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7 Months Down the Line


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So I’m almost 7 months on from getting dumped because “we still get on each other’s nerves”. I’ve been on dates with 16 different women since & have got into the shape of my life from going to the gym 6x a week & eating right. I’m seeing a girl atm, she’s very chilled out (waaaay more than my ex was), funny, intelligent, very pretty, really likes me & just seems to have her head screwed on in a way that my ex didn’t. All in all she’s more than likely better than my ex.

 

As with everything though there is a ‘however’......for some reason I’m still totally in love with my ex, to the point where I’m still hoping that she’ll reach out (I’ve been in NC since the day I was dumped). I think about her everyday for a lot of the day & I just can’t see myself getting over her.

 

I think about how moody she was, how she always had to have something to complain about, how high strung she was & loads of other negative things....but I still find myself wanting her. Is this actual love or have I just gone a bit crazy because I don’t like the fact that I’ve been rejected & just want her to want me?

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mark clemson

As with everything though there is a ‘however’......for some reason I’m still totally in love with my ex, to the point where I’m still hoping that she’ll reach out (I’ve been in NC since the day I was dumped). I think about her everyday for a lot of the day & I just can’t see myself getting over her.

 

This is probably limerence. It's somewhat similar to addiction in neurological terms. Here's a wikipedia article on it so you can decide for yourself.

 

Assuming it is, it should fade in time (but it's months, not weeks, as you've seen). Normally it DOES fade eventually.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

 

 

Suggest you continue keeping away from her and enjoy your new girl. It's not fair to either of you to pine for the one who got away. Even if you can't help it, the limerence will fade in time, so just make a decision to wait it out.

 

Some will urge you to "get yourself straight" before starting a new relationship. They have a point and this may damage your R with the new GF. However this must be weighed against you being stuck, lonely, and pining in limerence for the old GF. Not a healthy state either. This way at least you have a pretty decent R going.

 

IF you really think you REALLY don't want the new GF and are just using her or similar, then suggest you end it to be fair to her.

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Don't worry, it's normal. My ex reached out after 3 months and we didn't hang out till 8 months after we broke up. It was a disappointing meetup if only because she was completely over "us" at that point, it was obvious in every mannerism she had the whole hang out. If anything, your ex is doing you a favor. 7 months may not seem like a long time, but she will likely be a different person than you knew when you were dating, and that is a depressing feeling. Keep moving on and enjoy your new girl, she sounds great

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Is she with another guy? I've noticed guys who didn't seem all that interested in me and ghosted (when I was young) would perk right up once they saw me dating someone else. Must be that competitive male gene or something. Would you feel better if you got back together and then you dumped her?

 

Are the reasons you broke up good ones? Her idea or yours?

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