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What is my Ex doing?


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My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We also work together. Stupid move to date at work, but it's a moot point now. We broke up a few months ago, by mostly his choice, but very mutual. It didn't end on good or bad terms, it just kind of ended. We didn't talk for a little over a month. Once we broke no-contact, we got into another fight over him accusing me of doing something I didn't do and he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore.

 

 

Fast forward to my birthday. He texted me the day before my birthday and said he wanted to be the first to wish me a happy birthday and he hoped I had a good day. I thanked him and said nothing else. On my actual birthday he called me and said he wanted me to hear his voice wishing me a happy birthday. We spoke for 5 minutes and that was it. 20 minutes later I got another text saying he had a few minutes before a work meeting and wanted to know if he could stop by for a hug. I agreed. He came, we hugged, he was checking me out and then mouthed a kiss face. Then he left. I let it go after that. He stopped by my office that day to hug me again for my birthday.

 

 

Now, the last 2 days at work he has been coming into my office for small talk and a hug. He is also seeking me out for hugs. Yesterday he did another kiss face at me again. I am so incredibly confused by his actions. I haven't texted him or reached out to him and he isn't texting me. It's all staying at work.

 

 

Am I reading too much into this? Is he screwing with me? What does this all mean? I am so confused. Help!

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It's very weird & on the actions alone I can't tell. You best ask him. If you want him back, make that clear. If you don't, gently suggest that you'd prefer to keep things professional at work . . . no more hugs & no more dropping by to chat.

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Stop hugging him!

 

Make him stay OUT of your personal space and personal stuff if he doesn’t intend to date you!

 

Don’t allow it.

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Stop hugging him!

 

Make him stay OUT of your personal space and personal stuff if he doesn’t intend to date you!

 

Don’t allow it.

 

 

 

 

But is his actions him trying to get me back or messing with me? I just can't tell.

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Hard to say but I wouldn't allow his actions in a professional workplace environment. They are inappropriate.

 

At the least be on guard. He may have not had much success after your relationship ended.

 

From what I've seen if it fizzles once it's a good bet it'll fizzle again. You up for going through that again?

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Yesterday and today he is ignoring me. I am just so confused. I guess I will continue on as normal and see how it all plays out. I could just ask him, but I don't think I will go that route.

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I could just ask him, but I don't think I will go that route.

 

Why not? Why are you deliberately choosing to not ask the only person who can answer your Q?

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Beendaredonedat
But is his actions him trying to get me back or messing with me? I just can't tell.
How the heck are strangers on the internet suppose to be able to answer that question?

 

I will ask you something that you can answer that will give us some guidance on how we can actually help YOU.

 

What do you want from this chuckler? Do you want him back? If so, I suggest you mentally visit the reasons why you broke up in the first place because the chances he or you have changed are next to nil and the same chit will start happening soon enough.

 

If its for him to leave you alone so that you can heal and move on from your addiction to him then I suggest you stop taking a hit of your drug of choice and outright tell him to stop with the hugs and kissy face and to get on with his life sans those things because its annoying.

 

So: What is it you want?

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My guess he hoped he could persuade you to have sex with him hence the hugs and checking you out.

As that didn't happen, he has gone cold again.

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I would be wary, OP. He may be going through a quiet patch in his dating life and wondering if he could have fun with you again. If he broke it up once, he could do that again.

 

You don't owe him hugs and kisses. I would put a stop to that. If he wants to be back with you in a proper dating relationship - where he takes you out and calls you his girlfriend with other people - then he should be making that clear to you.

 

I am not surprised you are confused. Definitely do not kiss him - he needs to earn his way back to you.

 

I agree with other posters that you need to keep this out of your workplace. Who knows what CCTV could pick up? You don't want to give anyone ammunition for suggesting that you/he are behaving inappropriately in the workplace - not that a hug is too inappropriate but it depends how it is interpreted.

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Well...he came over and we hooked up. No idea what it means now or where we go from here. We haven't spoken since it happened. Ugh...what a mess!

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I'm going with he is wanting someone to have sex with. You did that before and when you just faded away, it wasn't a big mess, so he's thinking why not do that again, convenient, no muss, no fuss sex.

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I'm going with he is wanting someone to have sex with. You did that before and when you just faded away, it wasn't a big mess, so he's thinking why not do that again, convenient, no muss, no fuss sex.

 

 

 

Yup...I am thinking you are 100% correct on this one. I think I just need to pull the plug and go full no contact. I am not a friends with benefits person and it's not going to happen.

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GorillaTheater

All this analyzing (or attempting to, anyways) about what his intentions are, but so far you haven't said anything about what YOU want.

 

So, what do you want?

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All this analyzing (or attempting to, anyways) about what his intentions are, but so far you haven't said anything about what YOU want.

 

So, what do you want?

 

 

 

Thank you for asking. As easy as I can say this...I don't know what I want. Of course I love him and wanted to create a life with him, but the timing of our relationship was/is way off. In a fairytale world, we would be together, but I am a realist. I want this to be a road to recovery, but I also think too much damage has been done. I have always been the one willing to fight for us, but it's defeating to find out your always the one fighting alone.

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He broke up with you, his choice.

If he wanted to get back with you he would be treating you way better than this. He knows you love him and he used you for sex, then went silent, he will be back the next time he is horny and he doesn't have a better option.

Using "in love" exes as FWBs is not uncommon and is a pretty cruel trick.

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@DeepSparks

 

Hey OP,

 

I am sorry for your pain. Looks like he's attempting to blur boundaries at his convenience and is successfully breaking you down.

 

Don't let him blur the boundaries like this. You're in charge of your well-being and so you need to put your foot down and respect yourself. If you don't do it, he won't. Things will continue as they are.

 

If he does something like this again, don't hug him, reject his advances and tell him to respect your boundaries. It'll force him to get real with himself. Depending on what conclusions he arrives to in his own time, he may continue to respect your wishes and will eventually find someone else or he'll want to get back together. So on your end, I would figure out what I want as soon as possible so if the latter happens, you'll make a decision with confidence.

 

If you ask me though, the fact that he's trying something underhandedly like this doesn't bode well for his character. The insincerity shows he doesn't care all that much about a longterm relationship with you. Seems more like he's interested in flirting..maybe casual sex. I'd be real leery about getting back together if he does suggest it in the future.

 

Thank you for asking. As easy as I can say this...I don't know what I want. Of course I love him and wanted to create a life with him, but the timing of our relationship was/is way off. In a fairytale world, we would be together, but I am a realist. I want this to be a road to recovery, but I also think too much damage has been done. I have always been the one willing to fight for us, but it's defeating to find out your always the one fighting alone.

 

So now that you know how you feel, put him in his place.

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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Yup...I am thinking you are 100% correct on this one. I think I just need to pull the plug and go full no contact. I am not a friends with benefits person and it's not going to happen.

 

If he wanted to get back together in any type of serious relationship, he'd ask you on a proper date and first he'd have a serious talk with you and make some commitment or want to work through what didn't work before.

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Thank you for asking. As easy as I can say this...I don't know what I want. Of course I love him and wanted to create a life with him, but the timing of our relationship was/is way off. In a fairytale world, we would be together, but I am a realist. I want this to be a road to recovery, but I also think too much damage has been done. I have always been the one willing to fight for us, but it's defeating to find out your always the one fighting alone.

 

Anytime there's an imbalance like that, it's just not worth fighting for. You're just more invested. Let it go.

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  • 4 weeks later...

He is acting strange.

 

My last ex wished me a happy birthday, and we even hung out again a few months later but she was completely over me at that point. All it did was cause me heartache. But what I can tell you is that in my case my non-interested ex did not hug me, make contact, or send any excessively cutesy messages.

 

Your ex wants to bang or is looking to rekindle. Find out which before you proceed and assume nothing.

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