Ex still living with me.

[Usagi1234]

I met S a year and a half ago. We worked at the same place. We flirted a lot but we’re both seeing other people. Last fall we both found ourselves single and working at other places and we struck up a friendship that soon blossomed into a relationship. Here’s the rub. I’m 49, she’s 24. She moved into my home, quit her job and we began a life together. I helped her with her 4 year old and everything seemed perfect. Lots of I love you’d passed back and forth every day.

 

One morning I came down to go to work and found her laptop open. It was in her Facebook messenger and I discovered she had been talking to several men and even had been sending one of them pics and having deep talks and sexting. I confronted her that night and she admitted to it but said it was nothing. That her generation did that stuff it didn’t mean anything. I didn’t buy it and asked her to move out. She had no where to go and ended up on her baby daddy’s couch. I began to pull my crap together but still missed her everyday. After a month, she asked if she could please come “home”. She and her ex fought all the time and she missed me. I let her with the understanding that she pay rent, her own food, her phone bill (I was paying it) and that she get a job.

 

Eventually she got a job and the closeness of her being there led to us talking about trying again. I told her I needed to know I could trust her. She had to prove I could trust her. She said she would. We pretty much went back to “normal”, but I refused to sleep with her until we recommitted. She got a job, but never paid any of the bills or rent. A month ago, at work, I opened Facebook on my phone to see a post pop up from her that said “in a relationship”. Some guy I had never heard of and never met.

 

When I got home she said she fell in love, had met him on Facebook, and she was sorry. She loved me, but wasn’t “in” love with me. I asked her to move. She said she couldn’t that she had nowhere to go. The new man lives an hour away and she can’t be that far from her daughter. So now she goes to see him on the weekends and spends her week nights with me. She still pays nothing, eats what I put in the fridge, I still pay her phone bill (part of my cell plan) and she still calls me “babe, honey, sweetheart”. She still tells me “I love you” all the time and she still often gives me the vibe that she wants to be intimate.

 

So should I be an ogre and put her in the streets or just keep this crap up in hopes that things may change. Yes, I’m still in love with her. This is killing me I feel like I did after my divorce. I’ve lost weight. I don’t sleep. I’m cranky and restless. I just don’t know what to do.

[d0nnivain]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

This woman is using you. Her poor life choices are no longer your problem. You are not an ogre.

 

I once paid $500 for an Ex's moving expenses. It was the best money I ever spent just to get him out of my house.

[Marc878]

At this point you know what's up but you are the one keeping yourself in this situation.

 

You are your biggest problem

[Highndry]

I mean......HUH??! Kick her out, man. Grow a pair.

[stillafool]

Tell her to go back over to her baby's daddy's house and sleep on the sofa, floor, on the bathroom floor, what do you care? She's not your problem. You've played her father long enough. Throw her out!

[Beendaredonedat]

Next time she goes to visit lover boy, change the locks and have all her stuff packed and put in a storage facility and give her the key... rent for the storage unit will be cheaper than you paying all her bills, housing her and having to pay higher utility bills due to her usage. How humiliating for you that she uses your internet access to garner the attention of other men while she uses you for your generosity.

 

She is a user and she is using you to the point that you are feeling like a schmuck. Don't enable her to tear down your self-esteem any further.

 

If you don't want to put her stuff in a storage facility then pack it up and leave it on your front porch if you have one and don't let her back in. Call the police if she causes a fuss. She needs to hit her rock bottom or she will never change from the sociopathic user she appears to be.

[d0nnivain]

I suspect that some of the OPs reluctance to kick out this user of a GF has to do with the 4 year old child stuck in the middle of mommy's drama.

 

That said, the 4 year old has a bio father. She & mommy lived with him before. They can do it again even if they don't want to.

 

Does your GF have other family? Perhaps they can take her & her daughter in. Even if GF doesn't want to do that it's still an option.

 

You simply have to stop being the easiest option for her.

[FMW]

Give her a few days to one week notice to move her things out and tell her if she doesn't YOU will move them out (in whatever way works best for you). Change the locks. Have absolutely no further contact with her after that.

 

Still being in love with her doesn't mean you let her treat you in such a hurtful, disrespectful, generally just unbelievably crass way.

[Highndry]

As a man, if a woman ever cheats on me or seeks the attention of another man, it's over immediately. There is no talk, there is nothing that can reverse that damage. If she was living with me, she would be packing her bags the very minute I found out.

[Redhead14]

I’m still in love with her.

- Picture a leech, a blood sucking parasite attached to your belly . . . now tell us you're still in love with her. Kick her too the curb immediately.

[Usagi1234]

After reading all your comments and her quitting her job so she good go on a Fathers Day weekend trip with her boyfriend and his family, I sent her a text and told her I needed her to move out. I gave her till the end of the month. She melted down and accused me of being a jealous jerk who was being spiteful. It’s been radio silence ever since. Hopefully I’ll come home today and she will have gotten her things and moved on to the next sucker. One of you mentioned that I had an attachment to her child. I do and she made it clear a long time ago that If I ask her to leave I lose any contact with her child. This is probably the hardest part as the child and I have bonded and I love her. But I lay this at my ex’s feet. I know what is going to happen. She’s going to move in with the new guy. He’s going to see the real her and within a few months she will ask if she can come “home” again. This time I won’t allow it. I hope I won’t at least.

[stillafool]

Your house is not her "home". If she asked to come back tell her this. As a matter of fact you should block her from contacting you so you won't have this worry. She will never be in love with you. Please realize this. Women do not treat men they love the way this one treats you. Let her go and block her. Years from now when her daughter is grown perhaps you can reconnect but right now you have to let them both go.

[Flame Aura]

Why are you giving her until the end of the month? You don't learn do you.

 

Put her stuff by the door and tell her tomorrow it will all be outside if she doesn't collect it. Her and her child is not your problem, she's taking you for a mug and she's made that clear, even worse is you are letting her do that. Stop being a wet blanket and have some self respect.

[Beendaredonedat]

I think it's a shame that she is bringing men in and out of that little girls life. She is teaching her that men are disposable or that they leave so she should never bond with them.

 

There are women out there that would make wonderful mothers that can't have children and then there is her. Very sad.

[d0nnivain]

I didn't mean to say that you had some sort of unnatural attachment to the child; simply that it's not that easy to throw out an innocent kid.

 

Otherwise your crystal ball is working just fine. She will jump to him. he will kick her out & she will be back crying on your door.

 

You are neither spiteful or jealous. However, when she cries point out to her that since she thinks you are both it's in her best interests to not live with you.

 

You would be well served to pack up all her things with a written inventory so she can just leave. Have the locks changed sooner rather than later too. You don't know what she will do to trash your house in her anger.

[Beendaredonedat]

within a few months she will ask if she can come “home” again.This time I won’t allow it. I hope I won’t at least.

If you are that weak when it comes to her then you really should just pack up all her stuff and have it ready at the door for her... or placed outside and have the locks changed.

Then block and delete her from being able to reach you after that.

 

Time to look after your own emotional well being now. She certainly isn't and never will.

[Highndry]

I sent her a text and told her I needed her to move out. I gave her till the end of the month. She melted down and accused me of being a jealous jerk who was being spiteful.

 

 

Wow, this nasty little user has some nerve. I'd change "end of the month" to "end of the day" after that sort of reaction. In fact, I'd be throwing all of her stuff out the front door in a pile. I wouldn't even leave it neatly organized.

[stillafool]

OP, why doesn't she move in with the guy she's staying with every night?

[Usagi1234]

It didn’t take long. She is moving in with the new guy. It will be interesting. He works very long hours and now she’s an hour away from everything and everyone she knows. I packed her things and asked her to please come get them. She is coming tomorrow and asked if we could talk. I told her there wasn’t anything to talk about. I think it’s over. I’m sad actually, but it was the best choice for all involved.

[preraph]

Glad she's out. She's just wanting to try to get you to say you'll take her in if it doesn't work out. Tell her no.

[FMW]

She's clearly a user - so of course she moved right in with him, she had to find someone else to house and feed her since you aren't going to.

 

"I think it's over". Ugh. Please, please don't take her back. Of course you're sad, and it surely hurts like hell. But you will get over it and be free at some point to find someone who makes you happy and treats you with love and respect. She's failed miserably, good riddance.

[niji]

Wow, this nasty little user has some nerve.

This is the best thing I've read today :lmao: I'm gonna steal the "nasty little user" from now on. It accurately describes the situation.

 

 

OP, I have no other recommendation than to echo what others have posted: throw-her-out. As a woman this makes my blood boil that there are so many women out there (men too, but maybe a little less ) who use men so they can remain a lazy leech.

 

 

Also, I can't help but notice the age gap (some couples with a 25 year age gap do work out, but more often than not, it's a lot easier to date within your age range AND maturity level), but more importantly, the

 

I’m 49, she’s 24. She moved into my home, quit her job

What?

Next time please don't date someone who quits her job to move in with you. Unless she is doing so to enroll in an Ivy League and planning to make 7 figures after graduating. Joking aside, don't date people who can't take care of themselves. Not when they're 24, not when they're 49. Because no matter how old they are, guess what someone like that expect will be taking care of them? The first bank of Usagi1234.

Edited June 19, 2019 by niji

[d0nnivain]

Glad she is moving. You dodged a bullet

[Redhead14]

Nah, the bullet hit him . . . fortunately there's an exit wound and he'll recover