scottsconnerss Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 my gf lives 45 mins away from me, we both are busy with full time jobs. I generally spend an entire day with her every week. When work slows down I make extra time, but both our lives have been busy with work lately. She always wants to be around me, I have a harder time spending it all with her. The situation I described below is the reason why I need my alone time. She runs into problems, that aren't that hard to fix, she brings them up to me and I feel like I can't help her because if I say the wrong thing she'll get mad. I have to repress my speech and it gets exhausting. I try to focus on more recreational and relaxing stuff when we're together to avoid these types of things, but here I am now. Not entirely sure what I should do: Her car got sideswiped a few weeks ago. At fault driver left info. Gf took the car into a bodyshop, the estimate for repairs is $20k+. At fault driver's insurance won't cover cost of repair, because car is only valued at 3k-6k. She loves this car, asks me what she should do. I never been in the situation, do a quick google search, tell her they will probably only pay out the value of the car, or she can sue the at-fault driver and potentially get a little more than the value of car through a settlement or court decision. She throws a fit, saying they need to pay all $20k in repairs, it's not fair, if insurance won't cover, then she'll make the at fault driver figure out how to restore the car. I tell her it doesn't work that way, maybe get her own insurance involved if she has collateral, so she gets a pay out from the other party and some money from her own insurance to help with repair costs. Find a used car door somewhere and maybe research other places for a lower repair estimate or just replace the car. She say's "it's not fair, that's how it is huh?" I say "yeah, just call your insurance see of they can help" she hangs up. It been 6 days since we discussed that, she hasn't texted me or called me or done anything to let me know what she's doing. I called her once the night after we talked to see if she was all right because she wouldn't respond to my texts, but she was at her moms house and was pretty ambivalent about talking, i asked her if she was mad at me and she just says "idk." I say, "ok have safe night and hang up". I get that the car had sentimental value, but it wasn't an heirloom nor is it rare and this was 10 days ago. I haven't reached out to her, she hasn't reached out to me. I thought she needed some time to cool off, but this isn't about the car anymore. I know she could sense my resentment stemming from my inability to speak freely around her. She knows I'm exhausted and she senses I don't always want to be around her and it makes her feel like I'm taking her for granted. I can understand this, but I feel like she could do more to help make things smoother too. I've already asked her not to take some things I say so personally. If I contact her, I think she expects to me apologize profusely and beg for her back. If she contacts me I just want to forget about this whole episode and be more mindful of her, but I know more of this kind of stuff is likely to happen anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 Consider yourself lucky and move on. I mean, seriously... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 To be honest, she sounds not only crazy but also stupid. How she can possibly blame you for delivering the bad news is beyond me and you really shouldn't have to put up with that kind of crap but it sounds like you have been doing it regularly. I'm of the opinion that you should take this opportunity to just let her go because she is irrational and unfair and no one should have to apologize for her being that ridiculous. You can surely do better. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 For your own sake, I hope she has dumped you. That said if she hasn't dumped you, for your own sake I hope that you dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 Cars are “guy” territory and you failed her and were a bit of a jerk about it. She’s gone and talking to another guy that WILL fix it for her. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 I don't get why she's projecting her anger about the situation onto you. You're just being realistic with her and it's like she's shot the messenger. Why would any person/insurance, etc. cover more than the value of her totaled car? If this is how she routinely deals with life problems, I think you're better off finding someone you don't have to walk on eggshells with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 She seems to lack both realism and maturity. Make of that what you will... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 She wanted to have a grumble about the situation and you did the usual guy thing and attempted to offer suggestions to solve the problem. Yes, ideas are helpful but she also wanted someone to listen and understand her anger. Having said the above, she should be able to reason too and see that what you said is unfortunately the way things are. You mentioned that you were tired so you may have sounded impatient with her and insistent perhaps? I wasn't there so I don't know. It sounds like you both had frayed tempers. Such a clash rarely ends well. She may come round but is probably waiting for you to apologise. I don't see that you should, unless you were rude to her or something. Looks like this relationship would have foundered before too long if she wants to spend all her time with you but you are finding that tiring. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 The only thing that was going to fix that car is buying a used one just like it. The repairs would have been too much to be worth it. She sounds stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scottsconnerss Posted April 18, 2019 Author Share Posted April 18, 2019 You mentioned that you were tired so you may have sounded impatient with her and insistent perhaps? I wasn't there so I don't know. It sounds like you both had frayed tempers. Such a clash rarely ends well. She may come round but is probably waiting for you to apologise. I don't see that you should, unless you were rude to her or something. Looks like this relationship would have foundered before too long if she wants to spend all her time with you but you are finding that tiring. When she called I was on my way to work, so I didn't want to be on for long. I was also just taken aback by the 23K cost. I was trying to wrap my head around that because it was steep. I guess I wasn't too attentive to everything going on in the call. The few times we spent before this were really good, positive experiences where I was trying to put more effort into not getting caught up in capability issues. This whole thing took me by surprise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scottsconnerss Posted April 18, 2019 Author Share Posted April 18, 2019 The only thing that was going to fix that car is buying a used one just like it. The repairs would have been too much to be worth it. She sounds stupid. She's had back luck with cars in the past. For whatever reason she's fond of them. Personally I don't think her and I are in a position to treat cars like anything other than a thing to get us to and from work. Someone else was saying if they put 23k into that car, it'd be hard to sell down the road because the title would show all that stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 Yeah, a totaled car is going to show up on Carfax, and also it's never going to be the same, no matter what. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts