Logical Explanation??

[Jenkins26]

Hello everyone. Ok, here's my story. My ex and I were together for just a month and a half and she is still a current co-worker of mine. I am 33, she is 21 (we were 32 and 20 when we got together). She broke up with me in late December of last year. She was fresh out of a relationship with an abusive partner and we got together 2 weeks after. I told her that we could take things slow and not jump into anything but she insisted she was ready. She wasn't. I treated her perfectly during our relationship. I showed her love, protected her, didn't cheat, abuse her, etc. Did nothing to warrant any hate. Keep this in mind.

 

I was obviously upset and guilt tripped her about the breakup cause it happened unexpectedly. We all guilt trip, so don't condemn me for that. I apologized after doing so and she accepted. So we remained friends for a few weeks until a conversation went sour and she blocked me on Facebook. A few days later at the advice of another co-worker I wrote her a handwritten heartfelt apology letter. I had my supervisor screen the letter before I gave it to her to hand to my ex (I didn't insult her or anything in the letter mind you). Well my ex didn't like it and went to HR about it and wanted no contact with me.

 

So, fast forward 4 months later and she's been acting like I don't exist (her and her best friend who I think influenced her behavior). I've moved on. After taking 3 months to get myself together I started to date again. I was finally ready. I have a wedding that I'm going to in a few weeks and wanted this girl to go with me (that I met online). She declined (haven't known each other too long) so I ended up asking my other co-worker to go with me. A good friend of mine who my ex was cool with as well. Somehow my ex found out that I was going to the wedding with my other co-worker.

 

Well, the co-worker who I'm going with heard from another co-worker that my ex was making fun of me/talking **** as I was walking by the window of their office this past Thursday. We haven't had a conversation in 4 months. Not one word has been spoken, no texts, not anything. So, why is she still talking ****? Is she jealous that I am going to the wedding with someone who she thought was a friend? Is she just being immature cause she's young? Is she not over me and trying to overcompensate for something by acting like she hates me? She has no reason to hate me. I know deep down she doesn't.

 

I don't know, lol. Any logical explanation for this?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Why? Because you asked another co-worker that she is also friendly with to go with you. Obviously she was going to find out because *news flash* women talk. Wasn't that the point? If it wasn't then you wouldn't you have asked someone from work to go with you?

 

It doesn't sound like you have very strong personal/professional boundaries at work, and you are now learning the hard way that this is the risk of dating someone you work with.

 

All the normal breakup drama and petty issues that exes go through is magnified because you are always in each other's space. If she suspects that anything you do is a dig at her, she is probably going to react in a negative way.

 

You pushed too much during the breakup, and continued to bring your personal life into work, which is why HR ended up getting involved. As a result she is now is overly sensitive to your behavior, even if you believe it is innocent.

 

The only way to keep the peace is to keep your private life completely separate from work. It may make work a little bit less exciting, but the alternative can turn into a nightmare.

[Jenkins26]

Why? Because you asked another co-worker that she is also friendly with to go with you. Obviously she was going to find out because *news flash* women talk. Wasn't that the point? If it wasn't then you wouldn't you have asked someone from work to go with you?

 

It doesn't sound like you have very strong personal/professional boundaries at work, and you are now learning the hard way that this is the risk of dating someone you work with.

 

All the normal breakup drama and petty issues that exes go through is magnified because you are always in each other's space. If she suspects that anything you do is a dig at her, she is probably going to react in a negative way.

 

You pushed too much during the breakup, and continued to bring your personal life into work, which is why HR ended up getting involved. As a result she is now is overly sensitive to your behavior, even if you believe it is innocent.

 

The only way to keep the peace is to keep your private life completely separate from work. It may make work a little bit less exciting, but the alternative can turn into a nightmare.

 

Let me rephrase that. I was talking to my coworker about going to the wedding with the online girl but said she was iffy about it. Then she offered to go with me if the online girl backed out which she did. Then I officially asked her to be my date. My ex shouldn't be jealous or mad if she wants no contact with me right??

 

I very much regret writing the letter. It was my fault for taking my coworkers advice. I should have let it be but when you're heartbroken you do stupid ****. I was afraid of losing her as a friend and I did. But now I'm glad we're not friends. I don't want anyone that negative and immature in my life, period.

[chillii]

Sorry man but "finally" ready , what after a whole 3 mths.

And of course she did the same after her last one like so many round here seem to do , why is just beyond me, straight onto you and here is the outcome..

Tbh , yeah of course , she found out and she just sounds way on the immature end of the early 20s scale to boot , very bad combo. Some girls are women by that age and their maturity is amazing , but some are still like 16yr olds , think you got one of those.

l'd just try to move on and separate her out of your life if it was me.

let her go , people that know you will know better, and she'll soon tire of the bs or bounce onto the next one, it'll all blow over if you just stay away from her and move on.

Edited April 21, 2019 by chillii

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I very much regret writing the letter. It was my fault for taking my coworkers advice. I should have let it be but when you're heartbroken you do stupid ****. I was afraid of losing her as a friend and I did. But now I'm glad we're not friends. I don't want anyone that negative and immature in my life, period.

 

I don't judge you for the way you reacted after the breakup. It happens. However, the way it played out at work shouldn't have happened. You involved your co-workers, including your supervisor! Can you see in hindsight how risky that was?

 

I'm emphasizing this because the situation has made both of you overreact and act immaturely about certain things. You may feel more in control now, but the damage is already done.

 

Like I said before, she will be sensitive to your behavior at work. Having another co-worker mentioning that she was going to be your date triggered a negative response. It might have been how she said it that caused the reaction. Women know how to get under each other's skin, even when they are "friends".

 

That being said, men and women can be territorial and resentful if they think they are being made to look like a fool. That doesn't mean she wants you back though (if that thought crossed your mind).

 

In the outside world, dating someone for just over a month shouldn't have created so much drama, but you work together, and clearly there is a very informal work environment which blurs the lines of professionalism. Your co-workers never should have become so involved, because it made the situation worse.

 

I'd take it as a learning lesson. Be careful who you share things with at work.

[d0nnivain]

You were a rebound & she's immature. I say that not as a crack against her but because nobody has it all figured out at 21.

 

It's easier to ignore you then deal with it. She wants you both to keep your jobs so follow her lead, do your job & stop worrying about what some woman-child is doing.

[Jenkins26]

I don't judge you for the way you reacted after the breakup. It happens. However, the way it played out at work shouldn't have happened. You involved your co-workers, including your supervisor! Can you see in hindsight how risky that was?

 

I'm emphasizing this because the situation has made both of you overreact and act immaturely about certain things. You may feel more in control now, but the damage is already done.

 

Like I said before, she will be sensitive to your behavior at work. Having another co-worker mentioning that she was going to be your date triggered a negative response. It might have been how she said it that caused the reaction. Women know how to get under each other's skin, even when they are "friends".

 

That being said, men and women can be territorial and resentful if they think they are being made to look like a fool. That doesn't mean she wants you back though (if that thought crossed your mind).

 

 

 

In the outside world, dating someone for just over a month shouldn't have created so much drama, but you work together, and clearly there is a very informal work environment which blurs the lines of professionalism. Your co-workers never should have become so involved, because it made the situation worse.

 

 

I'd take it as a learning lesson. Be careful who you share things with at work.

 

 

Supervisor is just her work title. She is actually a very good friend of mine. We've had a lot of deep conversations in the time I've known her. We talk about our personal lives to each other all the time. She was the one who got involved because she seen how hurt I was. She gave me some not so good advice after the breakup which I took because I was desperate. I know she was just trying to help though.

 

Oh, she didn't tell my ex directly that she was going with me. Her best friend heard it as she was walking by and told her. I mean I can see how it would cause a negative reaction. Considering they were "friends" before I was even in a relationship with my ex.

 

I completely agree with you saying that it shouldn't cause drama cause the relationship wasn't long at all. But for some reason it still is because I was basically dating a child that has a lot of growing up to do. It doesn't help that we have to see each other 5 days a week. It's way easier for people to get over one another when you don't have to physically see them. It's unavoidable at this point. But I am trying to find another job because I want to make more money and also remove myself from this toxic situation for good.

 

 

Edit - I mean what exactly is a rebound anyway? Is it a rebound if both of us were attracted to each other? I didn't move in on a weak moment or anything. She kind of came onto me first.

Edited April 21, 2019 by Jenkins26

[preraph]

You need to just leave her alone! She had every right to go to HR about you after you didn't stop after she broke up with you. Not only didn't you just go away, but you involved other coworkers in your drama, seeking sympathy no doubt. You're being a pain and embarrassing her at work. You don't have a leg to stand on since you gave her that letter. She can comment on whatever she wants, especially you going out with yet another woman from work. She's a free agent. You need to stop talking about her and stop interacting with her. She doesn't want anything to do with you.

[Jenkins26]

You need to just leave her alone! She had every right to go to HR about you after you didn't stop after she broke up with you. Not only didn't you just go away, but you involved other coworkers in your drama, seeking sympathy no doubt. You're being a pain and embarrassing her at work. You don't have a leg to stand on since you gave her that letter. She can comment on whatever she wants, especially you going out with yet another woman from work. She's a free agent. You need to stop talking about her and stop interacting with her. She doesn't want anything to do with you.

 

 

I haven't had any communication with her in 4 months! I am leaving her alone. She's the one that has my name in her mouth. Can't you read moron?