TravelBell Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 He left me for his ex-wife. The person who he referred to as "The Psycho", the person who busted out his car windows, sold his belongs before he could get them out of the house, called his cell phone 62 times in 1 hour, and his family can't stand her. It started last week. He went out one night and I didn't go with him because I was recovering from a minor surgery and was going to return to back to work the following day. So I woke up around 1:37 am and realized he wasn't home. I called his cell phone and no answer. At 3:30 am, I was still unable to contact him. At 5:00 am, I was watching the early morning news & there had been a stabbing at the bar he was at. I immediately went into panic mode and called all the hospitals, jails, and anything else I could think of. So he was to be at work at 7:00 - so I had my sister drive my by his job at 8:00 and he wasn't there. I failed to mention he had went out in my car so I was unable to return to my 1st day of work after surgery. He eventually comes strolling in around 11:00. Believe me the FIGHT WAS ON. He agree he should have called. The story I got from goes like this: He was on his way home when his ex called because she could not get their 3 year old son to calm down. He was crying and wanted his daddy. So he drove over there to comfort his child and ended up falling a sleep with him. (not sure if I believe that story but he's never lied before). We had our discussion and decided we could get through this and it would not happen again. So 2 days later his ex calls and needs to speak with him really really bad. He refused to speak with her because they had gotten into an arguement and she refused to let him have his children that weekend. She ended up coming to our house at 11:15 banging on the door. He decided to go talk to her and they were out there about 35 minutes. When he came back in I could tell he was upset so I just let it be and decided I would talk about it the next day. The next day he didn't get out of bed until noon. He's usually up and ready to go by 7:00 am. So I mentioned it to him and he still didn't seem to ready to talk about it. So I just let it be. Later that night, we started discussing it because he had been so distant from me all day. He told me that his ex told him some stuff that he thought she would never say. She also mentioned how his kids wouldn't sleep in there bed anymore because they wake up in night terrors and wanting their daddy. She also reminded him how he grow up without a dad and that his boys were going to be the same way. She also mentioned how she has changed and she's not the person she use to be...blah blah blah. I reminded him he divorced her for a reason but he was convinced he had to find out for himself so he left me for his ex-wife on our 10 month anniversary. It kills me that he left me for her after we had talked about getting married and looked at rings. I just lost the love of my life!! Why is he giving her a 2nd chance when I can't get one???? Help I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 I feel for you, hun. He obviously still has feelings for his ex and he misses living with his children. You could be the right person but at the wrong time. He needed more time to get over his ex-wife. But don't worry, soon enough he will realize that she is not the one and will leave her again. The percentage of people going back together after divorce is EXTREMELY rare. Ex-lovers get back together often, but not ex-spouses. If you just accept the fact that he needs time to get over her, the divorce, and the guilt that he abandoned his kids, you might want to give him some time. If it's meant to be, he will look for you sooner or later. Link to post Share on other sites
dresden Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 He feels guilty. She used the kids to get him back. That's a powerful weapon and one you probably can't counter. He sounds like an emotional mess. Call your girlfriends, eat a lot of chocolate, and start to realize that you are better off without this immature creature. Time to move on. Good luck. Be well. Link to post Share on other sites
JPMorgan Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 I don't know. I mean, if he can treat you that way then I think the real love of your life is waiting for you in your future. He is a stepping stone and unfortunatly, a very painful one. Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 I just hope for the sake of the kids that it does turn out to be a better situation with him at home as opposed to viscous fighting the kids will have to endure. I don't know their marital history, but just from what you've said it doesn't sound good at all. I'm sorry you got hurt and I know it's going to be a hard time for you, but I hope in time you'll be able to feel it was for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TravelBell Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 Their marital history was not that great. They were married for 2 years but only lived together for 4 months outs those 2 years. They only got married because she got pregnant. Which is not really a reason to get married. She is not a friendly person at all. There is age difference of 11 years, her being the younger one. So I think that has a lot to do with the way she acts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TravelBell Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 I can't help but read through your reply when I start to feel depressed. Thanks for your advise. I have this deep feeling that it's not going to work and he's going to come knocking on my door. I want so bad to say no but I know I would take him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachgrl486 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 He obviously still loves her. I know you are hurt...but she made it obvious that is her territory. All of the calling and everything should have been a sign. I would get over it. If they really are bad together than it wont work out this time either and he will probably come crawling back to you. I wouldnt take him back though...I would move on and wish them the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TravelBell Posted September 1, 2005 Author Share Posted September 1, 2005 Well he came knocking on my door yesterday evening. He had his paycheck mailed to my house. Why? I have no clue. He also had left his wallet there. Where he had it, I have no idea because I didn't see it lying around. Anyways - he was there for about a hour. It was a very hard hour for me. I tried my best not to cry but I wasn't very unsuccessful. I had him read a letter that I wrote that explained all my feelings. I thought letting him read this letter would let him know how I feel because everytime I tried to tell him I would cry. After he read the letter, he gave me the BIGGEST hug in the world and kisses on my cheek and forehead. He even said the words, "I still love you." I don't understand - if he loves me why isn't he with me? He folded up my letter and put it in his pocket. I could tell by looking at him that he isn't happy. He told me that he had every intent staying with me until they spoke that Saturday night. I really want to know what was really said that night. He also mention that his ex-wife feels very threatened by me. I know I'll see him again soon because I still have some of his kids stuff at my house. I tried to get him to take it all last night but he didn't have room in his car. A lot of the stuff in his car was stuff he took the night he left. Why hasn't he taken it out of his car yet? Is he doing this to string me along? Is he unsure of his decision? Help!! Your advice helps me get through all this drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachgrl486 Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 I think he is in a hard situation. Torn between the two of you. He has kids with her which is hard and he loves you. It really sucks because all it does bring you down. I dont know whether he is stringing you along or not but it does sound like it. I dont think he is doing it intentionally but he is doing it. She is the mother of his children and that makes it hard too. I would really try your hardest to move on. I know it is earier said than done. The good thing is you have people here who are willing to talk and listen and give advice. A lot of us in a way are going through the same things so you are not alone. It is going to be hard when he does come around and when you talk to him but the best way to get over someone is to not see them. If you know he is coming to your house to get something as much as you might want to see him or tell him how much you want to be with him and love him, it would probably be best if you just left while he was there and didnt have any contact. Trust me it will get better. At times it just seems that no matter what the pain will never go away but when you least expect it it like...wow I feel so much better. It does take time though and you do have to be strong, we all like to throw pitty parties for ourselves but try not to do it too often. Do things that make you happy. When I am upset I like to go to the gym...I work out the stress and it makes you feel good about your self because you are doing something good for yourself. If they didnt work out before chances are they wont again...but if they dont work out I would still keep moving on. You deserve better. Guys should never hurt you like this. They are not worth it and neither are girls that do the same thing. Be strong. When you least expect something great will happen. Always does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TravelBell Posted September 1, 2005 Author Share Posted September 1, 2005 Thanks Beachgrl.....what you said helps me out a lot. I just need to hear it from people that don't know the both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
uptowngirl Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 A similar thing happened to me. I was in a relationship with a man for 13 months and he took back his wife who had a 9 month affair and then left him to move in with the OM for a year and a half. We were very happy but he took her back. They had no kids and said it was because they had a 12 year history. I still can't make sense of it and probably never will. I have gone N/C and am healing nicely. I still think about it and it helps me to remember that he chose a partner who has much less moral character then I. Obviously he wants less in a partner then I do and that helps with the healing process. Maybe thoughts like that can help you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Guinevere04 Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I can just about guarantee you it's because of the kids and she has probably made empty promises that she has changed. I am sure that he loves you but he has high hopes that they can be a family for the kids' sakes, which is the wrong reason to try and work it out. The kids will only see them argue worse when it starts to crumble, which won't take long. You just have to decide if you are going to be waiting in the wings. Because if he does this once he may do it again, ya know, "for the kids". I decided that it was better for my son for my husband and I to be apart because all we did was argue. Even though he asks for his dad alot, it's still better than us being together and him seeing the anger between us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TravelBell Posted September 19, 2005 Author Share Posted September 19, 2005 Well you were correct, it didn't work and he wants to come back. Now I need have the hard decision - Do I listen to my heart or listen to my mind? Link to post Share on other sites
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