Why can't they communicate - My Story (its long sorry)

[POTAMO]

I am confused I have been together with my GF fro almost 3 years and in the last 6 months of our relationship, she has been more and more distant. She decided to move out as she said she needed her space and need to figure out what she wanted. Well it was hard and I started NC so I received IM’s and TXT’s saying how are you and stupidly I responded.

 

As time went on she started to spend more and more time with he co-worker as he would drive her to and from work and they would always go and eat lunch together. I was very concerned about this even when we where together and I mentioned this to her. She would always bush it off as it was no big deal and that I did not need to worry, but yet I was very worried.

 

We had both agreed that we would keep our relationship a secret from the office as I us to work with here. Once I got a new job however it was still all keep under raps and now one within her organization was the wiser. It started to really bother me but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided to trust her. I was hard for me knowing she was getting closer and closer with her male co-worker and we where drifting farther and farther apart. Soon thereafter we broke up and she moved in with a family member, you see I am close to all her family and they treat me like a part of the family.

 

Well anyhow about 6 moths ago she moved out need her time and we would see each other on and off during the week to try and figure out what was not working in out relationship. I often suggested to her that maybe we should go and see a relationship consular but she just would not go.

 

As time went on we started to get closer again to one another and then bang she would do a 180 and go the other direction. This went on for about 3 months at which point I told her I could not do this anymore. She then moved all her belongs out I had asked he I there was someone else leading up to this point and she said NO. I asked specifically about this person I thought she was seeing and she said NO, and then proceed to say I don’t think he like me in that way ANY MORE. Any more I thought to myself so YOU my GF must have liked him more then. It made to me very sad as this was the co-work she was spending all this time with.

 

The problem with all of this was that she had trouble communicating as so many people on LN seem to be talking about. I was never give a chance to show her that things can change after we talked about our relationship and wanted to make things better because she was not living me we at the time she was living with family members and could never see changes in either of use as I would ONLY meet up with he a few time a week.

 

Well now 6 months into her moving out and needed space and 3 months since she packed up most of her belongs, we are at the current date. During the last 3 months I have been sticking to NC, and I would like so much to get back together with her. Over the holidays she TXT me but I did not received any of them as I was out of the country. So once I arrived back home I received a TXT message tell me asking about my holiday and how everything if I had received any of her messages over the holiday. Well I did not responded and I was sticking to NC. She proceeded to start to IM me still no response from me then a few emails still nothing from me and the emails stating things like I know you can’t speak to me now but I hope we can speak soon, still not response from me.

 

Well now in the last few days I have be getting less and less mail coming to our home so I logged into our joint checking account and found out she had changed the address to an address that I recognised but I have never been there. Well the address is of the co-work that she was spending all the time with. It makes me very sad to thing that she left our 2.5 years of history and between xmas and new year of moving things out of our home she is now living with him.

 

I can only think that she must never really cared much about me from the beginning and why did she never communicate any of this with me why did she deceive me and see him behind my back. I loved her with all my heart and gave 200% of myself, he family and close friend loved me as well and now she will not even speak to them about us she just says I don’t want to talk about it. I just I am sad because I was never give a chance to try and work things out with her she just moved on without even giving me any closure.

 

I sometime with has I talked to her in the new year when she started to IM me and TXT me maybe we could have worked things out and my me doing NC was the wrong thing to do. She still has things here with I am not holding hostage but I do think she owes me a phone call more then and IM or TXT saying when can I come and get them. I asked her to remove them between xmas and new year but no she did not even respect that request of mine. So now I am still in NC with her and trying to get on with my life but it is so hard he just jumped from on relationship with 2.5 years or history into this new one and so quickly so that she is now living with him. I mean she has had no time to even think about our relationship and what work or did not work.

 

I am all confused! Should I still stay in NC or should I trying a meet up with her to give he back her belongs, she still has things of mine and she never once offered to give them back and she know they mean a great deal to me. Some days I think I would NEVER want you back and then other day I would want her back and start from the beginning and see if we do have a future. What I don’t think as I mentioned before she does at least owe me a phone call is she would like her belongs it is not as though we are just breaking up after a one or two month relationship, there is history.

 

I agree with what a few people have said they if the dumper wanted dumpee back they would do whatever it would take to be in touch so that is why I am staying in NC and trying to move on with my life it is just so hard when they jump from one relationship to another without any reflection.

 

I am so confused and need help!!

[MassiveAtom]

Hey Man,

 

Breaks my heart to see you dealing with this. Tap a close freind or family for support. Yeah, I know tough guy, you CAN handle it. It's easier with help though.

 

Look, first off, I'm sure she DID love you. I wasn't all a lie. I'm sure she felt strongly about you and then cooled. Same thing happenned to me. But I was married and had two kids, before She started to cool! Not minimizing your sitch at all, but hoping to add some background.

 

You were right to go NC, but one thing I often see omitted is the replacement activity, you HAVE to find something to do! Go to the gym, find a hobby, you know occupy your time. It's like quitting smoking, you have to resisit the urge, fight the cravings. (day 5 for me) The easiest way to do that is to mix up your routines.

 

Are you eating and getting enough sleep?

 

 

all for now, more tomorrow

 

 

be well, take care

 

 

 

MA

[POTAMO]

MA,

 

Thanks for you! Your right it is hard I am trying each day to work on myself and continue to go NC. However it is so hard I so want to call her up and ask her WTF are you doing. I was about to marry this girl and we had been talking about buying a home together and building our future together and then she just turns thing around like this.

 

It makes me loose faith in people b/c I ever her all of myself and she gladly took. Then when things go bad communication is vital to a relationship in order to make it succeed. I think she might be using this new guy as a rebound relationship, but it seems as though she did not even take time to reflect on ANYTHING!!

 

I just want to understand from her where it all want wrong. Since I never really go an closeour, with the exception that I find out she is living with a new guy, and our 2.5 + years seems like nothing but a joke or a distant memory to her.

 

It is hard to eat but I am trying!

 

I am so confused and sad.

 

P