Struggling

[Trptbill]

My ex girlfriend and I were together for 13 months when we broke up. We lived together for the last 6 months we were together. She is honestly the first girl I could see myself marrying and settling down to have a family. I am 30 and she is 27.

 

I was very selfish in the relationship once I moved in with her. It was the first time I was living away from home and I only focused on myself. I was obsessed with working out and eating healthy. I cooked all of my meals (very rarely cooked for her because she didn’t like my cooking), I was on a crazy 6/7 day workout schedule and everything we did revolved around it, and we would barely go out on dates. Bottom line, we felt more like roommates than a couple.

 

We broke up on June 1st. I’m a teacher and we still had one more week of school left so we still lived together for almost 2 weeks after the breakup. During those two weeks I showed her that I wanted to change. I didn’t want to have that healthy lifestyle anymore, I wanted her more than anything. During those last two weeks living together, we ate together, went grocery shopping together, acted more like a couple the last two weeks than the previous two months. She even agreed that we seemed like a couple those final two weeks.

 

When we broke up, she said the worst four words that can be spoken together, “We need to talk”. She ended it because she felt that we were more like roommates than a couple and that she wasn’t happy with the relationship or herself. She was very emotional while doing it because she said I was such a great and caring guy and she feels terrible for doing this to me. She has been in very abusive relationships and I was the first guy she could actually see marrying.

 

I was in shock from all of this and just sat there and listened to her. The next day when I saw her I got the chance to say what was on my mind and we were both very emotional. There was no yelling or blaming or pointing fingers at anyone. I begged for her to give me a chance but she said we need to do this. When I asked her if we could ever get back together she said she didn’t know. She said she wasn’t saying no, but she’s not saying yes either. She said we need to take time to ourselves to figure ourselves out and better ourselves.

 

My last day in the apartment I hugged her good by and told her how much I love her. She couldn’t say anything because she later told me she would’ve broken down and would not have been able to go to work. I left her roses and a beautiful letter thanking her for our time together and that I don’t blame her one bit. I blame myself for ruining our relationship. And she would always hold a special place in my heart and I would always be willing to try us again if she ever felt the same way.

 

After I moved out in mid June we talked a little bit via text and social media. Then on the 4th of July I was at a friends house for a BBQ when one of my friends saw her on 2 different dating apps. I had been drinking and furious that she would do this just one month after we broke up. So I was texting her and saying things like “you lied to me about our relationship”, “you just needed another guy to make you happy”. I feel bad about it now, but I needed to blow off some steam like that. After those texts I deleted her off of all social media which I should’ve done from the beginning. It did really help me to begin the process of forgetting about her.

 

The next day was my birthday and she texted me to wish me a happy birthday. I didn’t respond because I was so angry at her. Two weeks later she said she found a box of stuff at the apartment that I needed to pick up otherwise she could drop it off at my house. I went and got it. It was a brief exchange where she handed me the box. I apologized for the things I said to her on the 4th of July and told her I deleted her and her family and friends off of social media because I needed it to help me move on and give up hope in getting back together. She completely understood and had no hard feelings whatsoever. She looked so happy and seemed happier than I have seen her in a very long time.

 

I miss her so much. It’s been about 2.5 months now since she ended things and I can’t get her out of my mind. The hardest times of the day are when I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning. I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks. Last time I texted her, I texted her a happy birthday a few weeks ago and she said “Thanks! ” I’m not sure if she’s already moved on and found another guy. She was really close to my friends and their girlfriends. One of my friend’s girlfriends told me a few weeks ago she doesn’t think she’s found another guy yet. My ex still likes and comments on my friend’s Facebook posts and Instagram posts. She even went out to lunch with one of my friend’s wife.

 

I have the mindset that since she ended things she needs to be the one to reach out to me to meet up or talk. Part of me feels that maybe she does need to be in another relationship with a guy that isn’t so good to see what we had. I know if we get back together it would have to be a different relationship. Neither of us can be the same person we were or it won’t work out. My best friend says I should learn from my mistakes and move on. Right now it is hard to move on. I have zero desire to date or hook up with a girl.

 

What are some of your thoughts on my story?

[Itsjustme2000]

Sounds like a normal break up to me. Unfortunately I feel like your EX has lost all interest and I would recommend that you move on. As hard as it is, it's what needs to be done. Spend sometime healing and becoming yourself again. The only reason why you would get back with her is if she asks you to try again with her. I'm also going to say that it could have been alot worse, you could have been married, with kids etc. I recommend talking to over girls to help with getting over her once you have spent some time healing and you have a small amount of desire to. Good luck with your recovery.

[preraph]

Well, going off on her for dating was a mistake. After all, you ARE broken up. You surely didn't expect her to just sit around twiddling her thumbs after the breakup. I think she's glad to be out of it and is moving on. She's not being a monster about it or anything. She doesn't hate you and hasn't blocked you, but that doesn't mean she is thinking about getting back together. There is no sign of that at all.

 

I think you need to accept it's over and move on, and if you need to block her to do it, then whatever makes it easier for you.

[d0nnivain]

You moved in too fast especially since this was your 1st apartment.

 

Now that you have the experience of living with somebody hopefully you have learned that it takes more then the walls of the apt to keep you together. You must nurture the relationship.

 

You also need balance. Doing anything obsessively even working out & eating healthy can be a bad thing.

 

For now, let her be. She's taking steps to move on. You need to do the same.

[alphamale]

I think you need to accept it's over and move on, and if you need to block her to do it, then whatever makes it easier for you.

 

For now, let her be. She's taking steps to move on. You need to do the same.

 

^this^

[schlumpy]

Look up the 180. It's a program that if followed will help you detach and gain some motivation. I'd post a link but last time I did that the moderator erased my post.

[alphamale]

Look up the 180. It's a program that if followed will help you detach and gain some motivation. I'd post a link but last time I did that the moderator erased my post.

maybe you should get pre-approval from a moderator?

[lonelyplanetmoon]

I got back with my ex after our last break up after saying we would both be different people and really work on the relationship.

Wasted 2 years tying. It was great at first but slowly the old issues crept back in. Once you reach the point of breaking up, it is never the same. Those feelings really do not come back.

 

It is hard to walk away esp if you feel that you erred and fell short but truthfully the blame always falls equally on both. Don’t take more of the blame than you deserve. With some distance you will see it was not so one sided and she could have done some things differently had she been really invested.

[Fekenaws]

You're self-aware enough to realize you messed up, which is good. But it doesn't change the fact that you DID mess up. Love rarely gives second chances, just learn from this episode and use it perfect a future relationship. This chapter is over, sorry.