Libragirl1210 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Hi all, I would like to see what others think of this. I am 5 months into a breakup after 3 years together. We haven’t seen each other since the break up and communication has been limited. Anyway he has a box of old dvds in my garage they have been there for the last couple of years, I contacted him a few weeks after the breakup to see if he wanted to collect his box his response was to just move on, don’t contact him and he wants nothing to do with me, I replied that i was only calling to see if he wanted his stuff he replied that it was only a box of dvds and he would pick up when he had time. This was 4 months ago. Then late last night i received an email from him ( he uses email because he blocked my number and also on social media) asking hows things and that he can come in the morning and get his stuff. I was thinking what the hell lol and i didn’t reply because I really don’t want to see him and am a little nervous that it could set me back of i do see him and after all in his words its only a box of dvds. Is it ok that I don’t reply? He was never worried about them before now all of a sudden 5 months later decided he’ll pop around to get it. I don’t get it Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 This has a simple solution. write him back and tell him that you will leave the box of CDs behind a plant on the porch or something like that. That way you don't have to see him or anything. You don't even have to be there. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Tell him you'll put his stuff on the porch/outside in a box. Maybe he has discovered the app decluttr (which is a great app, fyi) and wants to sell the DVDs. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) Ship them to him Many years ago, I lived with a woman and she left me. I thought we did a thorough job of getting all of her stuff out of my home, but one day I found a pair of her boots all the way in the back depths of a closet. I don't know if she wanted them or not, but I put them in a box and shipped them to her. I had no desire to communicate with her and she had no desire to communicate with me. Problem solved. E-mail him that you shipped them to him and give him the tracking number. Edited June 1, 2019 by Happy Lemming 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Since he's being weak and ambiguous, send him an email and get right to the point with him. Say, "If you want to get back together, I can see you and give you your dvd's personally. But if you just want your dvd's back and nothing more, then they will be left on my porch at X day and time, and don't knock on my door or call me". He will have to make a choice then. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Just tell him you threw the DVDs in the trash a month ago because he hadn’t used them in several years, didn’t pick them up, didn’t believe he wanted them. Link to post Share on other sites
Endnote Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I think it'd be hilarious to tell him you gave the stuff away or trashed it a long time ago. That said, I wouldn't recommend it. I think when a couple splits both sides have a moral obligation to return each others things. Taking their sweet time isnt the right thing to do (and if they refuse to get it in a timely matter I don't think you should have to keep it or return it to them either), but when I was in your situation I gave my ex her stuff back, under the condition that she payed me money she had owed me for a while. That was recently, and about 8 months after the breakup. Anyhow, I left her stuff on the porch and let her know through text after she sent me the money she owed. We didn't exchange anymore words, and I didn't have to see her. I like it that way. You just might too. I wouldn't say **** about getting back together either. 5 months later? If there's gonna be a reconciliation he can do the work. My two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I wouldn't say **** about getting back together either. 5 months later? If there's gonna be a reconciliation he can do the work. My two cents. I understand the indignation, but I get the feeling she kind of wants him, since she even came here to ask this question. So... She has to leave the door open a bit because he's clearly unsure if she feels the same and is afraid of rejection. Basically, we have a man here who may be wanting back. She can tell him she's open to it if she is, and can even add to that what she needs him to do to make it up to her. Men love instructions. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Basically, we have a man here who may be wanting back. Yea, because who he was dating (for 5 months) didn't work out and he wants a soft place to land. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragirl1210 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Share Posted June 1, 2019 Well i was going to reply and say i would leave them out the front so I didn’t have to see him but i’m thinking there is more to it and it’s not at all about him just wanting his dvds. Thats why I decided to just ignore it i’ve worked hard to get back to my happy place and am afraid i could take steps back if I respond no matter how innocent it may seem, we have had a couple of break ups before and both times he wormed his way back in ( but that was within a week or two) and i’m determined not to let him do it this time, i still do have feelings but i 100% don’t want to go back there. Just don’t understand why his doing it now after 5 months and i know he hasn’t dated anyone since we broke up as we have a lot of mutual friends all his basically been doing is working alot and sitting at home Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragirl1210 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Share Posted June 1, 2019 If push comes to shove and he persists about picking up his things then i will have to respond and leave them out but for now i just want to maintain my silence, because i feel like thats whats best for me emotionally 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 i know he hasn’t dated anyone since we broke up as we have a lot of mutual friends all his basically been doing is working alot and sitting at home Well there you have it. Girl, I've had guys come back after 3 YEARS! There really is no timeline on it. If you're sure you don't want him back, then leave his stuff on the porch, or you could just ignore him if you don't even want to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) Just don’t understand why his doing it now after 5 months and i know he hasn’t dated anyone since we broke up as we have a lot of mutual friends all his basically been doing is working alot and sitting at home Then he wants to get laid and has had no luck with other women, so you'll do, for now. I still say ship his DVD's to him. I assume there is some type of mail or parcel post service in Australia. Edited June 1, 2019 by Happy Lemming Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 If it were me, I would just junk them and ignore the guy. Definitely, I think you did the right thing ignoring him. He had his chance but said they're just old trash and not to contact him. So, done. keep healing! I also think it's a bit rich of him to just assume he can pop round at short notice, out of nowhere. No way! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragirl1210 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Share Posted June 1, 2019 Definitely, I think you did the right thing ignoring him. He had his chance but said they're just old trash and not to contact him. So, done. keep healing! I also think it's a bit rich of him to just assume he can pop round at short notice, out of nowhere. No way! I know right? He sent his message at 10.30pm on Friday night, i thought the same thing definitely abit rich! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I think it's fine to delay responding. However, because it's about his stuff still in your possession no it's not OK to ignore. Do what everybody has suggested & tell him where the box will be so he can pick it up. Do put the box in some sort of plastic to protect it from the elements since you will leaving it outside. but i’m thinking there is more to it and it’s not at all about him just wanting his dvds. You know him, we don't but objectively solely from what you wrote I don't see this at all. I see a guy who has calmed down who has realized that you aren't going to debase yourself chasing him so now he has decided he wants his stuff. Give it to him by leaving it out for him & not seeing him & be done with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I know right? He sent his message at 10.30pm on Friday night, i thought the same thing definitely abit rich! 10:30 is booty call time. I hope he thinks more of you than that. If you don't want any contact with him you can always get a friend to drop the box of CDs over to his house. They could leave it out front and neither of you have to see him. There are ways around this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 You know him, we don't but objectively solely from what you wrote I don't see this at all. I see a guy who has calmed down who has realized that you aren't going to debase yourself chasing him so now he has decided he wants his stuff. Give it to him by leaving it out for him & not seeing him & be done with him. ^^^^This! I agree and I don't see anything more than a man wanting his CDs. I would too. He can sell them or keep them because they've stopped making them. I wish I had kept all my old albums because some are worth a lot of money today. Who knows he may have heard a song that reminded him he has that CD. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Best way would be to mail it to him. That way, you won't have to deal with him at all. It can be another part of moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I personally don't think it was a good idea to ignore his message, no. I get why you wanted to, honestly, but I think it would be better to finally rid yourself of this last reminder of him once and for all. Hanging on to it doesn't serve you any purpose, but I suspect somewhere in the back of your mind, you've been waiting for him to get in touch about it, right? If you never reply to him, well, you will keep a little bit of him in your mind, and thus keep yourself stuck. Time to clean house. I agree with those who suggested you respond and let him know where he can retrieve them (outside your home somewhere) and that if they're still there after X-date, you will assume he doesn't want them and you'll get rid of them. Full stop. Like a couple of others here, I don't see his request as a sign he wants you back. There's just nothing else there to support that idea right now. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Frankly, if you don't put those CDs out on the porch and let him know, it's you who's keeping this alive, not him. You don't even have to hear from him back if you want to block him after you send the email. Just be clear when you're putting it out and how long it will stay before it goes to the trash. It's like you're trying to hold the card. Just get his stuff out of your house and be done with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) Some of the replies here, wow. You used to care about this person. The least you can do is return his possessions with minimal drama. Just say that you'd rather not meet as your going through a healing process, but am happy to leave his DVDs outside at a time he agrees. Throwing them in the bin etc. as others have suggested is immature behaviour, and will set your healing back. Also, its spiteful and petty. Edited June 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator unproductive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragirl1210 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Share Posted June 2, 2019 Thanks everyone for your replies. I have arranged for a friend to take them to his house and leave them on the porch, that way I don’t have to reply or see him now. I am feeling very happy now and am in a good place so was worried about jeopardising that if I communicated with him or saw him. Thanks again ? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 Great. See now you already feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 They're old DVDs, not CDs, even more worthless in the Netflix era. He didn't give a rats months ago. Meh. I don't think it's a big deal but anyway you've resolved it now. Link to post Share on other sites
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