Lei199 Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 We’ve been together for 2 years, but this past few months he was distant and cold, he didn’t talk to me like he used to before,he didn’t invite for importants events anymore,I didn’t see his family and friends for a while. He would talk to me about other girls who wanted to sleep with him, he would go clubbing with his single friends and I noticed how he changed his style, he shaved his torso and he never did that for 2 years. I started to suspect that there was someone else,or he didn’t view me as a long term partner anymore. Then at one point we were watching a video on youtube and he received a text from a girl, I knew her and I always had an unsettling feeling. I read the messages and they were talking since February he asked if he could meet her in the evening after work for 1 hour or 2 to hang out,they shared their schedules, I didn’t even know his schedule,he told her that he would love to help her with whatever she was doing and that next year they could share an apartment because he was looking for a female roommate. I was shocked and he was livid, I just left and confronted him when I collected my thoughts,I never had an issue with him having female friends it’s normal, but I always had an unsettling feeling with her. I confronted him about it but he was upset and told me that I was too jealous,controlling that it was all in my head and I can’t trust him, I was toxic and nobody would want to date me. He added that he didn’t want to get emotionally attached as he wasn’t sure where about the relationship. I can’t stop crying, I feel like everything is my fault,maybe I was too much? I had a lot of health issues and I come from a broken family maybe I was too much to deal with ? I was taking medication for depression and anxiety so he’d probably be happy with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 This wasn't your fault. He manipulated the situation to make you the "bad guy." He checked out of the relationship long before you mustered up the self respect to break up with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Seriously! This guy checked out of the relationship with you a while ago, you called him out on it, he gaslighted you and now you're blaming yourself. He wouldn't man up about the relationship with you until he had something else solid so he kept stringing you along for convenience until that happened. Sweetie, kick yourself in the rear end and close the door on this guy/chapter of your life. You're sitting there crying over this hose bag and ruining days/weeks, etc. of YOUR life. He doesn't deserve to have this kind of power over you!!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 I agree that you haven't done anything wrong and more than likely he was going to break up and start seeing this girl anyway. What a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lei199 Posted April 16, 2019 Author Share Posted April 16, 2019 Thank you a lot for your replies, it helps a lot! But i'm don't know how to get over it? I keep replaying the words he said in my head especially that nobody will love me i feel like i'm too unsteady for anyone to love.And i can't help but think that i am to blame for this. He was my first love Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Look up "gaslighting." It's what abusive people do to make the other person feel bad and like it's their own fault. This guy probably is seeing other women and intended to keep doing so. He is telling this woman he'll move in together with her. This is not your fault. If you got one guy, you can get another! Who wouldn't be "unsteady" with a cold cheating boyfriend? Walk away and block him so he can't continue the gaslighting abuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 it helps a lot! But Nothing pisses me off more than the word "but" after an affirmation . . . that is a dismissal of the truth we've put forth. Forget about what he said. Exactly what is so special about this guy that qualifies him to make an assessment of you and your value, etc.????? He couldn't even man up and sit down with you and have an adult conversation about the state of the relationship and needs, his and yours, and tell you he wants to move on like a grown up instead of pulling away and retreating like a p*ssy. He's a weak kneed, immature piece of sh*t. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heatherbliss Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Hi there, my friend. I'm so sorry for the hurt you're enduring and the raw emotions that are gripping your heart right now. There are no cookie-cutter answers here. But I do know that people make choices in life without giving consideration to other people's feelings. His decision may have had nothing to do with anything you said or did or the condition of your health so please don't blame yourself for his negative actions and behavior with this other female. What's happened to you in this relationship may be a blessing in disguise as you were able to get a glimpse of some serious character flaws in this person before it was too late. Please know that your value and worth as a woman does not depend on his treatment of you. You are precious in God's eyes and worthy of much love and respect. I pray you can move on from this place of deep disappointment and begin to see yourself as God sees you. Be encouraged in this. Sending you warm hugs and the hope and blessings of Easter! Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 "unsteady"? nah, you know how to behave - just do it Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 But i'm don't know how to get over it? I keep replaying the words he said in my head especially that nobody will love me i feel like i'm too unsteady for anyone to love.And i can't help but think that i am to blame for this. He was my first love You will get over this because time heals all wounds. He said all those mean things to hurt you in the heat of the moment, not because they were true. It's not your fault. One of the other life lessons you are learning from this is you can't control everything. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 I was shocked and he was livid, I just left and confronted him when I collected my thoughts,I never had an issue with him having female friends it’s normal, but I always had an unsettling feeling with her. I confronted him about it but he was upset and told me that I was too jealous,controlling that it was all in my head and I can’t trust him, I was toxic and nobody would want to date me. He added that he didn’t want to get emotionally attached as he wasn’t sure where about the relationship. Consider the source of these words, OP. You can't assign that much value to the opinion of a shady character. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lei199 Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 Happy belated easter to you all ! Thank you all for your replies it helps a lot, i'm still a little bit sad but i feel a lot better. (The chocolate did help as well ) Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Even if you were a difficult person to be with, and this is strictly hypothetical. He had no right to what he did. NONE. He said what he said to make you out to be the bad guy and to clear himself of any wrongdoing. If he was so unhappy with you, he should have done the right thing and ended the relationship. PERIOD. So don't blame yourself. He was not worthy of your trust or your love. Just remember you're a great person and someone is out there waiting to prove him wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I know this must really hurt a lot but I am very impressed at how you put an abrupt end to things when you realized what he was doing. Telling that girl that he would be looking for a female roommate in a year??!! What an unmitigated jerk. Don’t let him convince you that this was all your fault. He just wants to play around and he’ll probably do the same thing with anyone else. I’m really sorry you’ve been hurt like this. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Nothing pisses me off more than the word "but" after an affirmation . . . that is a dismissal of the truth we've put forth. Forget about what he said. Exactly what is so special about this guy that qualifies him to make an assessment of you and your value, etc.????? He couldn't even man up and sit down with you and have an adult conversation about the state of the relationship and needs, his and yours, and tell you he wants to move on like a grown up instead of pulling away and retreating like a p*ssy. He's a weak kneed, immature piece of sh*t. Read the above over and over again. It’s so amazingly accurate! Link to post Share on other sites
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