Told me he loves me and now hes gone

[londonlass]

Hi

I really need some advice as i am so upset right now. The first bit is some background - perhaps a foresight into his behaviour

 

I met this man a few weeks ago. Afterwhich we began talking daily on the phone having great conversations. Our first date was a great night out, i went home. Then we saw each other a few days later. We had another great night but it ended on a sour note as we started to mess around he started talking really dirty. Not a prude just dont think that kind of talk is appropriate for someone you dont know. So i was pretty turned off and told him the next day via email as he couldnt really have a talk as he was travelling in europe (we both live in london). In the email i told him that i didnt know if we were sexually compatible as i am open minded and dont mind doing that as PART of a healthy sex life. But if that was our starting point then we were in trouble. I told him that i did like him and wanted to move forward.

 

He then ignored me until the weekend when i sent him a text saying that i

was suprised that he handnt replied. He called immediately and we had a long talk. I went to his place the next night to talk and it was a great night. I thought we really worked things out. He said that he misunderstood my email as reading that we werent compatible at all. And that he didnt even read most of my email and deleted it(sounds like a nice guy eh). He said he had a good life and was looking for someone that was going to make it better not worse - again a comment that made me feel uncomfortable. I said that i had concerns going forward as i thought it was rather cold and cruel of him to react like that. And that in the future if he hears something he doesnt like is he just going to disappear and not even talk about it.

 

He was then going to france then austria then miami for the following two weeks so i wouldnt see him. We were talking 3 times a day for ages and sending lots of texts. So on tuesday he asked me to fly to austria for the weekend. I was hesitant as i thought it may be too soon. But i figured that we were getting on so amazingly well it couldnt posssibly go wrong. It was a work thing for him so all his collegues were there. he told me that he had never invited anyone because he didnt see a future with them. He thought i was the one. When i got there he told me that he loved me. I held back any such comments as i am cautious as if you can fall in love that easily you can fall out just as easily. So i asked him how could he be etc and he said it has been building the last 3 weeks. So i said to him the one thing that i ask of you is that if your feelings change to let me know so there isnt a repeat of the previous week. He said that he would never hurt me or react like that again.

 

Anyway the airlines lost my luggage so basically for the first night and most of next day we were in bed - (now think huge mistake) we went out that afternoon and evening and all was great. We flew back to london sunday morning - everything seemed fine. We get to london and as he had connecting flight to miami he literally pecked me on the lips and said we will talk really soon.

I was stunned. i sent him a text asking him why he was so cold. He said it ws my imagination. And that he was looking forward to seeing me when he got back. You know how when you just know something isnt right and that something has changed? Well i just sensed he had turned off - something was very different. He was very cold.

 

I called him to let him know i was home ok and he said he was doing work email and he had to get it off before he took off. There was no miss you love you or anything - he just said i will call you in a day or so from miami. No further text or contact from him until the next day. Keep in mind we had gone from talking several times a day and many texts to this. He landed in miami late sun night - i heard nothing from him. Got an email yesterday - monday -he said his phone wasnt working. Doubted it - as that blackberry is permanatly attached to his hand and as he travels everywhere i knew it was at least a tri band phone.

 

Also in the email was some sexual inuendos and small talk that was it. Ignoring what happened the prior day. I sent an email saying that i was hurt about his behaviour the previous day and if something was not right to please tell me. Nothing - no reply. I then ring his phone and wouldnt you know it was working just fine - so a big lie on his part. So i sent another email asking him what had happened and why did he feel he had to lie about his phone. I said that i got the hint and that he can get his things when he returns (he gave me some things that he couldnt fit in his bag). Again no reply.

 

I am now so gutted - first of all i feel really stupid for believing all his BS and now feel that everything he said to me was a lie. I also feel incredibly used and so damn stupid. i dont know what to do. I really liked him a lot and perhaps niavely thought we had something special. He wont talk to me and i really cant understand why a guy would go to such lengths just to get laid for a weekend. What do i do now? Do i talk to him when he gets back as that is likely as i have his things? Should i try and further get an explanation? how on earth can i move on when i have no closure at all.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

[Just Visiting]

I am sorry this happened to you. Let's be honest, you noted red flags right away and chose to ignore them. This guy was looking to get laid as you have said. I just recommended another poster to look up postings from someone by the username "red flag rick". He gave some awesome advice back in April - May 2004 on why females fall into these traps and what to do about them. I suggest that you read all his posts and follow his advice. It is what I am doing right now and it is opening up my eyes.

[Mistaken Identity]

Hi. I'm sorry for you too. I'm not much help either. I'm always amazed at how convincingly guys can lie! Don't feel too bad. I've been in a situation similar to yours. Most of us females probably have. Next time, follow your instincts.

[LawGirl]

Hi. I'm sorry for you too. I'm not much help either. I'm always amazed at how convincingly guys can lie! Don't feel too bad. I've been in a situation similar to yours. Most of us females probably have. Next time, follow your instincts.

 

Yup - too bad it had to happen to us. And yeah - roller coaster emotions from my ex. And yeah - in retrospect red flags were there.

 

btw - is his name Mike?

[londonlass]

thanks guys - He the little coward finally sent me back this email today - Just find it unbelievable the lengths guys will go to get laid - i mean there are lots of gals up for it so why pick the ones who arent - suppose its the challenge. But i do now feel so incredibly stupid for falling for it all. i will try and find that guys post!

 

Hi ya

 

I understand most of what you say and I am sorry that you feel upset.

 

I am starting to think that despite our best intenions, this relationship will continually have wild swings of mood. I think that this could most probably be because we are just too alike in many ways! However, I do question whether we should go further down this path. Not because I don't like you, but rather because I have real concerns that we will just keep upsetting each other and at the same time make ourselves miserable.

 

This is not an easy decision to take, but I would rather face things now, as opposed to having our feelings continue to deepen and the pain of the inevitable being even higher.

What a load of crap i say lol. what an absolute tosser!

[londonlass]

lesson learnt - any guy that says he loves you in the first few weeks either wants something or is nuts.

[Just Visiting]

lesson learnt - any guy that says he loves you in the first few weeks either wants something or is nuts.

lol...yes, that has been my experience too.

[riya]

hey london lass

let me get right to the point.. i am also in exactly da same situtaion u r in.. abt 3 mnths go.. i was chattin online and i happened 2 run into an old chatter freind of mine ... we knew each other since 3/4 yrs wid jus an hi and hello but neva got chattin.. but anyway soon we did.. and we hit it off.. he was sweet caring lovn... supportive.. ( atleast pretended 2 be) .. neway i am in england as well and he was in india.. so as fate wud have it ( or bad luck) i had a trip planned 2 india.. and when i was there i met him.. ( b4 tat i mite add we had spoken on fone.. seen each other on webcam and.. he acted like he was almost besotted by me ) .. neway we met in india and it was amazin.. had a great time went out.. he pretended wow he has met da one.. and even told me dat i was da one and he loved me ... me bein exactly like u wasnt sure abt da whole thing ( though must admit deep down inside was soo much swoon over .. but pretended to be unsure ) ... we kept meetin and meetin and i started feelin more strongly for him and we were foolin around.. every day and slowly 1 nite things went intimate and i was totally wowed.. den am afriad time came for me 2 leave.. he hugged me told me he was gonna miss me and i came bac home.. and 1st thing cheked my email .. cheken my offline.. cheked my fone and umm no msg.. i thot mebbe he was busy .. 2 days go and still nothing .. i chek online n he is online so i say hi.. and he goes oh hi ( like da oh nice 2 see u hi .. not da wow i love u hi .. if u know wat i mean ) .. and the talk sounds soo casual.. and i am totally taken aback.. i mean is this da same guy who used 2 wake up at 4 am in da morning jus 2 chat wid me.. said he loved me ... said i was da one.. and now suddenly pretends like he is doin a favour talkin to me.. so neyway i finally ask him if some thing is wrong... u know has he changed his mind... he says oh no am jus busy at work.. and i like errr so busy to even send 1 text or msg ( and this comin from a guy who used 2 msg me 24/7 ) .. so i say fine... and he left.. den i emailed him sayin how i felt and no reply.. 2 dat then now long story short i sent him 12 emails and he neva replied 2 even one.. i saw him online and sent him a hi .. no reply... and today is march 6th and da last i emailed him was feb 17th and now i am nursin a broken heart... .. feelin hurt dat i believed dis liar.. dat some1 like u said cud actually do sumthing like this jus to get laid.. all da lies .. da bs... how can some1 be soo canivin and lyin and cheat... and now not even have da courage to reply bac.. wat a coward... all i keep thinkin is gosh how cud i have been such a fool and bought in eveyrthin he said .. so naive.. and u know wid time ill get over him and ill move on.. but wil he eva get wat he deserved..?? will he ge bac his karma?? does wat goes around comes around really happen?? will he feel dis pain ever??? i still miss him.. and sumtimes feel soo much longin .. and i want him bac...atleast want him2 regret wat he did 2 me... but i dont know if tat will ever happen... sumtimes i feel did i do something wrong... ??? everyday i chek my email .. my messages my fone.. wether he replied.. but everday there is nothing and my heart sinks in... and i totally agree with everythin u said and goin thru exactly feelin da same.. sumtimes i want him 2 miss me bad and come crawlin bac cryin sayin riya take me back and i wanna give him a peice of my mind but wat an !"!!$ cudnt even reply bac to my mails.. wat a coward and wat a fool i was 2 even belive such a coward.... now i am soo scared 2 start trustin any1 ever again.. i mean i look at every guy and feel oh don bother he will jus lie 2 sleep wid u and den do a dissapearing act ... but readin dis site and seein girls like us makes me believe we.. r nice girls.. and special and we need some1 who appreciates for wat we are.. n some day these guys will know wat they missed out on when dey had it and wont be able 2 do anything abt it... coz we wud be long gone by then and wid some1 special.... ( atleast i hope so )

[Guest]

hi

i am in somewhat similar situation like u gals.. have been doin da nc since 1 mnth but feels sad.. i chek my mail.. net fone.. hopin he msgs bac.. but no reply .. i miss him and i still cant belive ppl r soo mean jus 2 get laid feelin hurt n miserable.. pls help... i know time will heal my heart but jusst why... why did i deserve dis pain..

[Guest]

i miss him why did this happen

[daphne]

London,

 

I'm guessing you're in your 20's and this may be the first time you've seen this but trust me, this guy had an agenda from word go. He tried talking dirty to see if you were easy. Instead of walking like you should have, you tried to reason him out of behavior that is clearly his nature. Then he told you what you wanted to hear, that he doesn't take anyone else on trips because you're special. He loves you. You slept with him. Big mistake.

 

I would take this as a lesson learned. It happens to the smartest of us because we want to believe them. I'm not saying be completely mistrustful of people, just learn to recognize bs when you see it. Guys who really like you will tkae their time to get to know you and won't try to sweep you off your feet and sleep with you as soon as the first opportunity presents itself.

 

His letter was as full of crap as he is. He's trying to be the nice guy and let you down easy when he's trash. I would never contact him again even if you think it'll make you feel better. When a guy did this to me years ago (almost same damn modus operandi) I walked away and never looked back. He STILL emails me to this day to let me know his change of address etc hoping to get some sort of response. It's been about 8 years. Walk away and don't look back and learn what a loser looks like. I'm sorry you had to go through this.