Long distance ex wants to meet up when I move to his state

[b1a6]

I broke up with my long distance boyfriend of 5 months about a month ago. We had met in person about 4 times, a few days each time. The break up wasn't really nasty- he didn't do anything majorly wrong, I just didn't feel as strongly about him as he did about me so I felt like it wasn't right to continue. I tried to be as nice as possible during the breakup and was honest about how I felt. He contacted me two weeks later wanting specific details (argh) so I told him that too, hoping it would give him the closure he wanted.

 

2 weeks after that, now he's asking me to meet him in person. I am actually moving to his state near his city for school next month, which is a plan I had before I even met him.

 

I told him I couldn't do it-- we're already broken up and I feel like it would be very awkward and emotional to meet up. At least for me I'd be very uncomfortable, because I feel bad about breaking up with him.

 

He says that "If I have any respect for the time we spent together" then I should meet him.

 

Is that fair? Would I be a total jerk if I said I didn't want to do it? I don't see how it would help him with moving on.

[MeadowFlower]

If you aren't interested in getting back with him, then for his sake don't meet up with him or keep in contact.

[ExpatInItaly]

He says that "If I have any respect for the time we spent together" then I should meet him.

 

Is that fair? Would I be a total jerk if I said I didn't want to do it? I don't see how it would help him with moving on.

 

No, I don't feel that's fair. I know he's hurt, but it's a manipulative thing to say. I would stand firm and simply reassert your position; don't repeat what you have already told him as to why you don't want to meet.

 

A simple, "No, ex, I'm sorry" is all I would say at this point. No further discussion about it.

[basil67]

Yes, he's being manipulative and trying to guilt trip you. You can simply reply "Sorry, there's nothing more to say". Then block him. You don't need an ex who does this.

[d0nnivain]

I told him I couldn't do it-- we're already broken up and I feel like it would be very awkward and emotional to meet up. At least for me I'd be very uncomfortable, because I feel bad about breaking up with him.

 

He says that "If I have any respect for the time we spent together" then I should meet him.

 

Is that fair? Would I be a total jerk if I said I didn't want to do it? I don't see how it would help him with moving on.

 

His statement isn't about fairness. It's about him trying to fight for what he wants: a relationship with you. You wouldn't be a "total jerk" for not meeting him but you would prove to be a gracious compassionate person if you did meet him. Think about how you would prefer to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot.

 

In all honesty he probably thinks that you two broke up because the distance interfered. He probably thinks since you will be local once you move that a more conventional dating situation will enable you two to be closer & overcome whatever the problems were.

 

If you are well & truly done, meet him & tell him it's over to his face. Then stop interacting with him so he has to face reality. Now he's holding out hope that your problems were all due to the distance.

[b1a6]

Hey, thanks for the responses everybody. I asserted that I would not meet him, and he replied that I'm "acting like our relationship was nothing" and "making him feel really bad but I don't care." I said that I have treated with him with nothing but respect during this breakup, shown a lot of sympathy, and I don't deserved to be attacked like this.

 

His statement isn't about fairness. It's about him trying to fight for what he wants: a relationship with you. You wouldn't be a "total jerk" for not meeting him but you would prove to be a gracious compassionate person if you did meet him. Think about how you would prefer to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot...

 

I have been broken up over text by a guy who lived 10 minutes away. He blocked me on all platforms immediately after, and I had to see him in class almost every day, having had zero closure. I felt like **** and wished that he had met me in person to finalize it. He pulled out a laundry list of things I had done wrong and wouldn't talk through it to make things better. He probably just didn't like me enough and couldn't be honest about it.

 

I think this situation is different. I answered everything he wanted to know and was honest. I would have broken up in person if it was possible. And if I was moving there like a week or two after the breakup, I probably would have agreed to meet him. But two months after the breakup? It just seems a little unreasonable after that amount of time.