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what do you do if he just disappears


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 17th March 2006, 12:51 PM   #1
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what do you do if he just disappears

8 long years with this man, and every so often, I guess I do something that sets him off(i never know because he wont tell me)and BAM! He is gone, wont answer phone or return messages, this first time it was about 3 weeks, the second time it was 2 mos, and the 3rd time was 6 weeks. I leave a couple of messages and when he does not call back I just let it go. It is excrutiating pain. I am a very considerate, honest, trustworthy girlfriend that would never do ANYTHING to warrant this, how sad. So, I guess he has initiated NC without even telling me. We went from talking 5 times a day, I would spend the night at his house 3-4 nights a week for months and months. How am I supposed to get closure when I dont even know what I did? The first couple of times he did this I was terrified that something had happened to him, an accident or something. Now I know this is just his thing. I am really having a hard time, it has been 2 weeks and no word. Where do I go from here? How do you get closure when someone does this to you? I will not go to his house and camp out like a stalker. Please, anyone, I need your advice, I cant see the forest throught the trees!.......Thank you!
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Old 17th March 2006, 1:02 PM   #2
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What did he tell you the reasons were the last couple of times he 'disappeared', -and under what circumstances did he come back?

-Rio
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Old 17th March 2006, 1:04 PM   #3
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Oh my goodness,

How inconsiderate, disrespectful and completely bizarre.

I would tolerate this for about one second. Boot him out as soon as possible..... Or just make it easier and don't respond at all when he finally decides he wants to RE - APPEAR!!!

Sounds like it could be drug binging???? don't know, anyway whatever it is, it is NOT a good thing!!!!!
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Old 17th March 2006, 1:19 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by riobikini
What did he tell you the reasons were the last couple of times he 'disappeared', -and under what circumstances did he come back?

-Rio
Hi Rio, thats just it, he never does tell me, he will call out of the blue and in the past I was so happy to hear from him I would agree to see him and at that time i would ask....did I do something to make you disappear? He would just sigh and say i just dont want to talk about it. One peice of info he did give me once was, When I asked him how he could do this to me, he said "it's easy when the person your doing it to isnt that in to you", .......HUH? I showered this man with love and affection. The pain is unbearable, I even called in sick today because I just cant face the world right now....... Drugs are not a factor, he is a health nut, and I would have seen something funky in the last eight years. I just hate this, I know I will never again let him come back again ( god willing) but its pretty crappy to do this to someone and make it virtually impossible to bring closure. What would you do?
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Old 17th March 2006, 1:36 PM   #5
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sometimes we never get clouser and as a woman I know how hard it can be, but its time you put this guy behind you. If he calls don't answer the phone (or just change the number) but this isn't good or healthy for you to be apart of this guy. Regardless of what he runs off for (and the fact that he doesn't tell you speaks volumes to me, he could be a criminal, or he could be a married man)
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Old 17th March 2006, 2:04 PM   #6
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This is terrible. Very unfair and cruel and then another slap in the face not even giving you an explanation for it.

It seems like you just let things go and not push the issue not to make waves and therefore he sees it as ok as he knows he can get away with whatever he is doing and he'll come back and you'll be waiting there with open arms.

As hard as it may be you got to put and end to this.

Disappear on him by changing your phone, email, and whatever and just cut him out of your life.

Also just wonderiing if when he does this you ever go over to his house or work to see if he is there?

If you wanted closure on this you could go to his house and tell him goodbye or mail him a letter telling him it's over.

Last edited by justagirliegirl; 17th March 2006 at 2:07 PM..
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Old 17th March 2006, 6:44 PM   #7
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what an a$$ you deserve better next time if there is a next time you should do it to him but that wouldn't solve anything i have no advice for this sorry hope every thing works out well
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Old 17th March 2006, 9:37 PM   #8
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RE:

Quote:
B&B: " What would you do?"

B&B, you asked the question, directly, and I'm going to answer it as if it were directed straight to me.

I honestly could not be in a relationship where that behavior was happening.

I simply could not bear the big question mark hanging in the air like a cloud all the time.

The question(s) being: When is it going to happen again? Why is he doing this?

And the added fact he offeres no answer nor excuse for the behavior would -I swear to God- drive me insane!

I wouldn't be able to handle it...I would cut and run.

-Rio
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Old 18th March 2006, 12:16 AM   #9
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....

Can't see the forest through the trees huh? Yeah that's the problem with emotions. they aren't very accurate for one and for two you never know when you'll end up spending 8 years of your life with a man who is rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate..well I could just go on for days couldn't I. It's quite obvious HE has issues here but what is your deal? I mean really ok so the first time I suppose you didn't see it coming but by the second time you knew the deal and yet you stayed. I don't blame you for being worried and concerned and stressed out..what are you getting out of this relationship? A body pillow? I mean that is my term for people who date men and women that treat them like crap and it's all around your typical dysfunctional unhealthy relationship but what they provide for the partner who stays is a body- there's a someBODY in their life as opposed to nobody.But baby- you are so much better off without that- but I suppose if you trully beleived and valued yourself in the first place you wouldn't be where you're at.You sound like a wonderful woman and I'm sure you are- there's a man out there who is waiting to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and love and respect you. By all means don't keep him waiting-drop this chalupa.
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Old 18th March 2006, 12:30 AM   #10
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FC, I've been reading some of your posts and, gal, -not only are you amusing and frank, -you are spot on.

Keep it up.

(Grinning from ear to ear)

-Rio
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Old 18th March 2006, 12:38 AM   #11
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Thankya baby! You too
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Old 18th March 2006, 1:40 AM   #12
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Thanks Girls

I appreciate you all for your honesty and feedback. It really is a comfort to be know that SMART women are here on this board. I feel as though you are all my friends and I love the way you all rally around each other. Its ironic because the way I found this site is I just "googled" "how do you heal a broken heart" and LS popped right up. I am thrilled you are all here. Thank you!
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Old 18th March 2006, 1:46 AM   #13
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Hey, we are thrilled to have you and don't ever think any different from me either, I realize I deal with things rather sasssy and up front but it's who I am I love the people on here and there posts..we're here for you!
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Old 18th March 2006, 2:25 AM   #14
 
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8 Years is some history. As a guy I can understand the tree and forest issue.

If it happened to me the first time; I might let it go but a few times over 8 years. Well that is quite a habit.

Put your foot down that his behavior is not acceptable. Like other posts, cut it loose and move on.
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Old 18th March 2006, 2:46 AM   #15
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B&B,

I don't know if someone has mentioned this (sorry, I'm a bit tired right now): he is extremely manipulative and controlling! He is using this "disappearing act" as a way to control you. And that little reason he gave you for doing so: "... easy for me to do because you are not so into me" clearly shows the kind of mind he has. He is selfish and just pure evil.

Stay away from him. When he does contact you again, tell him that you've moved on.

Best wishes.
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