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I feel like I've made a mistake...


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 14th April 2019, 9:13 PM   #1
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I feel like I've made a mistake...

I broke up with a guy a few weeks ago, and now I'm feeling very lost. I was always a bit confused regarding my feelings for this guy, but now I'm more confused than ever.

I was with him for 6 months - I didn't feel any attraction initially, but over time, I got to know him better and I started to develop more feelings for him. This relationship had everything I could ask for - I was with a good-looking guy who cared about me, and was extremely respectful, sincere, dependable, loyal, and responsible. We also had intriguing, intellectual conversations - he made me think, and really opened my eyes to the world. When I was with him, I learned how to really be more caring and empathetic to the people around me. We had such deep conversations that could go on forever, conversations that really made me think and learn. And whenever I had an issue I wanted to talk about, he was an attentive listener and 100% supportive. He was always there for me, and was the most understanding, thoughtful person I ever knew.

I know it was only 6 months, but I felt like I really changed for the better. Best of all, he really got along great with my friends and they absolutely loved him. My best friend couldn't even understand why I was ending the relationship - she thought he was such a fun guy.

However, I didn't feel much excitement or passion, and that's why I broke it off. I was never excited to see him. Toward the end of the relationship I kept making up excuses to not see him - but I only started doing this once he started talking about the future. I don't know if I ran away from this relationship out of fear that it was taking a more serious direction.

I miss him now, and I long to speak with him. Did I really make a mistake breaking it off with him? Is passion and excitement really all that important in a relationship? In the end, he could have been my best friend - he really understood me, and isn't that the most important thing? Am I placing too much importance on this whole passion thing?

Last edited by disneyfan90; 14th April 2019 at 9:16 PM..
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Old 14th April 2019, 9:20 PM   #2
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I wouldn't second guess myself. You broke it off for a reason it's no one else's business
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Old 14th April 2019, 9:32 PM   #3
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I saw a meme recently where they showed two people's reaction to breaking up, the man side and the woman's side. At the breakup the man is happy and the woman is crying; a few weeks later the man is not so happy and the woman is eating cake; a few months later the man is crying and the woman is happy. Or vice versa depending on who broke it up.

Whatever will be will be. You're sad because you are feeling the aftershocks of it and you're depressed. It will pass. Life goes on.
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Old 14th April 2019, 10:07 PM   #4
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you dumped him cause he was a "nice guy". find a guy that will give you some drama
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Old 14th April 2019, 10:51 PM   #5
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Ahhh, the nice guy thing again , alpha alpha alpha.
They go out with them and get all happy and mushy when they are a nice guy ,l usually see them cursing the AH round here or in any other forum and giving them the A.
Maybe he was just the wrong guy for her, pure and simple, like anyone else until the right one comes along.

Anyway OP, your tying yourself in knots about all this and confusing yourself. Try and hold off a bit longer and let the dust clear first and the answers will come.
You may've been blocking yourself with him, fear, or , maybe he just wasn't the right one.

Last edited by chillii; 14th April 2019 at 10:54 PM..
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Old 15th April 2019, 12:02 AM   #6
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Ahhh, the nice guy thing again , alpha alpha alpha.
They go out with them and get all happy and mushy when they are a nice guy ,l usually see them cursing the AH round here or in any other forum and giving them the A.
Maybe he was just the wrong guy for her, pure and simple, like anyone else until the right one comes along.

Anyway OP, your tying yourself in knots about all this and confusing yourself. Try and hold off a bit longer and let the dust clear first and the answers will come.
You may've been blocking yourself with him, fear, or , maybe he just wasn't the right one.
Could be fear, I don't know. I hear a lot of horror stories when it comes to dating, and that makes me wonder even more about why I broke it off with a perfectly good man.

Maybe there wasn't much chemistry for me, but in the end, we had a true friendship.
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Old 15th April 2019, 12:05 AM   #7
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It's too late now, so best to just move on and try not to think about it. It's over.
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Old 15th April 2019, 1:41 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by disneyfan90 View Post
I miss him now, and I long to speak with him. Did I really make a mistake breaking it off with him? Is passion and excitement really all that important in a relationship? In the end, he could have been my best friend - he really understood me, and isn't that the most important thing? Am I placing too much importance on this whole passion thing?
You put him in the friend zone. Six months is enough time to know if you see a future with someone IMO.

I think some nervousness is common, but if you have no passion or excitement (sexual desire), you should move on. Some questions you may want to ask yourself: were you also being exciting and passionate? I find a lot of women want this, but they don't also contribute these things. Can you clarify what you mean by exciting and passionate? I personally find intense, deep conversations really exciting. I would love to find a woman that can do that, but many don't have really good communication skills.

No, passion and excitement aren't necessarily the most important things in terms of longevity. There's a practical side to combining two lives together. If you're both working full time, trying to have a relationship, and have kids, a night out to dinner or some mutual hobby is about the limit of your excitement.

But you have to have sexual attraction. If you don't feel anything romantic for him at all, then you should let him go. He deserves to be with someone that wants him to be a part of her future.
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Last edited by TheFinalWord; 15th April 2019 at 1:43 AM..
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Old 15th April 2019, 2:06 AM   #9
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Hell yeah , it's scary stuff even at my age haha, don't worry.
But l met women that were perfect , but they just weren't , or else that could just be the case here. You should miss him and feel lots of goodies .
But to be sure you need more time.
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Old 15th April 2019, 8:49 AM   #10
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Yep... you messed up. (sorry, but had to be said) Sure... "The Heart wants, what the heart wants"... and no one can tell you any different. But, if you are at an age in your life where you are looking for stability, then you may have passed on something very good. If you are still young, and aren't ready to be stable... then yes, you need a little passion in your life.


The old proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" comes to mind. You got rid of something good, in hopes for something more stimulating. But in turn... that "Stimulating" person may be someone who you could NEVER be with long term.


Sorry for the early morning philosophy.
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Old 15th April 2019, 11:09 AM   #11
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You list all the things HE did for YOU, and say you were never excited to see him and even put off seeing him at times.

My guess is right now you're just missing the attention. Leave the guy alone and let him find someone who IS excited about seeing him. You'll meet someone new.
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Old 15th April 2019, 11:12 AM   #12
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Ahhh, the nice guy thing again , alpha alpha alpha.
I love playing the nice guy card chillii
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Old 15th April 2019, 11:15 AM   #13
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It's a good thing you broke up with him. Despite him being good on paper, he just wasn't right for you and it's unfair to waste his time just because of how he treats you. He too need to be in a relationship that's giving, feel wanted and emotionally fullfilled. You couldn't give him that - so good that you set him free to look for someone who will want him. Realize that it's not him you miss, just what he was able to give you, and be fair - don't try to get him back.
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Old 15th April 2019, 12:58 PM   #14
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in the end, you did the right thing. End it now if you're not feeling it. Stop second guessing yourself.

You won't be on a message board trying to pull one over on the members when you've been in your passionless marriage for 15 years, have 3 kids, 2 dogs a mortgage and a guy who's been smiling in your direction at your job that you want to go check out...
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Old 16th April 2019, 6:25 PM   #15
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I'm sorry for your recent breakup. Your concerns about the lack of attraction for him are valid as physical attraction plays an important part in a romantic relationship. What's equally as important is a genuine connection and a deep abiding friendship. These are also key components of strong relationships that are long-lasting and can lead to healthy, happy marriages.

Recently I saw an article that posted a similar question to yours. You might want to check it out the you have some time -- https://bit.ly/2ZjNRcW.

I pray the door to friendship with this person is still open if that is your heart's desire. Perhaps your romantic thoughts about him will change later on but if not having good friends in your life always adds value and is indeed a blessing. Try not to worry. In the end, I trust things will work out the way they are supposed to. Blessings to you my friend.
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