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I broke her heart and trust but I love her so much.


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Never before have I loved someone so much. I felt the need to "investigate" to see if she was faithful and I hurt her badly. She hates me now and I know why. I Love her and cannot let her go...She said she loves me but cannot trust me. I ahve never done anything like I did before. I feel so bad, so guilty, so ashamed. I miss her so much, I hurt for her. I want her to know I love her and just how sorry I am. I have admitted everythig and apologizes profusely but she doesn't believe me.

 

I need her to know how much I hurt right now and miss her. I know we won't be together anymore. But I am so sorry and ache for her. I need her to know that.. BUT I can't talk to her. She wants no communication.

 

Please how to say I am sorry.. How to let her know I care still?

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well if she doesn't want to speak with you then the best you can do is respect her wishes and begin enforcing no contact on your side...

if you don't mind me asking, what is it that you did to break her trust? maybe time will heal things, or perhaps she has some issues of her own to sort through...

good luck and be strong, things will be ok...

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You know... if I had a guy "investigate" to ensure I wasn't up to anything hanky, I'd be pretty p'o-ed. But if I loved the guy and we had a fairly good relationship up until that point then I probably wouldn't dump him because of it. I'd definitely want to discuss his actions in depth, but I would at least give a benefit of explaining his actions to me. All depends on the circumstances though.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, there was more wrong with your relationship then just you "investigating" something that you were insecure about. Otherwise you wouldn't have investigated, and she would've made some attempt to understand your reasonings after she found out. Since she won't even talk to you now, it makes me believe that your relationship wasn't very good to start with.

 

Also, when someone goes to lengths enough to "investigate" another person, there's usually a fairly good reason. And even though there may not be fire where there's smoke... there very well could've been a fire in the works.

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what I did to destroy her trust in me...

 

We reached a point where she needed me to access her email for her while she was away. She was hesistant at first, actually if it wasn't for desperation she probably would not have done this but she gave me her email password to one of her email accounts. As she did, she said please don't mind the emails from so and so (red flags) he is just someone I work with. So of course I read them...There wasn't anything that hurt me but they were flirty. I didnt say a thing to her about it.

 

As communications between us began to break down a bit I began to wonder. I went back and looked at her email again. But what I realized was that She had not exchanged emails with that work person using that account since I had been on the last time. This to me seemed to indicate she was worried that I'd see something and was using her other email account. The wheels were turning and as she found less and less time to talk, email, or see me I really began to wonder..I created a fake myspace person and tried to talk to her on it. She knew instantly it was me. and dumped me instantly.

 

At first I lied profusely to cover it up, hoping the whole thing would go away, but afterwards I felt worse for that. I came clean, admitted everything and have not stopped apologizing.

 

I have NEVER done anything like that in my lifetime. I have never worried or wondered like that before. I am genuinely a nice guy and a straight forward honest person which is why she liked me. I feel so bad for what I did and it was incredibly uncharacteristic of me.

 

We never had a problem in our relaitonship before. Our arguements were minor and few in between but she isn't one to look back. God I want her to know how sorry I am and how much she means to me.

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