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Mixed Messages


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Commongoal123

I'm not here to share a personal story, but rather see what others opinions are regarding mixed messages from a partner or an ex.

 

For example: They say and act in conflicting ways, such as reach out after breaking up and being flirtatious, while simultaneously making statements like "It would have never worked between us".

 

Or, a partner saying they want to be with you and acting like they do, and then also saying "they can't do this" and acting like they don't.

 

And a thousand other examples.

 

I think it depends on the person saying and acting in such ways, and it can range from a legitimate desire to be together coupled with fear of intimacy and rejection, to straight up gaslighting.

 

Thoughts?

 

-Common

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It makes perfect sense when you don't expect people to be machines or Dating Robots.

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People get confused and do confusing things. The best thing you can do is change your own environment so that you're not impacted by it. Hence: Breaking up and no contact.

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Mixed messages are a red flag. If someone treats you nice one minute, than is abusive the next minute, that is a mixed message and a warning that the person is not trustworthy at all with their intentions towards you.

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In my opinion its a sign of an internal struggle.

 

Example: The man who is drawn to a girl his family disapproves of may act erratic as he bounces back and forth between the two spheres of influence in his head: his attraction and his family's unhappiness with his selection.

 

He's trying to resolve the mental conflict.

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Some people aren't ever really sure of what they want. But personally, it's something I wouldn't do. You either want a relationship or you don't.

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mark clemson

A lot depends on the specifics of the situation and the specific mixed messages. Think the posts above point out some good specific cases. IMO it can range from indicating a full-blown personality disorder or even mental illness/disorganized thoughts to just attempting to soften the distress of a breakup (with a wide range of possibilities within those two end points, as well as the mentioned possibility of mixed feelings, temporary emotional confusion, etc).

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