Ezydriver Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Yesterday I went for a walk, a good hours brisk walk, this is highly recommended for lifting the spirits, later on I went out for a (non alcoholic) drink with a friend and talked about other issues, I was temporarily distracted by life, my mind was off my ex in a bigger way than yet experienced, it was a true 'hallelujah' evening, however, I woke this morning and feel so down again, I cried too, something which I seem to do every day still, especially when I get up. I've been split up for 7 weeks from my ex, no contact for 4 weeks, the contact I did have was 1 text after 2 weeks, and 1 phonecall a week later, both from her, thats it. This is so hard, everybody says "you've got to do things for yourself" and "discover new interests" but its so difficult, I've always been in a relationship and part of what gave my life meaning was having someone close and special to share my interests and experiences and days with. It all seems so pointless doing things just for myself, I get no enjoyment. I miss the tender touch of human contact, a cuddle in bed, hair stroking, a meaningful gaze into each others eyes, I really want to share those moments with my ex again, it really does feel that it'll never be the same with anybody else, that those feelings that I had with her could never be provoked by someone else, I feel empty and sick thinking that I will never 'click' with someone again, when I met her it was one of those 'walk round a corner and there she was' moments, we were both instantly attracted to each other, its an unusual and rare experience and can't be beaten. Its only ever happened to me just that once. I don't really know why I'm writing this post, I think I just needed to get it all off my chest, is it possible to feel anger at things other than my ex? I don't think I'll ever feel anger at her, but I'd like to feel anger at 'life' and feel that 'I refuse to let this get to me' and therefore feel that 'sargeant major' type anger, which will kick start me into proper recovery and a new perspective on life. Do people feel this type of anger, other than for their ex? Steve. Link to post Share on other sites
lauraandbrats Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Yes just the same as you and only 40 miles down road in oxford gave it all 4 love lost it all 2 nuffin so she says im not even worth a 10p txt now after giving her and her boys £500 pounds worth of xmas treats didnt even get a xmas card paid her rent arrears £160 and she moved out of our flat ive just been taken for a ride bigtime time 2 give up on her spent £150 on calls and txts I m finding it HARD real HARD but if she ent txting or doing nowt for me now i cant do no more 4 her Its just a shame what started SO good and unreal ended like this would love to b just friends she dont even want that NOW Just seems she has no feelings 4 me no more unless money involved Give up till JUNE mayb by then she will c im GENIUNE 2 her like i am and i realy dont no if she got anybody else sure she has but she says no LIE How can sum 1 with so much feeling 4 me just do this Pass and boy she did everything for me Bath drinks gifts brought me a car said she never want anything back ever 2 weeks after she kicked me txt bout money with a kiss had to give her £1200 pounds back which i gave her Even brought her Timberlands b4 xmas as atreat no thanks Just be strong if it was meant to be you would still have her like me and YES IT DOES HURT LOADS Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ezydriver Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 Oxford? thats where I had my first panic attack while I was coming down to M40 towards the A34 junction one night. Thinking back it wasn't love, I knew she wasn't 'THE ONE', I always knew this, this is why its strange that I should be so hung up, however, I really miss her style, her quirky ways, her sense of humour, her way of doing things, its like I'm a bit obsessed, I miss hearing of her life experiences, her tastes, her music, listening to how her day went, I think its just infatuation as I never deeply loved her, I wanted to spend every moment with her, got moody if I wasn't with her, this may have been what drove her away, but she was emotionally unavailable anyway, I was never going to win her affections, no matter how I acted. I would have been d.amned if I did and d.amned if I didnt. Its just that I miss her embrace, her touch, she did have a side like this, yet she also had many bad qualities, a 'not very nice' side, sort of not qenuine in a lot of ways. I don't know, its hard to get my head round, how can you miss someone so much, and be so upset and depressed when you knew full well that they weren't the one? that you were never going to be with them for ever? that you didn't want to be? I think as I said, its infatuation and addiction, but this is equally hard to get over, as nobody compares on the 'style' side of things, nobody could ever sit the way she does, or have the same 'lighted up' eyes, or laugh in the same way. I know it sounds barmy, but I'm still really hooked on her ways and style. If anybody could explain whats going on inside my head, or why I'm feeling this bad when it was never actually LOVE, or if anybody has had the same experience as me please share your thoughts, I hate feeling alone with this, it feels that everybody talks of lost love, but she never really loved me either, even though she said she did, looking back I definitely know she didn't. Thank you, Steve. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 yes, but maybe the anger is misdirected. my anger was at him, but i took it out on other aspects of my life because i couldn;t handle being angry with him because it didn;t achieve anything anyway. it is really hard when you miss the tender connection, the hugs and stuff, the intimate moments etc. they are magical and make us feel so wonderful. the grief over a lost relationship is like getting over a death. the process of grief includes anger, denial, depression, crying, or just prolonged melancholy. there is a big empty space where this love once stood. the daily tears are pretty normal. i've been there. and getting no enjoyment out of other apsects of life -- that's part of the depression. exercise is good, altho when you are feeling down it's a huge effort to get out there. when you break up after a serious relationship, you will naturally redefine who you are. it's like staring into the mirror and taking a new look at yourself. 7 weeks after a breakup isn't long. and it's scary. being alone takes time to get used to. it is worthwhile acknowledging your grief. can you try and compartmentalise it? allow yourself to grieve for a finite time, then get on with your day and do something good for yourself. i found that helped. keeping busy, adding new projects, new goals into your life helps as well. some say time heals all wounds. it's what you do with the time that counts. Link to post Share on other sites
lauraandbrats Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Steve me and you r the same on this 1 no the 34 junction well just down the road from me Ive thought it was love 2 couldnt have been love dont just go whooooooosh The week i got kicked out she brought me a new NOKIA 7250i tuesday a car £200 whist my 206 was in garage wednesday Thursday was her birthday got her £100 gold necklace Friday for sum reason i was HISTORY Why i will never no But it hurts big time even after 9 weeks has she made any effort to sort it out in that time NO realy says it all i think Not saying it wont cum back 1 day but whats the point waiting now Where ever i go i have memories what hurt i havent driving my 206 since just stripped all the parts wheels grilles and all the bits i spent on for EBAY so had the money£500 for her xmas treats what a waste of time that was Shes changed so much against me didnt even get happy new year txt CANT even txt me now txt her 2day 2 txt me no reply what goes in her head ent got me 1 bit This girl had all the time in the world for me in the summer mayb i didnt show her the love she wanted she left her parents house at 30 years old i left 3 kids and my house 4 her and that LOVE who lost in the long run ME I no she has no feeling 4 me anymore never mind thats the true girl coming out in her no feeling no nuffin 4 me Link to post Share on other sites
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