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The mother of my child left me for another guy


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It's for the first time posting on online forums and this shows how desperate and heartbroken I am. I have been in a relationship with the mother of my son for almost a period of 10 year (this was supposed to be our 10th year anniversary). So the problem is, we were always fighting and the reason behind our fights was because of her and guys always when I called she was always over the phone probably with a guy because she didn't talk to her family over the phone that much, only when she was around me (at my place) her phone won't be busy as it will be on silent or vibration) I really love her and even though we've had our ups and downs I was still willing to make it work because I wanted our son to grow up with two parents and a loving family. So last month she told me that she wanted space and ended up breaking up with me. I have spent the whole month trying to fix things and she told me she didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Telling me things like, I'm not a good lover but a great dad, so I asked if she left me for another guy, so that's when she decided to come clean after 4 weeks, she told me that she didn't leave me for another guy but she had met someone, later on that night I called she answered and I was quiet, I told her that she broke my heart and didn't even know what to say, she said she understands and she was sorry, she said I can insult her, and call her a bitch she will understand, but I didn't, I asked her if that will make things better and she said she didn't know, maybe it will make me feel better, I just hung up the phone and later on she sent me a message telling me to find someone else and that she is willing to make that relationship work and that she will always love me and I should never doubt that as there is no guy that she will love the way she loves me. I don't belive all that, i never responded to her text and yesterday I called her older sister and told her all these, she was so shocked and very disappointed in my ex, she said she will talk to her and come back to me, the truth is, I feel very disrespected and down, I mean, this is what we have been fighting about all along, clearly she was cheating on me or maybe all this long hours calls where leading to this, she always tried to push me away but I never gave up, and now there is a guy she is busy with and it kills me every second i think of it. She just broke up with me and already there is a guy she is willing to drop what we had for? I never even tried to contact her after that, i went buy this other 20 kg adjustable dumbell set and bought muscle proteins as I can tell that I am already losing weight just to boost my confidence, at least I can sleep as I get tired from exercising but it still kills me. What should I do, how do I move on from this long term relationship? Our son is only 5 years old. Please help.

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Guildford

I think that at this point your relationship with this woman is toast, but I do have a question. You had a ten year relationship with her and a 5 year old child, did you ever discuss marriage with her, or did you two ever live together for a time? Most young women want to believe that their relationship is moving toward marriage, particularly if you two have a child.

 

Here is my advice for now. Give her space and don't be possessive, and put your effort into being a good father. Keep up the exercise and date other women. If she simply wants to sow some wild oats, she might decide to go back to you if she valued what she had. For now just play it cool, and good luck.

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d0nnivain

You need to accept this break up & continue to be a good dad to your son. Work out custody & child support through lawyers but stop trying to fix the relationship with the baby mamma. She is not interested in reconciliation. Even if she took you back, the relationship wasn't working & hasn't been working for a long time. Just because you were together for 10 years doesn't mean they were a good 10 years.

 

Do not neglect your health. Eat. Working out is good. Keep it up. The exercise endorphins will help.

 

In the short term take care of yourself. When you feel up to it, box up the mementos of your relationship. Your son may want them when he's older. Similarly put all the photos of happier times on a thumb drive so he can have them but they are not staring you in the face.

 

Next step will be rearranging your living space so everything doesn't remind you of her. You need to build a life without her.

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I'm sure she does love you, you've been together 10 years and you are the father of her child. But it sounds like that love is no longer a romantic love.

 

You've received good advice here already and it's great that you are focusing your pain on self-improvement and feeling better about yourself. It's just going to take some time, there aren't any shortcuts. Hang in there.

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I think that at this point your relationship with this woman is toast, but I do have a question. You had a ten year relationship with her and a 5 year old child, did you ever discuss marriage with her, or did you two ever live together for a time? Most young women want to believe that their relationship is moving toward marriage, particularly if you two have a child.

 

Here is my advice for now. Give her space and don't be possessive, and put your effort into being a good father. Keep up the exercise and date other women. If she simply wants to sow some wild oats, she might decide to go back to you if she valued what she had. For now just play it cool, and good luck.

 

I told her that I wanted to marry her early next year as I'm still saving, I don't know if she believed that or not, I don't think she's ever gonna come back as she told me that she doesn't see us together anymore. I have tried everything and this is what I got in the end, it's sad because I love her very much. I feel like my whole life is empty without her

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I'm sure she does love you, you've been together 10 years and you are the father of her child. But it sounds like that love is no longer a romantic love.

 

You've received good advice here already and it's great that you are focusing your pain on self-improvement and feeling better about yourself. It's just going to take some time, there aren't any shortcuts. Hang in there.

 

So do I just give up like that and Let her go? I even started watching these other YouTube videos where they advice on how to get the mother of your child back if she's in a relationship and they all talk about this 30 days no contact rule and I feel like I'll be pushing her even further. It feels life a nightmare, as I'm always in bed thinking about her, or talking to my friends or sister over the phone for hours listening to them trying to advice me or exercising. I have never loved anyone like this. She's 24 and I'm 27. I just feel lost without her. I still live her in a romantic way. When she said she still loves me over the phone I asked if she really meant it and said, "Yes I know you may not believe me but I do love you very much, I didn't fall or if love with you and I know I'll never live anyone like I love you" that was over the phone with her voice. You think she was just trying to be nice so that I could feel better?

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You need to accept this break up & continue to be a good dad to your son. Work out custody & child support through lawyers but stop trying to fix the relationship with the baby mamma. She is not interested in reconciliation. Even if she took you back, the relationship wasn't working & hasn't been working for a long time. Just because you were together for 10 years doesn't mean they were a good 10 years.

 

Do not neglect your health. Eat. Working out is good. Keep it up. The exercise endorphins will help.

 

In the short term take care of yourself. When you feel up to it, box up the mementos of your relationship. Your son may want them when he's older. Similarly put all the photos of happier times on a thumb drive so he can have them but they are not staring you in the face.

 

Next step will be rearranging your living space so everything doesn't remind you of her. You need to build a life without her.

 

I am trying to do that, but I think of her every minute. I wish she could just call and say something. I really love this lady, how can this be possible? How do I just move on, like where or how do I start? I can't even eat. How is it so ready for her to just do this?

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d0nnivain

You are allowed to grieve & be sad. You lost something precious to you. It will hurt for a long time.

 

You just take one day at a time. Hang in there.

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I'm sure she does love you, you've been together 10 years and you are the father of her child. But it sounds like that love is no longer a romantic love.

 

You've received good advice here already and it's great that you are focusing your pain on self-improvement and feeling better about yourself. It's just going to take some time, there aren't any shortcuts. Hang in there.

 

Below is her last text message to me, and I didn't even respond to it.

 

"I've decided to go a different it's painful 4u I no but it's only a start 4m... I'm sorry that I've moved maybe it's not a wise decision but it's a start... You can have any gal u want n build a future together... I love you don't eva forget that n I'm really sorry."

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You are allowed to grieve & be sad. You lost something precious to you. It will hurt for a long time.

 

You just take one day at a time. Hang in there.

 

So there is nothing I can do you think? Like, this is it I just walk away? Should I say something to here, tell her that I still love her too and that she should take care of herself or this silence is fine?

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OatsAndHall
So there is nothing I can do you think? Like, this is it I just walk away? Should I say something to here, tell her that I still love her too and that she should take care of herself or this silence is fine?

 

 

I imagine you will be putting yourself through more misery if you do manage to work it out with her. She broke a sacred trust by becoming involved with another person and that is something that is difficult, if not borderline impossible to move past. Trust me, I've been there, on both sides of the coin.

 

 

When I was in my early twenties, I was engaged to a good woman and I cheated on her. I was a miserable SOB for doing so and deserved to be dumped but she chose to stay with me. But, she never trusted me again and I don't blame her for it. She put herself through hell trying to convince herself that she trusted me but she just couldn't. I did my best to earn back that trust but it was broken and gone.

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