basscatcher Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 He finally accepted that he and I weren't working out. Several times I tried to break off our relationship, if he wasn't willing to give more in the relationship. He wouldn't accept I was serious about ending our relationship. I even backed off so much from him that I seriously felt we had broke up without actually agreeing to it mutually. (This could have triggered a rubber-band effect with him too but it didn't...) I spoke to him on the phone last night and I asked him, "What are you doing with me Charle?" He said, "I don't know.I have fun with you. Most of the time." I said, "I think that is why you are with me. I am different then you are use too. You found me refreshing in the sense that I like to go out. I like to dance. I like music (even loud music). I like to socialize and have fun and I don't overdo it with other men. But you aren't that into me because if you were then you wouldn't feel the need to flirt with my girlfriends, you would be able to look me in the eyes, you would be more loving and affectionate towards me, you would compliment me and you would do anything to make sure I was happy and content." After a short pause he reluctantly and quietly said "Maybe we could, try, be friends. Because obviously you haven't been happy!" I told him, "If you could be more physically affectionate (outside the bedroom), compliment me, give me reassurring words of how you feel about me, learn interpersonal communication skills in a relationship I would be happy." He finally admitted, "I doubt I will ever change. I am just not that type of man. I am who I am and your not happy with me. We can try and see if we can be friends--I don't know.?" I then told him, "If we are going to stop dating and be just friends then you can't keep calling me and wanting to see me. I can't have you playing with my feelings. You need to realize if you are out and see me with another man that you have to accept it and visa-a-versa. You can't be contacting me anymore like you do. We are no longer exclusive. I can't handle it and I won't tolerate it. If we aren't together dating then you need to back off and leave me be. Don't keep playing on my emotions because its not right nor fair." He said nothing for awhile and he seemed to understand he can't interfer in my life and he has to accept the fact he may see me out with another man eventually. He didn't argue with me. He commented again that he said I haven't been happy with him. I agreed I haven't and that is what I have been trying to tell him and talk to him about. But he has been refusing to listen and accept. He then wanted to end the call. We ended the phone call with what seemed to me, for the first time, he understood finally that our relationship was going no where and we have drifted apart. I had pushed him away so far by not accepting his offers to go out. I didn't return his phone calls or answer them immediately. I have been cold and direct with him when I've spoken with him. Not friendly, playful and loving. I think he finally got it.... It finally clicked... He finally understands I wanted to end the relationship and he is accepting it reluctantly. He understands he isn't fullfilling me and I'm not happy. So now, I am feeling a little lost. I know he isn't here for me. I don't have him in my life anymore in the small place he was in. I needed him to understand and mutually agree to breaking up and I got it. Now I feel lost, hurt, alone (more so), disappointed (mostly), confused, free, a weight lifted, I feel like I have choices now, I have opportunities, I feel like my life is too open and I'm scared. I like some confinement and I don't have much of that now. The road ahead of me is too big and long. It's like being on the edge of a desert and I have to follow the road that goes through it because I have to get to the othe side. It looks barron, lonely, with much suffering yet if I look closer I know I can see life surviving in that desert. Yet I am hesitant to enter it because knowing what I was just in is knowing and the desert is not knowing. Gawsh I feel scared... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 This is a good thing Pada. I'm glad he realized that it was over between you two! I believe he really thought that you'd give in and accept things and him, to have you do all the compromising and he wouldn't have to give as much. Try not to be too scared. For the past few months you've been doing FINE without him. You really have, so believe that! I'm sure in the next few weeks you may feel sad and miss what you 'used' to have with him, but realistically what is happening now is healthier and better for you. "I doubt I will ever change. I am just not that type of man. I am who I am and your not happy with me." This is true and he said this more or less from day one. That he wasn't capable of alot of affection outside the bedroom. The issues that started off, still is the reason why it couldn't work. Both of you are different people and couldn't meet eachothers needs to make things last. Again, don't feel scared, feel relieved and light about it. No more wondering and waiting to see 'what will happen...' Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 Again, don't feel scared, feel relieved and light about it. No more wondering and waiting to see 'what will happen...' This is true. But I do feel scared. I don't like not knowing.. Not knowing where my life is going. Not knowing... Not knowing.... I hate not knowing... I hate being in the dark. I hate being left out. I hate being alone. There is a feeling of relief and a lightness but with that comes fear. Fear of the unkown.. I have such grand opportunities now and it scares the hell out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 We all hate not knowing...I understand that completely! The thing that I've learned though, you can't worry so much about the future. That just instills more fears and worries. Can't control what hasn't happened yet, right? Only thing you have is RIGHT NOW. So, live it up, stay in the moment, make the best of your days and try to remember that you're not alone in all this Pada. Can I ask? What are you being left out of? And yes, I understand too, not wanting to be alone, I'm sure it's very hard but you can survive through this and come out even stronger! Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 Can I ask? What are you being left out of? Fun times, laughter, left out of plans and knowledge. I feel left out when someone I'm close to isn't sharing their feelings or thoughts. It's hard to relate to someone when you don't understand them because they leave you out of their thoughts and feelings. LOVE... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 This is true. But I do feel scared. I don't like not knowing.. Not knowing where my life is going. Not knowing... Not knowing.... I hate not knowing... I hate being in the dark. I hate being left out. I hate being alone. There is a feeling of relief and a lightness but with that comes fear. Fear of the unkown.. I have such grand opportunities now and it scares the hell out of me. I know how you feel.....I understand at least. So I'll subscribe to lurk on here to see what others can advise you about that feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 I know how you feel.....I understand at least. So I'll subscribe to lurk on here to see what others can advise you about that feeling. Nice to see you lurking. Link to post Share on other sites
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