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chemistry and Reconcilation


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Do you think that there are increased odds of reconciliation if sexual chemistry/ attractiveness was still high? It sounds like lots of times there is a decrease in activity as one of the earlier signs of the breakup. In my case.. it was still going strong and she even discussed how attracted to me she was still while on the breakup call (she dumping me). Not necessarily a good idea to do or to put any hope in.. just kinda curious on peoples thoughts.

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Words don't mean anything. Her actions tell you more. She dumped you bud.

 

 

 

It's probably just breadcrumbs. To keep you online while she's trying out her new boyfriend

 

Or maybe just trying to let you down easy.

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ExpatInItaly

This so much depends on the other variables that contributed to the break-up, OP.

 

First and foremost, you need to be careful in assuming she's being completely honest that she's still that attracted. Some dumpers will say this to avoid hurting the other person even more than they already are. It's true that sex can go down the drain when a person is emotionally detaching, but some are also good at faking it and going through the motions (yes, even in bed) up until the end.

 

Second, the emotional attachment component is important too. My ex was an objectively very attractive man, and I concede he was very good in bed. However, it wasn't enough to keep the relationship together when the emotional connection died and I just wanted out. There were several reasons why I felt so disconnected from him, but the sexual chemistry and physical attraction weren't sufficient in maintaining the relationship long-term.

 

It stands to reason that existing physical attraction is better than none at all when it comes to odds of reconciling, but it's usually so much more layered than that.

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crispytoast

Yes. I broke up and got back together with my ex easily 5-6 times. Our sex was phenomenal and we couldn't stay away from each other. Every time we got back together, the relationship got worse. Every breakup got harder to do and hurt more. When we finally broke it off for good, it took us living across the country to stay away from each other. Get the idea out of your head, the only thing that will come from trying to get her back is heartbreak.

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Sexual chemistry doesn't overcome all the other stuff that broke you up. I still think one of my EXs in incredibly sexy but I also know he's toxic for me.

 

In contrast my husband is also incredibly sexy but he's good for me.

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The Outlaw

That would depend on how badly the relationship ended. But for me, it would be over period. I want absolutely nothing to do with my ex. But lightning can strike twice if it was a bad breakup, and getting back together for some would be better left avoided.

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My ex reached back out a few times AND we hung out and nothing came from it. I try to avoid making blanket statements, but this one I am confident about: When women check out of a relationship and that women's respect for a man is gone, it is GONE. Done. Finito. Forever. Granted, most women have an extremely long and slow decline of respect before they hit breakup mode, so it is also on guys for not picking up on their signs that they were losing interest. (Most guys start to realize red flags a few months after their S/O left)

 

With guys it's different. They are, in my experience, always more open to rekindling a flame just for sex alone, even leaving other factors aside. Most Women aren't sex starved, this is not an issue for them.

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Yeah, it depends how big a cad you were that she dumped you or how bad a prospect you were for long-term. I was still very attracted to one of my exes when I cut off all dating contact after he slept with my friend. I continued to be around him for work and kind of as friends too, and the attraction was there, but so was my pride and expectations of being treated decently. I can find someone else to have sex with if that's all I want.

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yeah it sounds like it was mostly that i wasn't meeting her emotional needs/ i never told her how i felt so she was confused.. but rather then ever tell me anything was wrong she just sort of bottled it up. After now knowing what she needs/ wanted after we finally talked about it.. I would definitely fulfill them, I just didn't know.. she always seemed so fine. Ive always had a bit of an issue letting my wall down/ telling women how I felt; but was starting to for her. Atleast I can take some knowledge from this of making sure I express myself for the next one before its too late.

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Lotsgoingon

The answer is "no." Reconciliation and relationships require far more than sexual chemistry ...

 

So no ... what the chemistry does perhaps is keep dysfunctional couples together longer than they might otherwise stay.

 

No ... I would say the ability to really listen fairly and comfort each other ... far outranks sexual chemistry in a reconciliation.

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