First time getting dumped **Updated**

[samjam7]

Hello everyone!

I am new to this forum. Let me start by saying that reading posts on this forum have been so helpful.

So as the title says this is the first time I was dumped by someone. It was my very first relationship and it was his first relationship too.

I really need some helpful tips. I am struggling to study and I have gained 10 pounds since the breakup and sleep all day. I ruminate and obsess over my ex and it has been 1.5 months since the break-up. I am trying to get some outside perspective on the relationship, where I went wrong and how I can improve my current and future life. My ex dumped me after 2 years of dating.

 

First a little background about our relationship. Please bear with me as this can get a little long.

 

1) We met in college and my ex is 2.5 years younger than me. Initially, I only spoke to him as a friend and was not interested in him romantically at all. However, he actively pursued me and ensured that he texted me 24/7. He got really close really fast. We talked as friends for 5 months and then started praising my looks, flirting, showering me with handmade gifts. I did not know how to handle it and maybe interacted too much with him which probably gave him an idea that he could get me. So first red flag I had was once I was hanging out with him and we kind of got a little close physically. I said no to kissing him but he kept asking repeated despite me saying no. I don't know what happened but I eventually gave in. This happened several times during the course of the relationship where I was not comfortable performing certain sexual acts but was repeatedly asked and almost forced to do it nonetheless.

 

2) During the initial few months of dating, I realized we had some fundamental differences. For instance, my ex comes from an extremely conservative family where none of the women ever worked. My ex had told me that he wouldn't let his wife work after they have kids. So I decided to break up after 2 months of dating. However, I kept contact with him for some reason as I was not as emotionally invested in him. But he claimed that he was devastated. His continuous convincing made me think he actually loves me. I could not see him in pain and decided to give it a shot. For the next 2 months, I would say breakup during fights. This is because my ex had said certain things during our initial phase which really bothered me. He body shamed me and compared me to other girls. However, I knew he was trying to make me insecure as he had himself confessed that he has really low self-esteem.

 

3)So, as we were both noobs I decided to get past it and slowly started to get emotionally involved and I was opening up and falling in love. However, suddenly my ex pulled away and started giving me silent treatment then. That really bothered me. I spurted out certain resentment and grudges I had against him. Some of that included him not taking me on real dates even once in the course of 6 months. After that things got ugly I initiated breakups due to his passive-aggressive attitude.

 

4)Then we again got back as we kept contact. Then for the next 6 months, our relationship was nice and stable. He took me on dates and I was head over heels in love. Even during those 6 months though he avoided any future talk. He said he can not introduce me to his parents yet (he comes from a very conservative religious family where dating is not allowed). So I understood, but every time I tried to talk about it he would freak out a little and say 'Idks". However, during texts, he would say things like how he doesn't want to live his life without me, how he dreams of getting married to me blah blah.

 

5)Anyways, so after a few months, he breaks up suddenly out of nowhere via text message saying he can't overcome few things about the relationship and then blocked me everywhere. I went crazy that day, I was utterly devastated. I was blocked from everywhere. So I texted him on GroupMe where he hadn't blocked me. Then he told me things which he kept in for a long time. Due to his communication issues, he had a lot of pent up resentment against me for mentioning his past mistakes. Later he told me it was also because his parents won't accept me and he was moving to another country after graduation. Then started the historic on-off dynamic again.

 

6)He came back and I took him back. I was desperate to make it work and seemed like he was too. Then he was going to move to another state for internship and we broke up for good. A couple of weeks after he texted me asking if I want to be with him forever. I said yes and after that, he told me that he has spoken to his mom about it. Then when we were doing long distance he was extremely loving and showered me with gifts.

 

7)Once he got back he dropped the B-bomb. I got furious and blasted off at him saying he played with my emotions. He dropped the B-bomb saying that he was moving and didn't want to jeopardize my future. However, he was never clear about where he was moving and when. Anyways so as we were still in college he tried to meet me and text me. I would get angry at him for not leaving me alone.

 

8)During finals, he told me that he spoken to his parents about me and dreamt that we got married all that. I told him no I won't get back as we had done on/off too many times. He promised me that next time he comes back he will come back forever and with certainty and that will happen if he doesn't move.

 

9)After graduation, I text him to find out when he was moving and to wish him the best. He really hesitated to tell me where he was moving and when. Then I found out he wasn't moving at all. I felt kind of betrayed because he broke up with me saying that there was an 80% chance of him moving.

 

10) Then he asking what does he think about getting back together. I told him no but then kept texting and eventually we got back. Then ofc after few months right before he was going to talk to his father about us he said he was scared to death. I kind of got a little mad seeing his behavior. Next morning, he said we shouldn't continue any further. After that, I kept pursuing him and he again got physical with me and took me on a date only to break up with me again.

 

============

 

Ok, so as we broke up he put the entire blame on me. He said I broke him that's why he has to break up and made him not believe in love. Even as he was breaking up with me he asked me to find a good coffee shop. It was absurd. When I asked him why coffee shop? Guess what his answer was? "Idk!"

 

Ofc these are only bad sides of the relationship. The good part was we were really close. We spent every day together. We were each other's first romantic interests. I did so much for him, gave him so many chances. I put up with so much. I knew he didn't have much money as he was a college student so I never asked for anything. He did a lot for me during the initial pursuing phase too. He said he will fight against all odds for me if I stay with him. He said he wouldn't change. I must admit the relationship was very very sexual and involved lust. So much so that sometimes just me being beside him in a non-sexual way would give him a boner. He did do a lot for me too and made me feel loved/wanted.

 

 

 

1) What do you all think about the relationship? I want an outside perspective on what he did to me.

 

2) From whatever I said about him from above what can you say about him? I know y'all don't know him entirely but from this post and these actions alone what can one say?

 

2)Did he ever love me like how he claimed? Was it lust or infatuation?

 

3)Where did I go wrong?

 

4) Do you have any tips for me on how to stop ruminating over him? I get angry and tempted to send him texts asking him why he gave me hopes only to break my heart numerous times. What would be the best way to deal with it? Should I break NC at any cost?

 

 

Thank you for hearing me out. Any feedback would be appreciated:love:

 

P.S. Please excuse the typos. It was a lot of things I blurted out.

[emeraldgreen]

I'll tell you from the perspective of being dumped a number of times more than you - none of it matters. None. Doing an autopsy on the relationship is a search that brings no peace.

 

Take your time to build YOU up again. Invest in yourself with the most important thing you have plenty of - time. Walk a lot, take a yoga class, sit at a cafe and watch people go by, whatever it is that makes you feel yourself.

 

Sure, there are lessons to learn, but all the replays of this past relationship won't help right now. The lessons will come in slow doses over time when you give yourself the love you deserve and have enough distance from the breakup pain.

 

For what it's worth, this kid sounds like an indecisive fool. Your relationship was too toxic and push/pull to apply logic to in the kind of debrief you're looking for.

 

All I can say regarding all the rumination is STOP. The answer isn't there. The answer is to stop asking questions and just BE.

 

BE for a while. You'll get through this.

[samjam7]

@emeraldgreen Thank you! I am trying but as someone who has had mental health issues its even more challenging. Getting dumped/getting my trust abused over and over again by someone I loved to death has taken a toll on my self-esteem.

 

I just want to send him angry texts asking why he gave me false promises and false hopes every time. What he did was worse than cheating IMO. The funny fact is he thinks he is this selfless victim. I just want to break his bubble. But knowing how passive aggressive he is he will probably make me feel guilty. I guess NC is the only way. It's still hard to accept it's over as we did back & forth so many times. I even begged him to stay crying when he had a blank expression on his face and was completely apathetic. That's how low my self-esteem became. He sent 'Goodluck' text after 27 days of NC even after dumping me like that. People are so selfish!

 

I had no idea. I do not know if I will be able to trust again. I think I took him back so many times had something to do with low self-esteem(due to him) and my ideologies of love. I used to think love means forgiving and giving chances. I think my definition of love should involve a bit more self-love. But I guess you are right I will understand with time how I need to be in the next one.

[preraph]

Well, this business about him using "I'm moving" over you and never saying where he's moving to tells me he was never satisfied this relationship was going to last. He went into this relationship thinking he could write the script and whichever woman it was would just follow his script. In other words, he doesn't accept that you have your own brain and your own path and is looking for a woman who will go along with that. He doesn't make any money, so honestly, he's just a fool thinking that's what he wants. He is going to need a second income if he wants a family.

 

Love? If he can't even respect that you are a human of equal quality just like him with your own brain, your own path, who doesn't have to just do what he says, how is that love? Sounds like he loved sex and the "custom dream woman" in his head and just resisted every step of the way loving you for who you are.

 

I'm sorry. I know it hurts. He is still a child. He doesn't even get that everyone is different. He can't accept anyone who won't do what he wants. He's a spoiled child with no maturity.

 

Let him go. Find someone nice who respects you as a person and who wants the same things you do on the most important stuff: money, family, employment.

[emeraldgreen]

@emeraldgreen Thank you! I am trying but as someone who has had mental health issues its even more challenging.

 

I have MDD too but I'll reiterate that the brain telling you "if I just do this, or I just say that, I will feel better" is a lie. You lost a part of yourself because you gave it away. You'll be on the right path when you work on (and maintain!) your self-love.

 

The loss of self-esteem is because you handed your power and confidence to someone else, and they mistreated you. The sooner you realise that you had a stupid man and that what he did just falls under things stupid people do, the quicker you can get to the business of rebuilding you. I have total confidence in you to reach the higher ground.

[samjam7]

Well, this business about him using "I'm moving" over you and never saying where he's moving to tells me he was never satisfied this relationship was going to last. He went into this relationship thinking he could write the script and whichever woman it was would just follow his script. In other words, he doesn't accept that you have your own brain and your own path and is looking for a woman who will go along with that. He doesn't make any money, so honestly, he's just a fool thinking that's what he wants. He is going to need a second income if he wants a family.

 

Love? If he can't even respect that you are a human of equal quality just like him with your own brain, your own path, who doesn't have to just do what he says, how is that love? Sounds like he loved sex and the "custom dream woman" in his head and just resisted every step of the way loving you for who you are.

 

I'm sorry. I know it hurts. He is still a child. He doesn't even get that everyone is different. He can't accept anyone who won't do what he wants. He's a spoiled child with no maturity.

 

Let him go. Find someone nice who respects you as a person and who wants the same things you do on the most important stuff: money, family, employment.

 

Thank you! You sound very wise. My best friend says the same thing you said that he went into the relationship thinking that it will be like how it is in the movies with zero fights and everything rosy. The worst part is all the promises and hopes he gave me about being together forever. How can someone do that when they are not sure?

 

He recently got a job out of college. So the money thing was still okay. If he is still a child then maybe I should have stuck with him longer. Maybe eventually he will become better. That thought held for the longest time and continues to hold me back.

 

I agree! The biggest thing for me would have been giving up a career once I would have had kids. But me being blind in love was even ready to do that. I seriously did not want anything more than to be by his side. It's like my life revolved around him. We were in college and this relationship took most of the time so did not have time to make other friends. My family also lives in a different country.

 

The only thing I will have against him is he giving me false hopes and fake promises. His actions were so contradictory.

[samjam7]

I have MDD too but I'll reiterate that the brain telling you "if I just do this, or I just say that, I will feel better" is a lie. You lost a part of yourself because you gave it away. You'll be on the right path when you work on (and maintain!) your self-love.

 

The loss of self-esteem is because you handed your power and confidence to someone else, and they mistreated you. The sooner you realise that you had a stupid man and that what he did just falls under things stupid people do, the quicker you can get to the business of rebuilding you. I have total confidence in you to reach the higher ground.

 

Thank you so much

 

I feel so cynical now. It's like relationships are a huge risk. I also wallow in self-pity thinking how someone I loved so much failed to see my worth. I just hope someday he will realize what I had for him was real.

 

I guess there was no way I could fix him or his thinking.

[samjam7]

Also, I need another suggestion. Due to my low self-esteem and confidence, I have developed jealousy. I keep checking his account to see who liked what. Then this girl has started commented on nature photography he has taken. I feel so jealous and tempted to text him asking if there is another person involved after our BU.

 

Ugh! I hope someday karma gives it back to him for all the hell put me through.

 

There were moments when I thought dying would be easier than going through this excruciating pain. I have huge respect for all break-up survivors now. Y'all are super strong.

[guest569]

I think I took him back so many times had something to do with low self-esteem(due to him) and my ideologies of love. I used to think love means forgiving and giving chances. I think my definition of love should involve a bit more self-love. But I guess you are right I will understand with time how I need to be in the next one.

 

You have taken the words out of my mouth. The self esteem issues may be from within, or caused by him, but the result is the same. It seemed to become a bit of a downward spiral with each breakup, and each time you took him back.

 

I agree with others than dissecting the relationship now may not be useful, particularly when you are already ruminating and it is interfering with your health and studies. But I think you need to find some immediate peace and set it all aside so that you can continue getting through daily living and things that are important in your life. This will help improve your self esteem - getting things done. Even just little things like reading a chapter for studies, finishing an assignment, scrubbing the shower. It gives you a sense of accomplishment.

 

It takes a long time to get over a heartbreak and breakup (just check out my latest thread - it was 5 years ago and still get to me) but you keep living and getting things done and eventually find peace and happiness.

 

Having said all that, a bit of reflection on this experience can help. You have listed a lot of great reasons to move on from this guy. My ex is on a pedestal, I can't fault the guy. Your relationship had a lot of negatives that you don't need in life.

 

1) What do you all think about the relationship? I want an outside perspective on what he did to me.

 

- He pressured you to do sexual things you were not into.

- He body shamed you.

- He has old fashioned sexist views.

- You both share very different values, making the future unclear.

 

Now, there are some pretty damn good reasons to kick this guy to the curb. I lost count of the on and offs. The positives that you list aren't really anything to write home about. Maybe you liked how you felt during the good times with him, but this crap outweighs that big time. So remind yourself of these negatives and reassure yourself that you're better off and can move forward.

 

 

2) From whatever I said about him from above what can you say about him? I know y'all don't know him entirely but from this post and these actions alone what can one say?

 

Frankly, he sounds like a douche. Soz.

 

 

2)Did he ever love me like how he claimed? Was it lust or infatuation?

 

Hard to know. Showering with gifts and the sexual side of things so quickly seems he was definitely heavily in lust and infatuated. Love? Probably. But what difference does it make?

 

 

3)Where did I go wrong?

 

You answered this yourself! You need a self-confidence boost. Be sure of yourself, know what you want, know what you're worth, learn from this experience.

 

 

4) Do you have any tips for me on how to stop ruminating over him? I get angry and tempted to send him texts asking him why he gave me hopes only to break my heart numerous times. What would be the best way to deal with it? Should I break NC at any cost?

 

Have you got good friends and family to be around? Talk to them instead, talk to us. No contact with him whatsoever. Delete his number and social media etc. Map out a schedule for each day or week so that you can keep busy and structure your day around your studies and a workout. Keeping busy and moving can help tune out the repetitive thoughts. Loud music, meditation, whatever you need to do. As I said above, keep doing little things and tick items from a to do list.

[samjam7]

You have taken the words out of my mouth. The self esteem issues may be from within, or caused by him, but the result is the same. It seemed to become a bit of a downward spiral with each breakup, and each time you took him back.

 

I agree with others than dissecting the relationship now may not be useful, particularly when you are already ruminating and it is interfering with your health and studies. But I think you need to find some immediate peace and set it all aside so that you can continue getting through daily living and things that are important in your life. This will help improve your self esteem - getting things done. Even just little things like reading a chapter for studies, finishing an assignment, scrubbing the shower. It gives you a sense of accomplishment.

 

It takes a long time to get over a heartbreak and breakup (just check out my latest thread - it was 5 years ago and still get to me) but you keep living and getting things done and eventually find peace and happiness.

 

Having said all that, a bit of reflection on this experience can help. You have listed a lot of great reasons to move on from this guy. My ex is on a pedestal, I can't fault the guy. Your relationship had a lot of negatives that you don't need in life.

 

1) What do you all think about the relationship? I want an outside perspective on what he did to me.

 

- He pressured you to do sexual things you were not into.

- He body shamed you.

- He has old fashioned sexist views.

- You both share very different values, making the future unclear.

 

Now, there are some pretty damn good reasons to kick this guy to the curb. I lost count of the on and offs. The positives that you list aren't really anything to write home about. Maybe you liked how you felt during the good times with him, but this crap outweighs that big time. So remind yourself of these negatives and reassure yourself that you're better off and can move forward.

 

 

2) From whatever I said about him from above what can you say about him? I know y'all don't know him entirely but from this post and these actions alone what can one say?

 

Frankly, he sounds like a douche. Soz.

 

 

2)Did he ever love me like how he claimed? Was it lust or infatuation?

 

Hard to know. Showering with gifts and the sexual side of things so quickly seems he was definitely heavily in lust and infatuated. Love? Probably. But what difference does it make?

 

 

3)Where did I go wrong?

 

You answered this yourself! You need a self-confidence boost. Be sure of yourself, know what you want, know what you're worth, learn from this experience.

 

 

4) Do you have any tips for me on how to stop ruminating over him? I get angry and tempted to send him texts asking him why he gave me hopes only to break my heart numerous times. What would be the best way to deal with it? Should I break NC at any cost?

 

Have you got good friends and family to be around? Talk to them instead, talk to us. No contact with him whatsoever. Delete his number and social media etc. Map out a schedule for each day or week so that you can keep busy and structure your day around your studies and a workout. Keeping busy and moving can help tune out the repetitive thoughts. Loud music, meditation, whatever you need to do. As I said above, keep doing little things and tick items from a to do list.

 

Thank you so much for the feedback. :love:I know I put through so much unfairness and behaved like his doormat.

 

Did it take you to five years to move on from your past relationship? Did you date other people all this while?

 

I really should get into some routine. I am behaving like a clinically depressed person. Or maybe I am having a depressive episode. I feel like sleeping all day and have gained 10 pounds. I also can't focus on studies so I will try doing what you say. It's so hard to find motivation.

 

All this while my ex must be sleeping peacefully after doing this to someone. Some people have no remorse.

[samjam7]

Hey everyone!

 

In my previous post, I mentioned how my first bf broke up with me after doing on/off for 2 years. I don't know what to say but I will say one thing I am just not in the right frame of mind.

 

I made the biggest mistake of opening a fake Instagram account and sending him request then checking his profile. One chick commented 'Dayummmmm Mr.Engineer'. This sent me down to spiral and I broke NC and asked him if that girl was his rebound. He laughed it off and told me I should know him better than that. I don't if he has anything with this chick.

 

I feel so foolish. Why this jealousy even after 45 days of NC? I am still so crazy and emotionally attached to this guy after what he did to me.

 

What can I do to help myself? This is so hard. I don't think I will ever get better.

 

I feel so lonely. I feel nobody understands me and I also feel stupid for loving so hard. I wish I could be those people who have off button for emotions.

 

I know I did not and could not listen to y' all. He has blocked me now. It's so easy for him and so hard for me.

 

Girls are commenting like that on his picture and he liking other pretty girls pictures and here some guys have interest in me but I feel sick thinking about being with anyone else.

 

Am I loyal to a fault? Is there anything as being too much loyal? Some days I feel like dying would be easier than going through this torture. I will again congratulate all breakup survivors. I can only wish I was as strong as you people.

 

As of now, my recovery seems impossible. I think I will now just have to live with this broken heart.

[ExpatInItaly]

I read your other thread, OP, and I will say that it's not only the break-up that was handled immaturely.

 

The entire relationship had a very immature dynamic going on. It didn't have legs to last, but you can certainly learn a lot from it. Stop checking his social media. You're still this attached because you haven't been No Contact, really.

 

This isn't a matter of being too loyal. It's a question of developing an unhealthy attachment and still figuring out how to navigate relationships. You will move past this, and when you do, you will see what a dud this guy was.

[d0nnivain]

Before social media, after a break up many people used to do the drive by. You'd get in the car, drive past your SOs house & see if there were strange cars in the driveway. It was ridiculous but people did it.

 

So you looked at his social media under a fake profile. As dumb things go that is no so terrible. I broke up with someone when I was in my 30s. We didn't really have social media then but a year or two after the break up when social media became more main stream I searched him. I looked. I didn't really learn anything but there was a stabbing pain in my heart seeing a picture of him. The consequence is that you now know he is talking to other women & he is moving on with his life. Perhaps that knowledge will help propel you forward. You need to accept the reality that your relationship is over.

 

It's OK to be upset. It's OK to grieve the loss of something that was precious to you. It has only been 45 days. As hard & painful as it seems you will get through this. Just take one day at a time & make good decisions, i.e. stop looking at his social media because it just hurts you.

 

Hang in there.

[samjam7]

I read your other thread, OP, and I will say that it's not only the break-up that was handled immaturely.

 

The entire relationship had a very immature dynamic going on. It didn't have legs to last, but you can certainly learn a lot from it. Stop checking his social media. You're still this attached because you haven't been No Contact, really.

 

This isn't a matter of being too loyal. It's a question of developing an unhealthy attachment and still figuring out how to navigate relationships. You will move past this, and when you do, you will see what a dud this guy was.

Thank you!! I don’t know why I landed in a relationship like this in first place but it doesn’t help that my friends say that I should have given him chances because that’s what should be done in relationships. I have victim complex now. So No contact means not checking any of his social media too?

 

I know he is not a good guy for me but as of now thinking about that hurts me. I feel betrayed. That why didn’t he fix himself for me? Even when I begged him to make it work and work on his emotions he didn’t take the last opportunity.

 

I am honestly so devastated but he is surviving just fine . He says he misses me everyday but that’s nothing compared to what I feel like. I wish I could have the satisfaction of torturing him like the way he tortured and abused my trust.

[stillafool]

Yes NC means not checking on anything related to him including listening to info about him from friends. If you want to wipe him from your mind that is the way to go. He has moved on with his life, enjoying pretty girls, etc., so you have nothing to feel guilty about. Let him go.

[samjam7]

Before social media, after a break up many people used to do the drive by. You'd get in the car, drive past your SOs house & see if there were strange cars in the driveway. It was ridiculous but people did it.

 

So you looked at his social media under a fake profile. As dumb things go that is no so terrible. I broke up with someone when I was in my 30s. We didn't really have social media then but a year or two after the break up when social media became more main stream I searched him. I looked. I didn't really learn anything but there was a stabbing pain in my heart seeing a picture of him. The consequence is that you now know he is talking to other women & he is moving on with his life. Perhaps that knowledge will help propel you forward. You need to accept the reality that your relationship is over.

 

It's OK to be upset. It's OK to grieve the loss of something that was precious to you. It has only been 45 days. As hard & painful as it seems you will get through this. Just take one day at a time & make good decisions, i.e. stop looking at his social media because it just hurts you.

 

Hang in there.

Thank you. But at a times I feel suicidal. Is that normal?

[samjam7]

Yes NC means not checking on anything related to him including listening to info about him from friends. If you want to wipe him from your mind that is the way to go. He has moved on with his life, enjoying pretty girls, etc., so you have nothing to feel guilty about. Let him go.

But he told me not to worry about it as he can't even imagine being with anyone else other than me. I wanted to ask if that was the case then why did he break up with me. He makes no sense. This time I will follow.

 

Honestly, he deserves some punishment for his wrongdoings. I wish I had the pleasure of hurting and abusing him back like the way he did to me.

[samjam7]

He is enjoying/talking/getting attention from other girls then should I do the same? Talk to other guys / like their pictures? I am not even in that phase yet. Makes me feel worse and makes me feel like something is wrong with me for not being able to move on to the next person just like that.

[stillafool]

But he told me not to worry about it as he can't even imagine being with anyone else other than me. I wanted to ask if that was the case then why did he break up with me. He makes no sense. This time I will follow.

 

 

Why didn't you also ask him if this is the case why hasn't he asked you to be his gf again. You are right he doesn't make sense and is just blowing smoke. He doesn't mean what he's telling you.

[preraph]

samjam7, the ultimate goal is not to care what he does going forward. Imitating him is not "not caring." You are still letting him be the center of your life and your decisions are irrationally based on what he will think about whatever you do. This has to stop. You are not loyal or loving. You are irrational and not accepting reality and you are not exercising self-discipline and maturity. It's times like this that we have to grow up and it is always difficult. As someone once said to me, once you get tired of being miserable, you'll stop.

 

It IS up to you. It is fully within your power to stop, so quit pretending he has all the power over you. No one has power over you. If you make up your mind to do something, you can do it. It's up to you, not him, not friends, not family. This is your life to guide and live as you want. So make a decision to stop being miserable and holding onto something that is over. Then move forward with your life and social life one step at a time. Good luck.

[mark clemson]

Some days I feel like dying would be easier than going through this torture. I will again congratulate all breakup survivors. I can only wish I was as strong as you people.

 

As of now, my recovery seems impossible. I think I will now just have to live with this broken heart.

 

 

I'll tell you the same thing I tell adults in their 40's, 50's and up. Eventually the pain fades. Yours will too. It just takes quite a bit longer than we'd like.

 

Sooner or later this guy and all this emotional distress WILL be a distant memory. Most people go through this at least a few times in their lives. Don't worry. Get through it (wait it out) and then move on.

[preraph]

That pain will fade when you get tired of doing it to yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

He is enjoying/talking/getting attention from other girls then should I do the same? Talk to other guys / like their pictures? I am not even in that phase yet. Makes me feel worse and makes me feel like something is wrong with me for not being able to move on to the next person just like that.

 

If you're ready for it, sure. If not, don't.

 

Based on what you have written, you are not in the right place to be meeting a new guy yet so I would hold off for now, personally. It won't help you heal. Don't do it in the hopes that your ex sees it and wants you back, either.

 

You are not that long into No Contact, so you need to be realistic with yourself too. It's going to take a while before you start to feel better.

[d0nnivain]

Honestly, he deserves some punishment for his wrongdoings. I wish I had the pleasure of hurting and abusing him back like the way he did to me.

 

You cannot punish him for moving on. He's not continuing to hurt you. You are hurting because he broke up with you but it's not him intentionally hurting you, even though his decision to break up is the source of your pain.

 

This anger isn't a bad thing, if used correctly. Their are 5 stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance. To me, anger is the most helpful because it tends to propel people forward. Use it to motivate yourself to severe all ties with him & move forward in your life. The longer you continue to obsess about him & what could have been, the longer you will remain tied to him. Accept that it's over & focus on a bigger, better, more fulfilling future.

[samjam7]

Why didn't you also ask him if this is the case why hasn't he asked you to be his gf again. You are right he doesn't make sense and is just blowing smoke. He doesn't mean what he's telling you.

 

Omg now he is texting like nothing happened and asking me for coffee.. What's wrong with him? Just a month back he savagely dumped me.