I think ive hit my bottom, maybe When its over its over...

[CantDecide...]

my apologies if its long, but please read i could use support...

 

Hey guys wow 2 nite really wasnt to good, and the worst part everything is my fault. if any1 of u know my story u know my gf and i broke up 2 months ago. we broke up becasue we were both very budy and i kinda inderectly not puposely neglected her. I spent the last 2 months trying SO HARD to get her back, when i mean i tried i wasnt begging her, just spending as much time with her as possible, and do nice and sweet things, and through the 2 months weve had great times and really bad times.

 

Abouta month ago she had hooked up with a guy when she was drunk, and i asked her and she just upfront told me about it which i apreciated. However i was upset but u know she said it didnt mean anything and i was upset but got over it you know. So since then things were really well between us. last week for example we hung out everyday. talk every night, we evan kissed eachother. now heres were it gets bad. Saturday night i was completly drunk, at at my firends party, and i met a girl. we talked a little and ended up going out back and hooking up on my firends trampoline. just making out a little little bit more nothing major. i felt horrible about it becasue i had just spent entire day with my ex. when i was kissing the girl i was thinking about my ex the whole time. i wanted to tell my ex, but hoinestly did not know how. The main reason for not telling her was that i was scared to death she may puposely go outand hook up with somebody to hurt me, or she would just be really pissed and say screw you after we hung out all week u do this. so i was seriosly scared.

so last nighti geta text from her saying gues who i just met, and i said, and she goes the girl u hooked up with the other night at R*** party. and isaid u mean the mistake i wish never hapopoened , and she said w/e atleast i found out some way.

 

So later that night i called her and she was so pissed it was unreal. i mean not evan given me an inch, i told her my reasons for not telling her and she compltly disregarded what i had to say. to her it seemed i was compltly wrong in not telling her, but if u think about it were not together therefore its not her business, i know it would have been nice since she told me about her drunken fling but then again i did ask her about it, she didnt just tell me. so basically through the entire convo i was like u know what ***** if u cant forgive then i gues u just want to throw are friend ship down the drain. And then she said u know im just tired of forgiving you, which she hasnt done that many times. and she said u knwo what i dont evan need ur help learing to paralele park, i can do it myself so i said fine. U know the worst part is her birthday is on tuesday next week, and i went b-day shopping for her last night. im still going to give it to her evan if i leave them on her doorstep, i dont really care if she calls, and thanks me, i just gues sometimes when its over its over, but like ive told other ppl on this board if were ment to be together were ment to be. but from here on out im just gonna try and move on, not going to look at her xanga or myspace, taking her off my bl, and erasing her # in my phone. im gonna try NC not to get her back but to move on, i cant feel this pain anymore.

[fundamental]

you are doing exactly what you need to do. i am in a similar situation and am doing the same thing....not to win her back... but to move on and be happy doing my own thing.

[celticguy]

If you were affectionate with each other then in her mind.. and i think in your mind .. you never really broke up, otherwise you wouldn't have been thinking of her when you were kissing that other girl.

 

Its not your fault man, were human, we make mistakes, but if you go on apologising for ever she'll never want to be with you, tell her it was a mistake and you regret it and your sorry, but don't go on and on looking for a "I forgive you" because that'll be worse. Just tell her once, leave her mull it over and see how it goes, if she loves you she'll come to you, if not then it wasn't meant to be, That guy she was with was probably like a big pink elephant in your relationship anyway.

 

Really you need some time apart to think about what both of you want, i think if you told her this she'd agree with you and then you kind find out what you both want, a relationship is about two people

 

And you can't blame yourself forever,

Hating ones self is worse than the world hating you .. believe me

[CantDecide...]

Originally posted by celticguy

If you were affectionate with each other then in her mind.. and i think in your mind .. you never really broke up, otherwise you wouldn't have been thinking of her when you were kissing that other girl.

 

Its not your fault man, were human, we make mistakes, but if you go on apologising for ever she'll never want to be with you, tell her it was a mistake and you regret it and your sorry, but don't go on and on looking for a "I forgive you" because that'll be worse. Just tell her once, leave her mull it over and see how it goes, if she loves you she'll come to you, if not then it wasn't meant to be, That guy she was with was probably like a big pink elephant in your relationship anyway.

 

Really you need some time apart to think about what both of you want, i think if you told her this she'd agree with you and then you kind find out what you both want, a relationship is about two people

 

And you can't blame yourself forever,

Hating ones self is worse than the world hating you .. believe me

 

i know its not my fault, like last night i told her i was sry, i said i dont wantto ruin our friendship, i enjoy having u around a lot. i said i hope u forgive me, and hey im human we all make mistakes. and i dont plan on saying anything again. If she calls me i will talk to her. but i am by no means going to her no matter how in pain i am. but if she wants to ruin the progress that we made, thats her problem...and u know what we both said to eachother how aamzing last week was and at some point she will miss it, i dunno when but someday. U know and i gues i gota remember last night was the night she found out. u know maybe i should tell you how she found out.

 

It just so happens were she works, one of the kids she knows at work is friends with the girl i hooked up with. they were both at my buddys party (small friggen world) and so R sees C at work with the girl i hooked up with and her firned was like o R i met ur ex last night, and the other girl i was with goes o whooo is ur ex, and shes like ryan...and shes like ooo hahahaha i hooked up with him last night. HOW F***ED up is that, i dont blame her for being pissed aboutthat but thats not my fault.

[celticguy]

My Ex was building a relationship with a guy for around a year i recon,

I got her a job for the summer two years in a row.

 

My *relative* hired both of them,

I was encouraging her to make friends because she didn't have any of her own, well .. thats what she said..

I gave her advice when she had a fight with him

I dropped her into town to see him ..

I even went for a drink with the 2 of them.

 

She was going to another country for a year of college, 4 days before she was leaving, she said we had to split up because she was going away and she couldn't deal with us being apart

I went back to the house and got some clothes as i needed to be away for a bit at least to deal with it

I drove down the road ..from our house *we lived together* and saw her walking along the road with him

 

I thought i was hallucinating .. i drove back with the intention of .. checking i wasn't hallucinating

When i drove back they'd went down a side street,

She told me nothing was going on with him

 

I unintentionally found out the day after .... she sent an email to her friend days before saying she was in love with him and not me and blah blah ..

 

So i went a bit mad .. obviously

 

She said she had feelings for him and that nothing was going to happen

 

Then 1 day before she left she told me she slept with him .. i told her to get out (in not such nice words) she said she'd have noplace to stay because he lives with his parents .. i really didn't care at that stage.

 

I was all ok with it until i realised that she was lying to me .. or more like lying to herself for so long ..

She told me at one stage she had feelings for my best friend..

 

I couldn't be with someone like that

 

I was hurting up till the last few days ... and then i realised all the good stuff i have.. and my friends..

And i feel like i had a lucky escape to be honest !

[NiCoLe20]

hey- where in nj are u from?!!

 

you guys both did the same thing to each other so i dont understand why she's mad at you. she hooked up with a guy when she was drunk, and you hooked up with a girl when u were drunk...so in my book, u both committed the same crime. did u tell her this?!! so now ur both even, if u still want to continue this relationship, u should not contact her for the time being. she if she calls u before her bday... if not, leave the gift and see if she even calls to thank you... if she doesnt, forget about her and move on.

[CantDecide...]

Originally posted by NiCoLe20

hey- where in nj are u from?!!

 

you guys both did the same thing to each other so i dont understand why she's mad at you. she hooked up with a guy when she was drunk, and you hooked up with a girl when u were drunk...so in my book, u both committed the same crime. did u tell her this?!! so now ur both even, if u still want to continue this relationship, u should not contact her for the time being. she if she calls u before her bday... if not, leave the gift and see if she even calls to thank you... if she doesnt, forget about her and move on.

 

umm not to fond of giving this info out but im in bergen county...yea thats EXACLTEY WHAT I SAID TO HER, but of corse its diferent becasue of how she found out, how i didnt tell her and how i acted like nothing had happened. of corse im the bad guy but she did nothign wrong. yea thats really the way im gonan play it im gonan leave the gift, see if she thnaks me, who knows she may call b4 then she may not...like we never said were not going to be friends she was just incedibly pissed last night. i also said to her u know u always bring up the bad u never ever mention the good about me. i said who drove u places when ur parents werent there, who listened to u cry for hours over ur friends treating u badly, who took u to dinner, and who showed up out of the blue a lot of times with flowers. she had nothing to say she was silent. becasue she knows im right she always reminds me of that bad., after i said that i think it hit her at home, and she got upset buti wasnt having any of it and we got off the phone soon after. thanks for all the adivce guys it helps. keep it coming.

[CantDecide...]

update, need a little more advice....

 

 

ok so today my ex txted me saying hey, let me know if u still want to paralele park, tongiht..(she has her drivers test tueday)...i said yea sure what time, she said 7:30...i said ok...about a half hour later i go to my comp and shes online. I said ok so ill see u at 7, she says yea...so we get into normal convo and i said hey, do u want to just park, and stuff, or would u like to do something afterwards. she replies well i made plans with the girls, so is said ok maybe some other time. so shes like and u know to be totally honest with you im still kinda of annoyed about the whole incedent but im trying to get over it. blah blah blah...and i was like u know this is bull**** its a double standerd, its ok for you to do this but not for me...and she goes on saying its not a double stander, jeesh, then what would u call it. then we argue for a bit and things, started to calm down. then she said after parking i can hang at her house a bit. and i said ok u know and just for the record i really did enjoying spending last week with you, and i dont want to loose that over this and she said yea i agree. so i dunno i gues im kinda confused now. i gues im just gonna continue the way things were last week. i just hope shes not trying playing games....uhhh love is so confusing

[celticguy]

Man your just confusing yourself,

 

Just say it straight out, Tell her you don't want to see her for a period of time, a month maybe, Tell her you really love her but you need to work out whats best for you and you can't do that at the moment because your confused between your love and the hurt. Tell her it isn't fair on her or you to put the two of you through this and you care about her so much that you want whats best for the two of you.

 

Then see what she says,

She'll either

 

A. Agree and want to take a break for a while

 

B. Disagree and think its a bad idea

 

Either way go for it, and the month will let you work out your own feelings, its about you as well, if you don't work out how you feel then it'll never work.

 

And don't contact her for the month (i know its really hard) but its for the best.

 

This will tell you where you stand.

For you and for her

[J dub]

Dude - youre not together, why help her learn how to park? That to me was mistake #1. Mistake #2 was agreeing to hang out with her @ her place when she asked. You are being a *doormat* in every way, shape and form. Quit it, youre losing her respect every minute you keep it up. Do you want that?

 

You need time away from her. Youre not going to see this situation for what it is by continuing running dialogue with her because its going to continue to stab at your heart. Let yourself heal a little and THEN *MAYBE* you can talk, but right now youre letting her needs be #1 and she sees that. If I were her I'd do exactly what she's doing, cuz youre LETTING her do it.

 

You can still be friends....later. No one is moving, or marrying, or whatever so whats the hurry? If friendship is in your future, let it be in your FUTURE - once you've healed. Youre prolonging this agony on yourself, do you realize that? You know in your heart of hearts you are hoping you'll get back together. She, on the other hand, may be working on getting back to singledom.