On a break, but then I got injured

[kfey]

A few weeks ago, my gf of nearly 2 years said she wanted to take a break. She had been visiting her family at home for a month. She is under a lot of stress from school, her parents, and I've put stress on her too due to the relationship. We didn't talk for about 9 days, then we've been in text contact until a couple days ago when we had a bit of a flareup. She still says we're on a break. Her family think we broke up, I believe. So that's a problem.

 

However, there's a new problem in my life. I broke my leg in 2 places (fibula and tibia) from a bad fall and I've been hospitalized. I haven't reached out to her yet, and I'm not sure what to do. The pain is bad but manageable (on some strong drugs) and she is down at school in the city we live in right now. I went home for a few weeks, and that's where it happened. We're about 3 hours apart.

 

I really feel like I should tell her. I'm not expecting it to necessarily reconcile us, and this probably will make her worry more and she's already under a lot of stress. But I feel like regardless of my stress level, if this happened to her I would want her to tell me.

 

Thoughts?

Edited August 15, 2019 by kfey

[Foxhall]

wishing you a speedy recovery, I had the use of an ultrasonic bone stimulator for broken arm bones which I think speeded up the healing,

they will probably give you something similar.

 

I always said I was glad I broke my arm and not leg though.

 

on your question, personally Id play the sympathy card (assuming your keen to reconcile) and tell her,

 

take whatever angle you have I always say,

 

 

it might be the catalyst to bring you closer again,

[FMW]

She wanted the break from you. Don't use this as an excuse to get her attention back. If she's bothered later that you didn't tell her, too bad - again, she wanted the break.

 

I'm sorry about your leg, that sounds awful.

[kfey]

She wanted the break from you. Don't use this as an excuse to get her attention back. If she's bothered later that you didn't tell her, too bad - again, she wanted the break.

 

I'm sorry about your leg, that sounds awful.

 

Thanks for your sympathy. This is hard. It will look like I'm trying to get her attention. I can't lie: I would like her attention and hopefully for her to visit. I probably will be in the hospital several more days.

 

But I am likely facing surgery. Surgery or not, I have months of recovery ahead.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear about your accident and the pain you must be dealing with. Hopefully, the breaks have been set properly and you are on the way to a complete recovery.

 

This is a difficult question. Yes, as a friend I would want to know if you had been hurt. As an ex, I think I would feel a pressure to do something about it. You don't really want someone to act because they feel an obligation.

 

As she is an ex, then, on the whole I would not recommend telling her. She wants a break which means that she does not want the relationship at the moment.

[preraph]

It wouldn't be fair to use this to guilt her into coming back. Just not fair. You're broken up. You said she was under pressure. This would just be a whole new load of pressure. Let your family or other friends help out or homecare if needed.

[kfey]

I'm really only just thinking of sending her a text saying "Hey [her name]. I want to let you know I'm in the hospital: I had an accident and my leg is broken. I am getting good care presently." That's it.

[kfey]

Another night in the hospital. Having trouble sleeping because of the leg, but also because I'm not sure what to do about her. Docs have given me some drugs to help, but I wake up thinking of her. She has never said we're breaking up. She said she wanted a break, and gave no definitions about what that meant. I don't see her as my ex. I'm pretty sure she still feels for me.

 

I only want to tell her what happened, and avoid pressuring her into visiting me. No more.

[Foxhall]

I'm really only just thinking of sending her a text saying "Hey [her name]. I want to let you know I'm in the hospital: I had an accident and my leg is broken. I am getting good care presently." That's it.

 

 

You could get 50 posters here who will tell you No,

 

but I think your going to send this text anyway,

 

and lol, I actually think its ok to send it:cool:

 

if she does not visit, it will mean the relationship is gone you can assume.

 

but Id be surprised if she does not reach out.

 

go ahead, send it for peace of mind.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Foxhall

[Art_Critic]

Her family thinks you broke up because you did...

 

Sorry about your leg but you need to change your frame of thought..

 

She IS your ex and she did breakup with you, the take a break line is used to soften the blow while they exercise going out and getting a taste of someone new.. no it isn't school stress.. it is a new guy.

 

Take care of yourself and don't text her, she isn't worth your time or mental energy.

[preraph]

A break is usually a breakup. Her family knows she's broken up with you.

[fromheart]

First of all, Ive been there and had many injuries. It sucks being in hospital, and the truth I'm going to lay out to you is going to hurt.

 

She's probably not going to care. She'll be more concerned with her own feelings, having to force herself to be a kind person when really she just wants her 'break.'

 

She may act caring at first, but her own selfish needs will surface. This is who she is, and always was all along.

 

As I lay in hospital after surgery, my ear being sewn back on after it got half cut off by someone, I reached out to my ex wife, and realized the above. She didn't really care if I lived or died, and this was the reality of who she was all along, the reality of a deep coldness inside of her which she herself runs away from.

 

Because a woman who doesn't care about someone she has known deeply, who is layed up in hospital, isn't really a woman. Just a confused little girl.

 

She should be there right now, she isn't. Sickness has a gift, and that is in revealing the truth of our relationships.

 

The one for you would be there right now. The only message Id send to her in your position, would be to dump her for not being the woman you deserve.

[schlumpy]

Let a common friend know about your accident. Then wait and see.

 

That gives you plausible deniability.

[kfey]

She should be there right now, she isn't. Sickness has a gift, and that is in revealing the truth of our relationships.

 

The one for you would be there right now. The only message Id send to her in your position, would be to dump her for not being the woman you deserve.

 

Well she doesn't know. I haven't told her. Of the people who know I'm laid up, none have told her because they don't have contact with her.

 

I'm going to have surgery on Tuesday it turns out.

[kfey]

It's been a month of a "break" imposed by my gf of nearly 2 years. I'm 30 and she's 31. She had good reasons for wanting a break from the relationship: she wants to focus on school and herself for a bit, and she was feeling exhausted emotionally from our relationship during June and July primarily, as we were long distance during that time.

 

My gf and I haven't spoken in about 10 days. Since then I've gotten injured (long story) but haven't told her and don't have plans to tell her at this moment. But now an ex from years ago has shown up in my life. Weeks ago she came to a show I was playing (I'm in a band) but did not say anything. This week however, she has reached out again, in person by actually approaching me when I was out in public with friends and we actually have spoken at length since then.

 

I have made my situation clear to the ex and I do not have feelings for her. I was the one who broke up with her. She has been respectful of that so far. But now I'm in a tough spot. I'm in love with someone else, who despite some NC and unclear boundaries about this break, has not reached out to me about anything. I still have a key to her place and her car, even. She has stuff of mine at her place.

 

Do I tell my gf about how my ex is reaching out? My gf knows who this ex is, and I did mention in the past that I think this ex still harbored feelings for me. I know it will probably cause some jealousy, so I don't feel great about that. But maybe my gf would want to know that it's been happening.

[MetallicHue]

Why do you need to mention it? It’s irrelevant as you have no feelings for your ex.

[kfey]

Because the ex reaching out has made me uncomfortable, and I'm a slight bit concerned she won't leave me alone. But moreover because my gf might appreciate knowing

[kfey]

Maybe I should rephrase my question. What would be more honorable: telling my gf about the ex's pursuit of me, or withholding it? I kind of think withholding is dishonorable to the woman I love.

[Silver_star]

Nope...I think that IF you and your current gf were in a good place she would appreciate knowing and you could have a laugh at it all...but you said you were on a break with your current gf, so i think this would not help the situation.

 

"Breaks" are space away from the relationship to think if it is worth continuing or not, usually not the best sign either. You want to tell her that your other ex has been hanging around you during this break time? Whether the ex was invited around you or not, your current gf is only going to consider that all of a sudden now that you are "single" your ex shows back up in your life? Maybe your are trying to make her jealous (sounds like you are) which is a turn off. All of those things would be considered, and that is going to be even more emotionally exhausting for her. Should she consult you every time an ex slides into her DM's, or a new guy hits on her when you are on a break? No.

Sharing this info with your "Current gf" is not going to be some bonding activity to bring your current gf closer to you, trust me on that. It sounds like a game you are playing to try and bring her closer to you.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't see why you would need or want to tell your girlfriend.

 

You two aren't currently speaking, and your ex really can't cause problems unless you let her (or unless she is nuts and won't leave you alone even after you block, delete and so forth) In other words, it's a non-issue.

 

Are you hoping in the back of your mind that your girlfriend will somehow be motivated by jealousy to reconcile?

[kfey]

Are you hoping in the back of your mind that your girlfriend will somehow be motivated by jealousy to reconcile?

 

Part of me is. You know, the devil on the shoulder. She has been jealous of this once woman before, about a year and a half ago.

 

I am mainly seeking an answer about what the honorable and respectful thing to do is here.

[balletomane]

I think it's important to be brutally honest about your motivations.

 

Three weeks after my ex broke up with me I suffered a bereavement. 90% of my brain was all, "He'd want to know about this. After all, he knew X too and he got on well with her. I should tell him." 10% of my brain knows that this is just me wanting an excuse to contact him. Not only that, this is me hoping that he will be moved by my grief and it will be a catalyst for us getting back together again. There is no other reason why I should keep him up to date on my personal life. I have friends who are far better placed to give me support than someone who has decided he doesn't want to be with me. Turning to him only puts him in an awkward position, and prolongs my pain.

 

In your case, nothing can happen between you and this ex unless you allow it. There's no need for you to tell your girlfriend. That would not be respecting her wishes for a break, and she is very likely to feel that you're trying to push her into a reconciliation that she may not be ready for.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am mainly seeking an answer about what the honorable and respectful thing to do is here.

 

I think you are worried about the wrong things.

 

I don't see how telling her about this is somehow honorable or respectful now that you two are likely on the road to a break-up. It really doesn't make any difference to your relationship if you're not entertaining your ex's advances - especially when your girlfriend has more or less already pulled the plug.

 

If you wanted to meet up with your ex and go on a date? I would concede it would be best to end everything formally with your girlfriend first. But an ex just sniffing around when you're not interested in her anyway? A rather pointless attempt to make your ex jealous.

 

I don't mean to be unkind. But consider that if some momentary jealousy brings your girl back, it's not a solid reconciliation anyway and will likely just lead to another break/break-up when your girlfriend's ego is soothed and she remembers the reasons she called it off to begin with. Reconciliations fueled by simple jealousy don't last long, in my experience.

[Marc878]

You are looking for an excuse to break contact, make her jealous so she'll come back. Even if it worked it would only be short term.

 

Your logic is high Schoolish

[Highndry]

You are looking for an excuse to break contact, make her jealous so she'll come back. Even if it worked it would only be short term.

 

Your logic is high Schoolish

 

 

^^This.

 

 

When a woman asks to take a break, a man should request a break-up. Period.