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So why did ex bf unblock me?


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Delayla83

We met at a friends house warming party. I fell madly in love. Skip forward a year, I get dumped by him and the break up is bad. He is mean and harsh and blocks me on all social media (and also finds a new gf).

 

After like 6 months he unblocks me on social media. Not all at the same time but one at a time with some time in between. So why? We have been in NC during the whole time and he has a gf. He moved to NY so it’s not like I’ll bump in to him.

 

I have moved on but I’m curious to why. The blocking thing did hurt quite a lot..

 

Help me out you guys! If there are dumpers reading this, what’s going on in his mind?

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When we get blocked by an ex, it's not about us. It's about them giving themselves the time and space to heal. If the breakup is bad, then all the more reason to create distance.

 

He then unblocked you because he's OK with seeing you on his feed now. If you don't want to be on his feed, then unfriend him.

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Whatadog - because his feed would likely have reappeared on hers.

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I think it's often just idle curiosity. Like if they're in a bad place, they might enjoy seeing if your life is stale. If they're in a good place, they might enjoy seeing that your life is stale! You can't just assume it's them wanting you back or they would just call.

 

The other thing you have to always beware of is if they dump you once, they'll do it again. I'm 66. The main times I noticed guys who didn't want me come lurking around again was for validation, maybe at a time they had just gotten dumped and wanted to be around someone who used to care. Or sometimes they are getting bored with their relationship or it ends and they go sniffing around seeing if you're up for just sex.

 

Look, it's never GOOD. If he dumped you and got rude, you ought to just block him.

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#Wants to **** with your mind.

#Probably curious to see how it's going with your life. Things are probably not going that well with his gf.

#Boredom and Nostalgia.

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TheFinalWord

TBH, I blocked an ex years ago. I unblocked, not to re-connect, but I felt like me having them blocked was me still living in the past. To block someone you have to leave their name in your blocked list and I didn't want it there. It made me look like I had the problem or was stuck in the past. I honestly didn't care enough to leave her blocked. I didn't want to talk to her and never did.

 

You can create another FB account if you want to see what they are doing. You don't have to unblock for that.

Edited by TheFinalWord
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Delayla83

Thank all of you guys!

 

Yes as some of you mean, there is a reason for everything we humans do. Like Enigma32 says, there is no reason to go back and unblock if you don’t care at all. You just leave it as it is. That’s how I’ve done in the past.

 

Don’t you guys think that he wants me to be the one who reaches out (because he’s proud)? Would not you feel as if you have unfinished business if you block your ex from your life completely as if that person is dead and your last words were mean? (No I didn’t cheat). Or is it that he simple misses me in some way without wanting me back?

 

TheFinalWord, but if you were completely indifferent to her isn’t it more logical that you would just leave it like it was? Because if you decide to do something because of what she would think (that you are the on with the problem) then you think about her and what she thinks. Hard to be indifferent then.. Hope you don’t get offended by me saying this.

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No, don't go there. Don't go thinking about what he is thinking. You will end up hurt (again).

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TheFinalWord
TheFinalWord, but if you were completely indifferent to her isn’t it more logical that you would just leave it like it was? Because if you decide to do something because of what she would think (that you are the on with the problem) then you think about her and what she thinks. Hard to be indifferent then.. Hope you don’t get offended by me saying this.

 

I'm not offended :)

 

No, I unblocked for myself. Not for her. I did not care what she thought. Even though I've forgiven her now, she treated me like dirt and I had no desire to let that toxicity back into my life. I'm not even sure if she knew I unblocked her as the person doesn't get a notification. The person has to search for your name.

 

I did not want to be the one with her name listed under my blocked list. By leaving her name there in my blocked list, it's like I was still holding onto something of the relationship. Some bitterness. I released it all. It's like, if I blocked her, I was still holding a grudge or something. I had 1000% moved on. The unblock was purely for me. I had no ulterior motive. I promise you, my unblocking her had nothing to do with me caring what she thought or hoping she would reach out. I truly moved on from the situation. Also, I had no desire to talk to her or reconcile anything.

 

With that said, I am not disagreeing that the unblock could also mean the person is leaving breadcrumbs in hopes you'll reach out. But is your dignity worth so little that one lazy gesture and you open your heart back up to someone that treated you so coldly? I would caution against reading into the unblocking. When it comes to reconciling with an ex, the only thing that matters if if they directly contact you. They have to show their cards directly. Unblocking, liking pics, to me is not enough. Remember, they booted you out of their life. If they want back in, they have to show some humility. I understand what you are saying about the pride issue. But the thing is, if they are too proud to apologize for talking smack and booting you from their life, do they really deserve a place in your heart? I say no and I hope you do to.

Edited by TheFinalWord
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stillafool
Thank all of you guys!

 

Yes as some of you mean, there is a reason for everything we humans do. Like Enigma32 says, there is no reason to go back and unblock if you don’t care at all. You just leave it as it is. That’s how I’ve done in the past.

 

Don’t you guys think that he wants me to be the one who reaches out (because he’s proud)? Would not you feel as if you have unfinished business if you block your ex from your life completely as if that person is dead and your last words were mean? (No I didn’t cheat). Or is it that he simple misses me in some way without wanting me back?

 

TheFinalWord, but if you were completely indifferent to her isn’t it more logical that you would just leave it like it was? Because if you decide to do something because of what she would think (that you are the on with the problem) then you think about her and what she thinks. Hard to be indifferent then.. Hope you don’t get offended by me saying this.

 

You are reading way too much into why he unblocked you. I doubt any of that is true. If you let your brain start thinking those thoughts you will be hurt again. It's doubtful your ex is thinking any of those things. He probably unblocked you because he's been over it and probably thinks you are too by now so he took you off his block list. If he wanted contact he wouldn't expect you to do it because he was the one who broke up with you. He knows he would have to be the one to reach out. He hasn't contacted you to talk. You have wishful thinking. You say you've moved on to a new relationship and are over him but you're not acting like it.

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Delayla83

I know what you mean guys but neither me or him want to get back together. Trust me on this one. We were no good match to each other and we know it.

 

The thing is that I have moved on but not completely from the pain from being treated like ****, in the form of shutting me out from his life in a harsh way. And now, unblocking me in a way provoces me. I want to know why he is doing it. Like ”wtf are you saying to me by this?” I will never in this life reach out.

 

Don’t you guys think that he feels some kind of shame or guilt? If so, why not? Don’t you think this kind of behaviour catches up on you if you are a normal human being?

 

TheFinalWord, I understand your story. You were hurt and when the hurt had gone away, and with it the bitterness, you unblocked her to let go of that last thing that was a reminder of the bitterness. You sound like a good guy that did not block her to hurt her. This is were you and my ex bf are different. He wasn’t hurt at all and wanted to make the breakup as hurtful as he could for me.

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Delayla83

Stillafool, but why on earth go to your block list and unblock the ex after so much time has passed? If you have moved on and you think that your ex also has moved on, why taking the time to unblock? Just leave it as it is and live your life. It’s not like the blick list is the first thing you see. You know what I mean?

 

I have one person blocked and I dont want to hear from him so he will always be blocked.

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Delayla83
Stillafool, but why on earth go to your block list and unblock the ex after so much time has passed? If you have moved on and you think that your ex also has moved on, why taking the time to unblock? Just leave it as it is and live your life. It’s not like the block list is the first thing you see. You know what I mean?

 

I have one person blocked and I dont want to hear from him so he will always be blocked. I would feel it’s awkward to unblock..

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Mike Phelan
We met at a friends house warming party. I fell madly in love. Skip forward a year, I get dumped by him and the break up is bad. He is mean and harsh and blocks me on all social media (and also finds a new gf).

 

After like 6 months he unblocks me on social media. Not all at the same time but one at a time with some time in between. So why? We have been in NC during the whole time and he has a gf. He moved to NY so it’s not like I’ll bump in to him.

 

I have moved on but I’m curious to why. The blocking thing did hurt quite a lot..

 

Help me out you guys! If there are dumpers reading this, what’s going on in his mind?

 

I was dating this girl just for 2 months, though we saw each other quite a few times and spoke almost everyday. We had our first small argument and she stopped replying to my messages. I gave her space for a week, and when I tried to call her she ignored me and blocked me. Didn't even have the decency to just talk to me once and tell me it's over or whatever.

 

Like you said, it hurts being blocked. And everyone knows that. So I feel now anyone who takes such extreme action unnecessarily is a bit of an ass / bitch because I've had things end in the past and thats it. No need to go that extra step and block them, unless they really hurt you.

 

Why did the break up end badly? Did you hurt him in any way that would make him block you?

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stillafool

 

The thing is that I have moved on but not completely from the pain from being treated like ****, in the form of shutting me out from his life in a harsh way. And now, unblocking me in a way provoces me. I want to know why he is doing it. Like ”wtf are you saying to me by this?” I will never in this life reach out.

 

When people break up they are not expected to still associate or still have you in their life. It wasn't that he shut you out of his life in a harsh way; he broke up with you so why should he keep you in his life. A better question is if he broke up with you why would you still want to be in his life?

 

 

Don’t you guys think that he feels some kind of shame or guilt? If so, why not? Don’t you think this kind of behaviour catches up on you if you are a normal human being?

 

 

What would he have to feel guilt and shame about? Did he cheat on you or just end the relationship. If he cheated yes he should feel guilt for not breaking up with you before seeing her. But, if he truly fell in love with someone else he shouldn't feel shame because he can't control his feelings and you two weren't married. I'm not sure what kind of behavior you're talking about that he did that would catch up with him. Please explain.

 

Sometimes people are not compatible and they move on to someone who fits them better. You now have another bf and I'm sure you're happy so it's best not to try to read into why an old ex unblocked you as it probably means nothing. You both have moved on.

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stillafool
I was dating this girl just for 2 months, though we saw each other quite a few times and spoke almost everyday. We had our first small argument and she stopped replying to my messages. I gave her space for a week, and when I tried to call her she ignored me and blocked me. Didn't even have the decency to just talk to me once and tell me it's over or whatever.

 

Like you said, it hurts being blocked. And everyone knows that. So I feel now anyone who takes such extreme action unnecessarily is a bit of an ass / bitch because I've had things end in the past and thats it. No need to go that extra step and block them, unless they really hurt you.

 

Why did the break up end badly? Did you hurt him in any way that would make him block you?

 

So if she had not blocked you would you have still tried to stay in touch with her or would you have left her alone and not tried to contact her?

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Delayla83

Mike, yes that is what I’m saying. Not everyone does that and if you do you are an ass/bitch. Because it is an extreme measure. It’s saying ”go f*** yourself”. If the other person cheated or did something as hurtful, then go ahead. I will support you on that one. But if not, you are extremly could and mean.. The break up was bad because he called me names and clamed I meant nothing to him. I didn’t do anything hurtful to him except telling him how bad he made me feel.

 

Stillafoll, guilt and shame for how disrespectful you treated your ex partner during the breakup and blocking them out of you life. Isn’t that an extreme measure? The person you shared your life with during a limited time.. He even stayed at my place during periods of the time we were together. I paid for the whole rent and food. A breakup is hard to go through and I as a dumper would make sure that the dumpee feels I appreciated the time we had together (by not blocking them everywhere).

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nodramallama

 

 

With that said, I am not disagreeing that the unblock could also mean the person is leaving breadcrumbs in hopes you'll reach out. But is your dignity worth so little that one lazy gesture and you open your heart back up to someone that treated you so coldly? I would caution against reading into the unblocking. When it comes to reconciling with an ex, the only thing that matters if if they directly contact you. They have to show their cards directly.

 

This, especially the bolded, times 100!!!

 

Don't eat the breadcrumbs!

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TheFinalWord
TheFinalWord, I understand your story. You were hurt and when the hurt had gone away, and with it the bitterness, you unblocked her to let go of that last thing that was a reminder of the bitterness. You sound like a good guy that did not block her to hurt her. This is were you and my ex bf are different. He wasn’t hurt at all and wanted to make the breakup as hurtful as he could for me.

 

Thanks for the kind words. I blocked her mainly because she was going through my friends list and trying to turn them against me. I felt that was crossing a line. After some time, I thought that if friends could be swayed by her than they are not really my friends anyway and I wasn't going to live in fear.

 

I am sorry you were treated so cruely. Maybe he feels guilt, but maybe not. I have learned the dating world can be quite cold. There are some downright mean people out there that never feel bad about using and abusing people. Some even seem to get a kick out of it. They find power in being able to get people to fall for them, then pull it out from under them and watch them experience pain. There are some cruel people in this world.

 

Damaged people, damage people. A lot of people were abused in their childhood or by past lover, and they have a mentality of getting you before you get them.

 

The coldness of the dating world at times makes it difficult to keep going, especially if you are a good person and have a big heart. Some of that innocence you have about the world gets lost when you are dating and trying to find a partner.

 

Like my first LRD. I had no clue she was married. I broke it off once I found out. She told me not to worry about it because they had been married 10 years and even if he finds out and divorces her for adultery, she will get life time alimony. When she said that, it really damaged me for some time. Not only that she was a cheater, but that she put me in the middle of it (I do not consent to being in an affair), and that she could be just pure evil to know that she can cheat and her husband can't divorce because he'll have to pay her lifetime alimony.

 

It made me less trusting for a long time and made me second guess if I could ever get married. This poor guy thinks his wife is away on a work trip and has no idea she is cheating and has plotted how to plunder his life savings. It was shocking because my brain isn't wired to use people like that.

 

I am glad to hear you won't reach out. I know you wish that he would feel bad for what he did and maybe even apologize. But you may never get that and he may never feel remorse.

 

I know what you mean because when people break up, the person doing the breaking up will sometimes say mean things to get you mad at them so you will fight back. They want the relationship to end in a fight to help ease their guilt. With me, I did not say anything mean back, even though she did to me. Those words can stick with you a long time and make you feel there is something wrong with you. If you cared about the person, it hurts more because you feel they know you and have a bad opinion about you.

 

What works for me is I forgive the person (but I don't forget what they did) and release the situation (for me I release it to God, but I am Christian).

Edited by TheFinalWord
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stillafool

 

Stillafoll, guilt and shame for how disrespectful you treated your ex partner during the breakup and blocking them out of you life. Isn’t that an extreme measure? The person you shared your life with during a limited time.. He even stayed at my place during periods of the time we were together. I paid for the whole rent and food. A breakup is hard to go through and I as a dumper would make sure that the dumpee feels I appreciated the time we had together (by not blocking them everywhere).

 

If you treat anyone badly you should feel guilt and shame. People use blocking after a break up to help themselves move on as well as the dumper or dumpee so no there is no shame in that method. Let me ask you what would be the purpose of not blocking an ex? Why would you still want to remain in contact if it is over? How does that help you move on from them?

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TheFinalWord
If you treat anyone badly you should feel guilt and shame. People use blocking after a break up to help themselves move on as well as the dumper or dumpee so no there is no shame in that method. Let me ask you what would be the purpose of not blocking an ex? Why would you still want to remain in contact if it is over? How does that help you move on from them?

 

That is true. But people often use it as a weapon to get the last word.

 

One day things are fine, and then you wake up the person tells you off and blocks you so you have no chance to respond or even process what just happened.

 

Like if you were using LS, all is well. Just another day. Suddenly, and out of the blue, one day, I told you off in this post and you went to respond and were just banned from the site (hypothetical). You're like wait, what just happend?! I guess you could say that would help you move on from LS, but not in a healthy, constructive way. Not the best analogy, but maybe that paints a picture.

 

In my opinion, there is a kind way and a mean way to utilize blocking.

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Delayla83

TheFinalWord, I’m so sorry to hear that and I’m glad you are over the relathionship. Yes, it’s harder when you have a good heart but I think that it will help in the long run. Because it’s more likely that you will meet someone else with the same mentality. Good people want to be with good people. And yes, forgivness is what’s best because it does us the most good. Me and my ex bf have some friends in common (he rarely sees them though). All of them has sade that he hasn’t sade anything bad about me and just asked if we still hang out, so thats good at least.

 

Stillafool, I donn’t agree with you. I think it’s petty and mean to block someone if you are not hurting and therefore need distance or in the case of TheFinalWord. Then you do it to hurt the other person as much as possible.

 

A partner is one of the closesed persons you have in your life. You share so much, pain, joy.. By blocking someone you say ”get the **** out of my life, I want nothing to do with you”. How can you feel that it’s ok (of course you have the right to your opinion). I think that you should keep the line of communication open so that the ex feels that you do care as an ex partner, that the ex ment something to you and that they can get in touch with you if they would really need it for some cause. I think that a simple action like not blocking the ex can make the healing easier. Yes you do move on if you get blocked, but in a more painful and bitter way and you (in the beginning) doubt your worth.

 

Stillafool, how do you think that blocking is normal if the ex didn’t do something hurtful and you aren’t hurting? Just want to know..

Edited by Delayla83
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Delayla83

This is a weird example haha but try thinking like this. You get laid of. What would make you move on in the least painful way? Your employer telling you to leave the office right away before security comes or telling you ”thank you for everything” and good luck in the future. In either cases I would never go back to that place even if they wanted me to, but I would feel more bitter and hurt by case nr 1.

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Mike Phelan
So if she had not blocked you would you have still tried to stay in touch with her or would you have left her alone and not tried to contact her?

 

After that night we had an argument, I gave her space for a week. Then I messaged her once, no reply. The following day I messaged her again, no reply. By now I was also getting annoyed with her attitude, so I decided I'd wait a couple days then call her to try talk it out. In my mind this was my final attempt at contacting her. She didn't answer, and then blocked me at that moment.

 

I would've liked to still talk to, yes. We got along well, even if we were just friends after it was ok cos we only dated for a couple months. But the way she blocked me all because I tried to call her to talk to see what was up has left a bad taste.

 

If, and that's a big if, she contacts me again I don't want to talk to her again.

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