off the hook because of your behavior when actually it was pretty crappy of him.

 

I would totally move on and forget the guy. And I would also work at controlling your emotions. You won't find a good guy that will tolerate that kind of outburst.

 

Exactly. RIGHT ON THE MONEY.

 

From a guy's perspective:

 

He blew you off, no doubt about that. The fact that he even THOUGHT of calling you after blowing you off when he needed something is the definition of a f-ckin' jerk in my book. Gender aside, that's pretty sh-tty no matter who you do it to.

 

The fact you went off on him most likely threw a red flag up for him and was the perfect "get away". I don't mean to be blunt, and I'm sorry it went down like this, but I think if you handled it the way daphne mentioned - he might've stuck around and it certainly would have made him think.

 

The ultimate goal is to let him know in a non-confrontational way (this early in the game), that you're not some sideshow sl-t (pardon my French) that he can use until someone better (hotter) comes along.

 

Treat yourself with respect and others will do the same.