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The dreaded unfollow + my situation


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First of all, I would like to say that I am not over my ex. It's been six months since the breakup and of no contact, haven't broken it once. No "happy birthday" for her, no liking on her pictures, nothing. I am miles better than i was but am still hung up on her. Currently going on a lot of dates (more than usual), but i feel nothing for other girls because of her. I don't usually fall in love, but when i do, it takes me a long time to get over it, hence why i still think about her.

 

The story is: we broke up in March (she broke up with me unexpectedly), and ever since the breakup, i still see her out every friday night out (literally every friday, she hasn't skipped one party). We live in a small town and there is only one club to go to. Since it is a small town we have a lot of mutual friends, and i haven't asked anything about her but i always hear stuff. She has had multiple short flings, but nothing worked out and she is often depressed about that and is generally unhappy with her love life.

 

When it comes to us, she is hot and cold. Sometimes she is really playful towards me (smiley, sticks her tongue out at me etc.), but sometimes really cold and angry/sad when she sees me. This has been going on ever since we broke up. These past few weeks she especially seemed angry and unhappy and was ignoring me even when we were a few feet apart (her friends came to greet me and my friends, she stood apart and wasn't interested at all). I continued having fun and danced, not giving her any attention whatsoever.

 

I'm doing everything well. I'm posting cool stories of my life and hobbies, of me going out and having fun (I'm active on social media, always have been, but am not posting anything that screams: in your face, or anything to make her jealous). Basically, just me having fun with friends and of my hobbies (especially new hobbies, since i started playing the guitar in April). And when we are out, i'm mirroring her, and never give her attention, i just party normally, but i of course never ignore her when she says hi. I've noticed her looking at me these last couple of weeks, sometimes caught her whispering something to her best friend while they both looked at my direction. Her friends are generally nice to me, they always say hi.

 

She liked every single picture i posted since the breakup and watched every single Insta story i posted since the breakup. Then, last week i went out and posted the usual. Me having fun with my friends as always. One story with my best friend (male), and one story of my friend taking shots. The next day, she unfollowed me (i have an Unfollowers app that tells me who unfollowed me). The thing is, she never unfollows anyone, she still has every single one of her exes (even the ones that cheated on her), she even told me when we were together that she never unfollows anyone. Yet, she did unfollow me. I know it's not a big deal etc., but i am interested in your perspective as to why do you think it happened. And if you plan on writing: "You should move on", "why do you care" etc., then don't write anything at all.

 

She is a very hot girl that is used to attention (she gets a lot of it and her exes contact her all the time). Meanwhile, i am still in no contact, and that seems to bother her somehow. If you would look at this situation from the side, it would definitely seem as though i am the one that broke up with her, not the opposite. She is also really stubborn and proud, and now i am completely sure she will never contact me again. Would be interested in hearing your perspective. Much love everyone and thanks.

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It would be very hard to tell you WHY she did something without asking her.

 

My general feeling, because I am female and have exes, is that I would unfollow an ex if I felt I was falling into unhealthy behaviors watching their social media content or it was bringing up any negative feelings that I didn't want to experience (regret, anger, jealousy). Or maybe she found herself watching your life too closely or maybe realized she may be giving you reason to think there is a chance to get back together, so she wanted to do the fair thing and rip the bandaid off (unfollowed you).

 

But I am just playing the guessing game here... the only way to know would be to ask her next time you get a chance to talk to her, Hey, I noticed you unfollowed me on social media...

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It would be very hard to tell you WHY she did something without asking her.

 

My general feeling, because I am female and have exes, is that I would unfollow an ex if I felt I was falling into unhealthy behaviors watching their social media content or it was bringing up any negative feelings that I didn't want to experience (regret, anger, jealousy). Or maybe she found herself watching your life too closely or maybe realized she may be giving you reason to think there is a chance to get back together, so she wanted to do the fair thing and rip the bandaid off (unfollowed you).

 

But I am just playing the guessing game here... the only way to know would be to ask her next time you get a chance to talk to her, Hey, I noticed you unfollowed me on social media...

Thank you for your input. I doubt that it's the last reason because i never broke no contact, nor did she ever really give me a reason to think that we will get back together. I'd say the last reason would be correct if i was begging and pleading, so she decided to unfollow me to kill my hopes.

 

The thing is, that unfollow means nothing. She still has all of my best friends added, likes and views their content so she will still see me in their feed, and most importantly, she will still see me out. It's strange to me seeing an unfollow too. I wouldn't be surprised if she blocked me tbh, because then i can't see her feed also, so it's like: I'm out of your life, you're out of my life. But just unfollowing is strange, sort of looks like she is looking for a reaction.

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And if you plan on writing: "You should move on", "why do you care" etc., then don't write anything at all.

 

 

I was going to post a reply but this really turned me off. It screams that you're a control freak who can't handle truth.

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I was going to post a reply but this really turned me off. It screams that you're a control freak who can't handle truth.

Your assumption couldnt be more wrong. Its just that, when people write topics like this it means they are looking for an answer to at least somehow help them cope with anxiety. Seeing people write stuff like: "move on", "why do you care" doesnt help at all. I know i have to move on and not care, but i cant. I would like to, but right now this is how i am coping with my breakup. Writing "move on" will not make me move on. It doesnt help one bit. That is why i wrote that. If you said she moved on even that would help more than that.

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You say that you're a frequent poster on social media. I guess she's just had enough of your posts coming through on her feed. Perhaps if you were a sparse user, she wouldn't have done it.

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Based on what you said about her other exes constantly chasing, her liking your photos, and the way she acts hot and cold... I think it's driving her nuts that she can't get you to beg and plead and chase like the others. I think she wants the validation of knowing that you're putty in her hands, and since you're basically ignoring her as if she no longer exists, she got so frustrated at some point that she unfollowed you. She wants your dignity. Don't give it to her.

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You aren't no contact is your problem.

 

You are pain shopping everything about her.

 

So when they dump you blocking everything is necessary to move on.

 

You can't do that then you linger like you have been.

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You aren't no contact is your problem.

 

You are pain shopping everything about her.

 

I agree. If you had gone no contact, she wouldn't be able to like any of your content, and she wouldn't be showing up on a list of unfollowers because you would have either unfollowed or unfriended her first. No contact doesn't mean you lock the door but then spend months peering out of the window.

 

I really sympathise with how you're feeling. I spend far too much time thinking about my ex, but whenever I'm tempted to reach out to him/ask a mutual friend how he's doing/reread our text history, I have a strategy to counter this ultimately self-destructive urge: I go and do something active or creative instead. Want to reread his messages? Text or email other friends, especially those I haven't seen in far too long. Missing him? Time to go for a long walk, one that we never took together, or to book theatre tickets, or to get in the bath with a really good book. Worrying and wondering about how he is? Ask myself how *I* am, and respond accordingly - do I need to chat to a friend, have I eaten something other than junk today, what am I going to do with my afternoon? And so on. It's only been two weeks of no contact so far, but I know I won't crack. This is because I can honestly say that my priority is to stop feeling terrible, full stop, as opposed to 'stop feeling terrible by getting back together with him' or to 'stop feeling terrible through the discovery that he misses me'. You need to be 100% committed to your own welfare before this will work.

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I agree. If you had gone no contact, she wouldn't be able to like any of your content, and she wouldn't be showing up on a list of unfollowers because you would have either unfollowed or unfriended her first. No contact doesn't mean you lock the door but then spend months peering out of the window.

 

I really sympathise with how you're feeling. I spend far too much time thinking about my ex, but whenever I'm tempted to reach out to him/ask a mutual friend how he's doing/reread our text history, I have a strategy to counter this ultimately self-destructive urge: I go and do something active or creative instead. Want to reread his messages? Text or email other friends, especially those I haven't seen in far too long. Missing him? Time to go for a long walk, one that we never took together, or to book theatre tickets, or to get in the bath with a really good book. Worrying and wondering about how he is? Ask myself how *I* am, and respond accordingly - do I need to chat to a friend, have I eaten something other than junk today, what am I going to do with my afternoon? And so on. It's only been two weeks of no contact so far, but I know I won't crack. This is because I can honestly say that my priority is to stop feeling terrible, full stop, as opposed to 'stop feeling terrible by getting back together with him' or to 'stop feeling terrible through the discovery that he misses me'. You need to be 100% committed to your own welfare before this will work.

 

I see, thanks. I've never read our texts (deleted our text thread the moment we broke up), nor have i checked her social media. I muted her stories and the things she posts so i actually haven't seen anything she put up these last 6 months. I haven't blocked her because i am not mad at her or butthurt and it's already like she is blocked so i didn't see the point.

 

@basil67

I do agree with your point, though it's still a strange move since she still has all of my best friends added and will see me on their stories and will still see me out. This unfollow does almost nothing in terms of not seeing me anymore. I am a regular poster, always have been, even in the last 6 months. I post 2-3 stories per week, and when i go out i put up about 2 in the night (it varies). It's just who i am.

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I'm still friends with most of my exes on social media. But they're not very active there anyway. Neither am I. It's nice to know that we're still in touch somehow (I know that a lot of people here don't see the point, but I fall in love for a reason and I enjoy still being in touch with people I once loved). If one of my exes was very active, frequently posting stories etc., I'd definitely unfollow. It's nice to still have some kind of connection, but I don't want them in my face all the time. So yeah... I totally see where your ex is coming from.

 

 

However... I really sympathize with your situation. Went through the worst break-up of my life last year and it took me months to recover. Still not over it completely tbh. But even though you don't want to hear it (and I didn't want to hear it either), it's still true: Time heals all and you will be able to move on eventually (sorry...).

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I'm still friends with most of my exes on social media. But they're not very active there anyway. Neither am I. It's nice to know that we're still in touch somehow (I know that a lot of people here don't see the point, but I fall in love for a reason and I enjoy still being in touch with people I once loved). If one of my exes was very active, frequently posting stories etc., I'd definitely unfollow. It's nice to still have some kind of connection, but I don't want them in my face all the time. So yeah... I totally see where your ex is coming from.

 

 

However... I really sympathize with your situation. Went through the worst break-up of my life last year and it took me months to recover. Still not over it completely tbh. But even though you don't want to hear it (and I didn't want to hear it either), it's still true: Time heals all and you will be able to move on eventually (sorry...).

 

Thanks. If i had an active ex, i wouldn't necessarily unfollow. You can mute them, which is essentially the same, but they are still in your follower's list and they don't get the notification that you unfollowed.

 

It was pretty good when we were together, and it hurts me to see that she doesn't follow anymore. I have to say it was nice to see her likes and her views on my stories. Maybe when she completely moves on, and when i completely move on, we can be friends. I would have been over her already if i didn't see her out every week. It just hinders my progress immensely.

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Thanks. If i had an active ex, i wouldn't necessarily unfollow. You can mute them, which is essentially the same, but they are still in your follower's list and they don't get the notification that you unfollowed.

 

On FB, unfollow is what you describe as muting. Unfriend is when you actually delete them from your list, but FB doesn't send a notification.

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@basil67

I do agree with your point, though it's still a strange move since she still has all of my best friends added and will see me on their stories and will still see me out. This unfollow does almost nothing in terms of not seeing me anymore. I am a regular poster, always have been, even in the last 6 months. I post 2-3 stories per week, and when i go out i put up about 2 in the night (it varies). It's just who i am.

 

No, not really strange. I have people who I've unfollowed who I still see through friends posts. It's about minimisation rather than removing. It's OK to be a regular poster, but it's likely she no longer wants your regular posts on her feed. And that's OK too.

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Reznar you need to delete your ex from ALL of your social media or you'll never heal from your break-up. Why do you need to keep tabs on her if you're really ok with the breakup?

 

Until you unfriend her on Facebook, delete her from your Instagram account, your Twitter, and your email, you will always be linked to her still.

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Reznar you need to delete your ex from ALL of your social media or you'll never heal from your break-up. Why do you need to keep tabs on her if you're really ok with the breakup?

 

Until you unfriend her on Facebook, delete her from your Instagram account, your Twitter, and your email, you will always be linked to her still.

 

I'm not ok with the breakup, i'm still hung up on her, I said that in my post.

As with her social media, I'm not checking up anything, haven't done so for the past 6 months, the only reason i know she unfollowed is because the app gave me a notification.

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Don't you think it will prolong your healing from this breakup, keeping her connected to you through all of those social media platforms? Her likes on your posts would just give you false hope of a reconciliation wouldn't it? I guess I think staying connected to an ex on social media is never a good idea if you're not over the breakup.

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Ditch the app which tells you who unfollows you. There is no good reason to have an app which tells you this stuff.

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I think she blocked you because she realized that following you wasn't healthy and she's right. She is ready to move on and probably thinks from your stories that you have moved on and are having the time of your life. Since she is the one who broke up with you; she would have to be the one to ask to get back together. Until she does that the relationship is over and she has actually done you a favor by blocking so you can try to get over her.

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I think she blocked you because she realized that following you wasn't healthy and she's right. She is ready to move on and probably thinks from your stories that you have moved on and are having the time of your life. Since she is the one who broke up with you; she would have to be the one to ask to get back together. Until she does that the relationship is over and she has actually done you a favor by blocking so you can try to get over her.

 

She unfollowed, not blocked. I can still see her profile although i will unfollow too. I am fairly sure both of us would have already moved on, but seeing each other every friday night, especially in that environment of drinking and partying, is not healthy at all and is really killing our moving on process.

 

What i can say for sure is that ever since the breakup she has been acting the same. She is the same towards me now as she was back in march which is puzzling. I know dumpers have a different moving on process than us dumpees but it's been six months and she has not changed one bit.

 

I forgot to mention that she lost her virginity with me (and she has a strange opinion about sex) so idk if that changes anything at all.

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Quick update: I recently found out that she is dating my good friend. We are very good friends, even go out together all the time. She knows that because even when me and her were together she saw him with us all the time, plus we live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. They are keeping it a secret, he told everyone from our social circle that they started dating, everyone except for me. We got into talking even before I found out about it, I asked him if he is seeing anyone and he said: "I can't tell you" nervously and then backtracked and kept saying he has no one, which i found weird because he would always share things like this. My friends later told me he is dating her because they don't like the idea of him going after her since we are very close friends.

 

 

The funny thing is, out of all my friends, he is the least attractive one, and we never saw him even talk to a girl before this, im definitely sure she is his first. Everyone that found out about this had the same reaction "Is this a joke? She is dating HIM? This has to be some kind of a prank." People are literally shocked and they can't believe it.

 

I'm okay with that, what is bothering me is that he is keeping it a secret from me and i am the only one he doesn't want to tell. Whenever i am in a situation like that, the first thing i do is go and ask that person if he is okay with it. He is probably afraid of my reaction, but what should i do? Tell him that i know or leave it be? Is this person even my friend?

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I would leave it alone it's none of your business now

 

Obviously you're still in contact even though you think you aren't. So you'll continue to linger.

 

Your friend isn't attractive? She picked him though didn't she?

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North by Southeast
I was going to post a reply but this really turned me off. It screams that you're a control freak who can't handle truth.

 

Dude, the ENTIRE reason this forum exists is because breakups are usually difficult and people can't just flip a switch and get over it.

 

Saying "you should move on" and "why do you care" to someone who's heartbroken is like saying "just get more money" to a poor person. Pointing out an obvious goal while giving absolutely no guidance on how to get there is pointless, yet it happens all the time on relationship forums, which is probably why OP even felt a need to say that in the first place.

 

Telling someone they're a "control freak that can't handle truth" simply because they don't want a bunch of useless tripe in the replies is pretty messed up.

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More than likely Mr. Unattractive is probably the reason for the break up. You know what they say, "it's not the beauty, but the booty"; in his case he probably gives good sex.

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