marxx Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 He suddenly blocked me on every sm a day after telling me that we are still friends and he regards me highly. Also, he said that God makes no mistakes, what will be will be, that there are no coincidences in life and that he has nothing against me and he doesn't hate or dislike me... and after that boom, I get blocked. He is a new relationship though, maybe that was the reason... but he knew I know about her. It just not understandable to me at all... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 If he is now with someone new and your ex why do you care that you are blocked? Being broken up means you are through, kaput and over. There is no further reason to keep contact unless you have shared child custody. Do you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 He's moving on. You'll have to do the same. Sorry about your breakup. It sucks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 He's accepted that it's over and moved on. Most of the time allowing an ex to stay in contact with you will sully your new relationship, plus now he probably feels his needs are met and guys just aren't as likely to hold onto a friendship without sex. He did you a favor in a way, because now you have to accept it's over and move on and make a new life. It's not fun, but the sooner you get out there and stop focusing on him, the happier you will be faster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 (edited) He suddenly blocked me on every sm a day after telling me that we are still friends and he regards me highly. Also, he said that God makes no mistakes, what will be will be, that there are no coincidences in life and that he has nothing against me and he doesn't hate or dislike me... and after that boom, I get blocked. He is a new relationship though, maybe that was the reason... but he knew I know about her. It just not understandable to me at all... That is the reason. It is possible to be friends with an ex after a lot of time apart to grieve, heal and move on to a point where you can find your smile again without your ex..but by then, it's unlikely you'll care for the trouble of keeping them in your life. Think about it. You've found someone new whom you love. You have your friends whom you can be yourself with. You have your family. Your social network is set so where does the ex fit into the picture? Nowhere. They just complicate things and you have to go out of your way to keep in touch. For that reason, it is a rare thing. I say this because I had to learn this the hard way and I'd say it was probably one of the most valuable lessons I ever learned. At the end of the day you're an ex. As much as that hurts to hear, that's what you are. If you're in the picture, you are a perceived threat to his new girl, and him keeping in contact with you will be perceived as disrespectful and suspicious to most. That would not just hurt a relationship, but could end it. He's not going to risk his future (Her) for his past (You). In choosing not to be with you, he chooses to be with someone new whether that someone has arrived in his life yet or not. This was always going to be the outcome for you two and now that outcome materialized. - Beach Edited May 19, 2019 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 He is a new relationship though, maybe that was the reason... but he knew I know about her. It just not understandable to me at all... Yes, that is the reason. He has moved on. You need to start doing the same. It's a good thing he has blocked you, though I know it doesn't feel like it now. You evidently were holding on to hope where there was none left. Link to post Share on other sites
emeraldgreen Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 He can wish you well (and mean it) while still creating boundaries. It's a favour to you both. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 Easier said than done, but don't take it personally, it's social media. People will block you for little or no reason, it doesn't sound like he has any ill will towards you, but it's time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marxx Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 Thank you guys for all the replies. I do agree with you all, I feel like he did me a favour, however, I still hope for reconciliation at some point. Maybe in the very late future, for now I am able to wait for him, the way I love him... and the way he loved me - it was something so special. We were in a long distance relationship and I was unable to open up fully and give 100%, that's why it didn't work - we broke up in May 2018 and stayed in touch until February this year. He also told me that he doesn't want us to become strangers and to alienate but he blocks me few days later? Maybe he's just hurting because he told me that he didn't love anyone before me the way he did. In January he kept telling me how much he misses and loves me... I was supposed to come to the country, but I didn't So he started a new relationship. He really tried his best... I will never forgive myself that I didn't give us a chance... I believe he still loves me, but he just got tired of waiting for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marxx Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 (edited) He's moving on. You'll have to do the same. Sorry about your breakup. It sucks! It sucks, but this one hurts the most... Edited May 20, 2019 by marxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author marxx Posted May 21, 2019 Author Share Posted May 21, 2019 ....And I should do the same, right? But why is this so f*cking hard?! Here's a little background. We met in 2016, he was extremely attracted to me physically, I was less interested in him. He wasn't my type at all, but I finally agreed for a date and it was amazing, that was the moment I realised I was so damn lucky. At first, it was not that serious... we had fun together, but in time we both started to have feelings for one another, mad connection, chemistry and finally LOVE. We cared about each other so much. We lasted 2 years, were talking marriage, kids... and all this kinda stuff. There's 12 years difference between us, he's got two kids with his previous long-term partner (of 10 years). He was hurt but didn't want to admit that. Their relationship was like a rollercoaster, after her he dated a few women, but it was short term. I believe he really loved me (was in love). I also suffer from depression and social anxiety. He really wanted me to feel well, he tried to empower me but it didn't seem to work. Then I travelled to my country and stayed there until now and that, actually my isolation from him killed our relationship. He begged me to come back, he wanted to visit me (but I didn't let him, well my illness didn't). I know I could've done more, try harder, step out from my comfort zone... but I didn't. And I lost the love of my life, probably forever. Now I need to live with it, but it's hard. I am still in love with him, I still dream of him and think about him 24/7. I can't imagine my life without him, I wanna be with him for the rest of my life. And I told him that, but he just said it only makes him angry because he literally immersed himself in me... We last spoke a few days ago, but it was harsh. On social media from a fake account, I noticed a picture a girl posted with him with a very personal caption and his comment under it. I immediately sent him those fake congratulations. He blocked me. So I messaged him again on Instagram. He unblocked me on WhatsApp and was kinda angry I found out: "So if you see me with a girl that means she's my girlfriend or I'm married?". He was angry I spy on him (I don't blame him at all.) A few days later I sent him a super long message saying all this I mentioned above (how much I love him etc), and he responded that it's a shame it didn't work out between us but life goes on and we can't ignore facts. He also said that he cares about me and he doesn't want us to become strangers and alienate and that he will always empower me and what will be will be, he believes God makes no mistakes and we can always help each other one way or another. Two days after this he blocks me on WhatsApp (on Instagram he blocked me earlier). So I called him, didn't answer. Left tons of text messages (never replied), and finally yesterday I sent him an email with apologies. I must admit that I was acting crazy, my anxiety and fear kicked in. Disappointment. Anger, sadness. My feelings haven't changed a bit, but he stopped loving me? I think that's his first "serious" (I assume it's serious) relationship after me. . We broke up in May last year but remained friends plus he kept telling me that he's still in love with me and misses me so much. He was saying that he dreamed of us building a family together. So, he was hurt again. He said he doesn't hate or unlike me but blocks me? Does it mean we have no chances for reconciliation ever again? Maybe he does hate me... I feel like he does because I hurt him. Maybe he didn't love me whatsoever but just wanted to have a family so bad... And it doesn't really matter with who... I am so hurt and torn. I dream of being with him again. I lost my best friend. I have no idea how to process it all. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 You broke up a year ago. It's past time to stop hoping you will get back together. I realize some of that is normal in the beginning, but that is also why you go NC. It forces you to accept it's over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 He's done. You need to stop all that and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 If you've been broken up a year it is not surprising that he is now into another relationship. You should at least have moved forward to dating again. If you feel the struggle is too much to process you can always get independent counseling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 Don't give this anymore thought than you already have. He's moved on, so should you. And there's always that chance of reconciliation, but that's all there is, it's a chance. It isn't a given. And by pining for him, you maybe missing out on someone else out there that's wonderful and would be good for you. Letting go isn't ever easy, but it's something we've all got to do at one point or another. And the sooner the better because it isn't doing you any good at the moment holding onto any of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 It's best to use this time to get to the bottom of your depression and anxiety. There will be someone for you in your own country, without the trouble of distance. Its difficult to get over and process, but use the time you have now and things will get better for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Sorry, OP you are so hurt. He blocked you because that is what he feels he needs to do for himself. If you really love him, then let him be and respect his decision. After both of you move on completely, perhaps a healthy friendship can begin but right now he obviously feels the friendship wasn't healthy. Since he is doing what he feels he needs to do for himself, I suggest you do the same. Start working on yourself so that in the future the same thing doesn't happen again. Start taking control of your life. Are you in counseling for your anxiety? Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 but he knew I know about her. It just not understandable to me at all... You might want to consider that this isn't about YOU at all. She may be the one who pressured him to remove you so that he is not tempted or distracted by an Ex. It's actually smart for him to do that so that he can move on and you should do the same. If it were the other way around, would you want your new boyfriend being reminded of his ex and/or distracted by what's going on with her? Forget about what's going on with him/them. Start focusing on YOU, your own life and working toward making it rich and enjoyable and full. That's what you deserve. You can choose to continue to be miserable or you can do the work that's necessary to be happy with yourself. A year is a long time to be mired in this. Does he really deserve to have this kind of power over you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marxx Posted May 24, 2019 Author Share Posted May 24, 2019 You might want to consider that this isn't about YOU at all. She may be the one who pressured him to remove you so that he is not tempted or distracted by an Ex. It's actually smart for him to do that so that he can move on and you should do the same. If it were the other way around, would you want your new boyfriend being reminded of his ex and/or distracted by what's going on with her? Forget about what's going on with him/them. Start focusing on YOU, your own life and working toward making it rich and enjoyable and full. That's what you deserve. You can choose to continue to be miserable or you can do the work that's necessary to be happy with yourself. A year is a long time to be mired in this. Does he really deserve to have this kind of power over you? But we were in touch until this February (the time they started being together "seriously" - I know because she was engaged and around this time she deleted all the pictures with her fiance, posted a picture at my ex's house plus she wrote about it on her blog). We had an argument in February (I asked him to come to visit me, but he didn't want to, I guess because they were already a thing), and since then he ignored most of my messages. I was supposed to come three times... I wanted to come in December, but to stay at his place, even though he wanted me to stay at his while we were together, but not when I asked in December, then I said I need to make some more money and I'll come in February or March, he said okay, he'll meet me anytime I want. From May to July we haven't really been in touch, but after we started talking again, we discussed our breakup, what went wrong etc. The air has cleared up a bit, he was saying how much he still loves and misses me etc. I know I messed up pretty bad, because how long can you wait for someone, right? He met his current girlfriend, fell in love and things happened. Then blocks me, because I was a "pain in the a$$". Such is life. But I really, really love him a lot. I keep wondering if there is absolutely no chance for us to be together again or at least "be friendly". The problem with his is that he never explained to me that he doesn't want me to contact him, he blocked me out of the blue, even my friends were surprised because of all he said a few days earlier. I haven't pushed him to say all those stuff. Two days ago I found his messages from November last year I believe. It said "things will get better for you and I have no doubt about that. I'm sure you're fully aware I truly and deeply love you with all my heart. All I ever craved and still do is to have a happy family with someone who deserves me and we can bring out the best in each other. It seems still far off but I'll never give up. I haven't given up on you and my dream of having you in my life. We are meant to be and hopefully one day we will re-connect. Our communication has been a bit breaking here and there but I have no doubt I want and love you. Babe focus on your healing, just has it permanently in your heart and on your mind that I will always be here for you." It always makes me cry when I read this, even now... I lost someone that it's not easy to find. I'm almost 30 yo, met plenty of different guys and never felt anything like this before, I never was in love until he came up. At least, not like this. I miss him greatly, I can't stop thinking about him and loving him. I try to live normally, but it seems still impossible to forget him or to stop loving him. I will be coming to the country next week for 3-6 months, maybe I'll stay there. Should I let him know that? It most likely won't change anything, but maybe he should know I am finally in the country? I do not want to give up on him, on us... even though he has a new girlfriend. Maybe they will break up... I just still have hope because maybe he still thinks about me, he probably lost hope that I will ever come back so he decided to move on, but I still wanna believe that he loves me somehow. Am I a bad person for wanting him despite he is in a new relationship? Maybe they're a rebound, maybe he sees me in her... My mind is going places. It'd be easier if he clearly told me "listen, I don't want you no more, I don't love you, leave me alone, I wanna build my future with my current girlfriend." Then I'm away the second I hear this. But he decides to tell me that he doesn't want us to become strangers, he wanna keep in touch, we can help each other, I'll be able to meet him if I want to, but two days later he blocks me. Mixed signals. Is he biopolar or something... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 (edited) But we were in touch until this February (the time they started being together "seriously" - I know because she was engaged and around this time she deleted all the pictures with her fiance, posted a picture at my ex's house plus she wrote about it on her blog). We had an argument in February (I asked him to come to visit me, but he didn't want to, I guess because they were already a thing), and since then he ignored most of my messages. My Goodness I previously didn't know this part. Are you saying she was engaged to be married to another guy but broke her engagement to be with your ex? If so, he was definitely seeing her all along behind your back as well as the fiancesand waiting to see if she was going to leave him or not. It'd be easier if he clearly told me "listen, I don't want you no more, I don't love you, leave me alone, I wanna build my future with my current girlfriend." Then I'm away the second I hear this. Very few people are going to come right out and say those things when breaking up with someone. It is heartless and most people realize the break up is painful enough without completely destroying the dumpee. Edited May 24, 2019 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 (edited) Even if he's bi-polar, you can't change him. But this behavior isn't an indicator of being bi-polar by itself anyway. And, it doesn't matter. I don't know what a clearer message than being with another woman could be to show you that he doesn't want you anymore. Forget what he says, his actions are showing you the truth. He is being a jerk for saying those things to you. He's too weak to say what needs to be said anyway. He's not being a good guy. He wants you to have the b*alls to do what needs to be done. You need to get a grip because if you continue with the thinking you're doing, you are going to cross over into the "crazy ex" territory. Leave this with grace and dignity. You owe that to yourself. Block and delete him everywhere. No contact is a tool for moving forward. You will be doing yourself and him a favor. Edited May 24, 2019 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marxx Posted May 24, 2019 Author Share Posted May 24, 2019 My Goodness I previously didn't know this part. Are you saying she was engaged to be married to another guy but broke her engagement to be with your ex? If so, he was definitely seeing her all along behind your back and waiting to see if she was going to leave him or not. Yes, she broke up with her fiance to be with my ex (or it was something wrong in their relationship long before, but they seemed so happy...) My "investigation" shows that they started to have a connection about November/December last year. I don't think it was serious though. it started from liking a picture, commenting etc. It seems they connected (like us before...). Very few people are going to come right out and say those things when breaking up with someone. It is heartless and most people realize the break up is painful enough without completely destroying the dumpee. Shame, life would be so much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marxx Posted May 24, 2019 Author Share Posted May 24, 2019 Even if he's bi-polar, you can't change him. But this behavior isn't an indicator of being bi-polar by itself anyway. And, it doesn't matter. I don't know what a clearer message than being with another woman could be to show you that he doesn't want you anymore. Forget what he says, his actions are showing you the truth. He is being a jerk for saying those things to you. He's too weak to say what needs to be said anyway. He's not being a good guy. He wants you to have the b*alls to do what needs to be done. You need to get a grip because if you continue with the thinking you're doing, you are going to cross over into the "crazy ex" territory. Leave this with grace and dignity. You owe that to yourself. Block and delete him everywhere. No contact is a tool for moving forward. You will be doing yourself and him a favor. Maybe you are right... Just wanna try this one more time... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 Maybe you are right... Just wanna try this one more time... Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. You are not confused, you are in denial. That is different. You know what the truth is. If your sister or best friend came to you with all this, you'd kick her in the ass and tell her to get on with her life. Kick yourself in the ass. It's been a friggin year already before you embarrass yourself. Seriously. Walk away with some self-respect. This guy isn't a good guy. Trust me. You are seeing him through rose-colored glasses. Throw them on the ground and step on them. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 No-one spends a year split up from a man and in another country and expects him to hang around waiting like some lovesick teenager, that was madness. He found a new woman and does not want you to be in his life any more. You would not exactly be a positive influence anyway, he knows that so he has blocked you. Time to move on, nothing to see here any longer... Link to post Share on other sites
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