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Break up regrets?

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 15th April 2019, 11:02 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2017
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Break up regrets?

Hey guys,

Long story short I started dating a girl about 18 months ago now. We got along really well however there was one thing that sort of got in the way.. she has a child and I don't.

When we first met I had nothing to do with the child. I moved city for work, and we did long distance for a little while until she did the same. I didn't meet the child until about 2 months ago. I know I really should have thought the situation through before I entered a relationship with her, however I tried to stay open minded from the beginning and maybe I had some kind of illusion in my head that it would work and I think she may have had the same. I did express my concerns a little bit in regards to the situation but maybe not enough.

Fast forward to last week after spending the day with her and the child it got a bit too much for me too handle. I had major gut feelings that I wasn't ready for it and ended up expressing my concerns and pretty much breaking up.

It's now been another week or so and I feel terrible. I came on here to hopefully get some advice or potentially hear from someone who's been in this situation before.

Sometimes I feel like I made a mistake letting an awesome girl go for a situation she can't even control, but at the same time I feel relief that I'm no longer potentially leading her on and wasting her time. I feel like maybe I should have given it a better shot, or am I just not ready to be a step dad?

I feel like I should be 100% sure in this situation, which I'm not which leads me to think I made the right choice. I feel like reaching out to potentially giving it another go but I know that would probably be selfish of me and I should probably just stay away.

I feel like I may have held back on some of my feelings do to the situation as well and was afraid to commit. My head is a mess right now. I left the poor girl heartbroken. It's probably too late now anyway
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Old 15th April 2019, 11:25 PM   #2
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She waited a year and a half for you to meet her child because she probably knew you would crack under the pressure...and that's exactly what you did.

Honestly, if you truly loved her. You would have been begging to see and spend time with her child. Why? Because it's apart of her and your love for her would have totally included her offspring. Remember how much Brad Pitt loved Angelina's first adopted child so much, that he added his name to the adoption papers? He wanted a family with the woman her was going to spend his lured with.

It's an automatic reaction.

You did there right thing. She was in a no win situation tbh.
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Old 15th April 2019, 11:41 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by AT15 View Post
She waited a year and a half for you to meet her child because she probably knew you would crack under the pressure...and that's exactly what you did.
She waited a year and a half for the OP to meet the child because she wanted to make sure the relationship was secure before allowing the child to get attached.

Yes, also an assumption - but in my opinion, equally valid.
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Old 16th April 2019, 9:38 AM   #4
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Yeah you bet , just wish we heard of more being that sensible and responsible .

Anyway op , l don't think you belong with that reaction, because one day is nothing , hell a month or a year is nothing. Having children in the mix is a whole nother ball game and they'll be a huge part of things for a long long time.
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Old 16th April 2019, 9:51 AM   #5
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I don't blame you at all, I would have done the same (though I have made it my policy to never become involved with a single mom.)
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Old 16th April 2019, 11:26 PM   #6
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If it got a bit too much for you to handle, maybe it is. Do not let guilt drive your relationship with someone because you might regret it in the end. There are guys who grew up in close families surrounded by young kids and would have immediately felt natural in this situation. If you are the opposite, then that is who you are, and that is why youíre at a loss. Donít force it because you might all end up miserable. Hopefully she will find someone who can ease more easily into that role and you will also find someone else, get married and have a baby and you can slowly get used to being a father.
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Old 17th April 2019, 7:51 PM   #7
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It sounds like you feel strongly for her but do not want a child in the way. I doubt you are ready to be a step-dad. I don't think it is wise to leave it too long to introduce a possible partner to children, though obviously it cannot be when a relationship is very new. There has to be trust and knowledge of the new person.

You met a women you liked and for a while it was just you two and now someone else (who is probably naturally quite demanding of attention) has appeared in the middle. It must be a shock to you.

I think if you do not want this, you did the right thing by breaking up. It is sad for her because she had got attached to you. You would be better off with someone who does not have a child.
"You ain't a beauty but hey, you're alright" ('Thunder Road', Bruce Springsteen)

Last edited by spiderowl; 17th April 2019 at 7:53 PM..
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Old 17th April 2019, 8:06 PM   #8
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Well, now you know not to date women with young children. Maybe ones that are grown IF they are out of the house. I can't blame anyone for that. I mean, most people would have anticipated that they couldn't deal with it, but just being annoyed in a restaurant like I am is minor compared to a few hours of them being the center focal point when all you want to do is visit and relax with their mom. And then there's no doubt some who have good control over them and many many more who do not.

Just apologize and tell her you truly didn't know you'd react that way because this was a first for you.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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