milkyskinn Posted April 14, 2019 Share Posted April 14, 2019 Ok guys, i’m Going to try keep this even though it’s been a road. I dated a co-worker for a while (I know. Don’t do it, but it happened) we instantly clicked and hit it off, and I fell harder for him than I realized- until he changed overnight and said he wasn’t sure about me and wanted to go back to being friends. Things were starting to be relatively fine again, but here’s the thing: we are in different teams. However, we hang out with the same people as a group, and I’m the only one in this group who is part of another team. I noticed he was hanging out with the girl that was part of our group a lot, to the point where I suspected he was trying to make me jealous with her. I cracked under pressure and asked her if she was into him at all. She said she wasn’t looking for anyone. A week later we go out for dinner all together, and by this time she now knows we dated. Low and behold, we start discussing a concert, which involves flying to Ireland, to which her, him and me wanted to go. Even though I said I wanted to go, she looks me in the eye several times, ignores me, and asks him repeatedly if he wants to go. He somewhat agreed and I couldn’t believe what was happening right in front of me. I talked to him about it and expressed how uncomfortable it made me feel he’s so chill about flying to Ireland with this girl after everything that happened between us. He claims multiple times nothing’s going on and has been saying he wasn’t interested in dating or a relationship since we broke up. Needless to say, after another awkward evening, he now came out and tell me that he likes her and something’s probably already going on. They both lied to me over and over and now I have to watch them together everyday. I feel like ****. I feel so emotionally drained, to be replaced by someone so quick and who is working like 10ft away from me- in my field of vision. I feel physically sick thinking about all the lies and about he prospect of them going on this trip, or him kissing her like he would do to me. This whole thing had my feelings for him resurface and I have no idea how to cope. She is the completely opposite of me personality wise, but I feel so utterly worthless, also because of the way this went down. The fact that he lied, over and over, and is stupid enough to start dating her while she’s in the same team, and then add me to the mix. Not to mention this is going to break the group apart and I will probably be the one who can’t join anymore. I’m not even sure what to ask. Similar experiences? Tips on how to handle this? I feel like such a bad person for being angry about because I know he doesn’t owe me anything now that’s we’ve broken up, but there’s billions of other people on this planet and it had to be another coworker who I’m friends with. It feels like such a slap in the face... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2019 Share Posted April 14, 2019 It sucks. It's worse 'cause they lied. Keep your head down & do your job. Stop hanging out with this work group. Find another one in your team that they are not part of. Consider polishing up your resume to get away from the whole mess Link to post Share on other sites
Author milkyskinn Posted April 14, 2019 Author Share Posted April 14, 2019 It sucks. It's worse 'cause they lied. Keep your head down & do your job. Stop hanging out with this work group. Find another one in your team that they are not part of. Consider polishing up your resume to get away from the whole mess The lying is what’s the worst. Especially from him. Repeating over and over he didn’t want a relationship because he wants to do his own thing, wants to deal with himself. Somewhere in the dark recess of my mind I’m hoping it’s him rebounding in some way as she’s opposite of me (especially lifestyle-wise) and they’re taking this trip when they’re barely together. Not to mention they are always within a 10ft radius all day whilst I am in a different department. I am definitely not planning on losing or changing my job over this though. I worked my ass off and am in a higher position than her, and I am not planning to step out because of the way she played me which felt very high school. (She is 5yrs younger than me, 7yrs younger than him) It’s undeniably going to be hard though. They hang out all the time and I hope they at least have the decency to tone it down a bit in front of me, although I am not expecting anything after all the lies. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 Unfortunately you can't expect them to "tone it down" in front of you. You need to be prepared to deal with them being public about their involvement. It's hard, but just realize that he clearly wasn't the guy for you and that she was never really your friend. Don't allow them to have any importance in your life. Focus on yourself and see if there is a position in another area away from them that would be an advancement for you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 Having to look at any of this must not be fun. Agree it's not worth quitting over, but maybe look into finding another desk after a reasonable amount of time has passed. Getting a better position would be a good example of turning a problem into an opportunity. May be helpful to remember that the negative feelings do pass eventually. It usually just takes longer than we'd like... Link to post Share on other sites
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