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What did I do to make her Leave??


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I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3.5 years (she was in a abusive relationship for 5 years)and everything was "PERFECT" we did everything together, and then she asked me if I wanted to move in with her, and of course snice I was soo in love for 2 years previous and things were getting better day after day I said yes. We lived together peacefully until about around Nov, we she went on a cruise. I began to ask her questions about our relationship and if she still felt the same way about me like she did 2 years ago, and she told me that there was no one else that could make her as happy as I did. When she got back from her cruise we spend alot of time together and I thought that things were getting better, but they werenot. She began to go out with her friends and come home more late, and when I questioned her about that she got very upset and asked me why I question her about things. We spent X-mas together and, but another I noticed about her was that she was not sexually intrested anymore, (before we had sex at least once a week), and although I spent $4,000 on her for x-mas, we didn't have any intercrouse. Well on New Years, she supposly went to a friends house, because I had to work, and she told me that she would be home at a decent hour. I said ok. and I got off work around 12:15. I called her and told her that I was on my way home that if she wanted to come home early she could. Well I went to sleep around 1:00 and I woke up around 2:45 and she was not there. It took me about 5 calls to finally get her on the phone and I asked her what was going on, she told me she was drunk and couldnot drive. When I asked her if I could pick her up, she said no, and that she would be home later. Well she came home around 5:45, and suggled next to me. On Tuesday we had signed a new lease at our apartment complex and then on Thursday I gave her a poem in a picture frame that took me 6 months to write, and I gave it to her. She cried. Sunday I went up to her work and she kissed me on the neck and told me that she loved me and missed me and 4 hours later she told me that she wasn't intrested in the realtionship anymore. I tried to get her to tell me why, but she refused. I asked her if she wanted to be single and she told me that she didn't want to be tied down to anyone, and that she wanted to be able to do what she wanted. She told me that she wanted to stay friends, but made no way to show that she wanted to be friends. Of course snice this was the second serious relationship that I was in (the 1st one I ended because the woman was very controlling) I tried very hard to make contact with her and everything. Well I have found out that it was not a good idea to do that. 1st she told me that she wanted to figure if I was the one she wanted to be with or not, then about a week later, she told me that she was breaking up with me, then about 3 weeks ago we talked and she told me that we were broken up with the intent of getting back together.Well I have found on from numerous people that she was seeing someone for that last 2 months of our relationship (Nov-Dec). We were on the same phone plan so I was able to see phone records. This guy had called her @ 12:00 on New Years and it took her 8 minutes to call me and wish me a Happy New Year. Then that same night while she was laying next to me, she called him at 6:21 in the morning and they talked for about 5 minutes. The day she broke up with me, she had been talking to him on the phone and then when she came home she told me she had fell out of love and she didn't want to be in this relationship anymore. She had made contact with me and told me that she felt that we should move out (after we had signed a new lease the Tuesday before). I beleive that this whole time, she has been trying to keep me on the back burner while she screws around with this guy. My question is, do you think that this guy who she is seeing now and talking to every single day that she works with, and has been hanging out with alot lately convienced her that I was the wrong person for her and that she could do better, or what? I am confused about this situation becuase 1st off her parents don't agree that interracial date is right, and second she keeps telling and showing me that she doesn't want me to leave her. What did this guy do to her to make her hate me? She talks to this guy all the time What do I need to do?

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I feel for you dood. You were in a relationship with an idea, not the woman. Sounds like she wasn't in love with you, which explains most of the awful experiences you've mentioned in the last sentences of your ramble.

 

Move on, bro!!!

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I don't even know where to start. First, to answer a few of your questions.

 

"Do you think that this guy who she is seeing now and talking to every single day that she works with, and has been hanging out with alot lately convienced her that I was the wrong person for her and that she could do better, or what?"

 

No. She was already finished with you when she met this guy.

 

"What do I need to do?"

 

Don't have any further contact with her.

 

Now, to help you understand what happened here. From your story, I get the impression that you were WAY more into this girl than she was in you. And, that's trouble. You were probably spending too much time with her and being too predictable. This lowered her interest level in you. Back in November, your gut started telling you that something was wrong. There was. She was losing interest in you. Asking her if she still felt the same way about you just lowered her interest even more. Spending more time with friends and getting angry at you also are huge warning signs that your relationship is in critical condition. By that time, there was probably nothing you could have done to turn this around. She was just toughing it out until she finally built up enough resentment to leave you. Which brings us to Christmas. $4,000??!! Wow!! I'd like to think that was a typo and you meant $400, but I'm afraid it isn't. You don't drop that kind of dough on a lady until you've driven her interest level through the roof and she's all over you. Like I said though, by that time, you were already out. You just didn't know it yet. In her mind, the X-mas gifts, your attempts to contact her on New Years Eve, and the poem were just begging on your part. Don't be fooled by her crying either. Sure, she might have been moved by it, but her interest level in you had already crashed. This new guy is irrelevant. If she had high interest level in you, she wouldn't have given this new guy the time of day. I'm not surprised at all that she had been seeing him for the last two months of your relationship. That happens all the time.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself at this point, as I said, is to just cut contact with her. Don't take any calls from her. If you do, she'll just play with your head and hurt you even more.

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first of all, i feel for you . but this is a girl's view:

I highly recommend you to leave her.Totally NC. It is gd that you know that she is not the one before you step into next level.

She doesnt respect you anymore. It is very difficult for girl to love a guy she doesnt respect. The only way to get the respect back is by never contact her. if you contact her, it will only feed her ego and you will end up loose confidence in you and question your self whether it was your fault. You will ruin your self. So stop contacting her. Cut off ! 100% ! never let her to know how u r doing.

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Well I have taken all the advice that has been given to me, and now she is making contact with me, is that becuase she dosen't want me to leave, she wants things to stay the way that they are, or what I am unsure about what she is doing. I haven't seen her in almost a month, and i haven't talked to her for about a week. She calls my voicemail and ask me why I am not returning for phone calls, and if I am brushing her off? Yes I am very upset at her for lying to me, but I dunno. Almost everytime I try to talk to her she acts VERY different. So why does she keep calling me?

 

As days go by I feel a little better about what is going on and although it is hard to understand why, I seem to understand now why she left. I gave her TOOO much attention, and I guess that she didn't want that. You know, How do you know when you are doing something wrong with your partner will not willing to talk to you. Yeah I know women don't want lapdogs, but they also want men who are loyal, honest, loving, and understanding.

 

Thanks for the advice.

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Well I have taken all the advice that has been given to me, and now she is making contact with me, is that becuase she dosen't want me to leave, she wants things to stay the way that they are, or what I am unsure about what she is doing. So why does she keep calling me?

 

 

again.. it is a lady's opinion. As i i said, it is just an opinion. So decision is still yours. I think she wants your attention and she miss the attention , all the things she used to have with you. But not you. I am sorry to say this. But, she just feel lonely. Some people are very needy and they cant be a single for even a week.( i put it extremely). She is that type. She used to be with you, and she wants to get someone who can accompany her or fill the empty part that she missed. But once again, it is not love.

 

I hade bee there before. My ex was abt the same as your ex GF. He said he missed me a lot n loved me so much , few days later he said he didnt want to be with me anymore. I know it is hurt. But i am getting better and better each day and the more i realize that he is not the one. And this break up saves me from the worse thing that may happen.

 

Ask your self,.. do you want to be with someone who is so unpredictable..? whose heart you have to always guess and guess ? do you want to be with someone whose heart you dont even know and always change?

I know u still hurt. But trust me, one day... all the feeling, all your attention , devotion.. you will find someone who will appreciate it and do it the same thing for you. You will find that person.But it is not your ex. Leave her... dont bother.. she doesnt deserve you.

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I do agree with you about the attention thing. I do beleive that the only reason why she contacts me is to hear my voice, to ask me to help her with something, or just to see if I am alive. I know she doesn't want me back because she has shown me and told me in her actions what she wants. She wants SPONTANEOUS. She was to be able to shack up with whoever and feel on regret in doing it. But when she is alone and the guy who she claims she likes is not around, she ponders about me and then has either the urge to call or a reason why she needs to talk. We both graduated in college in computer science, so she knows that there are other ways to contact someone and it always doesn't have to be through voice.

 

Just like today. I am awaked around 8:00 to her IM; that she need to call me so she can get my address to mail me some stuff. I asked why did she need to call me to get that info, and she said that she didn' t need to. I told her I will e-mail it to her and she was OK with that. When I asked her why she was Im'ing me at 8 in the morning, she told me she had just gotten home. she later basically asked me if there was anything new that I wanted to share with her. I asked her in what regards, and she tried to play it off and see if I was working on Valentine's Day (Which in a fine dinning establishment you always do) snice the past ones when we were together I did and I told her NO. but I did say that there is something different, but I will manage. I told her I will be ok. I personally believe that she wants me to suffer until she decides that she wants me back. But like everyone has said "Why would you want someone like that back." It would take ALOT to trust her, and to not break my heart. Yes I still do Love her more than anything, but I have to look at the big picture. She left me cause she wanted to be with another person, she like the fact that she had someone who gave her the world, but she wanted to be with a freak (my opinion) and have me whenever she needed to cheer up. I am not breadcrumbs. I also think that maybe a little bit that she is beginning to understand her screw up and she wants me to hang around a little while longer why she either figures it out, or gets into another relationship. But I am not. I more I don't talk to her the better I feel, She is wrong at what she has done, but she doesn't know or think that. But to be honest, I really do miss her, and everything we had together. I'll post more after work.

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I do agree with you about the attention thing. I do beleive that the only reason why she contacts me is to hear my voice, to ask me to help her with something, or just to see if I am alive. I know she doesn't want me back because she has shown me and told me in her actions what she wants. She wants SPONTANEOUS.

 

glad that u know what u need to do. Just hang in there... keep your self busy. I strongly recommend you not even reply anyone of her contact. She feels at ease because you gave her response everytime she wanted to. And it will only break your heart. I can tell you this because i had been there. And trust me, even if you try once again, 90% it wont work. She wont change. It is good to know her true colour before you go further.

 

It has been 2 months since the last time i broke up with my ex. And i did miss him sometimes, but it doesnt mean that i cant live without him. Even i found i have been doing quite well. My ex and I brokeup just few months before our marriage. So, u r not alone. There are many people who are hurt but they still believe n do not give up. I know u are not giving up, and You should not.

 

Anytime you feel bad or exteremly miss her, go to gym. It works for me. I went to gym ,went out more with pals, i pampered my self. And you know what ? everything turns rbtter. I find i am happier than before. I have more best frens ... not only that , i become more focuz on my work. I got promotion in my carrier.

my point is i hope you dont let her overwhelme your life.whatever you had with her just forget it. I deleted all pictures, files , i threw all his stuffs. I really cut off all things related to him. Dont let your past control and drive you. You will find and surely you will find a much much better person. Person who is faitful to you and be true to you. Appreciate you just like you do.

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Well I got through Valentine's Day... But yesterday morning I woke up and for some odd reason I had a small amount of feelings come back and I was wondering what she had been up to and who she was seeing. Well as the day went on. I got a IM from her, and she said "hey.... thank you soooo much for the beautiful flowers.. that was very thoughtful of you. I will talk to you soon." Well at 1st I had no idea what she was talking about, but when I went to check my e-mail I saw that I had a bill for $58.00. It was flowers that I had ordered in Dec. for Valentines' Day and snice we broke up in Jan, I had forgetten about them. I dunno, but for some reason I got upset, but I did not respond to her. I had a rough night at work, but I felt better at the end of the day.

 

Was it a mistake for her to get those flowers and boost her ego some, or did she actually mean what she said? I am a little confused, not because of her message, but for her to even IM me and tell me about the flowers. I still feel the same way I did before the 14th, but the only thing different is that I still care about her. I feel that she is sending me mixed signals, i am unsure why, but I feel it is because she wants SPONTANEOUS. (Wants me to think I have a chance, when I possibly don't)

 

One last thing, I have feelings for this girl I work with, but I am kinda unsure as to how to approach her. Afterall everyone I work with knows about my ex, and how long we were together, and when we broke up. I am not intrested in her at that level yet, I just have feelings for her. Do I need to take it slow, or do I need to tell her how I feel? Any feedback would be good.

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it amazed me how people feeling is so easy to change. from your previous thread, u said that u still have feeling with your ex then u said u have feeling for a girl in your working place. It makes me wonder how my ex is going on now. Maybe he is aftering a new girl or what.Is there a momment when he think of me or something ?... well, it is not my business anymore. i better stop wandering.

Ok, back to your case, i do think you should hold on to make any move with this girl. Give your self sometime to recover and get healed.by giving your self sometimes, people also willl think that u r not easy guy who is jumping from one relationship to another. Plus, it is good for you, that it hinder you from such an impulsive decission that u make question in the end.I broke up with my ex 2 mhts ago, and i say to my self to stay single at least 6 mths. Few guys came to me ,but i say openly that i am emotionally unavailable. I dont want to make use of them just to fill in the blank part of heart. or just to help me recover.It is not fair to them and it will hurt .

when u give your self sometimes, it will give u the higher possibility to find someone who is really right for you. people said, dont go shopping or order while u are hungry.

Re the flowers, just ignore her compeletely. It was a mistake and every body makes mistake. Dont live in the past. ok.. wish u all the best

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When you say it like that I sometimes feel that my ex did that to me. Although I did wait about a month to date her at the beginning, she wanted to go out with me soo bad about 2 weeks after meeting each other. I had just gotten out of a relationship where I was engaged, and I wasn't ready to committ at that level with my ex, so I told her that I was only looking for a friend that I could talk to and she understood. I feel that I didn't give her enough time to heal and while we were together for 3 years, by the 2nd year she had healed and felt better for herself, and the 3rd year she was trying to figure me out. She had changed, but I was the same person. Also during that 3rd year together she started to change her apperance cause she was a stronger woman, and began to get attention becuase of it and also I helped her to understand all guys are not abusive. Once she felt strong enough to be on her own she either began to see that she wanted to be single and have other partners or she began to like someone, and left me for him. I think that this guy she supposely left me for is her new bait and as you said jumping from one relationship to another is not good and it will hurt. I just don't want to read about her getting hurt or killed becuase of her dumb actions.

 

Now about this girl at work. I have talked to one other person and they said the same thing that you said. That I should wait. How long do you think I should wait before I talk/write and tell her that I would like to get to know more about her? I want to approach her in a respectful way. But I am willing to wait until I don't think about my ex anymore. I appreciate you answer, and I am not going to ask her anything right now. Just be me for now. Hopefully she will notice me and ask me :)

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I dunno. I have been thinking about my ex lately. I realy don't know why

i have been getting information that says that she has been wondering about how I have been and what I have been up to. She has been calling me alot and I have been trying to keep no contact, cause I just cannot stand to talk to her, because it makes me hurt as a person. I am kinda confused on what I need to do. Part of me wants her back more than anything and the other part is telling me that she is soo confused that she may be doing this to keep you around. It has been a month snice I have seen her and 2 weeks snice I last talked to her, and all is well, until she calls me about paying me back and stuff. I believe that she is now beginning to understand how much I meant to her, I dunno, but all I do know is that lately she has been having many excuses to call me.

 

What do I need to do to move on? do I need to tell her that if she wants me back to tell me, or do I need to ask her myself? Do I need to tell her to leave me alone, or do I need to invite her over for drinks and talk about the past?

 

What do I need to do to get to her to either come back or leave me alone?

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howlong u should wait.. i cant tell exactly. But my suggestion is you only start another new relationship when u have really gotten over your ex. You dont think abt her anymore, you dont miss her anymore, when u find she doesnt have any impact in your life anymore. Thats the time.

Becasue it is not fair to treat peope how is sincere to you, and use them as a replacement . It will hurt both and usually it wont last long. It is merely rebound kind of thing.

 

Re your ex keeps on calling you, you consider lucky, at least she concern .

In my case , i have been in solid NC for almost 2months. And i just keep on reminding my self that my ex doesnt care and i should not care too.

You have to really think now.. n not only follow your feeling. Do u think she is the one ? Do you think she will change? if yes, will this change stay temporary only ? Can you trust her again ?

do u think she really loves you or just feel lonely ?

 

Give your self sometime without her and she needs that too. She needs to know what actually she wants. leave her alone. For your own good sake

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Batesal, Sorry to hear about your experience, but from all that I have read I beleive it just seems like it wasn't ment to be, even though thats difficult to accept, especially as the relationship has lasted for so long too. You can't make her fall back in love with you, you can't make someone fall in love with you. I agree with SuperMonk, its best to move on from this bad experience. Just think of posatives, its her loss afterall :D

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Well here we go again. She calls me today and accuses me of spying on her through the internet. She said that I added her (boyfriend) to my buddy list and that I have been keeping tabs on her. I has offended that she would say something like that when it is her checking up on me. I am beginning to see how selfish she is and iy is really unattractive. I mean, why does she constantly call me, now she is driving by my house. She asked me what I have been up to and I told her that I have been getting into trouble alot and have been hanging out with friends until the weed hours of the morning then she goes about and to ask me with who. Then she ask me if I have gotten a garage yet. I am like why? She says because she was curious. She asked me how the ferret was doing and I told her that it is fine. Then she had to go.. She calls me to check up on me and to see if I am still intrested. I never do talk to her about myself, just about what I do. She personally thinks I am intrested. That is why is constantly calls me and IM's me and does all this ****. She is now beginning to understand that I am moving on with my life in a direction that she doesn't want me to go. Boy is she soo confused.

 

She told me the other day that she wants to be with me for the rest of her life, but she is unsure yet. She told me that she needs to be single for a while (I guess that means screw whatever I dunno), and I told her that I am leaving and not looking back. She asked me why and I told her becuase I am not going to let you place ME on the back burner and decided when you are ready to rekindle us. I have tried hard to give you your space and you constantly throw it back in my face.

 

Guys/Gals do you think I did the right thing? Yeah I still have feelings for her. But I don't care for her anymore. Why does she keep bothering me about BS for? I just seem not to understand. I have not called, IM or e-mailed her for a month and she constantly tries to make contact week after week.. WHY?

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Sounds like she is unsure of who she wants to be with and is just stringing you or even other guys along just for the ride to see who to be with. She is probably scared of letting go of you, or you letting go and moving on in your life incase she is left alone without anyone. You are doing the right thing I beleive. Don't give her the right to keep you stringing along, its unfair on you for sure.

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Sounds like she is unsure of who she wants to be with and is just stringing you or even other guys along just for the ride to see who to be with. She is probably scared of letting go of you, or you letting go and moving on in your life incase she is left alone without anyone. You are doing the right thing I beleive. Don't give her the right to keep you stringing along, its unfair on you for sure.

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OK. so let's say she is scared. What is it that she is scared about? Losing me forever, her having a second chance, to make my life a living hell, what is she scared about? I have literly done everything that I possibly could and it to me still is not enough. I dunno what elese to do. I think that I am doing the right thing by trying to let her go, but I personally feel that I am not. I know that actions speak louder than words, so I know that she wants to me stay around long enough for her to get into a relationship, decide what she wants, or even decide to come back.

 

You know when you have serious feelings for someone, it is very hard to just turn the switch off. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is DAMN hard. I did find out that she has been talking about me lately at her work, but she is still hanging out with this "guy" she claims is her friend. I still have maintianed my distance from her, and I know that the more I distance myself from her, the better I feel. Maybe someday I will fee like I am going to kill her if I see her. But I think that I need to stay away from her. What do I need to do about the phone calls and the IM's? Do I need to ingore them? delete them without looking, ask her to stop calling? What?

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...and although I spent $4,000 on her for x-mas

 

Thursday I gave her a poem in a picture frame that took me 6 months to write, and I gave it to her.

 

1st she told me that she wanted to figure if I was the one she wanted to be with or not, then about a week later, she told me that she was breaking up with me,

 

$4,000 on a Christmas present?? Hell, I'll date you.

 

You spent six months writing a poem for her? Oh man. I think you were probably a little too good to her.

 

There's a line somewhere between being sweet and thoughtful and trying to purchase or leverage love out of someone. I get the feeling you knew her feelings weren't there for you. You had no room whatsoever to take this girl for granted.

 

And if a girl has to "figure out" how she feels about you, that's all you need to know. A girl in love doesn't have to figure anything out. You almost can't get her to stop loving you, even if you are a really cheap non-poet.

 

I really think, however great you know in your heart she is, you need to forget she was ever any part of your past. Thinking about what you did wrong is just a waste. You didn't do anything wrong. You saw the writing on the wall even if you wouldn't let yourself read it.

 

There will be a girl who won't wring you out like this. I hope you can appreciate her when you find her.

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Yeah,

 

After looking back I believe I was a little to good to her. I guess I cared so much for her, that money was no issue. If I saw something I liked, I went and bought it. But I do beleive that a woman should only be showered with gifts when they are seriously in love with their man.

 

There's a line somewhere between being sweet and thoughtful and trying to purchase or leverage love out of someone. I get the feeling you knew her feelings weren't there for you. You had no room whatsoever to take this girl for granted.

 

I acutally felt that she was becoming less into me, and I tried very hard to find out why, but she was quiet about it. I know only trying to make her happy must of had made her less unhappy with me becuase I was trying to make her happy by doing things for her. I also know that she was trying to fill the gap herself, but it was too much for her to handle (she told me that). Things that made me think was the day of the breakup she told me she needed to be on her own, and that the moving in idea (WHICH WAS ALL HER) was not I good idea. She told me that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, but she wanted to make sure that she was not missing out on other stuff (What that is I dunno). What I felt is that she wanted to keep me on standby and figure out what she wanted, and at first I accepted it, then I thought hard and long and also when I caught her with another man in my house, I knew that she wanted to date around, or be single and have no tie downs. So I let her be. I have not called her to talk about the relationship snice we broke up. She always calls me and wonders why I haven't contacted her, or what I have been up to. I found out from her friends that she has been talking about me and wondering if I am seeing somoene. OK why would she be worried about me being in another relationship if she broke up with me? Only because she wants to make sure that she still has a place in my heart in case she feels that she is ready to continue or start over. I dunno what she is thinking or feeling because she doesn't have to tell me now, but I have my idea of what. She may/may not care for me, but because I have done so much for her (I was her: PLUMBER, COMPUTER EXPERT, POWER GUY, HER STEREO HOOKUP GUY, TOOK CARE OF HER FERRET, and HER CAR GUY).

 

She called me the other day because she could not get her USB cable to her phone working. All those guy friends she has and she called me. I told her to ask one of them. But the point is that she still CARES alot about me. I feel that she wants me back, but not right now. I really don't know but that is what I feel. I maybe wrong.

 

I have been trying soo very hard to keep no contact with her, but she is always insisting on talking to me. There could be a ton of reasons why, but I know she WANTS me to stay in her life.

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I feel that she wants me back, but not right now.

 

When you want someone, you want them, now. This is right up there with when I said last year my now-ex and I were "on the way" to working on our marriage. I mean, WTF?

 

I have to say that you seem to be doing a wonderful job of keeping your wits about you. Personally, I think you should move on and never look back, regardless of how gut-wrenchingly torturous that will be. It sounds to me more like she's jealous, afraid that you're doing to her exactly what she is continuing to do to you : completely disregard your feelings. Let's itemize, shall we?

 

1. She cheated on you.

2. She cheated on you.

3. She CHEATED on you.

4. She LIED about it.

5. ... and now she's asking why you don't want to talk to her?

 

REALLY?! Can anyone be THAT dense? You don't want to talk to her because she ripped your freakin' heart out and tossed it into a blender. You don't want to talk to her because it is *physically* painful to you. She wants to be single for awhile? WHY? What is she going to learn? That sex is fun? Sure, it is. Otherwise we'd be extinct. That dating sucks? That being single sucks? She *already* knows these things.

 

The only thing she's going to learn by not being with you is: what it's like to not be with you. Do you really want to be, as you put it, on the back burner?

 

All, or nothing. Either she's willing to work on this, and stop seeing other guys, even having contact with the one's she's dated/dating, or not. And what that means, my friend, is that she's either willing to take this seriously, or not. No middle ground, no compromises - only no-holds-barred, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, I only want you."

 

At this point, or in the very-near future, you could probably have her back. But, I would advise against it. Sounds like you're better off.

 

(disgruntle-drive disengaged).

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Yeah,

 

After looking back I believe I was a little to good to her. I guess I cared so much for her, that money was no issue. If I saw something I liked, I went and bought it. But I do beleive that a woman should only be showered with gifts when they are seriously in love with their man.

 

There's a line somewhere between being sweet and thoughtful and trying to purchase or leverage love out of someone. I get the feeling you knew her feelings weren't there for you. You had no room whatsoever to take this girl for granted.

 

I acutally felt that she was becoming less into me, and I tried very hard to find out why, but she was quiet about it. I know only trying to make her happy must of had made her less unhappy with me becuase I was trying to make her happy by doing things for her. I also know that she was trying to fill the gap herself, but it was too much for her to handle (she told me that). Things that made me think was the day of the breakup she told me she needed to be on her own, and that the moving in idea (WHICH WAS ALL HER) was not I good idea. She told me that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, but she wanted to make sure that she was not missing out on other stuff (What that is I dunno). What I felt is that she wanted to keep me on standby and figure out what she wanted, and at first I accepted it, then I thought hard and long and also when I caught her with another man in my house, I knew that she wanted to date around, or be single and have no tie downs. So I let her be. I have not called her to talk about the relationship snice we broke up. She always calls me and wonders why I haven't contacted her, or what I have been up to. I found out from her friends that she has been talking about me and wondering if I am seeing somoene. OK why would she be worried about me being in another relationship if she broke up with me? Only because she wants to make sure that she still has a place in my heart in case she feels that she is ready to continue or start over. I dunno what she is thinking or feeling because she doesn't have to tell me now, but I have my idea of what. She may/may not care for me, but because I have done so much for her (I was her: PLUMBER, COMPUTER EXPERT, POWER GUY, HER STEREO HOOKUP GUY, TOOK CARE OF HER FERRET, and HER CAR GUY).

 

She called me the other day because she could not get her USB cable to her phone working. All those guy friends she has and she called me. I told her to ask one of them. But the point is that she still CARES alot about me. I feel that she wants me back, but not right now. I really don't know but that is what I feel. I maybe wrong.

 

I have been trying soo very hard to keep no contact with her, but she is always insisting on talking to me. There could be a ton of reasons why, but I know she WANTS me to stay in her life.

 

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.

 

Stop thinking about if she cares about you or not.

 

Stop thinking negatively.

 

You know a good tactic? Keep no contact then one day when she does call, talk as if everythings cool, AND YOU END THE CONVERSATION. Not her. Go, "Alright well look I don't have time to talk to you right now, maybe you can catch me later i've been real busy lately later." And just hang up as soon as possible without slamming the phone down. If you show bitterness, you still aren't over it. If you show nonchalance coupled with being busy, she realizes you are over it and are on to bigger and greater things.

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Well, I have had a bad week. On Thursday night when I came home, i went to check on my ferret like I always do, and it was very sick. I called the vet and they told me to bring her to them ASAP. Before I went to the vet. I called my ex (ONLY CAUSE IT WAS A EMERGENCY) and told her that she needed to come over and say her goodbye's to her ferret (we raised it together), and she was like No, I was like she is not going to make it through the night, and she still refused. I said fine. Well to make a long story short, I had to put the ferret down. She asked me to keep her remains, so I did.

 

I called her the next day to figure out what we were going to do about who was going to get the remains, and she started to complain to me about how tired she was and stuff, I was like sorry. Then I told her snice she treated the ferret like dirt last night that I wanted to talk to her. She was like no I don't want to. Then she said that I was acting like her last boyfriend (WHO was abusive and threathing), so I said "Thanks for putting me in a catagory with him." Then I told her that snice she thinks that way of me that she will never hear from me again. You know I had been doing alot better overall, then she catagorizes me, that really hurts. But you know, because she has met this other guy she is beginning to act in a way that I can't handle. So I have completely cut all communication off to her from my end. Meaning that I no longer have the same number, or IM names. I tired to be the better person in a IMPORTANT moment and situation, and she threw it back in my face. I have buried my ferret and I will be making so memory things for it, but as far as she goes. She will never know what I did.

 

The icing was placed on the cake Thursday night and I am not looking back.

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Well it has been 2 weeks snice I last posted so, here goes.

 

About a week after my ferret's death, she called me crying. It took her about 3 tries to get me on the phone, cause I didn't want to talk to her. She eventually called my mother house, where I was, and snice I didn't hear the phone I had to talk to her. She tells me that she did this, she did that, and I am like whatever. Then she starts to talk to me about the guy she is seeing, and I just let her vent, plus this is what I have been waiting to hear, because everytime I ask her about her, she gets really mad, and hangs up or we argue. So after she is done, I ask her a couple of questions, then I tell her I have to go to work. She tells me that she knows now that she made a mistake, and that she wants to work things out, but she needs time to make sure. I tell her that I am not going to wait until she has grown up to decide whatever. I also tell her about the month, and how she slapped me around, treated me like crap, and the whole nine yards. I was very upset. Well on Monday we talk and she confesses the REAL REASON why she left me. (it's obivous) and I was hurt, but not angry hurt or teary eye hurt. I asked her why, and she couldn't tell me why, except for she needed SPONTAEOUS in her life, and I stopped doing that. I told her that I never did, she just quit noticing. I also told her that she hurt me alot by using me for 2 months, and that all that attention that she got from that guy will never compare to what I had given her. She told me that she wanted to be with me, but she wanted to make sure. I told her to stop making promises that you can't keep, cause I am not playing that. I told her that I am not that intrested in her anymore because of what she did to me, and that she needs to go sleep with him, cause that is what she wants. She began to cry and I just walked out of the room. More or less, she knows that she cannot get what she wants right now. I am really having a hard time b/c although I wanted her to talk to me, I didn't want it on her terms. I know that snice Nov, she has been using me and pushing me away.

 

Me and my ex are talking, but nothing has changed. She clamis that she is still confused about "us", and she still has strong feelings for me, but she wants to see if this guy she is seeing now is going to work. I am going to try this "friend thing", but snice I have been able to control my feelings very well, I beleive that she will be the one that will be hurt, especailly if she goes a week without talking to me. I still don't call her, she calls me, and I have deleted her phone number out of my phone book, so I can try to forget the number that calls. I am doing alot better, but I still have alot of personal emotion that I need to fix.

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