Are there any "We Need a Break" Success Stories? I need one. Here's my story (long)

[jcmartin86]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. Found it through a Google search. Here's my story.

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. I'm 19 and she just turned 19. Been living together for the past year. Everything's been great up until now. Had our lives planned out to how many kids we wanted, what their names were...when we were gonna get married...the whole nine yards. It was great.

 

I couple weeks ago she started going to college. Just a tech school so she commuted from our place to there and work. THings were ok until I got off work on the day before her bday (the 22nd) and she said we needed to talk. She said she had met someone who she thought she might want to get to know better and thought we should take a break so she could figure out if I was really the one she wanted to be with the rest of her life. Needless to say this didn't go over well with me. BUt she said it wasn't permanent and I could keep wearing her class ring and she would keep all of our pics up and everything. SO I calmed down a little bit and she went to bed cuz she had to get up and go to school in the morning. Well, rather than pout about it I took this as a good opportunity to remind her of what she could be missing if she really does go through with it. So I went to Wal-Mart and bought a whole bunch of BDay decorations and while she was sleeping, i decorated the house. She liked it quite a bit.

 

Now, She also told me this guy was taking her out to lunch for her bday...obvously that didn't go over well either but I didn't freak out....in front of her anyways. So after she left for school around 7am I went to work, I put up XMas lights (becasue we never got a chance to go see the XMas lights on XMas Eve like she loves to do every year), i know it was a little late but it's better than nothing. I also ran around town buying up stuff becasue I decided that "Hey, anyone can take her OUT for her BDay...but only I can take her IN." So I went out and bought candles, brought up a comp desk from the basement to use as a table and bought chairs and some candles. I cooked up her favorite meal, bought sparkling white grape juice (cuz i'm not old enough to buy real champagne), and made up little menus and when she got home I played my best Waiter...pouring her glass and using a stupid cheesy accent. She was surprised to say the least. I got about halfway through my Waiter speil before she stopped me and told me she thought about me all day, even while she was out with him. And that shewas so uncomfortable, she couldn't be herself. That she was sorry for breaking my heart and that I should never forgive her cuz she isn't forgiving herself. Of course I forgave, i was just happy things were back to normal. She promised to never break my heart liek that again and that she knew I was the one for her after seeing everything I've done and for not leaving all those times she told me to.

 

Now I wouldn't be writing here if that was the end of it. Things were good for about a week. We were going to be moving so she could be closer to work and school and I was goingto start in the fall. Until I got home from work on Monday and she did it to me again. Saying that we needed time apart and she needed her time and space, and that alot can happen in a week since I did that for her. THis time I left, she cried, I cried...it was horrible. BUt she kept all of the pictures up, let me keep her ring. I was able to leave all my stuff there except my cltoehs. We were broke up technically. Now I was having a rough time with this and I was texting a calling her friend for advice and stuff because who would know her better than her best firend? Besides, the friend said it was OK that I call her or text her if I needed someone to talk to.

 

Night before last she called me to see how things were and to say goodnight. It was al ittle weird, we hung up without saying I love you for the first time in years. That was all I could take, I needed to atleast tuck her into bed. I dorve to her and she was there. We hugged and cried, Said I love you's and kissed. We went out and walked and held hands and talked. I told her I respected her wish and that I would wait as long as I could...though I didn't know how long that would be. When I was going to leave after she got back into bed she kept holding onto me and not letting me go and crying.

 

After I got into my car, i turned on my headlights and saw her in the window looking at me and crying and waving. It's been a while since she had done this. I got out of my car and ran to the house, she opened the door and we hugged and cried and kissed and she told me to think about her tomorrow and told me she'd think about me.

 

I left feeling relxaed and happy and confident that we'd be together soon again...I actually ate something that night. I called her the next morning when she was on her way to school just to say have a good day. I could tell right away that it was different again, like the previous night never happened. This kind of got me upset again and I tried going back to sleep. But it didnt't work. I ended up texting her friend quite a bit (they went to high school together and now college, and I know her too) cuz i was a little bit of a mess again and needed to tell someone what was happening inside my head otehrwise I was going to explode. After a while of texting, I get this phone call from Becca (my gf/exgf) saying that need to stop texting Leah (her friend) cuz she was getting annoyed and it was pissing her (becca) off. Then she hung up on me. Needless to say thatw as a bit of a surpise.

 

Later that night (last night actually) I got a call from her being rather mean saying I owe her for half of the electric bill she just got since I was living there last month and that was I owe her moeny becasue she's got to get her dash lights fixed on her car professionally,(i installed her remote starter and I screwed up something and now her dashlights won't turn on..i was in the process of fixing it though) I said that's fine and then we said bye.

 

A few minutes later I get a text from her saying she wanted her ring back. So I immediately left for her house to give it back because now I was jsut starting to get angry, ON my way there i got a text saying that the rest of my stuff was packed and I could pick it up.

 

When I got there she was pissed off and started blaming the whole thing on me. saying I was clingy and obsessive and all that. BEcause that one guy that took her to lunch for her bday and then came home and told me she loved me and only me and that she found out she didn't like him...well, she took me to school with her on the 27th becasue we were goign to go shopping when she was done..cuz she only had 1 class. Well I met him and of course i was a little defensive becasue hey! this was the guy she was interested in and took her out to lunch. But I was pretty civil for the most part. But apparently to her I was "Watching them liek a hawk". And since that day (and even before it) around 7pm-ish he would call every night and she wouldn't pick up. now this was a little odd to me. But apparently if I was sitting by her phone and it started ringing and I picked it up to hand to her i was "Being nosy about who was calling her". Now mind you this is the exact same thing that she did to me for about the first year or so of our relationship...she was paranoid that my ex was always calling me so she would check my phone and grab it before i could and accuse me of cheating...which of course I never did and she never called. But anways, she also said that by my textign and calling her friend that i was invading her time and space and she was sick of it. I told her that I've nevr done anyting to her except be there for her, trieat her like a princess, and love her unconditionaly..and that I didn't deserve this treatment. There were no tears between the either of us this time. I asked if this was for good now..she said "I think so". So I remained calm, grabbed my stuff, said I love you, kissed her on the forehead and left. Then she called me later...i had my phone on silent cuz if she wanted to call me I didn't want to talk to her cuz I knew it wouldn't be anyitng good anyways. I checked the message she left and it was her wanting to know how I made this food I made for her just a few nights prior. Whats strange is that it says right on the box. So why was she calling me? Did she really just need to know how to make this food or what?

 

Today she called and was pretty rude again saying that she was an appointment to get her car fixed and she'll save the reciept and all that. I was just extremely nice to her saying that I'll take care of it, I broke it so I'll pay for it to get fixed. I told her that i was sorry for talking to her firend, and that I didn't know that was considered invading her time and space. she just gave a cold OK. I told her that I would still like to remain friends ( like she had been insisting upon prior to last ngiht) and to see what happens from there. I asked her if she wanted to hang out this tuesday becasue I have this plan to take her up in an airplane...she's never been in an airplane and has always wanted to. So I figured this tuesday we both have off so I asked her if she wanted to hang out then..she said she didn't know but maybe. I told her it's something fun that she'll like. and she will, i dunno if she'll like being with me though so i dunno. She was still a little bit rude about it but I was just unbearably nice (prolly cuz I was just happy to be speaking with her). Well a few minutes later she called back to ask me a question and it was just a whole different attitude. She was just nicer. YOu could tell in her voice. She's killing me.

 

I'm hurting so bad now...it's indescribable. I want nothing more than to be with her for the rest of my life. But with the way thing just went down I'm not as optimistic as I was before.

 

I'm more or less looking for advice and if anyone's got some success stories where the two have gotten back together after something like this...PLEASE SHARE. How long and stuff like that? How did you handle it? Did you just start hanging out again liek friends and saw what happened from there? Or what?

 

Thanks everyone...thanks for being here too...just knowing i'm not alone helps alot

[jerbear]

I got mine yesterday, I'll keep you posted on what I went thru.

[jcmartin86]

i'm thinking about having flowers delivered to her at school tomorrow. I know what time she has break and there's a place she goes and hangs out at between classes..it's called The Den. People go their and order food and shoot pool and whatnot. I'm thinking baout sending her a bunch of daisies (her favorite) with a card that obviously says Rebecca on one side. And on the back or inside it will say

 

"Love is not finding the person you can live with.

It's finding the person you can't live without"

 

I think that's how it goes.

 

It'll be there when she goes in there on her first break. SHe's always liked flowers..but i'm not sure about it in this situation

 

Part of me wants to do this but the other part says not a good idea. WHat do ya'll think?

[WindDrifter]

Don't do it. You can't make a person want to be with you. You have no control over how a person feels. You can't buy it, you can't rent it, you can't bargain with it. If she wants to be with you she will make the effort.

 

Don't do it man. Let her be. Be honest to yourself. Asks questions you need to ask for yourself. But eventually stop all contact. Let her know you don't want to hear from her. You don't want to see her. If she is serious about being with you in a relationship then she can come and see you physically otherwise thats it.

 

Mate I just did this with my gf of 2.5 years. I am in pain right now but I need to know that she wants to be with me not because of what I do but because she loves me and at the moment i just don't know that.

 

Cheers,

WD

[Kaykay]

I'm really sorry for the cr*p you're going through. I know you don't think so, but you're really young to be in a relationship for life. You need to explore other possibilities. I know, it's not what you want to hear.

 

She's moved on. You need to accept this. Your relationship isn't based on the wonderful things you do for her. Your relationship is based on mutual qualities you admire (or at least it should be). Kindred tastes, motives and aspirations are a good start. If she says she wants to date other people, that means you have broken up.

 

The two of you are very familiar with one another. Things can be emotional when you close a chapter in your life. And it sounds like you're both experiencing the range of emotions one feels in a break up. But don't let the emotionalism fool you-- it's over. From what you've written, she is over you. Even if she doesn't verbalize that her actions confirm it. She talks with you because you're familiar.

 

Don't send her anything. Don't call her. End it. Continue with your considerate, polite and responsible behavior (paying the bills you owe), but stay the 'ell away from her.

 

I know it hurts. Keep posting...

[jcmartin86]

i know, i realize that this is really young. Which is why I'm coming more and more to grips with what she's going through right now. I think i am going to have to sit down and have one more serious talk with her. and tell her where i stand with the waiting as long as I can thing and explain to her that I understand what going on and will respect her wish. but at the same time i think sitting down with her face to face will only make this all tougher

 

At the same time being so young makes it tough because I'm not onld enough to go out to clubs and meet new people, I don't go to school right now, I have a full-time job, and I live in a very small town with nothign to do. It gives me alot of time to just eat away at myself with my thoughts. I wish I could just go out and hang out and try to do stuff to keep my mind off of it, but i can't

[WindDrifter]

Take up a sport. Go to gym get a body that makes her jealous. Learn a language just basically focus on yourself mate. I also don't meet that many new people like amanda does like every time she goes out but what can i do. Just be myself and have fun.

[jcmartin86]

i dunno, she's always liked my body. i'm a little bigger so I dunno if going to the gym and sheddin a few pounds would work well. though i guess the life of living together, working and paying bills did cause me to gain some extra weight since we started dating

 

although i would like to do it myself. i have been thinking about it. motivation right now is just the problem. i WANT to do something...but i just can't. I haven't eaten anything since the night I went over like 2 days ago

 

I even seriously considered earlier today joining the military just to get away and move on with my life...dunno bout that one yet

[WindDrifter]

Don't be that drastic mate you don't want to go to Iraq!

 

Just take up some hobbies do some stuff you always wanted to.

 

Take up something that interests you that you never had time for.

 

Stuff like that.

[jcmartin86]

One thing i forgot to add is that the day after she came home and reaffirmed her love for me and that I was the only one...we went and did something together that we had been talking about for a long time.

 

we went and got matching tattoos, in the same place. It's of Two Hearts with a ribbon around it that say "Always & Forever" on it. That was just our thing...we always said "Always & Forever".

 

I never thought anything of it cuz she was so sincere in promising she'd never do it again and that I was the one for her. obviously she felt the same otherwise she never would've gotten it. But now she has somehting to remind herself of how she broke my heart everytime she looks down or shaves her legs or something cuz it's on our left leg right above the left ankle on the side...lower calf pretty much. Not a place you can cover up unless you wear pants. Which is tough in the summer.

 

THink it could work to my advantage over time? hey, a desperate guy could hope. I figure she can put away 2.5 yrs worth of pictures and never look at them again. (SHe didn't give me any of the pictures and photo albums when I picked up my things, by the way) But she can't pack this away in a box. Unfortunately neitehr can I. We both going to have something that will remind us of eachotehr forever....and who knows..can it be a good thing?

[jcmartin86]

A Freaking Tattoo!

[blah1234]

If you want to win her back just stand outside of her house with a boombox raised above your head and play "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel.

 

Just kidding... actually, there isn't really any way to win a girl back... as sad as that is. I am kind of going through the same thing. I have no idea what to do. Although, my situation is odd.

[justagirliegirl]

It is very hard for her to have a sudden change of heart just like that. She just started college and that is a new phase of life for her. Unfortunately, the majority of relationships started in teen years don't last. People change too much.

 

Like the others said, take up some new hobbies to keep yourself busy but don't do anything drastic like joining the military or whatever. It really hurts right now of course.

 

As hard as it may be, begin no contact with her right away.

[jerbear]

Very true about college, people change, different views arise. Even after graduation, both the girl and guy will have to make hard decisions.

 

Hobbies are excellent or take up a new project at work.

 

Update:

She called today and can't have romantic relationship, so NC especially when I have feelings for her.

[jcmartin86]

Thanks for advice everyone. She has yet to call me today. I'm kinda glad about it too. I keep my phone on silent, that way if she does call and I can't hear her ringtone, I won't get all excited and answer it. I figure if it's something important she'll leave a message. Althoguh I do admit I check for Missed Calls more often than I should..but it's a step.

 

I'm working on selling my truck now to get out from underneath the debt so I can start rebuilding my life a little better. It was occasionally a source of conflict in our relationship becasue of my Payment and higher than usual insurance premium. And the first time she said we needed space...around the end of November, one of the things she wanted me to do was sell the truck before we got back together. So I figure it wouldn't hurt to get myself out from underneath it best that I can and it'll show her that I'm willing to do it.

[jcmartin86]

OK, so I got off of work this morning. I worked 7 pm to 7 am. I turned on my phone and it says I have 3 voice messages. ONe left at 7:30 pm and one at 8 pm and the last left at about 4:45 am.

 

First one was rebecca saying she's calling to say hi and see how i'm doing since it was weird we haven't talked in a few days.

 

Second one was rebecca saying that she called my buddy steve to find out where I was and he told her i was at work. SHe forgot I had to work.

 

Thrid one was her saying she got into an accident (nothing major though, she's ok. car's a little beat up. it snowed.) she wanted me to come over after i got off work to see the car.

 

Wher i work is just mintues from her house. so i raced over there. I called her and had her have the door unlocked for when i get there. I pull in the drive and run up to the door without even stopping to look at the car. I wanted to make sure that she was ok, I didn't give a rats behind about the car and i told her that.

 

I found out, thoguh she didn't outright tell me, her grandma called and i heard the story and I pieced it together from the information i did get.

 

Basically she was in Madison (where she goes to school, has all these new friends and guy she just "clicked"(as she put it) with, Jamie) all day. She had school and just stayed. She hung out with jamie's friend for most of the afternoon and evening. THis Jamie guy got off work at 10pm and they hung out all night and he showed her the town and whatnot. That's why she was driving home so late. I do know though that at the moment they are just friends and not a couple. And i do know that she will not have sex with him. he's a virgin and waiting til he gets married. she just wants to wait til she gets married to do it again. she even mentioned this to me when we were together. I told her it didn't sound like a good idea then. but now i told her i would wait til marriage to have sex with her again if we got back together...i meant it

 

Why did she feel the need to call me if she's out like that? I didn't ask her that.

 

I did though explain to her that even though she wants me to be her friend, that I can't right now becasue I still have feelings for her and it wouldn't be fair to her or me. I told her that i was not going to cantact her at all. SHe didn't like the fact that I said I was going to try and get over her but she took it anyways. I told her that i was going to move on the best I could and when i got over her, then maybe we could be friends.

 

I told her i understood what she was going through...with her new surroundings and all and that I was glad that this was happening now and not later because it will only make us stronger if we get back together down the road.

 

THough I did still end up holding her and giving her a massage cuz she said her back hurt. I always give her massages, she lives for them. I said "I bet Jamie could never give you a massage like i can give. My hands are big" SHe proceeded to say that he has small hands with stubby fingers. I put her cheek in my hand and she said it fit so perfectly in my palm, like she always said. SHe did her best not to cry when we did our old "Butterfly kiss" routine (don't ask, ok since you asked..it goes Butterfly Kiss, do a butterfly kiss with your eyelashes to eachother, hump kiss, she has a cute little hump on her nose like alot of people do..i kiss it, eskimo kiss, self explanatory, real kiss, again self explanotry) and when I told her that we WILL be together someday. If it was meatn to be it will be. She almost broke down.

 

I told her my buddy was going to be taking me out tongiht but he didn't saywhere. She just said don't drin kand drive and wear protection (like she assumes i'm going to have sex) she seems genuinely concerned about something.

 

Before I left we kissed and hugged ALOT. I told her that she'll never fit so perfectly in someone's arms as she fits in mine. she was fighting back tears prety hard, me too. out of the blue she's like , Jmaie doesn't have a hairy chest. SHe loves my hairy chest...especially the part between my pecs. she used to rub it before we went to sleep. I grabbed her hand and put it there and she started crying. I said again that someday we WILL be together just not now. WE said our goodbyes, told eachother that we will miss eachother (that almost caused instant breakdown form the two of us) and then she kissed me. I said I loved her and then left.

 

as I was walking out to my car there she was again in the window, waving goodbye and blowing kisses. I tired to be strong and just get in the car and go. BUt I couldn't resist. i got in the car, started it up and then just ran to the house, the door was open before I got there and I kissed her just once with all the passion I could muster for about 5-6 seconds. Didn't say a word, just kissed, looked at her in the eyes and left. Kinda like you may see ina movie.

 

I wanted that to be that but i couldn't resist. I texted her "Hump Kiss"

she replied "Butterfly Kiss", I responded Eskimo Kiss and then she said she was going to sleep (she only got 2 hrs b4 I got there). I called her up and asked her where the Real Kiss was. SHe said Oops, I didn't even think about it. THen she said it. Not the same but oh well.

 

I said sleep good and she said she would. I told her to have fun tonight (cuz she 's going out bowling and **** or something with all of her friends from school...even Jamie) and she told me to have fun too. I told her to think of me and I would think of her (i said this earlier to her when i was there and she said she would start to cry if she thoguht of me.) and she said OK. Before we hung up she said "Real Kiss" and gave me a kiss over the phone, you know, jsut the lip smacking sound into the reciever or whatever. I gave her one back and said goodbye.

 

What surprised me was whatshe said afte that. SHe said "See you soon" in a real posotive way. she's never said see you soon unless we new we would she eachotehr soon (like after work or something) and we said bye

 

Now I do believe deep down that all this affection doesn;t mean a whole lot. it's jsut that i was there. She did say she was not over me, but was working on it. It will change when she wakes up and i'm not there i believe.

But then again it's nice for a second to thin kthat all of this does mean something. BUt this forum has helped me get more of a level head. I will NOT contact her anymore. I will let her contact me first. When i told her baout my NC she was worried that we would never talk at all, ever. So I promised her that the next time she called me I would pick it up no matterwhen it was. SO she knows she has an invitation. I'm just going to wait until she answers it. I'm not gonna give her anything.

 

I feel like a messed up a but by being more intimate than i wanted, but it did feel good. I am not getting major false hopes from this i am keeping a level head. Hopefully my not contacting her after all of this will make her a little more crazy. especially knowing that she's concerned about me having sex with someone tonight..she made me promise i wouldn't. and then gave me one of our old condoms just in case. I'm sure it will be the first thing she asks next time we talk. i'll just show her the unused condom. it'll make her happy.

I hope the idea of me out at the same time she does just drives her wild. I'm not counting on it, but i hope.

 

OK i think i'm done typing. What does everyone think? How did I do overall? How do you think it went? Anything

 

THANKS EVERYONE!

[Asometry]

"I'm not ok with how you're treating me. We're through."

 

...will get you a lot farther than,

 

"Do what you have to do, I'll wait for you."

 

You're not demanding her respect by being meek and apologetic. It sounds to me like she's looking for someone she can respect. Having said that, don't do it to get her back; do it so you can stand on your own two feet.

[WindDrifter]

Mate tell her you will do what feels right to you and she can do the same.

[newbby]

i agree. stop trying to "please her", it will not get you back together. you say in one breath you are doing nc, and in the next you say "next time we speak...". nc means NO contact. you are more likely to get back together if you do nc, but really i think you need to just accept that it IS over, for you. it takes awhile to completely get over someone, even if you are the dumper. this is what you are witnessing with her. of course she is sad, but, that doesnt mean she wants to be with you. IT IS OVER. please for your own sake begin nc immediately. youve no need to explain it to her, but, if you are worried that she will try and call you, then maybe just tell her not to, because it is over and YOU cant do this anymore.

[jcmartin86]

wow...how time flies. I had completely forgot about this. Not sure how many people come and update their thread 2 1/2 years later...maybe I'm the first??? lol

 

Anyway..UPDATE!

 

I didn't go back and read all the way through my novel to see what I had already typed...I'd just rather not go there hehe

 

Ended up getting sick of her always wanting to hang out with me and just playing mind games in general. THen she started dating one of my (now ex) friends. I had had enough and I moved an hour and a half away to live with a buddy. Best decision I ever made was getting out of town and away from Bec.

 

I ended up meeting someone after a few months in the new town and we hung out for a while and found out we had ALOT in common (waaaaaay more than Bec and I ever did and in hindsight I may have started seeing her a bit too soon...kinda rebound-ish when look back...oh well i worked out). Well....here we are two years later and still together. Aimee is awesome! We moved to a new city together so she could attend Nursing school. I'm finally going back to school (I graduated high school in '04 and playing house with Rebecca really put me under financially...only now am I able to afford to finally go. w00t!)! Things are lookin up.

 

Bec and I have just recently started talking/texting again. I basically cut her off for the better part of the last two years. Pretty much no contact at all...I never returned her messages or anythign like that. Only now am I at a point where I can correspond with her without it screwing me up...so that's good I suppose. We spent all that time together it would be kind ****ty to never talk ever again. We're cordial now...

 

So ya..anyway. Things are good! For all you out there who went through or are going through something similar to what happened to me. Fear not! Things really DO get better eventually.

 

Later!

[LucreziaBorgia]

That is a great update to your story. It goes to show that when you lose the person you think you want most, it isn't until much later that you realize that the cut that nearly killed you was the cut that freed you up to meet and be with someone who would make you much, much happier.

 

The way I see it - the people who I fretted over in the past are the people I'm most glad are out of my life.

[Corinne]

What an inspiring end

 

I am looking forward to getting there

[jcmartin86]

What an inspiring end

 

I am looking forward to getting there

 

I'm all too happy if my story can help others.

 

You'll get there. We all do.

[jcmartin86]

edit: I couldn't resist the temptation. I just went back and skimmed over some of the stuff I wrote. It's amazing how I jsut completely opened up and really revealed stuff that I normally wouldn't to anyone for any other circumstance. It's amazing how all it takes is just one person ripping you open for everything to just come pouring out in the form of tears and words. Reading back it's kind of embarassing really, some of the stuff I wrote. But it's all part of the process I guess.

[Corinne]

Don't be embarrassed, its great that Love broke you open and you were brave enough to let it in, and out

 

I bet you are a much better person for it and can love more now