Jump to content

My Girlfriend left me for my best friend


Recommended Posts

Hi, I am currently heartbroken, depressed and alone. Back when i was in school i met a great friend called Riva and we did pretty much everything together, he has had incidents of where he would cut himself and i would be there for him and have had to call a hotline 4 times now. This impacted me deeply but i wouldn't let it affect me and just stay strong for him and be there for him. I then met a girl last year September 9th, best night of my life, we have done so much together since, we have gone to road trips, parties and even just done the most normal married couple stuff.

 

We loved each other so much and it felt like nothing could break us apart. We were certain we would get married one day and have kids alongside pets. Me and her would always also hang out with my best friend on dark quiet nights drinking and just having fun.But she had to move down to a different city to go study, this effected our relationship a little as we loved each other so much we missed each other a lot and we were both upset. I then had enough of it, saved up money and moved down to go make a living down there. The first night i got there, we would celebrate and went out to town with all her friends, but she would CONSTANTLY check her phone, every 1-2 minutes, later that night, she ran back to her dorm, and she said she doesn't know how she feels about us anymore, and that she has been speaking with my best friend and has had feelings for him.

 

I begged her to stop messaging him and called him to stop messaging her that it would drive me to kill myself because that is how i felt in the moment. He said, he would, just don't do something stupid. 1 week later, i find out they are still in contact, i asked her again to block him, she said ok, another week later i find out AGAIN they are STILL in contact, i asked her AGAIN to block him, and then one last time i found out again and it drove me insane, i ran away from home and would cut myself 46 times on my forearms. and then 37 times on my upper arm.

 

She said she couldn't handle the pressure anymore and i need help, and she almost broke up with me. I told her I will go talk to my parents right now and tell them everything and get help, because i wanted to fix myself and us. I did that, 1 week later. She said she feels too bad for what she did with my friend Riva and how she lied to me and chased all my friends away from me. And she broke up with me. She hasn't contacted me once, but i found out that she is now AGAIN in contact with Riva. Help.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok firstly self harming is not helping you or anyone, and just makes you come across like you are seeking attention. Stop it, you are not a child. Secondly what you do is cut all contact with her. She has made her feelings clear. She does not want a future with you. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? You don't. You find someone else that does. Thirdly you cut all contact with your friend 'Riva'. You two are no longer friends. Fourthly you move on with life and put this whole thing behind you. It may hurt now but with time it will get better.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel

Riva is a total dirtbag. What a snake! After all your kindness, he made moves on your girl and now she's smitten with him. They are both toxic for you now. Sorry!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
healing light
Riva is a total dirtbag. What a snake! After all your kindness, he made moves on your girl and now she's smitten with him. They are both toxic for you now. Sorry!

 

^^This.

 

Focus on what drove you to cut and try to heal that wound so that you're not literally externalizing your pain. If you need help by the means of a professional, do that because you are worth the investment and whatever relationship you have in the future will prosper.

 

I'm sorry your best friend ended up being such a cad. Were you a cutter before you met him? Is that how you initially bonded?

 

 

Any woman who gets involved with your best friend without even breaking things off is not worth it. If it wasn't Riva, it could have been anyone else down the line. People who want to cheat cheat. It's terrible that she couldn't have broken the news to you about her feelings before you uprooted your life to be with her. So, know that she wasn't the right partner for you even though you're hurting (which is normal with any breakup, especially with this level of betrayal).

 

Good luck in your healing.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly

OP, you mentioned you spoke to your parents about receiving professional help. What sort of plan is in place for that? Responding to emotional pain by threatening suicide and self-harming is a sign deeper emotional disturbances that need to be addressed.

 

This girl is not good news. And this "friend" of yours is no friend. Stay away from both of them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
OP, you mentioned you spoke to your parents about receiving professional help. ...

 

I have seeked professional help, i haven't harmed myself since. I visit a therapist weekly now.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Ok firstly self harming is not helping you or anyone, and just makes you come across like you are seeking attention. Stop it, you are not a child....

 

I am fully aware of me hurting myself was wrong, this is what caused pressure on her which is understandable, but that night, i went and told my parents. I now visit a therapist once a week and even take sleeping pills to help fall asleep to stop my thoughts from spiraling when i do try sleep, along side some anti depressants

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Focus on what drove you to cut and try to heal that wound so that you're not literally externalizing your pain. If you need help by the means of a professional, do that because you are worth the investment and whatever relationship you have in the future will prosper.

 

I'm sorry your best friend ended up being such a cad. Were you a cutter before you met him? Is that how you initially bonded...

 

In some way, the cutting from my side, was "influenced" by him, i have never done it, and never had the thought, but he did it so much, i thought it would help.

 

Also, thank you all for the kind and supportive words.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites
traditional

Just when you think you have problems there are always more and bigger stool in someone else life. Almost glad I am not you, I know how it feels.

 

 

Despite the pain and betrayal you dodged a bullet. There are enough reasons to be sad and injured about your situation, but it really is simple. Now you re equipped to know what to avoid. You have been freed from both of them and it gives you new opportunity to know other people and have other experiences. Don't hold on to anything in life, especialy not other human beings. Nothing is permanent even if it seems that way, appreciate it for what it was and LIVE.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

 

We loved each other so much and it felt like nothing could break us apart. We were certain we would get married one day and have kids alongside pets.

 

But she had to move down to a different city to go study, this effected our relationship a little as we loved each other so much we missed each other a lot and we were both upset. I then had enough of it, saved up money and moved down to go make a living down there.

 

Just reading this part tells me you were needy and clingy, far more invested into the relationship than she was, pursuing her to another city to tie her down. The moment a man decides to abandon his life to follow his woman, her attraction for him is mortally wounded. Shacking up with your buddy was obviously extremely inconsiderate and immature, but I understand why she lost interest in you.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. But it helps to frame these situations as opportunities to learn and grow. Don't give you heart away so easily. Screen your friends better. And never, ever, follow a woman or a relationship. Women will come and go. Most of your relationships will fail. Follow your own goals. The one who will stay will join you.

Edited by rjc149
Link to post
Share on other sites

Your girlfriend and your friend are trash. What they did to you is so hurtful but you are better off without either of them. They would have shown their bad behavior in the future anyway and you don't need people like them in your life. You are young and have yet to meet your soulmate. Keep your grades and your chin up.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It may not seem like it now, but you dodged a bullet. She isn't worth pursuing. Focus on healing yourself. Forget the both of them. You will find someone else in the future that will value you just as much as you valued her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, I'm so sorry your two most loved people betrayed you. I kind of know how that feels. You lose them both at once.

 

You will need help to get through it. I am glad and hope your parents get you to a psychologist for help right away. It's hard to trust people once something like this happens to you. But try to remember that there ARE ethical people out there who would never do this to a friend. Ethical people aren't just loyal to those they are dating, but they are ethical about general things in life. So you look for people who are ethical with their employer and not trying to cheat others one way or the other and don't try to take advantage of people, and at least that's a start.

 

So now, were you already cutting before this incident? If so, I understand why someone would be concerned enough and not be able to handle it, but it begs the question: Then why go from one who does this to another who also does it? Seems like she wouldn't want to date either of you if that is the real issue. It may only be her excuse. And your "best friend," he has no excuse. Shame on him. Leave him behind.

 

But you go to therapy and pour out all your feelings there and I hope it helps and imagine it will. Then let us know how you're doing. So sorry this happened to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...