RecordProducer Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 ...And this time it's over between us. We actually scheduled the wedding for tomorrow, Nov. 24th and just today he changed his mind. In the last few days, I asked him many times if he's sure about this and he said "yes." I figured that something was wrong, given that he forgot to bring the rings or a suit for the wedding; he didn't bring any present for me either, and hadn't proposed to me yet (he did only unofficially on the phone about a weak ago). So I told him it was okay if he changed his mind now, I wouldn't break up with him. But he made me invite two friends as witnesses and schedule everything just to change his mind one day prior to the wedding! That was unacceptable and I don't want to be with him ever again. He even came to my kids' school (together with his twin brother) to parade there, he met their teacher too. That's so embarrassing! He made a fool out of me in front of everyone. For months he has been telling me that he wanted to be with me forever, that I was the love of his life, that he loved my children who also loved him so much and are now broken-hearted. We had a wonderful relationship and nothing particular caused this sudden turn. He said I am a great and wonderful women (that's the only thing he didn't lie about! ) and that it wasn't my fault. He also told me the first time that it had nothing to do with my kids as they are great children and he loved them (that I don't believe!). And they adored him. But now they are disappointed and angry with him. They asked me why he decided not to marry me and how can he not know why or not be sure about it. I didn't know what to tell them except that some people pretend to be good, but they are not. I asked them if they were mad at me too and they said "no." I insisted to do all the paperwork AFTER he proposes to me, but he wanted to have the papers done first so I let him do it his way. Obviously he didn't worry much about my feelings. He is a selfish and inconsiderate. I am devastated, but most of all, I am humiliated and ashamed. I hate him and never want to hear from him again. I told him it's over and that he will never see me again. He chose that option. His whole explanation was that he wasn't sure so he shouldn't do it. I told him to better be sure about never seeing me again, because that's what he will get. He obviously liked that option. On top of all, he had the nerve to tell me that he loves me and that there was no doubt about that. He probably thinks I am an idiot. But he is the idiot for losing me, because he will never find a woman like me again, he knows that already. As my friend said: "When you love someone, there is nothing that can stop you from being with them and you cannot be unsure about whether to be or not to be with that person!" Wise girl. In any case, I am happy he showed his real face now and not later. He is disrespectful towards me and my family (otherwise he wouldn't be such an a**h*** to all of us - he also tried to fool my mom and my ex-husband); he is unreliable (his word means less than dog's sh*t); he is a liar and pretender (he lied to me about his feelings and intentions), he is indecisive (I like strong and decisive men who chase after me, I hate whimps); he is selfish and insensitive (he doesn't care how I feel now and didn't respect my desire to propose first, but made me schedule everything first) and most of all this proves that he doesn't love me! So there is no space for him in my heart or life anymore. I hate liars!!! He (I mean the image of his pretending) was obviously too good to be true - he just wasn't what he represented himself to be. He doesn't deserve a woman like me. I wrote this to let you know what happened and perhaps some of you can learn something from my experience. You are welcome to bash him as much as you want (it will be music to my ears). You don't have to console me that he probably loved me or that he will come around. No, thanks, I definitely don't want this liar back in my life ever again! I also know now that he didn't love me. Even if he would propose to me now or beg me to be with him, he could change his mind after 5 minutes. Or even worse, I would move to another continent with both my children and he would kick us out after a few days or weeks just because he wouldn't be sure he made the right decision (as another of my friends said: it's better that he did it now than later). If I can't trust someone, I can't be with him. Period. I can't be with someone whose word means nothing. I want to know that I am loved, not live in fear of being dumped (my ex-husband left me after I gave birth to our two sons so I am kinda traumatized when it comes to this matter). But really, what comes around, goes around. Anyone who rejects happiness deserves to be unhappy. Soon enough I will get over and be ready to love again. Case closed. Link to post Share on other sites
bunnzy Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Kia kaha is maori for 'be strong' its my family motto, and i think you personify it. You have a great grip on reality, give fantastic feedback on all posts ive ever read of yours, you have a sensible and mature perspective on life and i respect that. You deserve better than him, and when you meet the right man he will be respectful of you and your wonderful opinions, he will be straightforward, honest and reliable you will always believe what he says, he will be so sincere and never make promises he cannot keep, he will be strong, and know what he wants, he will put you first and be emphatetic to your needs and then you will be glad that you didnt marry this guy. I respect you RP. That is the greatest compliment i can give anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikita20 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Wow!! That is horrible. He did this to you TWICE? Something sounds fishy. Do you think he is involved with someone else? Or, is it the plain fact, "He's just not into you." I don't know why this man won't commit. He must be brain damaged because you are a beautiful intelligent woman. You are doing the right thing--moving on and leaving him in the dust. Forget about him--he isn't worth your time and energy. I think he would have to move major mountains to win your love back, but at the rate that he's going all he has moved is a grain of sand. In the meantime, I'm sorry that you had to go through this. Hang in there. At least you have your twin boys and family to cheer you up and support you. And you have us fellow LSers to support you as well. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 You deserve better than him, and when you meet the right man ... you will be glad that you didnt marry this guy. You are so right! Thank you so much for all the compliments and encouragement, they really mean a lot to me. I know a better guy will show up, but tomorrow when I wake up, the first thing I will remember is this nightmare that I am waking up into. And that will hurt so much. I am surprised I am hanging on well and don't cry (except once or twice). And most of all I don't feel the urge to call him or go back to the hotel to see him. I just want him out of my life and that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 What a jerk! His loss. This gives you the opportunity to meet someone who really does want to commit. I don't understand what his problem is. I am so glad that you are taking it as well as you are. More power to you RP. We are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 Something sounds fishy. Do you think he is involved with someone else? Or, is it the plain fact, "He's just not into you." I don't know about the former (it's possible), but I am certain about the letter. I don't know why this man won't commit. He must be brain damaged because you are a beautiful intelligent woman. Ooohhhh, thanks. You are doing the right thing--moving on and leaving him in the dust. Forget about him--he isn't worth your time and energy. I agree. Thank you. I think he would have to move major mountains to win your love back, but at the rate that he's going all he has moved is a grain of sand. There are no mountains he can move to win my love back! Thanks for your support, everyone. Yes, I have my wonderful children and parents, a few friends who support me and console me and quite a few good online friends. I dag out all my old friends and now I really feel much better. Plus I have my dancing and dancing partner too. What a jerk! Good description! His loss. This gives you the opportunity to meet someone who really does want to commit. I don't understand what his problem is. I am so glad that you are taking it as well as you are. More power to you RP. We are here for you. Riddler, thanks for your kind words. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Your initial post sounds exactly like my ex. She could have wrote the paragraph with all the bold words. She was always wrong about me, but she protected herself that way. Seems like pretty much everything reminds me of her lately. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Sorry to hear the sad news. Just stay strong for your kids. On the bright side, at least you have some new material for your next album. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 It's kind of disheartening to warn people about things, be ignored, and see the things you warned them about come to pass. Nonetheless, while it's an unfortunate experience, hopefully you'll learn from it and be better able to screen out such people in the future. In the meantime, I highly recommend you Google 'How to Survive the Loss of a Love'. It's a free online book that's quite good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 It's kind of disheartening to warn people about things, be ignored, and see the things you warned them about come to pass. Oh, and it's certainly disheartening to play with somebody's misery! You are obviously more concerned about your own advice (whatever it was beofre) than to help me. This forum exists to help people not to give them a hard time, which you're obviously trying to. You don't drill in people's wounds, you know? I am telling you this because I want to help you be a better person. If you're like this with everyone then nobody will ever appreciate your help. Nobody likes insensitive and self-centered people. Westernexter, thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Oh Record Producer - he is so not worthy! You showed true faith trust and love when he pulled this the first time - he is an a$$. Don't you just wish all these guys would come with a big fat warning label sticking out of their heads?! Personally I think you need to do something totally fun and just for you and your kids! Is it time for a vacation perhaps? My heart reaches out to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 Oh Record Producer - he is so not worthy! You showed true faith trust and love when he pulled this the first time - he is an a$$. Yes, he indeed isn't worthy! And he responded to my faith, trust, and love with major betrayal. Don't you just wish all these guys would come with a big fat warning label sticking out of their heads?! Their heads are too small for that. Perhaps the list their issues could fit on their backs... if you write really small letters! Personally I think you need to do something totally fun and just for you and your kids! Is it time for a vacation perhaps? I will probably go on a nice vacation (somewhere warm) in January and visit my dad and granparents for a few days too. But right now I have my kids, dancing, and friends to make my life fun and nice. I will also continue working on my music more thoroughly. My heart reaches out to you!Thank you, honey! Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 I know you and I don't always see eye to eye but I wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry for what happened. You're a strong person and you'll be back on your feet in no time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 I know you and I don't always see eye to eye but I wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry for what happened. You're a strong person and you'll be back on your feet in no time.Thanks, JS17. You are one of my favorite posters, by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 All I'm hoping, RP, is that to save yourself in future you might consider listening to people who try to help you. You said you wouldn't take him back last time but you did and I worry you might again. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Rp.. Sorry to hear the news.. He sounds like a jerk.. Chin up and post if you need us.. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 RP....that's just too bad...what a sorry a**. Pathetic, that's what he is. You know, I was having a really bad day myself, even thinking of posting something (although I rarely post about my ex-relationship now). And just before I logged in to LS, I was actually thinking that hey - I have survived. Sometimes it's still impossibly difficult, even after 6 months - but I am getting on. Some day I am going to make myself proud. RP, I see something faintly familiar in your relationship - especially the thing about him being in another country. Somehow, these kinds of people prefer to remain at a distance - they're happier that way. They choose not to be with the person they "love" (or think they love). It's classic - he started a relationship with you - someone who is beautiful and has an engaging mind - and yet he will choose not to be with you. Anyway...just wanted to tell you that you are being very courageous right now. Stay that way....more strength to you! *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 RP.... I am so, so sorry that you have been hurt by this inconsiderate ars*hole... Stay strong, and keep your head held high, like I know you will. Intelligent and beautiful women are too much for lesser men to handle. The right man will treat you as you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 All I'm hoping, RP, is that to save yourself in future you might consider listening to people who try to help you. You said you wouldn't take him back last time but you did and I worry you might again. Outcast, I am sorry, I was very upset last night. Thanks for being worried , but this time NO! I am not taking him back under any circumstances. He is like Jupiter - a beautiful, colorful planet, but no place to stand on it, because it's all made of cold and toxic gas. Arty, ThisTooShallPass, and Littlekitty, thank you for your support and compliments. It means a lot to me. You guys are so sweet to me! Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Can't say any more than everyone else has for your RP. This just really sucks, but I know you will pull through with flying colors and there will be something better on the flip side. Take your time and regroup! Love your boys, enjoy the holidays, and make 2006 YOUR year! Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Hi RP, just got home, logged in and saw your post. Funy thing I thought about you quite a few times today while at work. I was wondering how things are going as I knew he's with you and I thought you're spending your time in much better ways than on LS... but the thought of PM you to say hi and ask for news wouldn't leave me....and I just saw your post, my heart sank for you! I am so sorry, was hoping for good news. but as you said, better to know now than later, seems like the peacock is starting to show true colours. you are a wonderful person, don't let him bring you down. Be strong and keep yourself for someone who truly deserves you! here for you anytime :love: hugs, hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 RP--this is actaully Beth5201 and you have supported me endlessly....just wanted to say I am thinking of you and you may not know it yet, but one day you will look back on this day and be so glad that you did not go thru with it....otherwise you would never have met the wonderful man you are going to meet down the road! I promise...you are a great girl.....he does not deserve you. I know you are heartbroken, but you have to beleive that this happened so that you can find the prize in store for you! Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 RP, I'm sorry to hear of this - I can appreciate how humiliated you feel. What an idiot he is. You know I had an ex JUST like him. We lived in different countries for a while, he blew hot and cold, he wooed me like a mad man, I went to live with him and he just could not commit. Some guys want a relationship that's at arm's length - that's all they can handle. I know your heart and your pride will be hurting but you are probably better off without him. I wasted nearly 6 years of my youth with my idiot!! Jeez, what a waste of a time when I was young and attractive:laugh: Some people just feed off others like leeches but never give anything back. I am most sorry that your kids feel angry and let down. Make sure they know it has NOTHING to do with them. Kids can blame themselves for the wierdest things. As everyone here has said: you are a VERY positive, beautiful person with so much going for you. He didn't deserve you. Be warned though - he will be back! I would guess he will have an amazing story for why he couldn't go through with it. Keep strong! Syl Link to post Share on other sites
Kengne Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 OMG RP I'm so sorry. All I can say is 'and this too shall pass.' I know you will survive this, and go on to find a better man who is worthy of you. Good luck! K. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 RP, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know what it's like to be on the wrong end while someone keeps changing their mind about you and it sucks. I know you're strong, but please don't expect too much from yourself over the coming days and months. Allow yourself the opportunity to grieve. Link to post Share on other sites
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