Lied to, Betrayed, Used and Cheated on.

[Ravenlocks]

I'm in so much pain right now.

 

Just several days ago, I did the most humiliating thing I could possibly do for myself.

 

My then bf just came back from his 2-week vacation. I was so excited and so relieved that he was back. He said he'd give me a call while he was there, but didn't. But that's okay. He said he was busy so I believe him. I drove to work.. waited for him to get home (my workplace is close to wear he lives).. couldn't wait any longer, so I drove home.. only to come driving all the way back when he called. I met up with him and I sensed something was different -- he was very distant and he was insulting me. In fact, he called me fat. At that time, I didn't care. He could have called me anything and I would have took it.

 

 

 

I went home feeling really bad about the comment so I emailed him. He's done things before that was mean and insensitve so I put that all in an email. The tone of the email was of hurt, anger, desperation and pain. Then in the end, I wrote he should treat me like a decent human being or I"ll leave. I don't hear from him for a day and a half(I've checked and rechecked my cell phone every 5 minutes. I think I drove myself mad doing that). I finally couldn't take it anymore and called him.. and called him.. and called.. and called. I don't know how many calls I've made just that day alone. But he never picked up (and he's attached to his cell phone). I called his house, his cell. I text messaged him. Finally, he messaged back with "Goodbye." Saturday morning. He chose not to be with me than change his ways.

 

 

 

So what I did has to be the lowest most humiliating thing I've done. At 7am in the morning, I ran out of the house, drove to his place, snuck into his apartment and cried in front of his closed door. He wouldn't let me in. I was begging and pleading. I banged on his door. All the while, his neighbours were going in and out of their apartment giving me weird looks. But I didn't care. I wanted him back. So for an hour and half, I was doing that. Crying and begging. I don't have many friends, and the ones I do have, I'm way too embarassed to tell them what I was doing.

 

 

To wrap this up, I eventually found out he cheated. In fact, he was cheating all along. I should have seen it. No actually, I saw all the signs. See but not see. I was at his beckon call. I was there for him. He calls me and I go running. He wants to talk? I"m there. He calls. I pick up right away. But all that time.. he was with someone else. I'm so stupid that I even repressed the fact I heard a girl's voice during my hysterical door banging incident. I wouldn't believe it. He always 'worked' late. He kept calling at odd hours.. always asking if I'M with somoene else continuously.. and every little thing that I noticed but refused to see.. all prove that he was cheating. I can't believe I could be so blind.

 

 

 

The problem I have now is, I can't stop thinking about him. Even though I hate what he's done, a small part of me wants him to come back.. I want things the way they were where he calls me and tells me about his day. I want him to love me again. Just before he went on vacation, he told me he loved me and we talked about the future together. The first time he told me he loved me was when he was drunk... I should have known then.

 

Right now, my heart aches. I don't want to sound all dramatic but it's this piercing pain that I can't get rid of and I constantly feel like crying.

[Brittanyjean06]

i have humilated my self sooo many times with similar things that you did, its hard not to ...when your in love or love someone you do crazy crazy things....i know the SHARp pain that you feel...haziness to???

 

 

you shouldent call him any more, or try to be with him...even if he does still love you look what he did...look what a two timer he is...men can love you, but do horrible horrible things that just seem out of this world? it doesnt make sence how people can be so heartless but we all are different...and the betrayl and lying.......i know that pain:( it makes you so paranoid and just so yucky inside.....because love is blind...you see this person for how your heart wants to see him..

 

just be strong, we all go through this one time in our life....and your just not ment to be with him....when you love someone as crazy as this sounds.....but no matter what they do to you....people will always take them back( some will not)....why? because you love them...but you cant do that because you dont deserve that at all...

 

dont beg, dont text, dont call.....you will regret that later on too.....im sorry your going through this:(

[lostinmyself]

Love does crazy things to people, but don't let that interfere with the knowledge of what he did to you. I was once in a similar situation and it hurt like hell when I confirmed that his 'girlfriends' weren't just friends.

 

My 'take it or leave it' advice: Cry, scream and yell all you want....just not at him, to him or anywhere near him. Don't call, don't text, erase his messages and his phone numbers, don't even acknowledge his existance. You can even write him a letter telling him what you think of him....just tear it up or burn it when you're done. When you are finished, pick yourself up and move on. Go out with your friends, meet new people, do new things.

 

I know this sounds hard if not impossible now, but eventually the pain will ease and you will wake up one day wondering why you were so upset in the first place. Everyone is different, it only took me three months to get over him. Sometimes it's longer, sometimes not. Be patient and don't be hard on yourself for the way things turned out. You'll make it, we all do.....

[Tiny]

Some good advice above, I know how your pain feels too, and I feel for you This guy is a real piece of sh*t, please try not to give him the pleasure, of seeing any more of your pain by contacting him.

 

I hope you find someone deserving of your love soon, take care and best wishes.

 

Tiny

[mini696]

He has been a complete jerk to you. He even for some reason thought that by ignoring you it would be easier for him to break up with you. He wasn't honest and he has had no respect for your feelings.

 

Right now you are probably missing the "idea" of him, you miss having the boyfriend part of him, and not all this crap he has put you through.

 

I'm sorry I have no advice, but I think you should NOT try to get him back, just do NC because he doesn't deserve to be made to feel good by you begging for him back.

[NoFaith05]

I don't know about not sending that letter. I think I disagree. If you want to write a letter or email telling the jerk what you think of him, then go ahead and do it. My ex betrayed me- left me for another guy, then lied about it. Once I found out the truth, after being so understanding and graceful during the break-up, I let her have it. I don't think people like this should be allowed to get away with their crimes. I didn't do any begging for her back. I basically told her that she's a horrible person, and doesn't deserve to be happy. It felt pretty good actually. It made her all upset and angry, and it ruined her day. I felt no sorrow for her. After all, she has ruined the last 3 months of my life.

[cynicalnlove]

I don't know about not sending that letter. I think I disagree. If you want to write a letter or email telling the jerk what you think of him, then go ahead and do it. My ex betrayed me- left me for another guy, then lied about it. Once I found out the truth, after being so understanding and graceful during the break-up, I let her have it. I don't think people like this should be allowed to get away with their crimes. I didn't do any begging for her back. I basically told her that she's a horrible person, and doesn't deserve to be happy. It felt pretty good actually. It made her all upset and angry, and it ruined her day. I felt no sorrow for her. After all, she has ruined the last 3 months of my life.

 

Oh wow, this is such a horrible story. I know how that feels like, and I can understand. I agree with NO Faith. Send that evil letter telling him that he's a piece of sh--t. It's not the mature thing to do, but it feels soooo good. And right now, thats all that should matter to you. After that, dissappeare - and be a better person. He doesn't deserve you anyway.

[Brittanyjean06]

i wrote my ex a letter...it wasnt telling him what a peice of *hit he is...because im sure he and everyone else already knows that.......but i did say my good bye,( not begging)...and how i would have always been there.......and that you messed up so bad-and cant take it back------ blah blah and put the 300 dollar rings he gave me in there.......i dont where them any way? and plus i rather where something like a class ring that i will appreciate one day:)

[Wintersbloom]

We all feel humiliated when/if the one in our lives all of the sudden rejects us. Even when we feel them slipping away we tend to compinsate for their loss of emotional commitment by increasing our own. Placing us in a more vulnerable position than before. We see/feel the sings but do not want to accept them as we do not want to loose the relationship we "feel" we could/should be having. Often times, we take the blame upon ourselves, making us that much less attractive to anyone. "It must be my fault, maybe I am fat"...we all love confident partners. Once we've decided that we are going to make this relationship work, that we are willing to do anything to make ourselves more deserving of the love & attention our partner is harboring from us...it is extremely difficult to look at this relationship "rationally". We have every right to feel indignant, that we were treated unjustly, without respect, to feel our best efforts were not enough, and so many other things. But, if we look at the relationship like (star trek) Spock might, and just analize it without emotion...it is easier to see from the outside. How we deserve to be treated soooo much better. How this this person does not deserve even a sparkling of the emotions and effort we have invested. Dr. Laura asks us to ask...Is this person (as they are today) someone you would like your son/daughter to be in a relationship with? If the answer to that question is No, then possibly we need to evaluate what has caused us to feel we are less deserving. It is normal to feel resentment and to possibly do things we find humiliating...we often view our relationships with rose colored glasses...see the "dream" or perspective of our relationship we have created. If there is anything anyone has said to me....................it would be...It's not your fault & he doesn't deserve you! I hope this helps. We are all fools for love sooner or later.

[Wintersbloom]

We all feel humiliated when/if the one in our lives all of the sudden rejects us. Even when we feel them slipping away we tend to composite for their loss of emotional commitment by increasing our own. Placing us in a more vulnerable position than before. We see/feel the sings but do not want to accept them as we do not want to loose the relationship we "feel" we could/should be having. Often times, we take the blame upon ourselves, making us that much less attractive to anyone. "It must be my fault, maybe I am fat"...we all love confident partners. Once we've decided that we are going to make this relationship work, that we are willing to do anything to make ourselves more deserving of the love & attention our partner is harboring from us...it is extremely difficult to look at this relationship "rationally". We have every right to feel indignant, that we were treated unjustly, without respect, to feel our best efforts were not enough, and so many other things. But, if we look at the relationship like (star trek) Spock might, and just canalize it without emotion...it is easier to see from the outside. How we deserve to be treated soooo much better. How this relationship with this person does not deserve even a sparkling of the emotions and effort we have invested. Dr. Laura asks us to ask...Is this person (as they are today) someone you would like your son/daughter to be in a relationship with? If the answer to that question is No, then possibly we need to evaluate what has caused us to feel we are less deserving of a good relationship. It is normal to feel resentment and to possibly do things we find humiliating...we often view our relationships with rose colored glasses...see the "dream" or perspective of our relationship we have created. If there is anything anyone has said to me....................it would be...It's not your fault & he doesn't deserve you! I hope this helps. We are all fools for love sooner or later.[

[Brittanyjean06]

thats so true, if only we could always see how our relationship was from an outsideers point of view...things would be alot easier...