Apology

[ILuvDonuts]

OK, I'm not sure if this is the place to post this question. It's been several months since my ex gf dumped me. I haven't had any kind of contact with her for about 4 months, and honestly don't feel any urge to, except for one thing, which I'll get to in a sec.

 

I'm fine now, I'm not hung up on my ex any more, in fact I've met a couple of gorgeous girls that I've dated (no, I don't mean all at once...unfortunately).

 

But one thing has come up in my mind over the past few weeks. This is embarassing, but hey thats what this place is for. I acted like a complete jerk when my ex dumped me. I didn't stalk her, but I did things like calling her phone in the middle of the night even though I knew she wouldnt answer, calling her on her lunch breaks at work, calling when she was home asking her again and again why she broke up with me. At the time I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong, but now that I look back on that time, I'm ashamed of the way I behaved. No wonder she hung up on me so many times!

But she still managed to be nice to me through all that, and the actual break up wasn't over something nasty. It was just afterwards, with me being an immature git.

 

Well my question is this...As I said I feel so ashamed of the way I behaved, and would like to apologise to my ex, not in person, not on the phone, but by email. Do you think this would be ok? I know for certain that this is not an attempt on my behalf to try and get us back together; I have well and trully come out of the other end of the break up tunnel and am not going back. The last contact I had with her was pleasant, and was really a way of saying goodbye without saying goodbye, so I don't think that she would be angry and offended to get an email from me. But on the other hand, i don't want to dredge up memories of me when she sees she has an email from me. If she has moved on with her life, hearing from me may be the last thing she needs, even if she doesn't hate me.

 

Give me your opinions anyone whos reading this

[guest12347659]

Apologise. If nothing else, it will clear your conscience (sp?)

 

Good luck

[HeartBroke2006]

Hi,

 

Your not the only person to have done this.

This sort of behaviour comes naturally, more so it seems to us guys.

 

Your probably feeling embarrassed and that you were hounding her.

It's what we do for love.

 

If your last contact with her was pleasant, leave it at that.

 

You've moved on, and she probably has too, clear your conscience my friend.

[ReluctantRomeo]

I agree that this kind of behaviour comes naturally to guys. After all, thousands of years of evolution have trained us to hunt and stalk animals. Most of us realise it's not appropriate to do this to girls, but it's an easy mistake to make when you're very upset.

 

I'd send the apology.

 

But make it light. And incredibly short. The bare minimum. Also, make it clear that you're moving on. This way, she won't feel that you're starting to harass her again. Something along the lines:

 

Hey there. Hope you're doing well.

 

There's something that is on my conscience and I just wanted to clear the air. It's the way I kept contacting you just after we broke up. At the time this seemed reasonable to me, but looking back I think I was out of line and I know I irritated you. I'm sorry.

 

I just needed to say this as part of my moving on process.

[downcydeguy]

Yea man, send the email. Be sure the subject is something like "My Apology" and not "hey!". Definitely keep it short and sweet. She will undoubtedly not respond but at least it'll clear your conscience once and for all.

 

It's good to hear that you've gotten over her. Good luck.

[slubberdegullion]

Oh, I don't know if this would be a good idea.

 

Though it may help your conscience, what do you think her reaction will be before she even opens the email? "Oh keeeeriist... another friggin contact from ILuvDonuts! Why can't that b@st@rd just LEAVE ME THE f*** ALONE???!!!"

 

If you really, REALLY need to write something, post it here, and remove any names or other identifying characteristics.

[Art_Critic]

I don't agree with slubber on this one..

 

When did we become a society that instead of making amends and admitting what we have done wrong to someone to hurt them you go and post it on a board so the person it was meant for will never see it..

BS..

 

If you are heart felt about the apology and want to clear yourself.. then by all means send the email

[RainyDayWoman]

i definitely agree you should apologize, especially by email. it's a more informal, less stalk-ish way of being able to say what you want to say.

 

while i don't think email should be used for actual break-ups or any other kind of important face-to-face contact, i do think it is a good tool to say what you want to say without getting in someone's face. plus, whatever you say, you will get to say uninterrupted.

 

as long as you are not doing this hoping for a response of any particular kind, i think you should go for it. it will make you feel better, and even if it does nothing for her, it won't hurt anyone. the closure you might feel from it will be well worth it.

 

good luck, please let us know how it worked out.

[wendel1]

If she dumped you, then I dont think you should actually write the words' Im sorry' in the letter/email. Why should you?

 

I think perhaps us guys need to be stronger and not keep going down the 'I'm sorry' route when we are the ones who were dumped with our heart in tatters not her.

[RainyDayWoman]

read the first post again, wendel. it will make much more sense what he is apologizing for.

 

if a post is worth replying to, shouldn't it be worth it to read it thoroughly? just a thought.

[wahaha1]

I don't think you need to send her any email.

 

What have been done is in the past, move on, don't look back, start a brand new life. I can smell that you don't want to cut connection with her.

[JS17]

I'm with ReluctantRomeo on this one. Apologize but keep it short and sweet and don't expect any kind of response. Do it for yourself as much as for her. I would love to get an apology from my ex but at the same time I never want to hear from him again. I think people should just own up to their behavior.

[wendel1]

read the first post again, wendel. it will make much more sense what he is apologizing for.

 

If a post is worth replying to, shouldn't it be worth it to read it thoroughly? just a thought

 

I did read the post, and I think an email would be nice, but to actually say say 'I'm sorry' are not the type of wording I would use. You had just been dumped, with no reasons given, so I think on her part the least she should have done is explained why. Then you wouldnt have been ringing her up all the time I think your reaction, was quite natural. I think we would all like to be strong enough to do the NC thing from day one of a split, but it is very difficult. Dont be so hard on yourself.

 

Id rather word it something like 'I apologize for my behaviour'.

 

Perhaps im just being picky!

[NoFaith05]

I agree with Wendel1 on this one. If someone breaks up with you, they OWE YOU an explanation. If they don't give you one, or if they lie to you, they should expect to be hounded a bit until one is given. You don't just walk away from someone you have been intimate with w/o giving a REAL explanation.

 

I was VERY irrational when my ex GF broke up with me. I was nice at first, because I believed what she had said to me. But when I found out the truth, I became very angry and upset (and I had every right to be upset!) If this girl has been cold to you for no reason, if she left you w/o a proper explanation, then you should not have to apologize to her. I tried to apologize once for getting angry with her, and it was met with a very cold, angry response. My ex GF is a real b*tch. Your ex might not deserve an apology. Stand up for yourself! I did just recently- I almost always apologize to people, even when I have done nothing wrong. But this time, I let her have it, and it felt good. I will never feel the need to apologize to her again. In fact, I have realized that SHE is the one who owes ME an apology.

 

But then again, everyone's situation is different. But please don't feel bad because of the way you acted. It is quite normal to act that way when being dumped by someone you really cared about. And don't let her turn it around on you, and make YOU feel guilty! This is all her fault- remember that!

[lilmoma1973]

 

I think you definitely deserve to give her an apology !!! If you called me harassing me asking why i broke up and acted like a jerk i would hang up too!! Do it in person she deserves that much !!

[RainyDayWoman]

in this case, though, the apology is meant to be about how he feels, not her.

 

he wants to do this for himself, and i don't see anything wrong with that (as long as he's not doing it with the hope that she will change her mind.)

 

and lilmomma, i love ya, i do, but do you really have to yell everything?

[ReluctantRomeo]

When did we become a society that instead of making amends and admitting what we have done wrong to someone to hurt them you go and post it on a board so the person it was meant for will never see it..

 

I agree with Art, JS, etc. We should own up to our behaviour.

 

The OP may even get an apology back, but he shouldn't count on this.