Ex's rebound driving my car and taking my dog

[dv123]

Hi everyone. I am going through a tough patch at the moment even though I was doing well. Me and my ex girlfriend were together for nearly 5 years and bought a house and lovely Labrador puppy. Shortly after buying the house etc she started to neglect me for her work (even though they were treating her like dirt!) feeling like she had something to prove. She worked at a gym working stupid shifts and putting herself forwards all the time to dig colleagues out of a hole. My grandma passed away on 21st Jan last year and I was distraught.

 

What did my ex do..she went off to work so that a colleague could finish earlier and I was left sitting at home alone. She came home and I was so upset we had our first major row. She moved back to her mums with our dog and things calmed down but I couldn't get any communication from her. Five months forward it was my birthday and I didn't even get a 'happy birthday'. She told me to have the house etc as she felt under pressure etc so I decided to get the ball rolling and try to move forwards even though it hurt.

 

I went to dinner with a female friend and she got really angry with me and delibertaely hooked up with a guy from the gym to get back at me!? I've kept my dignity throughout all this and was organising through her parents (who are like family to me) when I could have my dog etc. I'm a dog trainer so he went everywhere with me. I went NC and she came back 5 months later! At this point I was so hurt by her actions that I couldn't take her back. She was begging,crying and leaving loving stuff on my doorstep and I felt horrendous. I believe she thought the grass was greener then tried to come home to me when she found out her was an idiot.

 

Towards the end of the year I was still having my dog etc and we were getting on ok and chatting as friends. Then it all stopped and I asked her where Cooper was on the days I was supposed to be having him. Found out that since the autumn before (shortly after begging to me) that she's been seeing one of her old work colleagues. He has a history as a real womaniser and her folks say he's lazy, fat and controlling. He takes Cooper when she's at work and apparently doesn't want me having him anymore. He drops her off to work in my old car (which I sold to her shortly after the breakup-idiot I know!) and picks her up after. He also doesn't want her to post any pictures of them together on social media (wonder why!). Her mum said she even found a used pregnancy test in her room when she went in to look for a work uniform she had borrowed. Its like she's gone with him to stem her breakup pain as she hated him when she worked with him. He's complete opposite to me and she is not the girl I knew or loved.

 

I haven't spoke or seen her for two months and have been doing fine but yesterday I drove past him driving my old car with Cooper sitting in the passenger seat. It really stung and made me cry, I had to pull over at the side of the road. We had the best relationship and saw the world and she was so happy with me but it changed. She started to develop anxiety because of her work and whenever I tried to support her it just pushed her further away. I was a loyal, loving, supportive boyfriend and when she tried to come back she admitted she had done wrong and wanted to work through it but I just couldn't get pass the hurt she put me through. Her folks and sister said they don't even recognise or know the girl anymore as its all about this new guy.

 

She's rude, angry and treats people for her own needs. Sorry for the rant. Your opinions would be great. I don't make any effort with her and feel better for it but it was a sucker punch seeing that yesterday. Thanks for reading my post

Edited April 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

I'm sorry you're going through this. First of all, a bit of reality - you didn't have the best relationship in the world. Read back over how you felt neglected because she worked all the time. You really weren't happy. And I suspect the support you gave her when things were bad wasn't the kind of support she wanted. Anyway, you being unhappy with her choices would have made her unhappy with you and therefore the relationship too. So there was this basic incompatibility which made her walk away.

 

My best advice is to stop being in contact with her family. Or if you really must stay in contact, ask them to stop gossiping about her to you. Listening to all of this is only going to keep reopening the wound.

 

Regarding Cooper, how much have you insisted on getting access? Have you tried any scare tactics?

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. It sounds like seeing your dog in your old car with this guy really ripped open the wound.

 

Please do stop speaking to her family about her and her love life. Her parents really don't need to be sharing the details with you, particularly anything related to her sexual activity. It's inappropriate, not your business, and no doubt very painful to hear. Who she has become since she started dating him isn't your concern and really shouldn't be a topic of discussion with her family.

 

As for the dog - sadly, I think you are going to need to ask yourself if you are reasonably going to be able to continue spending time with him, if it's going to mean keeping that connection to her. She appears to have unilaterally decided he's only her dog now, which isn't fair, but you need to prepare yourself what a fight for him will entail (in terms of keeping you in a distressed emotional place) If you can work out a plan with her, great, but it sounds like she's going to make it very difficult.

[d0nnivain]

You sold her the car. It's hers. She relinquished her rights to the house so thank heaven's she can't ruin your credit. Unfortunately she will forever break your heart over Copper the dog, Unless the dog is registered & licensed in your name & you want to sue her for custody, there is not much can do.

 

All in all you have to fully let go of her. No more social media. Unfriend / unfollow. No more talking to her mom. You can't know anything about her.

 

I'm sorry about your grandmother.

[bathtub-row]

The girl is a self-centered brat. You’re better off without her. Since she’s so self-serving, offer her a couple of hundred dollars to buy the dog from her, with no visitation on her end. If she doesn’t accept the deal, then you’re going to have to move on from the dog, too. I know it hurts but you can’t play the back and forth game forever. If she won’t let you take Cooper, get yourself another dog. It really will help.

[dv123]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I really appreciate your words. I have fully let go of Cooper over a month ago. It was so dam hard seeing him yesterday as he was my world but I understand for my own sanity that I need to fully let go and thats what I plan to do. I took her off my social media etc last year. I agree that she is self centred and I've seen that more clearly since we broke how bad she treats people for her own self gain. She even treats her family like dirt most of the time then expects to pick people up when she feels like. I stood my ground when she came crawling back as I knew it was only because her rebound failed and I am worth so much more than that.

[preraph]

I mean, courts do deal with dog custody. It will hinge on who bought it, was it gifted, who paid the vet bills, etc. But sometimes they award joint custody where you get one week and she the next. That's how I would do it if possible since you're both attached.

 

All this other stuff -- she's your ex. She can do whatever she wants about dating and finding someone to help with the dog as long as she has the dog. You weren't getting along anyway. Again, the court might find a solution, but it might cost a lot to get that processed.

 

I'd be getting another dog. At least you know the dog is in good hands with someone who has always loved it. I know you miss the dog. I would be torn apart, but I wouldn't be worried the dog was unhappy.

[Highndry]

I can understand how painful it would be seeing the dog with the new boyfriend. I couldn't care less about the ex gf, but the dog thing would seriously bother me. However, the fact that she initially took the dog tells me it was more "her" dog than yours, right? Because that is usually what happens in the event of a breakup - the dog goes with the person who picked the dog and took the most interest in it. That is seldom a true 50/50 thing.

[loversquarrel]

Really you have to stop all contact with her and that includes the family and the dog. Put the time into the house and when you get settled get another dog, Lord knows there are a ton out there with no home.