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Ex Reached out


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My ex girl reached out after 9 months after she dumped me.She asked me how I am doing and she was thinking about me a lot blah blah blah ,so we sent back and forth messages .I asked her out for a drink and letting me know the day when she gonna be available , she replied okay then I didn't send any messages. I didn't hear back from her since the last conversation 7 days ago ,she disappeared .Should I initiate any kind of text and ask for the date again? or I just wait till she contacts me again?

Edited by markkk
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Don’t reply and don’t get your hopes up. Dumpers often will miss you and reach out only to ghost you again.

 

If she wants to see you, have her come over your place. You should not be taking her out - she has to win YOU over.

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Hey OP,

 

Don't initiate anything. Dumpers often come back for a lot of self-serving, insincere reasons and it's not often what you secretly hope for. When an ex comes back like this, it feeds into that hope leaving you extremely vulnerable to getting your heart broken again.

 

Sometimes, these people return to us seeking an ego boost or a rebound because it'll make them feel good until they sort things out with the current partner or they wind up meeting someone new. They just need a pit stop with someone familiar and comfortable until they get their bearings right. She broke up with you once, convinced it was completely over. Then she moved on. Why'd she come back? Why now? What's changed? Be leery of her. She owes you an explanation. She's already in your head playing games (Contacting you after 9 months and disappearing again). She already knows she's got you on the hook as a backup because you've replied to her messages and asked her out and because of that, she knows she can do whatever she wants and you'll still be there should she choose you.

 

So don't hand over all that progress you've made in the 9 months, so readily. If she's serious, she'll take the steps to push forward and correct things. Like Sevencity said, she needs to win you over. Not the other way around.

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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Thank you guys ,I got the point .However ,,am I at the right side for not initiating text even she dumped me due to being unavailable to her and didn’t listen many times as she wants me to chase her? She got very upset if I don’t call every day .I chased her after she broke up with me ,but didn’t work .

Edited by markkk
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@markkk

 

I'm a bit confused. What do you mean? Are you saying that you didn't initiate much during the relationship and that was the cause of the breakup?

 

Regarding not initiating texts after the breakup, I can tell you that was the right move. You two are broken up at that point. what more is there to say to eachother. She'd go on with her life and so would you. Keeping in touch while trying to get over one another would complicate matters so not initiating or keeping in touch was the right move.

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@markkk

 

I'm a bit confused. What do you mean? Are you saying that you didn't initiate much during the relationship and that was the cause of the breakup?

 

Regarding not initiating texts after the breakup, I can tell you that was the right move. You two are broken up at that point. what more is there to say to eachother. She'd go on with her life and so would you. Keeping in touch while trying to get over one another would complicate matters so not initiating or keeping in touch was the right move.

 

she did chase me in the beginning of our relationship .Months later she became cold and distant ,then I backed away didn’t chase as she wanted (many times this happened )she got angry.However ,I reached out her twice a week and asked her when r u free she didn’t give me a definite date so I backed away. Finally ,she dumped me and she said that you will never change as she felt I didn’t care about her(she wants me to do all the chase).So ,I am confused now if I don’t reach her now so she will feel that I didn’t change .And ,if I initiate text and ask her about the meeting again ,she feels powerful and gonna ignore me.

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@markkk

 

Exactly. You can't win here.

 

What happened in the past is the past now. She broke up with you and you carried on with your life. You don't owe her anything. She's the one that came back so if she wants you back, she can make the effort.

 

You are in no way obligated to do anything. You didn't do anything wrong.

 

- Beach

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bathtub-row

I know feelings are involved here but when relationships get out of sync like this, it’s a sign that there will always be discord. You can’t give each other what you need. I’d let sleeping dogs lie if I were you.

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