1 month relationship ended...I wan't back in.

[pachydermvibes]

So I met this girl over a month ago. She seemed like a sweet girl and I found her attractive. I asked her out and she kindly accepted. On our first date we went for a hike and hit it off right away. We ended up spending the night together and despite us both wanting "to take it slow", we ended up sleeping together. When I saw her next she was concerned about going too fast. I assured her that I was happy to move at a slower pace and that it was worth being patient for. She quickly cheered up and then we planned another date.

 

The relationship really began to take off and we had deep discussions about every aspect of our lives. It wasn't until about two weeks in that she informed me that she was two months out of a LTR. I let her know that I wasn't threatened and that I could be patient. Despite this she continued to want to see more and more of me. It really seemed like this girl might be a good fit for me and my hopes were that this relationship might go somewhere. But in the back of my head I had a strong feeling this was going to be a short fling.

 

After having two steamy nights together we both had to travel over the weekend. We made plans for a dinner date the following week and she continued to text me "I miss you" over the weekend.

 

Everything seemed to be going well and she continued to text me loving messages throughout the week. On Thursday I got a "good morning" text and nothing seemed out of place. By noon I got the dreaded "we need to chat" message. I knew right then and there that stuff was going to get weird. I held off responding for a few hours and then sent her a message when it was a good time for me. Her message read...

 

"So I don't really know how to say this but I think we need to chat. I've been struggling a little. I don't know if I'm ready. It's nothing against you I just don't know what I want in life. I hope you understand, I just feel my gut telling me it's not our time and that I need to take a step back. Please don't hate me. I regret nothing and enjoyed our time. I hope you understand that."

 

I told her that I understood and that I enjoyed our time together as well. I did tell her that we should at least meet in person one last time and talk in person. She responded "I understand. But don't think I can. Im sorry"

 

At this point I knew the conversation was stale so I let it go for the evening, expecting that we would talk in the next few days. But she went silent on me. I understand that she needed her space so I've left it be as of now. It's now been 5 days since she dumped me and still no contact. Sure looking like a rebound relationship to me, but I really don't feel she is interested in her ex.

 

My questions to the forum are....

 

Given that we only dated for a month how long should I give her before I try to reconnect?

 

Also I feel like I need to apologize for putting too much pressure on her and the relationship to grow. Do you guys think this is a good idea or should I play the whole no contact/build attraction method?

 

I feel that I may have been too available and willing to commit. I think she was scared when she saw that and is afraid of another ugly breakup. I feel like I need to apologize for this as I'm aware of how excited I was about the relationship and I think she felt pressure to commit.

 

I know the theories on No Contact are all over the place. I don't want to be pushy/clingy, but I want to be persistent. She definitely has a lot going on in her mind and I'm not taking any of this breakup personally...or as best as I can. We never fought and the breakup was pretty smooth. I am willing to let this go, but I would prefer to try and reboot the relationship as a better and more understanding/patient man.

 

Thanks for reading my long post and I would appreciate anybodies input or advice.

Edited June 4, 2019 by pachydermvibes

[ExpatInItaly]

There is no way for you to “play” this one, OP.

 

She was clear she’s not ready, and that she doesn’t want to continue to seeing you. It sucks, but it’s totally out of your hands. Being persistent is only going to annoy her and confirm that she made the right choice to walk away.

 

Sorry, man. This one’s done.

[elaine567]

NC is not a "method" to get things back on track, NC is designed to let you forget about the other person - out of sight, out of mind - so that you can heal and move on.

 

She made it pretty clear she is done. You need to listen to her.

Nothing worse than a rejected lover who doesn't get the message.

Stay away.

[d0nnivain]

Break ups default to the one who wants out. You were a rebound for her. She knows how to get in touch with you. If she wants you back she knows where to find you. None of this is within your control. No amount of waiting will change her mind. There are no perfect words you can say. It was simply bad timing. That said if you were The One for her, the timing would not have mattered.