Should I wish her luck or not?

[Anychance]

So we were together three years. We broke up a little over two months ago however things weren't right for a while. She lost interest ultimately I think. Although occasionally things started to get better, then dip again. I tried to fix things but she would say she was busy a lot of the time when I asked to see her. In the end we broke up'mutually' because I couldn't see any other way to improve things.

 

I didn't want to break up but i couldn't see anything else I/ we could do. Almost backed into a corner. After we broke we stopped talking, and after a few days I sent her a letter telling her I love her and care for her. She acknowledged it and we stopped talking. She then contacted me twice after just seeing how I was. I then asked her to try again...she said at the moment no. So I went no contact for a month. She then put up a status about having a bad day, so as I am still caring for her I checked in on her. We chatted for a while just polite and friendly. Nothing else. I told her I still care for her and would love to try again. She told me she doesn't know. I accepted that and wished her well. She then got back in touch saying she just doesn't know and can't give me an answer right now. I replied saying I understand and that I hope she is ok.

 

She ignored that last message and has left it unopened. That was over three weeks ago now. I have made no more attempts to get in touch and I am not going to now. She has ignored my message but appears in her social media as happy and cheery, sometimes almost too much. Her pics still have gifts I got her in the background sometimes which is nice and at least they haven't been thrown!

 

I miss her everyday and it's a struggle, I get the urge to contact but I'm refusing now. I being strong. I'm posting on my social media of places I've been to, and things I'm doing but not too much so it looks obvious. My question is do you think I have a chance of her getting in touch? Or should I accept she has no interest and start to move on. I've been 23 days no contact since I last sent the message. She also has a big event coming up soon. One which I was going to be involved with but obviously not now. She is putting up about it on her status online, would it be wrong to wish her 'good luck' on her status? (Not message) would this break no contact? Is it creepy?

 

Or am I best just to leave her alone and see IF she comes to me? Do I have zero chance?

Any advice appreciated!

Edited June 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

Your behavior is just making you lose your dignity. You shouldn't be trailing around behind her on social media looking for an excuse to say something supportive. It's too needy. Your relationship wasn't working, enough so that she left. No one can change overnight and sometimes not even with years of working on it. So you have no argument there.

 

It's unfair for her to kind of dangle you saying "I don't know," if that's really what the sum total of her words are. You shouldn't wait for her to finally say, OK, I'm sure I never want to see you again. You should just realize this is over and wasn't working and take it upon yourself to block her on phone and social media and stop torturing yourself looking at her social media, and just move on. She certainly knows where to find you. But even if she does, it will likely be for her own selfish temporary reason instead of anything to do with reuniting permanently.

[Anychance]

Your behavior is just making you lose your dignity. You shouldn't be trailing around behind her on social media looking for an excuse to say something supportive. It's too needy. Your relationship wasn't working, enough so that she left. No one can change overnight and sometimes not even with years of working on it. So you have no argument there.

 

It's unfair for her to kind of dangle you saying "I don't know," if that's really what the sum total of her words are. You shouldn't wait for her to finally say, OK, I'm sure I never want to see you again. You should just realize this is over and wasn't working and take it upon yourself to block her on phone and social media and stop torturing yourself looking at her social media, and just move on. She certainly knows where to find you. But even if she does, it will likely be for her own selfish temporary reason instead of anything to do with reuniting permanently.

 

Ok thanks, yes she's just said 'I dont know'

And then 'I can't give you answer at this time'

 

That was the last I heard from her. She liked one of my pictures after it but she has deliberately ignored and not opened my message since.

[Anychance]

We broke up mutually two months ago. However I didn't really want to break I just couldn't see any other way. She stopped seeming interested, cancelling dates, saying she was busy etc. I tried to fix things but how could I when she wouldn't see me. So we stopped. We both said who knows what will happen in the future. After breaking up I was a mess, I sent her a text thanking her for the good times, and that I love her and care about her. She responded to that and we stopped contact. She contacted twice afterwards to see how I was. Then nothing for a few weeks. After that I broke no contact because she put up she had a bad day and I wanted to see how she was. She replied and we chatted for a while, just polite and friendly nothing more. I told her I miss the times we had and wish I could do things different, apologised for the last few months. She replied saying she doesn't know if we can try again. I told her I understand and she knows where I am. She then got back in touch by saying she just doesn't know and can't give male an answer right now. I replied saying that is okay. And I understand, that she knows where I am and that was it. She has ignored that message and deliberately not opened it. It been three weeks now and she has chosen to ignore it. I know she can do, and has no obligation to reply, but can I take this as she's basically telling me to go away? If so I find it a bit rude especially after a three year relationship together. She continues to be happy and cheery on her social media, liking other guys stuff (we are still connected) etc. I don't plan to message her now. I haven't contacted since then and have kept quiet.

Obviously I still love her, have feelings for her and ultimately want us to try again. Here's the thing...she has a big event coming up and I was going to be involved with it. I am trying really hard to stop myself sending her a 'good luck' message, I feel I want to but I also don't want to interfere. I wasn't going to text it her as such, she put up a status about it and I was going to leave a comment. But I really don't know if that is for the best. I'm trying my best to move on and I'm keeping myself busy but she always pops into my mind.

What is your take on this? Should I send her a good luck comment or not?

[darkmoon]

The "good luck" is not going to start an entire convo, which you need to do at some point if - if - you want her back.

 

 

 

You need a more complicated convo, one that lasts, debates or news or gossip, whatever she likes...

 

 

 

"luck" is merely good or bad, uncomplicated, no big deal

Edited April 27, 2019 by darkmoon

[d0nnivain]

You are broken up but you keep trying to stay connected even in a small way. You reach out to show you care. Problem is she doesn't care anymore. You would be better served disconnecting from her on all platforms especially social media. You should not even know she had a bad day or that she has a big anything coming up. You are no longer an integral part of her life. She has placed you on the outside. As you continue pressing your nose against the glass longing for what you can't have all you do is pick at your wound & prolong your own misery

[Anychance]

You are broken up but you keep trying to stay connected even in a small way. You reach out to show you care. Problem is she doesn't care anymore. You would be better served disconnecting from her on all platforms especially social media. You should not even know she had a bad day or that she has a big anything coming up. You are no longer an integral part of her life. She has placed you on the outside. As you continue pressing your nose against the glass longing for what you can't have all you do is pick at your wound & prolong your own misery

 

That makes sense. I guess I am still feeling connected to her, but she has made it clear by ignoring she wants nithung to do with me. Actions speak louder than words, right? With her saying she can't tell me an answer now, I feel left wondering if she still likes me or not. But from your answer I'm guessing you think I have no chance?

[Twizzlestick]

No do not wish her luck! It’s not your job to do that mate. She fired you from the support role. Don’t keep turning up to work at a place that is no longer paying you wages.

 

I’ve struggled with the same path. Can only pass on what I was advised and what I’m striving to do day by day.

 

You need to set yourself a new challenge and go into NC. Realign your thoughts to be more about you. Set some personal goals, just small stuff. Maybe go to the gym a bit. At first it’s all bows and arrows against lightning (war of the world’s line - I’m not that old just remember my Dad’s record ). But after a while you do start to get in a bit of a groove.

 

I tend to disagree re binning and blocking social media straight off. It’s not easy to come back from that, can have a wiplash panic effect on YOU after a week or two and solely depends if you can move along without getting strung out on her posts. Try simply unfollowing first and see how you get on. If you’re struggling then unfriend. Two KEY things. Everything you do has to be correct for how it will make you feel down the way, no one else. Secondly you need to start acting like your ex doesn’t actually exist. No reach outs, no response to online provocations (I got plenty of them before I was unfriended).

 

The path to any slim chance of reconcile is the same path as moving on from my research. Go NC and start detaching. It feels alien and hard nosed at first but it’s so crucial. Don’t get hung up on reconciliation, the chances aren’t great stastiscally speaking but the chances they reach out are higher with NC.

 

I am not someone who carried out my own advice easily. It took a lot of wavering and plenty of advice from people on here and a counsellor. But you get going in the end. I still have very bad periods but beats the hell out of being caught in someone’s drama cycle as a back up plan.

 

Check out “magnet of success” blog written by a guy called Zan. It’s motivating, doesn’t give false hope and more importantly gives good advice to keep your self esteem up.

[d0nnivain]

No, I don't think you have a chance. I do think that once you accept that it will jump start your own healing process.

 

Good luck.

[Anychance]

Ok. I accept I have no chance just wished she be a bit more honest with me and tell me straight. I'm not going to contact her now, I do still fel connected to her I admit that, we were together a long time, the girl I fell for just can't beleive she's brushed it all away. Yes we have problems but I was willing to try and work things out. She obviously wasn't. Part of me wants to fight for her, to chase her and convince her that we should ben together but I know that is completely wrong and will push her away even more.

I just have to keep telling myself she can ignore me for nearly a month so I obviously mean very little to her.

[Twizzlestick]

Ok. I accept I have no chance just wished she be a bit more honest with me and tell me straight. I'm not going to contact her now, I do still fel connected to her I admit that, we were together a long time, the girl I fell for just can't beleive she's brushed it all away. Yes we have problems but I was willing to try and work things out. She obviously wasn't. Part of me wants to fight for her, to chase her and convince her that we should ben together but I know that is completely wrong and will push her away even more.

I just have to keep telling myself she can ignore me for nearly a month so I obviously mean very little to her.

 

Seriously mate, check out that magnet of success blog. It will answer these questions better than I. You can’t do anything from this position, including moving on. You will never ever be able to effectively talk her round. Forget what she thinks about you right now.

 

This will jar, I’ve had this advice but I needed to hear it to break the circle of rumination and pull my finger out. Honestly? Right now she wants to be free from you, you look available and easy pickings and she likely only wants you as a loose plan z somewhere in her distant orbit just to make her feel better when she’s low. That’s what she thinks and that’s your answer so no need to analyse it any more. There’s only one way to change that and for you to move forward for yourself. Break it and go NC for you.

 

 

Honestly it gets calmer in NC. You have less evidence to fixate and analyse and instead grow a little weary of it. You still overthink and get very bad painful lonely days and weeks but your self esteem goes up.its better than where you are now I promise you.

 

Don’t just tell yourself you’re not going to speak to her. NC takes more than that. Prep yourself. Amp yourself up like you’re about to lift some weights. Get your game face on, drum up a little anger and self respect.

 

Today it starts, it’s about you now and regaining your dignity and self value. Nothing bad is going to happen when you do this, you’re not missing any opportunities to “sort things out”. You’re at the lowest point in your own eyes and hers right now. You have no real choice. This is for you. Crack on. Honestly exes can sniff out you doing well like dogs so who knows what the future holds. Reconcile might be very slim chances but it’s not uncommon to hear from them when you’re doing better even if it’s just them needing to sap some of your positivity to give them a lift when they’re low. That’s another topic we all have to be weary of.

 

You just have to start acting like you mean something again and that includes taking her at her word and splitting from the joint. Right now. Game face on...

 

https://magnetofsuccess.com

[ChatroomHero]

You are just trying to find an excuse to contact her and keep the communication from completely stopping and she will know it. There is not point in sending that to her. She doesn't want to keep it going and doesn't want to be with you and she has been very clear in her actions. Move on now or move on later. The difference is if you move on now you will be better off sooner.

[stillafool]

. I told her I miss the times we had and wish I could do things different, apologised for the last few months. She replied saying she doesn't know if we can try again. I told her I understand and she knows where I am. She then got back in touch by saying she just doesn't know and can't give male an answer right now. I replied saying that is okay. And I understand, that she knows where I am and that was it. She has ignored that message and deliberately not opened it. It been three weeks now and she has chosen to ignore it.

 

She had already left the relationship mentally before you broke up. That is why she was cancelling dates, was too busy to see you, and seeming uninterested in seeing you. She is not going to be your gf again and I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't dating others by now. I know that you guys were together for 3-1/2 years but a break up is a break up so she is not required to still be your friend and still stay in contact with you because it's over. You have to accept it and disconnect from any avenue that leads to her. For your own mental health and so you can get over her stop looking at her social media and seeing what she's up to. You will be miserable if you continue to do this and won't be able to move on. You have to move on because she's not coming back.

[Anychance]

@twizzlestick thanks! Great reply and I'll look at the link.

 

@chatroomhero yes I'll try and move on now. To say I'm gutted is an understatemnt but I can't make her like me. I do wish her well.

 

@stillafool it looks that way. I tried to fix things for months. I just wish we could try again but I think my love for her is far greater than anything she feels for me. I'm trying to disconnect from her now, my biggest anxiety is when she starts dating someone else. Or like you say she might be already. If she is already then at least I know dep down I couldn't of meant that much to her in the end. Even with her ignoring me now I think proves that anyway.

[stillafool]

Don't think of it as "you meant nothing to her" because obviously you did that is why you two were in a relationship for years. It's just that it's over now and she no longer feels as she once did. You'll be okay.

[Anychance]

A bit of an update. I have now found out she is 'seeing' someone else. And to top it off, it is with a guy she was in school with. This guy is the son of our family friends. I grew up with him. We were friends growing up and I still see him and his parents every now and again. My mother is best friends with his mother! And to top that he also has a girlfriend!

I'm actually devastated! It would be bad enough founding out she is with someone else let alone this

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. For your sake I hope this info is the "final nail in the coffin" & it helps you to accept that this is over.

 

Shift your focus to your healing & move forward.

 

Best wishes.

[BC1980]

Ok thanks, yes she's just said 'I dont know'

And then 'I can't give you answer at this time'

 

That was the last I heard from her. She liked one of my pictures after it but she has deliberately ignored and not opened my message since.

 

All of this means she's not interested. Also, don't keep in contact with her on social media. You'll never move on if you do that.

[Anychance]

All of this means she's not interested. Also, don't keep in contact with her on social media. You'll never move on if you do that.

 

Thanks it the fact she just hasn't said no, I think is what was giving me false hope. I guess I just have to accept I'm not the one for her. I still love her. I alwahs will. It's a real shame because we were so great together. I blame myself for the break up, should of done this or that differently. None of it will help me move on I know. And after being told on here I stand no chance then i need to accept.

[Twizzlestick]

Hey Anychance.

 

I’m so sorry, my heart goes out to you. That is a cruel find. But it will help you change direction. It isn’t us telling you you have no chance, we’re strangers and can’t know any more than you. We’re just holding up to you what I think you already know in your boots. Like a mirror. What’s telling you you factually have no chance at this moment is her words and actions. And you know that.

 

She’s ended things and met someone. There’s nothing to be done. It’s totally devastating but you have to start thinking for yourself now and adjust your focus on you. At the min you’re walking about a graveyard and it’s no place to stay.

 

Please please challenge any thoughts that it’s all your fault. It will stifle your recovery. It is not all your fault. It just is. I promise you it does get better from here. I’m month 5 and still suffer, but the intense hour by hour anxiety and agony does start becoming more spread out. You will start functioning again. I promise you.

 

Stay on here and chat, use friends and all resources. Don’t bottle it up.

Edited April 28, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[stillafool]

Please stop spying on her social media to find out what is going on with her. You will never be able to put this behind you if you continue to look and know what is going on in her life. Stop blaming yourself for the break up because there was nothing you could have done to save the relationship. She was ready to move on.

[Anychance]

Hey Anychance.

 

I’m so sorry, my heart goes out to you. That is a cruel find. But it will help you change direction. It isn’t us telling you you have no chance, we’re strangers and can’t know any more than you. We’re just holding up to you what I think you already know in your boots. Like a mirror. What’s telling you you factually have no chance at this moment is her words and actions. And you know that.

 

She’s ended things and met someone. There’s nothing to be done. It’s totally devastating but you have to start thinking for yourself now and adjust your focus on you. At the min you’re walking about a graveyard and it’s no place to stay.

 

Please please challenge any thoughts that it’s all your fault. It will stifle your recovery. It is not all your fault. It just is. I promise you it does get better from here. I’m month 5 and still suffer, but the intense hour by hour anxiety and agony does start becoming more spread out. You will start functioning again. I promise you.

 

Stay on here and chat, use friends and all resources. Don’t bottle it up.

 

Thanks twizzlestick. I'm doing my best, getting out, doing activities etc. Everything you should do. It's still on my mind constantly and thanks for your words about it getting less, I hope it will for me over time. She meant a great deal to me and this is obvsomething I can't just switch off. I do really wish her well in life and I will try not to blame myself for all of this. I guess I know in my own mind that I did tried till the very end to correct i things. I guess it just was not meant to be.

[preraph]

Ok. I accept I have no chance just wished she be a bit more honest with me and tell me straight. I'm not going to contact her now, I do still fel connected to her I admit that, we were together a long time, the girl I fell for just can't beleive she's brushed it all away. Yes we have problems but I was willing to try and work things out. She obviously wasn't. Part of me wants to fight for her, to chase her and convince her that we should ben together but I know that is completely wrong and will push her away even more.

I just have to keep telling myself she can ignore me for nearly a month so I obviously mean very little to her.

 

Chasing and convincing doesn't work. It does the opposite. It makes you look weaker and desperate and just humiliates you. She's move on and doesn't care anymore. Block her from your phone and social media and stay off her social media. The goal is to stop caring what she's doing or what she's thinking.

[Anychance]

Chasing and convincing doesn't work. It does the opposite. It makes you look weaker and desperate and just humiliates you. She's move on and doesn't care anymore. Block her from your phone and social media and stay off her social media. The goal is to stop caring what she's doing or what she's thinking.

 

Yeah I haven't messaged her for three weeks. The last she has ignored my message so I haven't pushed it since. I'm trying really hard but my anxiety is through the roof at the moment. I just find it hard after theee years Shen can just brush it all off as if nothing ever happened. I wanted to at least try and work things out but for whatever reason she doesn't.

I'm in a bad place at the moment but things can only get better!

[preraph]

You've got to learn when to cut your losses and take no for an answer and move on. Let's assume what you think is your best-case scenario happened and in a couple months after she gets tired of banging this guy, she comes back to you.

 

Don't you think that ship has already sailed? You will never be able to feel the same knowing she 1) doesn't feel as much for you as you do for her; 2) that she's looking for your replacement and that's not going to change because she's not happy; and 3) she's been with another guy which is going to cause you a lot of resentment.

 

So think through how this could possibly end at a point where you would be happy. You'd never be able to trust her again because you know she's not satisfied staying with you and is always going to be looking to move on.