Jump to content

Right or wrong decision?


Recommended Posts

endless schooling

My background. I was in a relationship for about a year. I moved in with her about 6 months into the relationship. We work together. I am a doctor and she is a nurse. I come with no children and she comes with 4. I thought taking on children was not a problem and I got along with all of them really well.

 

Over the course of our relationship I had a trouble with my "independence". I went from being completely free to having a lot of responsibility. She didn't help a ton and I think she was used to being there 24/7 for her children. It was a problem anytime I wanted to do something just for myself. Like meeting a friend for a couple hours after work or being able to have some time where I was just by myself. I ended up breaking up with her and moving out back into my house (that I previously put on the market).

 

I feel terrible because she is hurt by it and her children are too. I honestly think it was too big of a jump for me (I just turned 31) and it was overwhelming to me. Still I get to work and I see her. I still find her absolutely beautiful and amazing. I still picture curling up to her when I get to work. I still find myself wanting to talk to her after a really stressful shift or just running up to her and giving her a big hug. I miss getting a text from her or being able to hear her voice.

 

I don't miss having to be always present and no free time. I often look back and don't miss the constant pressure to always be there. I love kids and want my own but I was often times in a position to jump in and take care of 4 of them. I don't miss that. I don't miss not being able to do what I want or meet up with friends. I don't miss needing to get up at 6 am (I usually work nights) to get kids on the bus for school when she worked.

 

I loved her and still do I just didn't love the entire situation. Am I making a wrong decision by walking away or is this just natural remorse during a breakup? When I'm at work I look at her and still get those butterflies; at home I am so glad to have my own time.

 

In some ways I am fearful that I will never meet someone that I feel the same way about and will be alone forever.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
endless schooling

Also to add to it what do I do with the children? They were really taken to me. Their biological dad is a deadbeat. They adored me and I really do find them amazing children. They are all girls. They craved that "dad" figure in their life and I filled that during the time I was with her. The oldest has a cell phone and has repeatedly asked me to come back. It absolutely breaks my heart.

 

Thats what makes it so hard. I don't see being there for their entire life if we don't make things work, but at the same point I feel awful for coming into their lives and then leaving. Do I still see them? Do I just cut ties and not come around? This **** is hard for me and has been weighing on my conscious. I feel so awful all around. If she didn't have children and we could grow our family together I think this would be a no-brainer. Its not even the fact of her having children because I got along with them so well; its the entire situation. Jumping into being a "dad" was really hard and overwhelming.

 

She has been relatively very reasonable though this whole thing. She has told me that she has and still does love me. I have been honest that I really do love her but have a hard time seeing my life with her. I know she is hurting and I feel like I can't be tell her exactly about what I feel without leading her on. We have mutual friends and they have told me how bad she is feeling which makes me feel even more awful. I just don't know what to do at this point. I have dated girls in the past but I never thought "this was it" until I dated her. Again if it was just her I would totally be into it. Its confusing but I love her children, but at the same point don't want the responsibility and to completely give up my freedom.

 

I just feel so completely awful for hurting her and the 4 amazing girls that she brought to the table.

Edited by endless schooling
Link to post
Share on other sites
d0nnivain

The problem is you moved too fast. Moving in with somebody & their children a mere 6 months in was foolish. It was absolutely idiotic on her part. Doctor or not, she had kids to protect. You didn't say how old the kids were but given your age, I'm guessing fairly young. Nobody deserves to get broken up with at that tender age.

 

Unless you are fully ready to commit to be daddy & all that entails, leave her & her kids alone. When you have kids your needs & wants come second. The kids come first. If you are not ready for that step back. For you to try be involved on a small level will only confuse them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
My background. I was in a relationship for about a year. I moved in with her about 6 months into the relationship. We work together. I am a doctor and she is a nurse. I come with no children and she comes with 4.

 

 

Mate seriously ? This is total embarrassing of yours. I will not even bother to analyze why, you are an educated person you should figure out by yourself. Get back at your senses as soon as possible, see a psychologist if needed.

 

 

 

You should not have even slept with this girl. You have the fear of unworthiness and scarcity. If you are 31 and a doctor, you have to be extremely ugly to face any kind of problem whatsoever.

 

 

 

Boost your ego doc! It is really easy for someone like you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you need to realize that you can't have your cake and eat it too (meaning having Her and her kids along with the freedom to do what you like.) It's the family or the freedom.

I think you made the right decision to leave because you don't sound like you were ready to give up your freedom just yet.

 

Next time don't date coworkers or single Moms. This did not go so well for you so learn from your experience.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
alphamale
In some ways I am fearful that I will never meet someone that I feel the same way about and will be alone forever.

 

dude, you're a doctor. it'll be easy to find a young beautiful wife who will have your children.

 

she is looking for some schmuck to help raise her kids, especially financially

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why does the decision have to be so black or white? You made a bad decision moving in with a woman and her 4 kids after a short 6 months; you realized this and you pulled back to your trenches- good move.

 

So why does it have to be over?

Link to post
Share on other sites
alphamale
Why does the decision have to be so black or white? You made a bad decision moving in with a woman and her 4 kids after a short 6 months; you realized this and you pulled back to your trenches- good move.

 

So why does it have to be over?

 

i'm sure she wants him to live with her so that he can help out with the kids and everything else. don't do it, it's a trap. you don't need to raise another man's kids

Link to post
Share on other sites
Boost your ego doc! It is really easy for someone like you.

 

 

How exactly does someone "boost their ego" and why would it be easier for someone who happens to have a medical degree hanging on their wall?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You jumped in over your head. She has some responsibility too. Introducing someone to your kids in just 6 months. Geeze

 

She was probably looking for the security

Link to post
Share on other sites
mark clemson
i'm sure she wants him to live with her so that he can help out with the kids and everything else. don't do it, it's a trap. you don't need to raise another man's kids

 

 

To be fair AM, sometimes people simply fall for each other (including in a work context) without there being an ulterior motive.

 

I mean, of course the rest of her brain doesn't shut off and it would be much better to have him there to help. So that would be in her mind. But that doesn't necessarily mean she was completely insincere or anything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...