bobbytango Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 Basically, early last year I started dating a female friend I've known for years. The relationship was pretty great and I genuinely fell for her. The only issue that kept rearing it's head was her anxiety. To be more precise, she's been coming back and forth between two cities for the past four years due to her studies and since she's been back she's felt like our friends and now just my friends. I understand where she's coming from and I've tried to make an effort to make her feel more included as has everyone else to a degree but she can't get it out of her head. Other stuff would pop up and at the start of the year we started arguing about stupid little things and back in March she ended things on the basis that she wasn't in a good place right now. She does suffer with depression so I understand that now just isn't the time. We haven't closed the door on it completely but right now we know things aren't working and we don't want to ruin our friendship. So we have agreed to stay friends and for the most part it's been great, we still hang out as much as we did when we dated and she really is my favourite person to be around but there has been a few hiccups. We've slept together a few times. It's fine and I think it's just a transition thing we'll grow out off and know it doesn't mean anything else though there have been a few arguments about stupid things and last weekend was a bad one. Since then we're still talking every day but her replies have been much more less interested. I know she's busy with Uni so I'm not breathing too much into it right now. So my friends are all going to a music festival next month which I've booked off work that I don't really want to go to. I haven't bought a ticket yet and I'll go if I have nothing else to do. So I asked her if she was busy that week as I'd rather hang out as friends and do something with her instead. She's up for it and wants to but said she'll give me the rest of the week in case I change my mind and would rather go to the festival. I'm not expecting anything to happen, I just like hanging out with her as she really is my best friend which she reciprocates but I'm just worried that after the last argument it's gonna be all stilted. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 Since you want to hang out with her, hang out with her. Spend the next month doing whatever you have to do, within reason, to assure things with her aren't stilted. I suppose it would be too much to ask of her to invite her to attend the music festival so you could spend time with her and your mutual friends simultaneously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbytango Posted May 15, 2019 Author Share Posted May 15, 2019 Hey, thanks. I was worried I was gonna get attacked for wanting to be friends with her or that I was trying something. Like I said, we are still talking, I think she's just a bit more guarded with me after our last argument because we both said some pretty harsh things mainly in the heat of the moment and she's a very emotional person when it comes down to it. It really would be a big ask, yeah. As I said before, she feels like our mutual friends aren't her friends anymore. It's mainly because our group has changed a lot since she used to live here permanently, some of our friends have left to start families and other people have joined who are all great people but I think she expects to become instant best friends with everyone immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 Hey, thanks. I was worried I was gonna get attacked for wanting to be friends with her I'm more inclined to call you out for even considering doing something you don't want to do . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbytango Posted May 15, 2019 Author Share Posted May 15, 2019 What, the camping? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 Yes, the camping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbytango Posted May 15, 2019 Author Share Posted May 15, 2019 Aha I know what you mean. What it is is that people from my social circle go every year but I always take a year out because I don't wanna get bored with it and camping can be a nightmare sometimes. But the newer people in the group who have never been have all decided to go this year. I'm conflicted because I don't wanna miss out but then again we did all just get back from a holiday to Amsterdam back in January. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 Since your relationship is a bit tenuous with this woman, I would advise you to occasionally go do something different besides waiting around to see if she's going to lock in again or not. you shouldn't let her anxiety stop you from hanging out with friends. you might even find someone you like more than her can do a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 If she feels that your mutual friends aren't her friends, just go and spend some time with her one on one. Take a rain check with your friends that want you to go camping with them. If you don't want to go, don't. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 It really would be a big ask, yeah. As I said before, she feels like our mutual friends aren't her friends anymore. It's mainly because our group has changed a lot since she used to live here permanently, some of our friends have left to start families and other people have joined who are all great people but I think she expects to become instant best friends with everyone immediately. Understand these are at least yellow flags. She has unreasonable expectations. Tread carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts