Ex-Gf being very nasty and awkward

[SadHatter]

Hi guys,

 

Well me and my girlfriend broke up just a few days after Xmas. We'd been together a year.

 

Since then, we haven't really spoken apart from a couple of occasions that I have rung her. She's rung me only once in this period, at which point I was out clubbing with my friends and she seemed annoyed and commented how I had, "Moved on quickly." What that meant I don't know seeing as I was only out drinking and socialising.

 

Anyway, I realised she has one of my shirts and I still have two of her DVD's, so last night I called her and upon answering she said - in a nasty and annoyed tone, "What do you want?" I said I had this stuff and she has my shirt and I want it back, please can we arrange to exchange it.

 

She said, "OK whatever, i'll let u know when we can do it"

 

I asked, "So what have you been up to?" She said, "Nothing, is that all u want cos if so i am going". I thought why did she have to be so nasty and cold all the time? I think we can be friends, I don't see why there has to be animosity as there has been with my previous girlfriends.

 

I said, "I guess so yeah...dont wanna chat a bit? I hoped we could be mates still" and she replied, "I don't wanna be mates....I dont even like you anymore, will you get that through your thick head....leave me alone". I replied, "I am sorry but something is going on here, you never act like this, whenever we have broken up before you ring me after like two days. You're seeing someone I can tell" and she said, "No I am not." My reply: "You like someone then" and she said "If i do it has nothing to do with you."

 

This angered me a little as I thought I at least deserved the decency of her being honest. I mean, she practically lived with me and my family for the last year and they were VERY good to her. I stated this and she admitted that "OK I do like someone a lot...his name is ally, he works with me and he is 20... "I said and you're together?" She said no but she is hoping so.

 

I was angry and said we were together a year...that she said she loved me...LOVED....and two weeks later she is saying how much she hopes she can get with some other guy? She just said, "You're really p*****g me off...we can meet to excahnge this stuff, I'll let you know when....don't expect a chat, we'll exchange it and then I am going. And you're not coming to my house to get it as I don't want you coming in and if my little brother sees you he'll get all excited and it will just confuse him."

 

She added that if I rang her again she would be calling my mum and telling her that I won't stop harassing her?!

 

What makes this worse is she knows what I went through with my previous girlfriend. We were together three years and she messed me about so much towards the end...she slept with her best friend (he was male!) behind my back and then moved in with her 32-year-old boss from work (she was 18) while we were still together!!! She rang me and said sorry I really like this new guy, he's my boss, we've been seeing each other a while, I am so sorry. He's asked me to move in with him and I've said yes.

 

Yet she acts like this even though she knows I went through all that. Fair enough if she doesn't want to be with me but does she have to be so downright nasty?

 

I said to her, "I bought u a necklace for xmas with a heart on it because I love you". And she replied, "What do you want - a medal? I am never going to wear it again anyway." I askd why and she said, "Are you thick? I think you must be...because..err..we're not together anymore you thick t**t!!!!!!!"

 

So me being absoluely stupid and pathetic got upset...so pathetic and boy do I wish I didn't do that...it just kind of happened. She said, "Stop with the waterworks, it is really p*****g me off". I said, "I am sorry but it isn't waterworks, I am bloody upset, I care about you a lot" and she said, "You're 23, not 2..."

 

I asked "Why are you being so nasty?" and she said, "Because I want you to get the message....F**k OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU f*****g t**t"...nice language, eh!?

 

She said, "Anyway I am going now I can't be bothered with this. You have 10 seconds to say bye" She then proceeded to count from 10 down to 0 at which point she hung up.

 

I just don't know whether she is being genuine or she does care secretly and is just doing this to put a barrier up. She is like a 100% changed person and I HATE it. I need some advice please

[bluechocolate]

I just don't know whether she is being genuine or she does care secretly and is just doing this to put a barrier up.

 

You don't know??

 

"Because I want you to get the message....F**k OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU f*****g t**t"

 

That seems pretty clear to me. Even more so given that you say she has never acted like this before.

 

I need some advice please.

 

Post the DVD's back to her & forget about your shirt. Don't call her again.

[SadHatter]

Well if she is being genuine how is it possible to go from loving someone to not even caring one bit about them - anymore than you care about, for instance, your milkman - in the space of two weeks. I am sorry, but I don't see it...

[Toronto]

People have different ways of coping with breakups. It's rough, but some people find it easier to feel negatively about their ex as a defense mechanism. It sort of protects them from feeling vulnerable.

 

I say cut your losses and go nc before things get worse.

[Rainswept77]

My god

 

What a B***H!

 

Same thing is happening to me, I don't understand it either.

Reading your post made me angry

 

Don't worry some day the tables will turn, she'll get hers.

Don't feel embarssed that you cried, Her heart is empty. Her heart is shallow

Please don't ever change, Don't become anything like her.

Thats when they really win. Just take this Winter as time to heal.

come back in the spring and kick ass, you will be reborn.

 

~RS77

[Yamaha]

Her feelings have turned negative towards you. She still cares but do you really want to be with someone who behaves this way? She is bitter and wants to hurt you. I would advise you to leave her alone as she may become unstable and call the law if you persist.

 

You don't need her in your life.

[CaliGuy]

Dude, she is a head case. The best thing that could have happened to you is this breakup.

 

My ex was kind of like that as well. Not in the sense of being rude, but just confused and utterly lost.

[SadHatter]

What makes this more weird is that I broke up with her about three months ago and she kept texting me and ringing me saying she loved me so much and couldn't live without me. How she couldn't face life without me etc.

 

And now suddenly to not care at all is completely bizarre. I guess it is because she likes this other guy?

[CaliGuy]

What makes this more weird is that I broke up with her about three months ago and she kept texting me and ringing me saying she loved me so much and couldn't live without me. How she couldn't face life without me etc.

 

And now suddenly to not care at all is completely bizarre. I guess it is because she likes this other guy?

Probably. Best thing you can do now is to implement NC and let go.

 

If she comes back, it was meant to be. If not you will find someone else.

[SadHatter]

OK guys well update...surprise surprise I found out tonight that she is seeing someone...has been for a few days (more like since we split I reckon) and...these are things that are so hard to take...she has been staying overnight at his and he's already been introduced to her family. Two weeks ago I was the love of her life and now she's with him? And to top it all off, last night, when I told her how I felt and poured my heart out...she was with him at his!! And she let me carry on talking like that while he was next to her! I cannot believe she did that. She said they had a big row afterwards because he doesn't want her talking to me. I said well thanks, after I've always been there for you, you do that. We were together a year and two weeks later she is staying overnight at some guys??? talk about move on fast...I am heartbroken...it was such a stupid, petty argument that we broke up over, I haven't even looked at another girl. I thought we would resolve this - we always do. Please help guys, I feel AWFUL and am crying

[CaliGuy]

OK guys well update...surprise surprise I found out tonight that she is seeing someone...has been for a few days (more like since we split I reckon) and...these are things that are so hard to take...she has been staying overnight at his and he's already been introduced to her family. Two weeks ago I was the love of her life and now she's with him? And to top it all off, last night, when I told her how I felt and poured my heart out...she was with him at his!! And she let me carry on talking like that while he was next to her! I cannot believe she did that. She said they had a big row afterwards because he doesn't want her talking to me. I said well thanks, after I've always been there for you, you do that. We were together a year and two weeks later she is staying overnight at some guys??? talk about move on fast...I am heartbroken...it was such a stupid, petty argument that we broke up over, I haven't even looked at another girl. I thought we would resolve this - we always do. Please help guys, I feel AWFUL and am crying

One word, my friend: REBOUND.

[LN8840K]

she was with him at his!! And she let me carry on talking like that while he was next to her!

 

I know often times I like my girlfriend talking to their ex's, it makes it even better when it's in my house, I am next to her and he is confessing his love for her ....

and usually I wait to fight with her when they get off the phone, so as not to disturb their phone call

 

show me a man that would let the above happen and I will show you a man that

 

(a) does not care about the girl

(b) is a flat out pussy, that she does not respect one bit

 

c'mon man don't fall for her bullshiyat, she's trying to piss you off and she's done it .... she obviously wants to hurt you, you going to let her keep doing it ?

[SadHatter]

I know mate. I just can't believe she thinks so little of me. It hurts - really hurts. Two weeks ago it was Xmas and we were exchanging presents, now there's a new guy in her life? What the hell is going on?

[LN8840K]

She's playing you man, probably does not even have a boyfriend ....... she's hurt and wants you to feel every bit of the pain she's feeling ....trust me, stop contact and she won't hurt you anymore .....

 

I bet she hates her daddy, either way she does care, now let her go

[CaliGuy]

I know mate. I just can't believe she thinks so little of me. It hurts - really hurts. Two weeks ago it was Xmas and we were exchanging presents, now there's a new guy in her life? What the hell is going on?

 

Dude. It's been two weeks. They're moving at a lightning pace. All that tells you is it's a GUARANTEED REBOUND. Never let a relationship go at a fast pace because it's sure to crash just as fast.

 

Don't focus on them man, that's just counter-productive. Focus on yourself, your needs, excercising, hanging out with friends, your hobbies, etc. You can not heal if you're stuck in the past. It is what it is and there's nothing you can do to change it.

 

Let it go.

 

It's hard, I know. It's not easy to do. I struggle with it at times but I also know that when I think about her I am living in the past and allowing resentment and anger to control me. Then I just think about Angelina Jolie for a few minutes and all is good

[LOVEYOURSELF]

what happened to you is almost the same as what happened to me. My ex became so nasty . He wanted to hurt me , he used all strong words, blamed for everything , even blamed me for his lies. He was cold n flipped all his words. So, i understand how u feel. It really hurts i know and u feel like got hammered on your chest ... feel like crying n dying.

 

you're so hurt but on the other hand , u still miss her a lot. i know the feeling is really s*ck . after the last moment he talked very nasty to me, i never called him until now and i will never ever call him ,whatever happens. becoz i know he will hurt me again. so it is the same for your case, dont let her contact you. I have forgiven her although sometimes i feel angry to him but i keep on saying to my self loudly that "i wont think abt this anymore, it is over, i forgive him ".

 

i agree with Caliguy , dont let anger n resentment hinder you to move forward.becoz you never know , that there is opportunity for happiness everyday. it starts from inside you . so dont let your ex ruin your life. u deserve better person.

 

motivate your self. k ?

[SadHatter]

Hi,

 

The relationship was very volatile...mainly from her side. She had a few problems and I have tried so hard to help her with those problems. I spoilt her so much for Xmas, I got myself into debt buying her presents, one of which was an expensive necklace with a heart on it. I even spent Xmas day evening at her house with her family and we exchanged presents. She was really happy about this.

 

My family are really glad this is over because they said she wasn't right for me and was too volatile, but it doesn't change the way I am feeling - it is easy for them to say.

 

I cannot get my head around the fact that two weeks later she is with someone else and is telling me she is staying with him and doesn't want to know me anymore. He's told her that he doesn't want her talking to me anymore and she is letting him??

 

She said that this guy knows all about the problems me and her had and has always been there for her. She said she's known him for two years now (they work together) and he'll look after her. I said so would I and she said its over and I asked why we can't try again and she just hung up on me. She even told me that tonight she is staying at his. How am I supposed to go out with my friends (as planned) and not think about that? It makes me sick to the stomach, I don't want her with anyone else and its making me ill and she doesnt even seem to care. Why doesn't she care how much this is affecting me? Did she ever love me?

[memes]

SadHatter

 

this is a rather interesting situation.

 

you have been posting on two different forums.

 

You also "forgot" to mention on this forum that YOU dumped her.

 

That changed the whole point of view.

 

Despite the nastiness, it is understandable that if YOU dumped her, she would not appreciate YOU giving her an inquisition about her love life.

 

It is NOT your business.

 

And do read what people write as well, because they are trying to help you.

[ICE_MOUNTAIN]

i bet her relationship with the new kid will not last long . dude, dont be sad for such a **** like her. becoz she has problem man! I bet! even they get together or let say get marriage ( it just an example .. i can sense you freak out) , it will end shortly. i am sure abt it. n by the time that relationship end, she will think abt you. but dont comeback to her ! u want to get her left-over ? u deserve better gal.

She is someone who isnt able to stay single , she has personality prob. dont waste your time

 

my ex was very mean too the moment we broke up. very nasty . abt the same as what your ex did. the different thing was he didnt mention any gal . but his words, his attitude was very different , v. cold and v.nasty.

From that moment , i made promise that i would never ever be with him again. No matter what happens in the future. and i wouldnt contact him, unless someone put gun infront of me n forced me to call him .

sometimes i feel sad when i think abt my ex, but i will not contact him . n U SHOULDN'T ! dont hurt your self even more !

 

dude, dont bother her... ( i read your story, i feel for you and so fed up with your ex ) . i understand how u feel.. i have been there... the only thing to help your self (thats the only thing u need... HELP YOUR SELF ) ... GET RID OF HER .. NEVER CONTACT HER... you will find a gal who is ten times better than her.

 

btw... anybody agree with me .. ?

[SadHatter]

I am reading what people write mate. It is just hard. And there was a reason that I dumped her - which I don't want to go into but my reasons were totally justified.

 

People also don't know that she must have dumped me about 10 times during the relationship and I always took her back because I love her...yes, I am stupid.

 

It is easy for people to say ignore someone and forget about this but how can you when you love someone????? For instance tonight, I now know she's going to be spending the night at his. That is going to make me feel great.

[bluechocolate]

It is easy for people to say ignore someone and forget about this but how can you when you love someone?????

 

Just because it's easy to say doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. You cannot control her or her feelings, you can however take control of your own, which doesn't mean denying them - grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change.

 

And there was a reason that I dumped her - which I don't want to go into but my reasons were totally justified.

 

As far as I'm concerned you being the dumper puts a slightly different spin on this. Or it could be that she really resents you now for taking some control (if she has always been the only one to do the dumping, that is).

 

People also don't know that she must have dumped me about 10 times during the relationship....

 

10 times in one year! That's like an average of once every 6 weeks!! Sounds to me like this relationship was doomed to fail regardless or who said what or who dumped who.

 

Just concentrate on all that was negative in this relationship (it certainly doesn't sound like it was all that healthy) - that should help you get over it a bit quicker.

[SadHatter]

Thanks bluechocolate. I really accept those words of wisdom

 

It wasn't so much that I dumped her, but that we had a big argument because I stood up for myself for once. I always used to give in to her so as to avoid an argument. This time she stormed out and I didn't hear from her since. This was just after Xmas.

 

I rang her New Years Eve at midnight to say Happy New Year and she was at a house party. She said that her new years resolution was to, "Give me up" and all her friends went, "Waaaaaheeeeeeey". I felt awful. Humiliated.

 

Yet for some reason I still find myself missing her...a lot...and I can't believe she's moved on so quick. I didn't actually dump her, we argued and I waited for her to call...she didnt...she probably waited for me to call...I didn't. And now we're here.