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Reaching the three year mark.


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Okay, I have lieved with my boyfriend for almost three years now. We have a one year old together and he has a five year old from a previous marriage.

 

I'm starting to believe that he will never be ready for marriage. He'll talk about "our wedding" to our family or friends and then tell me that he is not ready. Thing is I set a limit for myself when the relationship was still new. It was three years (living together.) Now I'm reaching the point and I'm beggining to become depressed thinking about it.

 

So to tell you more about him. He is a responsible guy and all, but even though we live together I don't feel like we spend time together, when he gets home he'll go on the computer or do something else. (I've been home with the kids all day.) In the past year he has only really been able to tell me he loves me (without just repeating it back) about ten times. I'm starting to feel like he doesn't really love me. He acts annoyed when I want to kiss him or hug him and he doesn't like to have sex.

 

I have tried to tell him how I feel, I was asking him about the marriage thing and he said he wasn't ready. I asked him why should I stay then. He said that things were complicated, so I asked him again why I should stay. He just said he doesn't know what's going to happen between us. He was never able to give me a reason to stay, not even a simple I love you. He's said before that he doesn't see the point in getting married, that it won't change anything, and that he doesn't understand why it hurts me so much that he doesn't want to right now. There always seems to be a reason why he can't marry me. I know changing who I am doesn't make anything better, but he had some points that I've improved on. (I wasn't that good of a housekeeper, now the house stays clean. That kind of stuff.) He has also told me that I'm immature, but I've been through a lot in my time and had to grow up quick. (I had a parent die young and the other's way of dealing with it was to leave us to our own things.) I don't get how he can call me immature. I think all he's doing is making excuses now. I don't know if I should leave when my time comes. I do still love him and we have a good relationship otherwise. I just don't feel like he wants to fulfill my needs. When we argue he acts like nothing happened the next day, it makes me feel like he doesn't hold my opinion very high.

 

I don't know, I guess I just need help.

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You're attempting to figure this out after you decided to have a kid together and not before? Seems kind of like a backwards way of doing things to me.

 

MD

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